Friday’s sad news pushed an otherwise explosive story off the front page: the tragic end to the tale of John McCain, valiant space-bomber, challenging Barack Obama to a grueling series of verbal fisticuffs. Obama produced a less than satisfactory counteroffer: two debates, at midnight, in an underground bunker, with no cameras, before a select audience of deaf Wookiees.
McCain’s goal, obviously, was to garner some free publicity for an impoverished campaign whose candidate literally lives on a bus. But Barack Obama, correctly reading the mood of a nation that was nearly rent asunder by 26 Democratic debates, wanted no debatin’ with John S. McCain. And so he proposed a debate on July 4 weekend, which nobody would watch because people are too busy watching things explode while savoring the taste of their beef-frank belches. He also proposed a debate about foreign policy, which would just bum everybody out.
John McCain will now tour the country debating YouTube clips of himself.
Candidates differ on desirable debate format [USA Today]
{ 41 comments }
As a Deaf Wookie, I’m excited that there is finally recognition of our political importance.
I don’t blame Barry for turning him down. WALNUTS seems like the handsy type.
Two candidates enter, one candidate leaves!
I bet Obama could open up a can of whoop ass on McCain , just like he did on Lieberman on the Senate floor.
Keep yo pimpin’ hand strong Obama !! (does fist jab with self)
…poor WALNUTS! probably feels like that guy, that tried to ask the the hottest girl in school out in front of everyone and gets the “we are just should be friends speech”(or punched out by her football player boyfriend)
i’d rather have root canal without an anesthetic than watch those
two debate 13 times.
screw lincoln-douglas…give us hamilton-burr.
I think a group of storm troopers should moderate the debate. Their shooting is almost as bad as Stepontopofus.
Ever since WALNUTS! was selected to be his “second” in the Aaron Burr duel, he’s been itching for the chance to be a “first.” And now Hopey denies him this long-cherished goal.
Why does Hopey hate the dreams and aspirations of ordinary Yanquis like John McCan’t?
BTW: A little thought-provoker here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steve-rosenbaum/when-mccain-drops-out_b_107236.html
We all know the debates are going to end up like this:
Obama: The problem with your healthcare package is that it doesn’t do enough to cover the uninsured.
Walnuts: Eh? Package? What’s wrong with my package? Vickie says… uh, Cindy says my package is fine. (Grins awkwardly at camera)
Obama: (Rolls eyes)
US America: Collectively groans or vomits
To make the debates even, tie one of Barry’s arms behind his back and give him goofballs also.
“Barack Obama requires more preconditions to meet directly with John McCain and American voters than he does with Iran’s (President) Mahmoud Ahmadinejad,” [McCain spokesman] Bounds said.
Good job, McCain dude! That’s a sound bite and a half. Don’t worry that most people will say “What the fuck are you talking about?” Almost as good as the Jimmy Carter joke.
[re=16765]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: …in that case the “A-Team” should moderate the debates! They can fire off 2000 rounds from a mini-gun and hit nothing but the dirt in front of their target!!!
Murther’d?
O, by whom?
I’ll take 13 face-offs if they’re in 30-second webisode (is that really a word?) format that features McCain caterwauling his theme song: “We Love You Matlock (Oh Yes We Do).”
[re=16770]Uncle Al[/re]: That’s because one is a crazy dude spouting gibberish who wants nukes, and the other is a crazy dude spouting gibberish who has like 10,000 nukes.
Please note that the correct term is Hearing-Impaired-Wookie and I object to insentivity demonstrated by Sara K. Smith towards the Deaf-Wookie Community. Chewbacca is really pissed about this Sara.
http://anakin_sky.homestead.com/news_ep3_wookie01.jpg
Hey, I think Barry O. should accept, on account of McCain is much older and shorter. And really, really has a fake smile.
Barry should debate McCripple, but “do it live” in
someplace intimate like, the Super Bowl in N.O.
Ooo, now we get to see who is a better you-wont-debate-me, what-are-you-afraid of chider McHammer or Hilly.
I think Hillary will win that contest. Odds anyone?
[re=16771]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Thank God! If the A-Team, the Storm Troopers and any other villain/action hero had better shooting, there is NO WAY Schwarzenegger would be my Governor right now. That would be, umm, WHORRIBLE.
