- YOU’RE ALL SCREWED: The fine folks who have been working tirelessly to transition your Wonkette to a new home have informed your editors of a wonderful new technological “feature.” Now when we ban your commenter accounts, we have the Nuclear Option of an IP address ban! This means you won’t be able to sneak your way back in, ever. Good luck, suckers!
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Authors
Jim Newell (5418)
Wonkette Jr. (623)
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (796)
Kaia Mursi (43)
Garrett Quinn (13)
Liz Colville (94)
Ken Layne (6695)
Blair Burke (170)
Matt Langer (40)
Arielle Fleisher (385)
{ 70 comments }
…isn’t this like giving a 12 year old a loaded gun!?!?!
Wow. Technology a Chinese 1st grader could overcome.
Yay! the nuclear option!
When does bombing commence? Is there enough time for me to find a nice proxy server from which to post?
God damn it. I was just getting ready to make this comment about homosexual, black, retarded women but now I’m too nervous. That’s too bad cuz it was gonna be really funny. Thanks for stealing my thunder Jim.
Okay…. back to picking on the NeoCons.
Two issues with that – many people don’t have static IPs and also you sometimes accidentally ban a whole bunch of people with the same provider.
Use with caution, grasshopper.
[re=19047]spencer[/re]: let’s see if you’re right. Does that mean you’re volunteering?
You do realize that this scheme only works for static IP adresses and IP addresses that are not hidden behind a NAT router, right? And you also realize that most home users do not enjoy static IP addresses, but rather, have leased addresses that expire from time to time. As a result, you could set out to ban one dude on a Comcast connection, only to find that a few weeks later that IP address has been assigned to a completely different Comcast user.
So while in principle this sounds great, in practice, TonyTheTiger will probably not be thwarted by these measures.
That’s pretty elitist.
[re=19050]vicuna[/re]: Nah. If you service provider uses a DHCP to give you an IP, it’ll still amount to a nice “time out” for the douchebag in question.
As someone who shares an IP with a few thousand co-workers, please don’t accidentally ban me, Mr. Jim Newell. Cuz some of those co-workers are real morans.
On the subject of the banhammer, would our benevolent Wonkette overlords mind tagging the threads where commenters get nuked? Sometimes I’ll be reading the comments, wondering what ever happened to some chain-posting Paultard or other, and it takes forever to go back through the old comments to find out what finally tipped the balance against them…
What is this, a NERD CONVENTION? Besides, the possibility of having bans switch from random IP addresses within the Comcast universe sounds pretty funny.
This is why we must elect LBJ.
Shoot, now I will have to work from home after I get banned while posting at work.
…and what is the over/under on the date the congressional intern office is banned under this policy?
Are we sure this is what Lil’ Russ would have wanted?
I’ll just switch to the other public library branch where I view porn.
[re=19070]Jim Newell[/re]: Do you really want an answer to that question?
That’s Greeeeeeeeeeeeat! lol
I present you with the perfect image to illustrate this post:
http://i262.photobucket.com/albums/ii118/Tits_LaRue/ANIMATED/PWNED/perma_banned.gif
[re=19070]Jim Newell[/re]:
Face it Jim, throwing around terms like “IP address” is basically a nerd mating call. You don’t want them (us) sniffing your butt, then it’d be best to keep such calls to yourself.
[re=19078]Rev. Peter Lemonjello[/re]: Not only that, but I’m pretty sure Big Russ is up in heaven agreeing with Jim.
[re=19088]Tits_LaRue[/re]:
Heh.
As long as Wonkette has the capability to ban IP addresses, there will be no stability in the Middle East. Wonkette will become a haven for terrorists who can strike out at our e-mail accounts with impugnity and without warning.
[re=19067]Nikolai Vsevolodovich Stavrogin[/re]: I too want to read those banned posts. I bet they are kind of like Hillaryis44 but with lower use of the CAPS LOCK and better spelling
Come on, Jim. Everybody knows that all you need to stop the nuclear option is fourteen cranky senators.
P.S. “Fourteen Cranky Senators” is totally going to be the name of my next band.
