All you ladies and gents wetting your pants over ginger-topped Appalachian porn scribe Jim Webb maybe becoming America’s next vice president, cross your legs and think on this for a moment: he might have too many desirable qualities to ever take the job. You see, just as Rambo would have made a horrible president on account of his skull-knockin’ tendencies, so would Jim Webb, “the thinking man’s Rambo,” make a horrible vice president.
James Fallows writes:
Jim Webb has arranged his life so as to maximize his intellectual and personal independence, and minimize the things he “has” to do and the bosses he must answer to. … The federal government office that least matches Webb’s lifetime path is the vice presidency. Some wonderful people have held the job, plus some terrible ones. The ones who are happiest are those who can bide their time, bite their tongue, fly to foreign-dignitary funerals, and stick absolutely to the company line.
Class dismissed, now you may all fantasize about your beloved iconoclast telling dead foreign dignitaries where to stick their opinions.
Simple comment on Jim Webb as veep [The Atlantic]
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…anyway we can upgrade the font from sub-atomic to maybe micro-organism? Pretty pleez!?
Obama-Webb? I am all for the gays, but there is a limit to how much masculine hunkyness you can put in Washington without destroying heterosexual marriage.
How I pray for the day when the old adage about the Vice Presidency once again becomes relevant:
A woman had two sons. One went to war, and the other became Vice President of the United States. She never heard from either again.
Thanks, Cheney (and Gore, for that matter) for ruining a perfectly good joke.
…I never saw Dick Cheney at any “foreign-dignitary funerals”. Maybe it is because of his middle name; Dick “Eater of the Dead” Cheney?
Hey, at least with him, if he shoots you in the face there won’t be any of this “accident” business.
The ones who are happiest are those who can bide their time, bite their tongue, fly to foreign-dignitary funerals, and stick absolutely to the company line.
Like Cheney.
@ jagorev – Exactly. Webb is a butch top. Always trying to find consensus, Obama is Versatile. He needs a bottom otherwise the electorate is going to get confused.
WhOA! Okay, a bit off topic, but ANDREW SHUE is now a pundit on MSNBC? I had this weird flashback to 1995, and couldn’t figure out what the heck was going on, and then I realized Andrew was explaining the ins and outs of the race for the nomination on my tv in the background.
I assume this is as opposed to Cheney, who helped author the company line?
As long as MSNBC is bringing up Melrose Place, “Jake” would make a good Jim Webb. (There, back to topic.)
It would also help if the VP candidate could prove he would stay at one job for four years. Just sayin’….
Ah well, I hate ginger kids anyway.
@Godless Liberal
I’ve always been way fascinated by gingers. Way, way fascinated.
…hey, I like the new leaner, meaner and more masculine Democratic party(in a totally UN-gay way of course).
Sigh, I suppose you’re right, old combat boots don’t match Versace suits. I’ll just console myself thinking of him spitting on Kim Jong Il’s dead carcass…
Ha ha, that’s great!
Now, who the hell is Jim Webb?
It would also help if he hadn’t said that women shouldn’t be in the military and that no women in leadership positions in the military earned their positions. Oh, and if he hadn’t essentially called Tailhook investigations witch hunts, blaming it on feminists and the “sexual mixing” of the military.
I’m personally neutral on the guy, but those facts are not going to win over Hillz supporters.
fantasies of your beloved iconoclast telling soon-to-be-has-been Executive Branch cockblockers with approval ratings in the double negatives to go fuck themselves.
There. That’s more like it. And yea, I’d totally masturbate to that.
Hopefully as Veep he can improve his “film-making” skills.
@Naked Bunny with a Whip:
He was the guy who did the democratic response after one of the Bush/Kerry debates, and he loves children, LOVES them. He won his seat in an upset because there was simply nothing better. I think the race in Virginia in the last cycle was not who will BETTER run the state, but who won’t FUCK IT UP as badly. That’s all I got.
I’m backing Jim Webb on the outside chance that he’ll punch the Duchess of Cornwall during a ribbon cutting ceremony. Because that would be totally awesome….
So what he’s saying is, like Gary Busey, Webb can’t be VP because he’s too real?
Jim Webb is the WALNUTS! of the newly-reformed “I should be a conservative but I can’t win that way” Democrats, which should make for some ball-busting hot “maverick” action.
@shortsshortsshorts: Uh, Senators don’t “run” their states.
And he won his seat largely because George Allen, a popular Republican candidate who was leading by double digits, simply imploded.
Also, minus points for the “loves children” smear.
he loves children, LOVES them.
Huh…so do I, but I try to hide that from the cops.
Software report: Firefox on Windows works most of the time. If you enlarge your font (+) to see the eye-test-size comments better, then text you enter in the comment box runs out of the box, and you will make many typos. Sure would be nice to have “respond” buttons again. Also the posts don’t show the author when you click through to see the whole thing.
