BREAKING! Bomb Scare Involving Homeless Guy and Trash Bag!

This just in:

An officemate told me that there was a bomb scare on the other side of the White House. Traffic and pedestrians were restricted from travelling. Apparently, a homeless guy had left a trash bag filled with his stuff on the sidewalk, and inside the bag was a fire alarm with a dying battery, so the thing was beeping, and people thought it was a bomb. The Bomb squad shot the bag with a water cannon (not sure how that is safe) and later discovered the fire alarm.

Don’t believe us? Well, just as we finished typing, NBC4 filed this report.

Package Found Near Metro Station Deemed Safe [NBC4]