[re=19088]Tits_LaRue[/re]: Haven’t seen THAT in a while. Awesome.
[re=19113]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: It’s a classic!
Good luck, I’m behind 7 proxies!
I don’t really understand much of this, but if it means no more mean Tony types, then yay!
Can we have, in good Roman fashion, a cool IP proscription list?
[re=19125]tkdead[/re]: 7 proxies? Are you posting from Karl Rove’s S&M dungeon?
In the corner store around the corner they take Polaroids of everyone that tries to shoplift and then post them behind the counter with humiliating nicknames and descriptions of the offense. May I suggest such a feature? And also run more sales on Truck Nutz.
As the kids would say, OH SHI
looks like it’s time for a proletariat revolt
I suggest Wonkette push technology and develop a little cup that plugs into a USB port. A commenter could pee (or ejaculate) into it. This could simultaneously verify ID by DNA, assure chemical-free commentary, and weed out the mutants. That should enhance comment quality around here.
I just want to see full Gawker-style commenter executions. The more pomp and ceremony, the better.
[re=19070]Jim Newell[/re]: I agree. Screw those Comcast users. TIME WARNER CABLE FOR LIFE, BITCHEZ!!
Does this mean no more long-winded diatribes by Paultards suggesting what movie I want to watch while legitimizing Larry (suck on this) Sinclair?
As someone who is often reaches into blatantly offensive territory for jokes, this worries me.
However, as someone who finds Tony The Tiger and various Paultards exhausting, I understand that maybe not being as loose with the ironically weilded N-bomb is a fair price to pay for having a good comment section.
[re=19088]Tits_LaRue[/re]: Stay gold?
that is pretty harsh, dude. maybe you could just sentence them to one night of rehabilitation.
[re=19146]WadISay[/re]: Yeah, and then we can leverage that technology to turn this site into a golden shower fetish hotspot!
[re=19154]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: fraid not. Most a pity. I was looking forward to the Oliver stone-esque break down of Sinclair presser where he explains why his new name means he’s credible.
I can’t figure out if I was banned or just never made it into the new system…
I just want a star
[re=19133]Tits_LaRue[/re]: Rove’s American Hand Stand (Late-night Edition). Kudos on the perma-banned!
Seriously, IP address bans are trivial to overcome and yelling about how bulletproof it is is just waving a red flag at the bull. Not smart, Jim.
Do we get a warning first or something? THAT’S SO MUCH PRESSURE! I’ve already used up all my proxies on po…I mean, PERSONAL file-sharing. *cough*
[re=19089]Serolf Divad[/re]: For some reason I am now turned on.
There’s always MAC banning. A truly dedicated and somewhat-savvy PITA can spoof a MAC address (or switch devices), but it’s enough to befuddle and thwart your garden-variey moran.
I see how this could backfire. What if someone, a McCain supporter for instance, jsut decides it’s a badge of honor to be “banned from Wonkette”? It could start a round of senless tit-for-tat that could soon turn tragic! Oh, the humanities! And we would still have to read their wierd posts. It’s like punishing the whole country because one person is old, cranky, petty…
[re=19160]capitol-hillbilly[/re]: which would consist of what? 12 hours of watching Bill O’Reilly with eyelids pinned, a la Clockwork Orange?
If you wanted to be on top during the buttsecs, all you had to do was ask.
[re=19211]Doglessliberal[/re]: yes, with Heaven 17′s “We don’t need no fascist groove thing” playing in the background
Can we follow the GOP Terrorist Battle Plan on this?
1a) Decide a malefactor deserves justice. Err, Justice™! For Hating Freedom!
1b) (I know! Freedom!
2a) Get his name and IP address. Carefully write it down.
2b) Receive 3,000 posts from disinterested commentators that, indeed, Malefactor is an asshat.
2c) Reach consensus that Malefactor deserves the ban, begin weeklong propaganda blog war to build support.
3a) Launch Operation Troll Hammer by posting story.
3b) Ban some guy from Santa Cruz
3c) Nuke Google’s vast server-farm, outsourced via a non-competitive bid with the RIAA.
4a) Proclaim we’ll never sleep until Malefactor is captured dead or alive.