@tunamelt:
Gingers. *pant pant pant*
Jim Webb is more like Obama than Walnuts, because he, like Obama, has a scholarly background and is an excellent writer (Webb also won an Emmy for his journalism). Basically, Obama-Webb would be the most literate, thoughtful, and good-looking Executive team, ever. I’m sure that will be a HUGE turn-off for the American electorate.
@Jagorev:
Goddammit yes thank you I know that it’s part of the damn snark silly! I have SINNED.
@jagorev
Elitest intellectual.
It would be a huge turn-off, although I doubt the American electorate in general is aware of who Jim Webb is, including much of the state of Virginia.
I cannot read this font. Elitist.
@Jagorev:
Not one shall be saved from snark. Yes, he’s not a bad guy, but Obama CANNOT WIN with him. Two junior senators on the ticket for the highest office in the land? BUZZER! NO WAY! Damn foo you makin’ me all serious up in here.
@shortsshortsshorts
Spot on, with the whole two junior senators thing.
A VP that carries a piece is probably not in any President’s best interest.
@V572625694: the Evil Work PC does not permit anything but IE. So I have to put up with the left-leaning text (hah) for now while at work (and it is only about 50% of the time, oddly) and be happy at home on the elitist arugula Mac.
“We can’t send in the Special Forces, it’s too dangerous.”
“Then send in the Vice President.”
It won’t fly. Don’t need a Rambo/Rocky as Veep. It’s not a RamRock job.
@shortsshortsshorts: Webb was Asst. Secretary of Defense and Secretary of the Navy under Reagan. He’s not a rookie.
@Doglessliberal: for emergencies like that, I have a flash drive with Firefox on it, so I never have to use IE.
Hey tunamelt, how do you get the quotes to function in this dump new dump?
Wow! I passed the human test. My wife will be so proud and surprised.
@jagorev:
Do you believe that’s all it takes? You have to be in a VERY high position, for an extended period of time, in order to make it. I’m not saying there aren’t exceptions to this rule, but holding elected office with a large constituency backing you and carrying the weight of the past in a voting record, whether good or bad, is more beef than being appointed, hands down. I understand you REALLY like the guy, and sure, I do to, but there’s still a political liability when the man your backing up, while while angelic, is susceptible to the attacks of being a junior. McCain, with his 900 years of experience, would surely bite on this. Hell WALNUTS! could take a kid off the O.C. and still have more combined experience than a Barry/Webbster ticket.
@AxmxZ
I’m doing it the old-fashioned way, with html, using the url from the timecode under people’s names.
The @blahblahblah trick.
Ummm, people with Ginger-vitis have no souls; so he should transition into that position perfectly
Let’s cut out the middleman. Obama/Stallone ’08.
It provides a good balanced ticket between articulate and inarticulate Americans.
…in a non-racist way, I mean.
Meh. They won’t want two senators on the ticket.
Or a guy that writes about men who put little boy dicks in their mouths.
Too ‘right wing-y’…
At least there will be plenty of guns and ammo to go around in the white house.
Actually, he may be more of a daywalker…
I don’t know about Veep cred, but if a movie is ever made that includes Jim Webb as a character, William H. Macy’s got the part.
The millitary is so miniscule, I gather, that Webb wants to bigger it to a killotary.
I have some really sexy pics that I could post of a young shirtless Jim Webb, but I no longer possess the knowledge of how to post them (*New Hampshire tears*)
@tunamelt
Elitest intellectual.
Webb may be an intellectual but he’s no elitist. He can field strip an M16 in 0.2 seconds and kill you with the firing pin (I, myself, am an elitist so don’t really know if a “firing pin” actually exists in an M16, if it can be removed or if it could be jammed into someone’s jugular), plus his grandpappy was a moonshine runner or something just like the Dukes of Hazzard.
Oh, he’ll be more amenable to the idea once the Emily Post Society finally green lights his campaign for the wearing of combat boots to state dinners.
@still eggplantparm
Clarification… I was calling jagorev an elitist intellectual, for this comment: “Jim Webb is more like Obama than Walnuts, because he, like Obama, has a scholarly background and is an excellent writer (Webb also won an Emmy for his journalism). Basically, Obama-Webb would be the most literate, thoughtful, and good-looking Executive team, ever. I’m sure that will be a HUGE turn-off for the American electorate.”
Which I don’t necessarily disagree with. I just don’t think most people even actualy know who Jim Webb is.
@tunamelt: All people need to do is watch “Rules of Engagement”. Webb wrote the story for the movie and worked as a producer. He’s a triple (or quadruple…whatever) threat, y’all! His books are on the required reading list for all marines. How many VP hopefuls can say that?
My biggest problem with J. Webb is that he’s all “the Scots-Irish are the greatest race of people ever.”
No, they’re not. They’re awful, awful people. I’d rather have a Gypsy serve as vice president.
@tunamelt
Oh.
Shit.
New Wonkette sucks.
Really, Webb wrote Rules of Engagement? Coolness!
Jim Webb !!!! Navy Cross, Silver Star, Bronze Star, two Purple Hearts. Hey you Republican Chicken Hawks, try Swift Boating him. Military expertise ? Eat your heart out McCain.
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