BREAKING: PANIC AT CANNON

BLASTS ROCK HOUSE OFFICES… “LARGE STICKS” SIGHTED… DESPERATE EMAIL REVEALS TERRIBLE FEAR GRIPPING CONGRESSIONAL STAFFERS:

I’m in my office here in Cannon, and the staff assistant and I were just sitting and minding our business when we suddenly heard a great deal of loud banging going on outside our office. We (along with all of our staff and a number of others) wandered out, hoping that we weren’t about to be mowed down by gunfire. What we actually found was much more interesting than gunplay – it was a presentation involving drums, 4 women in grass skirts and 2 men in loincloths with large sticks. It was just a presentation to invite us all to the Guam Liberation Reception tonight in the Cannon Caucus room at 6:30. It was really bizarre – I hope someone sends you pics of the presentation and all of the bewildered looking staffers/interns.

Hooray for Guam Liberation! Someone get us a picture of the loincloth guys, it’s been a slow week.

While you’re at it: Peter Yarrow (of him, Paul, and Mary) is on the Hill today to promote his (no joke) anti-bullying organization. The organization’s motto is (also no joke) “Don’t Laugh at Me.” If you see him, get a picture, then do the guitar-smashing bit from Animal House.