4b) Until Tuesday.
5a) Ban ALL guys from Santa Cruz.
5b) Get caught blowing a guy from Santa Cruz.
5c) And smoking all their dope.
5d) Nuke Yahoo’s collection of hamster wheels and habitrail tubes running their search engine.
5e) Via a non-compete with Comcast.
-> Declare: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
Ban IPs and only NERDS will have IPs.
Yeah, yeah, I know about teh intarwebs and dynamic IPs and all that jazz. Plus, you can use various methods to disguise your IP should yours be static. Whatevs. It’s like a frickin’ goat rodeo or herding cats. Possibly a CATS AND GOATS rodeo with Kitty Harris as the ‘rodeo queen’ (figures). But it does slow people down a bit. At least until they toggle their intarwebs. :p
In conclusion, WALNERDS!
Nuclear option? Does this IP ban somehow involve DEN-VER DEN-VER DEN-VER?
This sounds like a perfect opportunity to make snarky Wonkette comments from work! With any luck, I can get the entire Maryland Department of General Services under the banhammer!
[re=19277]trai_dep[/re]: You forgot 6 (a) through (d)
6. Oral sex involving two males
6(a). Compulsory oral sex involving two males.
6(b). Involuntary oral sex involving two males.
6(c). Oral sex involving two males whereas one male is under the age of 15.
6(d). Oral sex involving two males whereas one male is sleeping.
I gleefully await trolls blathering on about “FREE SPEECH” and “THE FIRST AMENDMENT MAYBE YOU HAVE HEARD OF IT” before getting vaporized.
Have we lost anyone interesting yet? (Ned “Tony” Pepper, hopefully.) And is it possible for people to get banned without banning their IPs?
What other superpowers will the Wonkette acquire? Spitting fire? Or that super-fast grow bigger thing that Indian Chief could do? X-ray vision?
You Wonketteers are really mean. Here Jim had his bright new shiny toy, and now you go tell him it is just a piece of plastic and covered in lead paint and not so special anyway. Liberal nerd bastards.
[re=19146]WadISay[/re]: My commentary has sucked since I gave up gin. I vote for mandatory chemical abuse for Wonketeers.
As the wittiest politicky blog ever, don’t you think Wonkette needs a term worthy of our whore-diamond status in the scurrilously newsy quadrant of the blogosphere?
Wonkibanned?
Tonybanned?
Talibanned?
Tard-banned?
[re=19055]Serolf Divad[/re]: Exactly, and I can barely tell the difference between the ethernet cable and the phone line. This will work for about, oh, five minutes, until I can refresh my IP address, jack into the neighbors’ WiFi, use my sprint broadband card, oh, and figure out a way to get the Intertubes on my teeth. Your fancy IP address blocking don’t scare me! Bwah ha ha ha
Jim, I think you should ban everybody who lectured you on how the new system won’t work. With all of them gone, I won’t have to work so hard to look smart.
BFD.
This place is infested with queer, liberal, vegan commie smartasses anyway.
And it has the most confusing HTML evar.
President for Life Ron Paul will BAN Wonkette from the interwebs forever
when he is crowned January 1, 2009.
You leftist will finally know what it feels like TO BE SHIT ON BY PROFESSIONALS!!!!
The SECOND AMMENDMENT ROOLZ!!!!
So…now’s not a good time to come out hard-core for Hillary?
18 MILLION VOTEZ!!!
[re=19648]ReelectTilden[/re]: ceiling cracks my friend, ceiling cracks.
Damn, “Talibanned” so rolls off the tongue.
Should there be a bounty given to the first Wonketteer who narcs – I mean suggests – on an offending commentator?
Whore diamonds? A lapel pin? A $20 bill and a road map of Southern Florida?
[re=19046]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: EVERY 12 year old kid should have a loaded gun!
If you don’t train the 6th Graders to shoot straight, how can you expect them perform up to national levels when they get to their local Columbine High?
We’ve become a national of slackers. When I was 12 years old, no Stop sign, power pole transformer, or power line insulator was safe.
And you could buy an old K97 Mauser for about 15 bucks.
:::sob:::
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