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Before starting out on our latest miserable journey into this muddy Randian hell, may we just NOTE that we have noticed various folks on the Internet writing about how lame and trite certain blogs are for covering the Teabaggers only because of that silly sexual double entendre, which is now a dead joke. Indeed it is a dead joke! It's been dead for weeks! (Although certain incidents do bring it new life every now and then.) But we would call them "Teabaggers" even without the sexual innuendo, because it is a hilarious movement based around tea bags, so yeah, "Teabaggers." This is the Republican Party now! There is much more fuel to this thing than a simple sex joke that OMG old people don't understand! Anyway... ha ha, testicles. Let's look at some pictures of human testicles!


The biggest celebrity there, at the flagship national Tax Day Tea Party, was... Griff Jenkins. You know, Griff Jenkins! The star of the 4th Funniest Cable News Clip of 2008! Griff "Tha Crime Dawg" Jenkins!

We had an awkward encounter with this very famous Griff Jenkins.

After wading through a sea of mud to reach the nothing on the other side, we saw these Fox News equipment bins, with a River Cuomo clone casually guarding them. (PSST: WE WANTED TO STEAL THE BINS!)

This guard was, as it happened, Griff Jenkins, but we did not recognize him. We did not recognize the most important celebrity at Teabagging Central!

We tried to spark a conversation with this lonely Fox News Equipment guard and asked, completely earnestly, "So are any famous Fox personalities going to show up today?"

He was silent for a few seconds and then mumbled something about Greta maybe coming later, but with the rain and the cold, ya know...

Oh well! Moving on:

Like our grandparents always told us growing up, Microsoft Word word art is one motherfucker of a profound technology.

Ha ha, you bet he is! He's a dandy French sally, says the guy who puts a protective plastic bag over his protest sign.

Hmm "dignity" is tricky though! It's intangible and subjective!

Here it is, the official contest entry from the Vegas oddsmakers' favorite, the Freepers. Went through a whole bunch of ideas, settled on ol' comedic standby Steve Urkel. Would it be enough?

Nope! Here was the "funniest" entry, the one that really lived up to our (admittedly inflated) hope for comical conspiracy slogans and mid-level racism. This guy, we decided he was the one to waste our annual Wonkette Journalistic Interview on.

Rats! We should have expected that intrepid blog reporter Dave Weigel would already have nabbed him, since it is his job to interview violent psychopaths. ONE OF THESE DAYS, WEIGEL!

Oh that's Laura Ingraham, trying to cut through the peasants as fast as possible.

If you ever go ahead and record that solo album, Griff, here's your cover shot.

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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