Wonkette's Weekly Top Ten Just LOVES Mueller Time
Good morning, Wonkers, what a week we just had. Beautiful things like the Winter Olympics, terrible things like the godawful school shooting, wonderful things like MUELLER TIME, disgusting things like Donald Trump boning yet more porn stars what are not his wife. It's enough to drive us to ZZZZZZZZZZZZ. So, it is time for the top ten post, where we count down the top ten posts of the week, ask you for money to keep this place going, and show you Wonkette toddler pictures. So we will do all those things RIGHT NOW! But bonus, did you notice that the Wonkette toddler thing above is a VIDEO? Must watch with sound on for proper DONNA THE IGUANA!
So anyway ... let's ask you for money! You see, we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our modest but livable salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE, especially now that it's 2018 and we have a chance to TAKE THIS COUNTRY BACK! Or at least Congress! So please please please sign up to do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able -- DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT -- then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 361, Polson MT 59860 (new P.O box address! Update your address book!). Whatever, just please support us any way you can.
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Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, encouraging you to throw your wallets at us OW OW OW YOUR WALLET IS HEAVY LIKE A BRICK:
YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW
Did we mention we love you?
We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:
1. Of Course Florida School Shooter Was A Girl-Hating White Supremacist. Of Course I Am Tired Of Writing This Article. Robyn wrote a really important piece about the Florida school shooting, y'all.
2. ‘I Heard Him Screaming At You In The Night, And I Was Scared.' Because of the wife-beater Rob Porter story, editrix Rebecca decided to tell HER story.
3. Fox News Non-Racist Would Like To Know Who Let All These Gaywads And Blacks Into His Olympics. Definitely one of Fox News's finest moments.
4. Fox News Art Critics So Mad Official Obama Portraits Are Pictures Of Black People. And that was before we learned about ALL THE SPERM.
5. The Week In Garbage Men: ‘Kill The Gays’ Pastor Says Teen Gymnasts Too Sexy For Red-Blooded Men To Resist. Would you leave your little girl alone with that guy?
6. Sean Hannity Swallows Obama’s Fake Sperm Then Spits It Back Up: A Play In Three Very Stupid Acts. There's the Obama sperm!
7. Arizona Republicans Unsure What Lady Prisoners Need Tampons For. It is just very confusing!
8. Boy Howdy, Trump Is NOT Gonna Like This Reince Priebus Interview. Good thing Trump's not a reader!
9. Dianne Feinstein Gonna Need You To Hold Her Beer While She Beats Chuck Grassley’s Ass. Do. Not. Fuck. With. Her.
10. Chris Wray Says ACTUALLY Sarah Huckabee Sanders And John Kelly Are Total Fucking Liars Who Lie. Well that's just TRUE.
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!
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You are very good, here are more pictures of the toddler on her WORLD TOUR:
It is Donna the Farmer!
It is Donna the Horse Rider!
Yours in baby Jesus,
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