You're Lucky To Be Drinking Here For Free

  • Huzzah! We all woke up alive this morning, which means the Large Hadron Collider didn't destroy the world after all. [Reuters]
  • Unable to make friends with human informants, the U.S. government has turned to Predator drones to try to find Osama bin Laden. [Washington Post]
  • Another hurricane in the Gulf, called Ike after President Ike "Hurricane" Eisenhower, might mess with Texas. [Houston Chronicle]
  • Good God, what's this? An actual news article about the two presidential candidates that (however briefly) discusses their differing policy positions, and no mention of the Alaskan Lipstick Pig and her 40 pregnant babies? OFFENSIVE. [Wall Street Journal]
  • Oh super. Another investment bank says it's writing off catastrophic losses, will probably fail anyway, &c. [New York Times]
  • The elitist Santa Barbara City Council affirmed that they are not interested in having oil derricks off their beautiful sunny shores. [Los Angeles Times]

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