We are tired, so we don't want to talk about the news. We want to tell you about #dog, who is 15 years old this month. All Friday, she lied to us right through her dog teeth, trying desperately to convince us she had not been fed that day. She had been fed. But no, she was all up in our shit the whole day, and when we'd pay attention to her, she'd stare at the cabinet where the food lives, with this forlorn look on her face.

While wagging her tail.

Because she knew what she was doing. Our point is that our 15-year-old dog is doing pretty well.

Anyway, before we count down the top 10 stories of the week, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! If you like presents, you could do our Patreon! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent.

Also, have you been to the Wonkette Flea Market lately, in order to find some rare baubles and candidate-specific apparel? We have all kinds of merches, like t-shirts and coffee cups featuring your favorite candidates, and also just Wonkette-branded swag. Maybe there is some you do not have! GO FIND OUT.

Ready to count down the top stories? Yes, you are.


Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. Coming To Theaters, That Movie What Made Trump Sh*t His Underpants!

9. 'Drunk' Lawmaker Fights Blind Lawmaker In Capitol Parking Lot Because West Virginia

8. Susan Collins, Please Get A Fucking Grip

7. Tulsi Gabbard Thinks It's OK When Trump Fires Your Boyfriend Alex Vindman And His Brother Just To Be A Dick

6. Are We Seriously Going To Accuse Someone Of Rape Based On One Comment On A Shady Gossip Blog?

5. PURGE BEGINNETH

4. Are You A 'Republican Goddess?' If So, We Have Found Your Future Husband.

3. Let's Top Off The Longest Decade Of The Month With Another Democratic Debate!

2. Can Rush Limbaugh And Ben Ferguson Please Put Their Yucky Trump Boners Back In Their Panties? Thx.

1. Rush Limbaugh Has Question About Pete Buttigieg Kissing His Husband. Wonkette Has Answer.

Those are good stories!

OK that is all, go with God, etc.

Love,

Wonkette

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

Wonkette is ad-free and funded ONLY by YOU, our dear readers. Click below to keep the lights on, please. We appreciate you, most of the time.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc