Yr Wonkette Regrets: An Apologia
It was brought to our attention that in the course of trying tofilet Peggy Noonan for being a shameless hack lacking the critical thinking skills God gave a flounder, we said Ronald Reagan was using proceeds from arms sales to Iran to fund South American death squads. Actually the money from the sales went to the contras in Nicaragua, which is in Central America. Also, death squads are generally thought of as government-backed entities, and the contras were a rebel insurgency, though they did their share of death squad-like activities (murder, rape, pillage, and more rape). Nonetheless, yr Wonkette prides itself on accuracy and thus we regret the error.
The headline of this same piece referenced Peggy Noonan drinking bourbon. Our commenters immediately pointed out that Pegs seems more like the gin type. On further reflection we decided we agree with them, though we cannot say for sure. Perhaps one day ABC will invite us on This Week With… so we can spend a Sunday morning trapped in the green room with Frau Noonan and settle this debate. Until that glory is ours, yr Wonkette regrets the error.
On Sunday we fell for the oldest trick in the book and thought for a time that staunch Palin fanboi M. Joseph Sheppard was grifting money for a legal fund to defend himself from the scurrilous attacks he keeps bringing on himself by hopping up and down in his corner of the Internet like a hyperactive four-year-old screaming “Look at me! Look at me!” This defense fund site turned out to be a parody, which became obvious when we clicked on his PayPal link and got this (admittedly, that’s pretty hilarious.) Once again and with the great shame usually reserved for a teenager who has just fumbled his way through his first sexual experience, yr Wonkette regrets the error. (We do not however have any regrets about one pixel of this masterpiece, you civilian sack of shit.)
Also this weekend we discovered that no matter what we have long told ourselves, politically we are on the side of the elites of our society, corporate Hollywood, corporate media, the educational industrial complex…frankly, the list went on long enough for our eyes to glaze over. Still, we never meant to be a tool of the elites in eviscerating the proletariat. It goes without saying that yr Wonkette regrets the error.
Finally, the other night in a tightly contested game of online Scrabble we took a chance and played MAIL next to a triple word score, on the chance that our opponent would either not have a play there and we could perhaps pull an s or an e and an r and use it on our next turn, or anything said opponent would play would not hurt us too badly. Instead he laid down SIZE for sixty-three points and went on to win the game. Yr Wonkette regrets this error most of all.