Hey Wonkers, know what we did today? (Today is "Saturday," of course, but we write this on "Friday," so this is a thing we did "Friday.") We made a special calendar to keep track of all the badass fun Democratic oversight hearings we are going to liveblog you! That's right, Wonkette will be your one-stop shop for coverage of all the Dem asskicking in hearings! Also we put things like "confirmation hearings for William Barr" on the calendar, because UGH, things like that are happening too. Those start Tuesday, so be ready for livebloggin'.

Anyway, this is your weekly top ten post, so you ready for that? Can you handle it? Yes, you can. Also, there are are no new pics of kids or dogs this week, because Wonkette kid was sick all week and we are too lazy to take pictures of our dog right now, shut up.

Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. A Sunday Compendium Of Things That Don't Suck

9. 10 Things Better To Watch Than Trump's Stupid Damn Racist Oval Office Address

8. President Good Brain At The Border Having Wall-Gasms About Wheels Again

7. A Quick Explainer On The New York Times's Paul Manafort Fuckup, Because It Seems Important

6. Gavin McInnes Thinks His Neighbors Are Stupid

5. This ONE WEIRD TRICK Could End Government Shutdowns For Good

4. Cussy Congresswoman Badass Making Chris Cillizza Cry :(

3. Badass Rep. Ayanna Pressley Murders Trump On House Floor, Secret Service Notified

2. Tick Tock Motherfuckers!

1. We Knew Trump Was Probably A Russian Intelligence Asset, But HOLY FUCK

There you go! Those are good stories!

Also, honorable mention, because this is our post and we want to, and it just missed the cut, is that CRAZY ASS thing about Leonardo da Vinci and the Russia investigation. Check it out if you haven't read it yet.

Anything else?

Nope BYE.

Go with God,


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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CLEAR YOUR CALENDARS FOR FEBRUARY 7! And then fill them back up with whatever the fuck you want, because Michael Cohen has announced through his lawyers that he is too scared to testify before an open session of Congress that day, citing threats to his family from Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani.

Wonkette has no reason to believe Cohen isn't being serious here, and NBC News reports Cohen's wife and father-in-law are particularly concerned about their safety if the man who used to call his boss MIS-TURRRR TWUMP goes to Congress and tells the truth this time. Still, we must pause to note that this is the same guy who said this to NPR reporter Tim Mak, back when Mak was at The Daily Beast:

"I will make sure that you and I meet one day while we're in the courthouse. And I will take you for every penny you still don't have," Cohen told Mak [...] "And I will come after your Daily Beast and everybody else that you possibly know."

"So I'm warning you, tread very fucking lightly, because what I'm going to do to you is going to be fucking disgusting. You understand me?"

It's not so fun when the shoe is on the other foot, IS IT, MICHAEL?

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Did Nancy Pelosi do something to give Donald Trump the mistaken impression he has leverage here? We don't remember her doing anything like that!

Trump sent Pelosi a letter this morning to say that, despite how she told him to stay the fuck out of her House because of his government shutdown, he would still be coming to the House on January 29 to deliver his State of the Union address. And for some weird-ass reason, Trump and his advisers in the White House actually thought she would back down. It's both hilarious and alarming that Trump and his people are that stupid, isn't it?

Anyway, Pelosi took the dare. She took the dare. Was there anybody besides those dumb fucking idiots in the White House who thought she wouldn't take the dare?

Pelosi sent a letter right back to Trump to kindly explain to him that no means "go fuck yourself," and that if he'd like her to stick her foot further up his ass and kick it around a bunch, he's welcome to test her some more:

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