Your Weekly Top Ten Would Like Immunity From Having To Listen To Trump's Dumb Face Hole
OH HI WONKERS. Another week, another metric fuckton of stories about the weak and failing Trump regime. So there are ten stories in our weekend reading list, and they are your top ones of the week, and we count them down, and if you don't know by now that this is what we do on Saturdays, then YOU are fake news.
Know what's not fake news? US ASKING YOU FOR MONEY. See, we are 100% funded by you readers, and we have no ads, and we love it, and you love it, but we have to keep asking you to give us dollars and subscription moneys and things in order to make this system work. Will you throw $5, $10, or $25 at our faces? Or we even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able -- DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT -- then pull out your wallet and sign up tothrow money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. Or do a subscription! Whatever, just please support us any way you can.
Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, thrives on donations:
YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW
We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:
1. Poor Trump voters thought all the bad things were gonna happen to other people, not them :(
2. Jimmy Johns is evil. No, we mean more evil. A story from 2014, for some reason! In the top ten for the second week in a row!
3. Devin Nunes didn't get his secret fake "intelligence" FROM the White House, he just got it AT the White House. DEVIN IS GOOD BOY?
4. LOL, watch amazing Obama speechwriter Jon Lovett call CNN a dumb dick RIGHT TO ITS FACE.
5. EVERYBODY wants to testify in Trump Russia investigation, except for Michael Flynn! A story from last Friday, where we pretty accurately predicted what is happening right now!
6. How guilty is Jared Kushner, on a scale of one to "his dad"? Six? Thirteen? PERFECT 10?
7. Mike Pence can't eat dinner with ladies, because he might be required by Jesus to fuck them.
8. Did you watch the Senate Intelligence Committee hearing on the Trump Russia scandal? WE LIVEBLOGGED THE WHOLE THING!
9. Donald Trump had a real good sulk about how bad he is at repealing Obamacare.
10. And finally, did Mike Huckabee just call Lindsey Graham a fag?
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!
Oh, hey, sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT:
K HAVE A NICE WEEKEND GOODBYE.