Washingtonians may have noticed slightly after 3 p.m. a darkening of the skies to almost pitch-black, followed by rain, lightning, hail, and tornadoes. According to the Washington Post, “On Capitol Hill, a congressional hearing was suspended and everyone was urged to stay clear of the windows.” Wonkette has confirmed with Jesus that he sent these tornadoes to Capitol Hill at the request of Hillary Clinton, with whom he has been having a tasteless affair. The tornadoes were designed to destroy the Capitol building when Obama was distracted and beating up Joe Lieberman. Jesus had a rare moment of compassion, however, and diverted the storm at the last minute so that it only destroyed the Dirksen office building. Hillary was so saddened that she ate Jesus, but then she brightened when she remembered that there are still 26 days left in June. [Washington Post]
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{ 40 comments }
She ate Jesus and then had a holy shit!
Since y’all are on speed dial with Him, evidently, I have always wanted to know: Does Jesus have an iPhone or would that just be redundant?
I miss East Coast weather. Perhaps I shall move back there. NOT. (yes I am lame).
Obama has drawn the attention of the Eye.
…a Brain Tumor Ray and now a Weather Dominator borrowed from Cobra Commander! How the hell does Hillary get her hands on all these cool weapons?!
Jim, lay off the booze, it’s just getting to be 5pm now.
The storms were powers by the reentry of space shit from the ISS. Unfortunately, the aim from orbit was a bit off.
Get it right, Jim. Obama is the son of God, and his father has sent a storm of hail-fire to besiege the Capitol until Hillary concedes.
“Let the election, Gooooooooooooooooo”
Did anyone actually see Hillary during the tornado watch? Did she like duck out the door and then suddenly WHAMO the sky went black and crap started flying around. I’ve heard her Secret Service detail is always on guard for anyone approaching with a bucket of water.
I didn’t die, luckily. But almost! It rained really fucking hard.
Leave it to Washingtonians to start dying because of rain.
*clap* *clap* *clap*
she’s also ruining my conference calls with people in bethesda. some fighter for the people.
[re=7171]polar_bear[/re]: Actually, we start dying in sunshine too. We start dying of anything, really. It’s the necropolis.
Mr. Jim Newell, this is precisely the kind of writing that makes me want to marry you.
[re=7169]InsidiousTuna[/re]: are you related to tunamelt? And you mock (and rightly so, as people seem to forget how to drive when it rains here), but this was a Hillary-level storm. Some fun facts from WaPo:
*Over 200,000 power outages in Northern Virginia (Dominion Power)
*Over 100,000 outages reported by Pepco in DC and Maryland
*Many trees and power lines down throughout area
*Wind gust to 66 mph recorded at Andrews Air Force Base, 59 mph at National.
*National Weather Service: Tornado touchdowns in Falls Church (near Annandale Road) and Calvert County (Huntingston).
*One fatality in Fairfax County
I am pretty sure the dead person was an Obama voter. And I bet if we cross-check who lost power there is an overlap with Obama voters, too.
Even the sky turned black.
It was CGI ordered by Hilz, designed to accompany
her Crucifiction on Calgary Hill routine. And the
Oscar goes to…
[re=7183]Doglessliberal[/re]: You had me so interested I read that off the post. I wish we could have some real severe type-weather in SF, instead it just rains teh gays.
MSNBC had a video cam on the Whitehouse while they were waiting for a tornado to ram through it. I have to admit I watched the cam and said a little prayer.
This job is my job
It is not your job
If I don’t get it
I pray for bullets
This job is my job
It is not your job
This job was made for you then me
[re=7192]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Instead we in the SF area have sad little weatherpersons who declare every little cloud mass off the coast as “the storm of the century”. Apparently, a local station KRON spent an hour covering a 3.9 earthquake. If we ever have a real disaster, their little minds will explode.
The Capitol moved to Parkersburg, Iowa?
It’s sunny now. I haven’t stepped outside, so I don’t know if it’s that miserable post-storm muggy or that pleasant post-storm cool, but clearly someone cast a counter-spell.
The weather certainly sounds like a real bitch.
[re=7203]mothermaven[/re]: We transplant them from LA-LA land—- those stupid bastards.
Ah, this is why my ex was stranded at the airport all day. Damn you, Hillz!
[re=7203]mothermaven[/re]: [re=7212]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Yeah, light rain in Los Angeles and suddenly it’s StormWatch2008. But to be fair, mudslides. Which is why I’m glad I’m not rich and living on a hill in Malibu.
Oh and you D.C. area people have some wacky names for your power suppliers.
Hillary ate jesus? Oh, you mean like, as a euphamism for the eucharist in which she sucks on the woody phallis to which he was, twitching, impaled upon?
Nah, that was just a side-effect of Barack’s little temper flare-up with Joe.
OK i was there and it sucked. NEVER 4GET!!!1!
HRC cannot concede today, because it’s her mother’s birthday. The tornado is Gawd’s gift to Mrs. Rodham.
This exact scenario was on the Discovery Channel’s “MEGADISASTERS” show last week. Or maybe it was about Hillary winning the nomination.
[re=7183]Doglessliberal[/re]: Nope, not related to Tunamelt. Good guy, though.
“Barack” means “Lightning” in the Semitic languages, as in the Israeli politician Ehud Barak. Barack is the lightning that’s gonna electrify D.C., when he gets there (I Hope).
[re=7434]Kingbee[/re]: To keep in the “storm” theme, you see.
[re=7434]Kingbee[/re]: Oh? What languages are those? “Barak”/”Baruch” means “blessing” in Arabic and Hebrew respectively.
[re=7594]AxmxZ[/re]: “Barak” is not “Baruch”. Check this link: http://www.babylon.com/definition/Barak/
In the case of Ehud Barak, his Wikipedia article explicitly lists the meaning as “lightning”.
[re=7836]Kingbee[/re]: Well golly! You better run inform Obama that the silly billy got his own name wrong!
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