Your Wonkette Week In Review: Our Top Stories, According To Some Idiots (You)
We hear that some of you lucky Wonkers out there have "jerbs" and that you actually "work" at them instead of reading Yr Wonkette all day -- or worse, that you may be at a place of employment that doesn't allow you to read Yr Wonkette all day (we would tell you to quit if that is the case, but we need your moneez. But your boss is a JERK). And so, here we go with another roundup of top stories that you may have missed, as determined by the number of times people “shared” them on the Facebooks. Want to see your favorite story in next week's roundup? Share that sucker, for we are doing big-time #social #media #stuff, you #know.
With no further delay, let us present our Top More-Than-Ten (there was another tie -- exciting!) from last Saturday through Friday:
10: Colorado state Senator and Epic pornstache Owner Randy Baumgardner explains that there's no problem at all with fracking, because it's perfectly natural for your tapwater to catch fire.
9: A Texas judge held that, no, waiting for the Rapture to arrive was no excuse for an El Paso family to "homeschool" their children with a curriculum consisting only of singing hymns and reading the Bible. The truancy case came to light when their 17-year-old daughter actually ran away from home so she could attend a public high school.
8: Idiot Joe Scarborough went after Wesley Lowery, the Washington Post reporter arrested in Wednesday's madness in Ferguson, Missouri, for just causing trouble by trying to report on the police there. Why on earth would a reporter want to report stuff if the police said not to?
7: TIE: The prosecutor who'll be responsible for deciding whether to charge the cop who shot Michael Brown was very sad that St. Louis County police didn't get the chance to bust more heads and throw more tear gas at people, since the state police were being sent in to stop the craziness. And tied for #7, our first report on the Wednesday Night Madness in Ferguson, especially the Ferguson PD's equal treatment of everyone: they arrested reporters of ALL races.
6: You guys really liked our Clipbait piece with John Oliver and Sarah Silverman going after payday lenders, the scumbags. Payday lenders, that is.
5: Everybody wanted to read about the arrest of a Swearing Mommy in South Carolina, because we are of course a Swearing Mommyblog.
4: Our first report on Ferguson, Missouri, last Sunday, was of course widely shared, because Jesus, not again.
3: Sarah Palin took to her Very Own Online TV Channel to spew some incoherent nonsense at Elizabeth Warren, who is a hypocrite for wanting McDonalds workers to earn a living wage, because don't Democrats think anusburgers are unhealthy?
2: Rush Limbaugh explained why Robin Williams died: He committed suicide because "the Left" has a really negative, unhappy worldview, and leftists are incapable of ever being as happy and positive about life as conservatives are.
1: Our Most Popular Story last week: The Ferguson Police Department warned black people that they were free to protest, but only if they were "respectful" and showed proper deference to authoriteh. And also, don't you get caught on the street after sundown, y'hear?
Have yourselves a fine week, and if you see a story you like, hit that "share" linky, you!
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.