YouTube Debate Liveblogging, Part II
Hour two of the YouTube Debate continues here, from here. More videos, more videos now, we want more videos, blah blah Paultards.
8:58 -- Hey! We're here now! Just saying.
8:58 -- Oh, it's gun time. Jay Fox, in this video, takes a break from shooting Mexicans to threaten the Giulianis of the world.
9:01 -- Giuliani suggests that violent crimes may stem from guns sometimes, and is roundly booed. In other news, Republicans are running the country right now.
9:04 -- Video: Some fat fuck asks what everyone's guns are. Duncan Hunter talks about his penis. juuust kidding:
9:05 -- Romney owns two guns, presumably to shoot the illegals on his lawn.
9:06 -- Some black kids ask them how they should avoid getting shot/imprisoned.
9:07 -- Mitt Romney is the biggest fucking racist I'm ever seen. He congratulates these kids for having a dad! And says they need more dads! Because no Negro has a dad, ever, or some such.
9:09 -- Video: Lady asks, if I get an abortion, exactly how many hells will you condemn me to? Exactly how many Jesuses will punish-fuck me?
9:11 -- Fred Thompson is doing a great job answering the question by reframing it and then saying "Indeed."
9:12 -- Giuliani hates talking about abortion so much that he calls it "Roe against Wade."
9:13 -- It's fantastic how the last 10 minute have been about states' rights. Will the next topic be county library board funding?
9:14 -- Video: "Death Penalty, WWJD" -- That's almost verbatim. Huckabee talks about how babies are precious, but criminals should all die all the time.
9:15 -- Anderson Cooper is really pressing the Jesus aspect. Jesus is wishing he had never created Anderson Cooper.
9:18 -- Video: We will absolutely be posting this one. Some guy is really curious about whether they believe every word in the Bible. Huckabee asks Giuliani if he "needs help with this one." Giuliani just got out-Jesused by the Iowa Ex-Fattie ROFLMAOOOOO!
9:18 -- Mitt Romney: Do I believe every word of the Bible? Well... er... caliphate... sanctuary city.... Yes, I believe the Bible is a book.
9:21 -- Commercial break, featuring the most bizarre Coors Light ad ever. Someone go to MVParents.com and figure out why Coors Light is promoting it. Prize is a date with Intern Greg!
9:23 -- Speaking of Intern Greg, he has more thoughts: "i never would have thought a group of people so insincere could be so terrifying, but i guess that's why i'm just an intern." No, that's why you're Intern Greg.
9:24 -- Rudy calls Islam a "great religion?" Which party does this dumbfuck think he's running in? Get yer talking points down: Islam is a great religion... for killer mean America-hating death bombs!
9:25 -- McCain: The Demrats want to get out of Iraq, but I pledge to the American people that I will never let that happen.
9:26 -- Video: Andrew Jones, college student, Seattle, asks whether torture is a good thing, a bad thing, or the best thing ever?
9:28 -- Romney responds to "Is waterboarding torture?" with "I said I do NOT support torture." God, this guy is a huge fucking prick tonight. Someone change this man's pajamas.
9:30 -- McCain just spanked Romney's little Utah, salt-drinking multi-millionaire ass. Because, see, John McCain was in the "Vietnam War." He confirms it! I thought that was just some Wikipedia bullshit.
9:33 -- Boring Fred talk. Here's some G-chat color commentary with Intern Greg:
me: god mccain is VICIOUS tonight
Greg: last throes
Greg: im genuinely surprised about how much applause there was for mccain just then
me: i think he just scared them
me: with his old man talk
Greg: he says, "my friends," like a verbal tick
9:34 -- The British are leaving Iraq! says Ron Paul. This is true, but the Paultards probably assume he's talking about the Battle of Lexington.
9:35 -- McCain "slips" and calls Ron Paul "Congressween." Hey, that's Paultardspeak. McCain is a Paultard?
9:35 - 9:37 -- Oops, fell asleep.
9:39 -- Rudy claims he is not just qualified to be president because of 9/11. He also mentions the great work he did in 9/11 cuts, 9/11 education, 9/11 transportation, and other 9/11s.
9:40 -- Here's that Coors commercial that freaked me out during the last break:
9:41 -- Does Dick Cheney have to many magical laser powers considering he's vice president? Fred Thompson responds, "tadpoles."
9:44 -- The masterful beer-drinking, Campell Brown-crushing Wonkette editor John Clarke Jr. refuses to give me an official comment because he's being all "populist" and writing on the "comment board." John Clarke Jr. is a better man than I.
9:47 -- Video: I'm a soldier, an old man soldier. I was in these wars, I have a gruff voice, blah blah-- WHAT? He's gay?
9:48 -- Now that I think about it, of course he's gay -- look at those conservative credentials!
9:49 -- Romney: We can't allow openly gay people into the military because we're in the middle of a war now. They'll like, paint all the barracks in Sadr City pink and gayish and stuff.
9:50 -- There's not much I can add to what's happening. This old gay military man just ripped the candidates for not answering the questions, then his mike went out, then Mitt Romney continued being a fucktard.
9:54 -- Video... some punk kid... putting his face... on a dollar bill... this is... the most exhausting experience in the history of American life... si... six minutes left....
9:57 -- Video: Wow, they're really in the dregs now. Some dumbshit asks if they'll pay for a trip to Mars.
9:57 -- Mars. Seriously.
9:57 -- MARS.
9:58 -- Duncan Hunter: Venus?
10:00 -- More commentary with Intern Greg:
Greg: "is there a candidate amongst you that will pledge to focus on the issues of the world of warcraft society?"
SEND HILLARY TO MARS
LET HER DIE WITHOUT OXYGEN
me: was that huckabee? mike huckabee is so latently awful and mean
yeah it was.
me: mike huckabee is not my candidate.
10:01 -- Um, 10:01, guys?
10:01 -- Romney: When John Edwards is on TV, I break my TV. And then I have to buy a new TV and it sucks.
10:02 -- Thompson: The Confederate flag isn't racist, it's just a symbol racists use to describe themselves.
10:03 -- Video: Well, the "let's show some random shit at 10:03" video wasn't destined to be very good, and it wasn't. Santa Claus talking about spending, and reassuring us that "trillion" has a "t" at the start.
10:07 -- Paultard Video to Ron Paul: "I hope you're crazy like a fox," meaning will you run as an independent in that rare case you lose the Republican primaries?
10:08 -- Paul in response: BWAH! Taxes! Wasteful government-likeness! Munnnnnies! NAFTA and the highway! Bwah bwah BWAH. Does that answer your question?
10:10 -- Republicans end with baseball man-talk, Democrats with diamonds or pearls. Obviously football is the middle ground neither side can achieve.
10:11 -- Done, done, so done. Who hates the Internet now, eh?
So it goes. I haven't proofread or thought about a single thing that I wrote, so hopefully you had a good time reading. All I can offer now: Mitt Romney, at this hour, is the worst candidate running for president.