Why don’t we just have a literal pissing contest. If Barry’s wanker can send a longer golden stream than McCain’s prostate will allow, then Barry should be president by default.
Only now do I realize how narrowly we escaped a national nightmare: an endless summer of WALNUTS! v. Hillz debates. My liver surely would have exploded by November. This is another example of how Obama has saved our country.
…talk about desperation on McCain’s part! He wants to be seen next to Barry soooooooooo badly that he is literally throwing himself at him(Cindy must be jealous). I wouldn’t be surprised if he “accidentally” starts showing up at Barry’s events(ala Harold Ford Jr.) and challenges him to a debate.
[re=16783]ForeignSickSpecialist[/re]: …that would be unfair being that Barry has a 12 inch “head start”! *Rimshot*
Yet another way in which McSame is out of touch. He seems to think somebody, somewhere has an interest in watching TEN debates!! This race will be over after the first debate. Probably half way through the first one. By the way, not sure if you all were aware of this, but apparently this John McCain guy was a POW in Viet Nam. He rarely mentions it though, nor do his supporters. I found out about it on the Googles. Pass it along!
McCain so wants to debate Kucinich, because then he looks taller and more in command. Not like a little boy soldier.
McCain can’t wait to drop his new zinger: “An Obama presidency would be the second term of Chester A. Arthur!”
pwned
[re=16768]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Yes, that will obviously be the most fascinating part of any debate between the two of them – how will our hopey and savior Barry Christ possibly tolerate the woeful policy ignorance, misstatements, contradictions and contrivances that will certainly spew from McCunt’s mouth, without appearing as dickish as Gore and Kerry did? Barry is such a generically nice guy, but my nightmare is BO standing there, containing his contempt for MrCripply’s “aw-shucking-th-th-thaaaat’s-not-change, my friends” routine by regarding him, earnestly, from the tip of his own nose.
[re=16794]Delicious[/re]:
I thought it was “”Oh yeah, Obama? Well, the Jerk Store called, and they’re running out of you.”
[re=16798]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Are you kidding? That reference is only, like, ten years old.
[re=16803]AxmxZ[/re]:
The McKaine Mutiny just wanted to relate to today’s kids.
[re=16795]problemwithcaring[/re]: For a generically nice guy, Obama can sometimes trot out the smuggest, most off-putting facial expressions. If anything will damage him in the debates visually, it’s that.
You hear that, Barry-O? We know you read this thing. Wipe that U-of-C-prof smirk off your face pronto. Play professor with the supporters all you want, but don’t even try it with an old soldier. It’ll piss him off, all right, but if he manages to hold his shit together, your image is going to go from latte-sipping liberal to SUPERCILIOUS PRICK.
McCain was trying to position himself to use the classic boring old person strategy – repeat the same dull and pointless stories over and over until your opponent falls into a deep stupor.
My grandmother used to tell a story about how her dog, Tucker, got its name. At the end of each telling of the story she’d hear herself mentioning the dog’s name and would say – oh, I have to tell you how Tucker got his name, and she’d be off again. Over and over again. Like that.
But who will debate Mr. Barr and his glorious mustache?
Game of hoops. I’ve always said.
[re=16808]AxmxZ[/re]: But if BHO simply practices “active listening” and reflects back the CRAZAY that WLATNTS is gonna spew, grandpa will either ramble to a moment of overwhelming incoherence (think Alec Guinness at the end of “Tunes of Glory”) or “throw down.”
http://www.tv.com/everybody-loves-raymond/father-knows-least/episode/2560/summary.html
America’s asking for a fight to the finish in botox Jello between Cindy “Cougar” McCain and Michelle “terrorist fist jab” Obama.
“Whitey,” you’re going DOWN!!!!!
[re=16822]RuperttheBear[/re]: I’d put my money on a never-ending sentence with multiple run-on clauses, by the end of which he’ll have forgotten the beginning and started over. Trouble is, Barry might not be able to contain his glee at that point and snort or giggle.
This is such bullshit. Walnuts already picked out his favorite bible quote.
i think the dems should offer to let McNuts debate Chelsea Clinton…
God, I wish they would bring back dueling.
Those Were The Good Old Days: A murderous, egomanical Vice President could gun down a lawyer with complete impu . . .
Hey, wait a minute.
Hmmm.
Never mind.
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