Oh hi! It is almost Christmas! As always, we want you to know that we love you and appreciate you and wish you the best Christmas your hearts desire, assuming your hearts desire Christmas. If your hearts desire something different, we hope you get that instead. So, it is your weekly top ten post, where we count down the top ten stories of the week. And we'll do that in a second!

But first, if you love Wonkette, will you make our season bright and stuff our stockings with dollars? You see, we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE, especially heading into 2018 when we have a chance to TAKE THIS COUNTRY BACK! Or at least Congress! So please please please sign up to do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able -- DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT -- then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 361, Polson MT 59860 (new P.O box address! Update your address book!). Whatever, just please support us any way you can.

For instance, you could BUY ALL THE HATS! One says "IMPEACH!" (See below.) The others say "HELL. NO." AND "LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE 2020." Click here for more info!

There are many other products in Ye Olde Wonkette Generale Store! You should buy them!

Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, encouraging you to throw your wallets at us OW OW OW YOUR WALLET IS HEAVY LIKE A BRICK:

YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW

Did we mention we love you?

We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. THIS IS SERIOUS. Rep. Adam Schiff Just Hit The ‘OH FUCK!’ Button. And it's still CODE FUCKING RED.

2. This Trump Tweet Is A Goddamn Masterpiece. A true work of Trump art!

3. Hero Alabama Dad Who Lost Gay Daughter Went On Ellen To Make You Laugh And Cry And SHUT UP YOU ARE. Watch it and get your heart warmed all over again!

4. Something Seems More Wrong With Donald Trump Jr.’s Face Than Usual. And oh boy, is that sayin' somethin'.

5. Jill Stein Under Investigation Now, Probably For Being Too Right. What else would it be for?

6. Ben Carson Says Grace Before Mike Pence Eats Trump’s Ass. Best headline of the year? OR BEST OF ALL TIME?

7. The Week In Garbage Men: Misogynists Now Call Women Who Agree With Them ‘Tradthots’. Oh, their silly nicknames!

8. BUT HIS EMAILS!: More Lies From Trumpland, Because Bullshit Doesn’t Take The Weekend Off. It better fucking take THIS weekend off.

9. Everyone in Congress Is FREAKING OUT About Possible Rumored Sex Scandal Bombshell List. WHO WILL BE NEXT?

10. Sean Hannity Steps On Dick And Eats It: A Play In One Very Short Act. One of the fastest self-owns we have EVER seen.

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

Oh, hey, sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT:

Now you get more Wonkette toddler pictures for Christmas:

OK bye.

Yours in baby Jesus,

Wonkette

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Please put a penny in the old man's hat.

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc