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Wonkebago is sad and sick right now. BUT WE AREN'T.


OK TO BE CLEAR, your Weekly Top Ten and the person who writes it (me) are not heading there, but did you hear the news that, after getting all brokeded down on the road in The Montana, the Wonkebago is in the shop, BUT your editrix and her fambly are still headed that way, in a Wonke-SUV, like common Yuppie-crats? IT'S TRUE. More details on their trip here!

We want you to keep that in mind here in Paragraph Two, where we shake you up for money dollars. So, HEY DONATION PARAGRAPH HEY, will you donate us moneys? Will you throw $5, $10, or $25 at our faces? Seriously, if you are able, then pull out your wallet and throw money on our face! OW, OW, THAT IS OUR FAVORITE, ESPECIALLY WHILE WE ARE TRAVELING!! Anyway, you can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. OR you could just do one of our "ad-fewer" subscriptions, where you only see glorious in-house ads, from our actual friends, instead of yucky-nasty ads.

Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, who requires travel snax whilst on the road:

YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW

Shall we now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé, ALLEGEDLY? Yes we shall!

1. Glenn Greenwald and Kellyanne Conway are gi-fucking-normous idiots this week, for the exact same reason.

2. Hahahaha, TRUMP PEE HOOKERS! TRUMP PEE HOOKERS!

3. Kellyanne Conway decided to be a REAL dick about that whole Meryl Streep thing, big effin' surprise.

4. FORGET ABOUT THE TRUMP PEE HOOKERS! TRUMP PEE HOOKERS! (Focus on the more important stuff in that dossier, like the treason stuff.)

5. OH NO IT IS LAST WEEK'S TOP TEN LIST, WORMHOLE, WORMHOLE!

6. Ivanka Trump is a contractor-stiffing A-hole, just like her dad.

7. Here's Shep Smith on Ye Olde Fox News, reading Trump for filth.

8. THE WHOLE UNIVERSE dared Trump to call Meryl Streep "over-rated," and he was like "OK I AM PATHETIC ENOUGH TO DO THAT."

9. Donald Trump and Arnold Schwarzenegger will see each other IN HELL.

10. And finally, guess the GOP is cool with Benghazi-styley attacks, as long as Hillary Clinton isn't holding office.

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories, according to Beyoncé!

Oh, hey, sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT:

Thank you for following our orders! Now you get Wonkette Toddler Child Baby pictures, which are the same ones we posted last week, unless you yell SO LOUD EDITRIX REBECCA CAN HEAR YOU ON "INTERSTATE," to lure her in and post new ones.

K BYE!

Love,

Wonket

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Blanket Disclaimer: Spitting on anybody is dead wrong. Even if it's a Trump.

Still, Eric Trump got to eat a tiny slice of the shit pie women, minorities, poors, disabled, and all of the other people who are deemed "takers" or who come from "shithole countries" experience at some point in their lives: He got spit on. By a woman, according to Breitbart (no link), because we are evil. Woe unto the wealthy white man! Wealthy white men are some of the most abused and marginalized people in the Universe, according to wealthy white men, and Eric Trump is no exception. Please cry for wealthy white men, ok you can stop now. Another group of Americans that are constantly abused, marginalized, and even denied their rights by the very same type of wealthy men that spawn such men as Eric Trump, are called "women." And apparently we are mean as fuck now.

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Well folks, we think we have a geopolitical relations first for an American president. We might need to consult with Doris Kearns Goodwin or Kevin Kruse, but we cannot recall a time one of America's purported enemies OR friends has called the president of the United States "retarded" or anything along those lines. We remember leaders hating American presidents. We remember them recoiling like UGH GET OFF ME when an American president tried to give them a friendly sensual love massage during the G8. We remember them literally attacking our democratic elections in order to prevent the inaugurations of potential presidents they despise and fear. But we don't remember anything like this.

President Hassan Rouhani of Iran, commenting on Donald Trump after the Trump administration threw some new sanctions at Iran on Monday:

Iran warned Tuesday that new U.S. sanctions targeting its supreme leader and other top officials meant "closing the doors of diplomacy" between Tehran and Washington amid heightened tensions, even as President Hassan Rouhani derided the White House as being "afflicted by mental retardation."

Here is the full quote, in case you were wondering if something was lost in translation, like that time Vladimir Putin called Trump "brilliant" and Trump was so excited he left a ring of orange jizz around the bathtub, but what Putin actually said in Russian more accurately translates as "colorful" or "shiny." There's no confusion here:

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