Your Weekly Top Ten Loves You All Very Much. You Know That, Right?

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Hello, Wonkers! It is time for your weekly top ten post, where we count down the top ten posts. We are very tired after this shit news week, but we want you to know we love you MANY TIMES, especially for the way you played whack-a-troll in the comments of that Sarah Huckabee Sanders thing, which is your number one story of the week OBVIOUSLY. We love you. We mean it.

We'll count down your top stories in a sec, but first MONEY PARAGRAPH. You see, we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE! So please please please sign up to do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able -- DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT -- then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 361, Polson MT 59860 (new P.O box address! Update your address book!). Whatever, just please support us any way you can.

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We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. Go Fuck Yourself, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, You Debased Redneck Motherfucker. Too subtle?

2. The Five Most Disgusting Details In Variety’s Exposé Of Matt Lauer, Sex-Sliming Trash Monster. SO GROSS.

3. Welcome to Melania Trump’s Terrifying German Expressionist Christmas Tree Corridor Of Horror! Egads!

4. New York Times’s Nazi Profile Was Better In Original German. Ugh, what fuckery.

5. Donald Trump Fucks Himself Live On Twitter: A Play In Three Acts. Oh, the hilarity!

6. Sorry, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Doesn’t Celebrate Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism. Let's learn about the true meaning of the holiday!

7. Matt Lauer A Harassing Pervert??? FETCH ME MY SMELLING SALTS, Said No Woman Ever. Uh huh, it was such a shock.

8. Give Sarah Huckabee Sanders A Break? The Fuck We Will. Because we had to say it again.

9. Thanksgiving: Australia Just Humiliated Lady Bigot ‘Pauline Pantsdown’! LOL!

10. NO PENIS! NO PENIS! YOU’RE THE PENIS! (This Is Just A Really Good Campaign Ad.) PENIS!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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