Yuppies, Is There Anything They Won't Eat From a Truck?
Have Washingtonians been spending their summer lunch breaks in the patriotic American fashion of sitting at their desks watching porn? Of course not; DC is far too elitists for such common time-wasters. Instead, elitist cubicle drones in our nation's capital have been waitinghours and hours to be served lobster rolls from a truck. Is this crustacean really that hard to come by in DC? Well, we did some good old-fashioned Googling, and it turns out there are at least 12 restaurants in Our Fair City that serve fresh lobster rolls. Why are Washingtonians willing to stand around like dumb idiots in the filthy humidity instead of going inside to eat like real Americans?
Other DC fads like small plates and cereal and H Street’s Epcot Center-like imitation of Brooklyn are fun enough, but at least all these scenes are within air-conditioned buildings, where spending money creates things like jobs for dishwashers and waiters and little people. But here in government-ville, spending money in restaurants is too bougie. Nothing says hip subversive like stealing all the good food truck jobs from immigrants.
But don't be sad! Goodbye storefront, hello french fries covered in duck fat. And hot dogs covered in cheese curd and gravy, and exotic takes on pork and macaroni and cheese. All this food -- and more -- is now available for consumption right from a truck, and this way, no DCer will ever have to enter a building or bother to maintain their dignity ever again.
As exciting as DC's culinary explosion on wheels might be, once the rest of the country realizes that the Nation's Capitol is crawling with decadent food trucks, there’s a real chance they will all come to our little yuppie oasis and start beating us with their gigantic unemployment checks. But in the meantime the food served from the food trucks -- including the Red Hook Lobster Truck -- is damn good. And like everything in our proud democracy/bureaucracy, these truck people should at least have the fair chance to provide goods to the people of Washington.
Roofed places where one can purchase lobster rolls: