Whew! Another fuckshow week! And we had the plague for over half of it!

But we just wanted to say that we at Wonkette, in honor of our top post of the week, and in solidarity with Louisiana GOP Cajun Congressidiot Clay Higgins, are still searching for Michael Cohen's boxes, because it is very confusing where they are (they are in his basement). Won't you join us in searching for Michael Cohen's boxes (they are in the corner of the basement, can't miss 'em!)? OK good. WHAR BOXES?

Shall we count down the top ten stories of the week? Yes, we shall.

Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:


9. Those Wacky Dems Want To Throw MONEY At Child Poverty!

8. What's In Michael Cohen's Boxes? Oh, Just The Last Shreds Of Jay Sekulow's Reputation, Maybe

7. Nancy Pelosi Takes GOP Demand To Condemn Muslim Lady, Turns It On Their Charlottesville Asses

6. Elizabeth Warren Shan't Be Calling Mike Pence 'Decent' Any Time Soon

5. Americans United At Last: Trump's A Dirty, Crimey, Crooked Man

4. Sad Old Man Humps American Flag, Does Other Embarassing Things

3. New NC GOP Congressional Candidate Gonna Stuff Your Ballot Box ... WITH SEXXX SECRETS

2. Happy Friday! Here's Some Horrifying Shit From Politico About Trump's Foreign Policy Shop!

1. Hey, Louisiana Dipshit Congressman Idiot! We Found Michael Cohen's Boxes!

Those are good stories!

And now, here is a picture of Wonkette toddler in Denver, teaching her new friend to play chess, just after she taught her new friend all her Taylor Swift dance moves.

OK, that's all.

Go with God.



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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Hooray, it's time for yet another dispatch from Fox News's big fun week of failure. (No, we mean even more failure than usual.) While all of Twitter is being annoying and talking incessantly about nothing but Bran and Daenerys and Carl and Peg or whoever they are, we have been (ignoring it and) focusing on all Fox's sadness, starting with Pete Buttigieg's town hall, where he called Fox News a piece of shit to its face. Then we laughed and laughed at Fox News idiot Pete Hegseth, who is sending lots of begging to today's college graduates, that they might immediately get dropped on their heads and forget all their education, so they might grow up to be the Fox News viewers of the future.

Oh, and we haven't even had a chance to LOL at the epic hilarity of Steve Doocy trying to do man-on-the-street interviews in Midtown Manhattan, shoving the mic into the faces of New Yorkers who literally don't care if he goes and plays in traffic. That was fun!

But the point of this post is that we have finally learned what makes at least some Fox News viewers tick, and it is that Tucker Carlson "laughs like a girl." That is not us saying that, that is a Fox News fan lady telling the Washington Post's Erik Wemple why she loves Tucker Carlson so much.

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Old White Guys Try To Explain Abortion

Throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It's your Sunday show rundown!


Michael is out, so I'm taking over your Sunday Show Rundown. This week everyone was talking about those awful abortion laws worming their way through state legislatures. As usual, most of the men were tripping on their dicks while trying to talk about vag. Luckily, there's enough women around to ladysplain things.

Bernie Sanders went on Meet the Press for the first time in FOREVER and played his greatest hits for all the kids. Sanders criticized Joe Biden's environmental policy (which is literally just "beat Trump"), stating that it wasn't "good enough." Sanders is right! (NO FIGHTING.)

SANDERS: Beating Trump is not good enough. You have to beat the fossil fuel industry, you have to take on all the forces of the status quo who do not want to move this country to energy efficiency and sustainable energy.

But then Chuck Todd asked Bernie a loaded question about women getting "sex-selective" abortions and the whole interview went off the rails. Bernie struggled to answer the dumbass question and came across looking stupid despite having spent the better part of the last week in Alabama railing against abortion bans.

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