Poor Barry. First he has to deal with the racists and their stupid monkey-based paraphernalia, and then he has to put up with speculation that he isn’t a Christian, and now some well-meaning Hindus have somehow rolled up all this terribleness into a single hilarious gift: a monkey-god idol for him to worship. This will go over beautifully with the Bitters!
Our tale begins in Mumbai, where a gentleman named Brij Mohan Bhama says he read a Time magazine article reporting that Barack Obama carries around a monkey charm for good luck.
“We have heard that he carries a small monkey charm in his pocket. So he is a devotee of Hanuman. That’s why we want to present him with this idol,” he said.
Somebody else speculates that the article just said he carried around a good luck charm, and that Mr. Bhama and his prayer group drew the natural conclusion that “he is a devotee of Hanuman.” The point is Barack Obama is being shipped a two-foot-tall polished bronze idol of a monkey, which he is sure to bring out at the next rally in order to scare the shit out of white voters everywhere.
India monkey god idol for Obama [BBC News]
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{ 91 comments }
They need to replace the Colbert eagle in the fake seal with this thing!
hey, it might bring him luck. according to wikipedia… “His most famous feat, as described in the Hindu epic scripture the Ramayana, was leading a monkey army to fight the demon King Ravana and rescue a kidnapped princess.”
see, he’s going to lead a “monkey army” to fight the demon king ravanamccain… and rescue the kidnapped princess that is america? what?
Yeah, and Barry is a monkey in Japan, too! The link I posted yesterday, though no one cared then either:
http://www.japanprobe.com/?p=4930
when does he start selling these on his site with the Hopey logo on them? I want one.
When reached for comment, Hanuman was found throwing his feces at his followers while Vishnu was said to be disappointed that he was not the favorite god of US America’s favorite biracial son.
You do NOT fuck with the Hanuman. Unlike that pussy Jesus, this guy lifted up an entire goddamn mountain from the Himalayas and brought it down to Sri Lanka, in one night!
It does not matter what he does, he represents everyone but white christians so every offering of support will be viewed as supporting terrorists and amerika haters as we ALL know that you are either a terrorist or amerika hater of you aren’t white and christian.
I Hanuman is my co-pilot.
Ugh. Shitty typing.
Like Walnuts, I only know how a computer works in theory.
[re=23080]jagorev[/re]:
If Hanuman has all faith, so as to remove mountains, but has not my Hopey, he or she is nothing.
[re=23074]southernbitch[/re]: …as long as it isnt a FLYING-MONKEY army. Because if so, he would have to reject and denounce Geraldine Ferraro errrr I mean the Wicked Witch of the West.
[re=23083]AfghanVet[/re]: I’d rather have the monkeys on my side than the dimwits who think that, but sadly, the dimwits outnumber the monekeys greatly, and by a larger margin all the time. We need Hanuman to stage a comeback and drop a mountain on the dimwits.
Should look great in the new White House hoops court.
The only way out of this one is for Barry to slaughter many, many cows and invoke the “Goddamn Hanuman” clause.
The McCain campaign responds “Hanuman has nothing on our candidate’s devotion to Shiva, destroyer of world. Behold, we have become death, or at least really pasty.”
Hanuman is my absolute favorite deity. Sita, Rama and Lakshmana would have been screwed without him. And the monkey shirt racists are going to be all pissed off. “Reverse racism! Brown people gave him a monkey and nobody’s mad at them!”
I’m predicting a scary-assed “Jason and the Argonauts” scene being unleashed.
He can stick it next to the possum.
…Simian Revolutionary Army?
http://www.offthebreaknews.com/monkey.gif
[re=23093]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: He’ll have to eat a lot of burgers in public for the next few weeks. Fight the smears and all.
It’s better than the sock Obama monkey the republicans are sellng. Hanuman will strike back with rage! Hanuman. Smash!
I, for one, welcome our new vengeful monkey overlord.
Sorry, had to be done.
[re=23102]confusionanddelay<[/re]: And don’t forget the bacon on top…
[re=23100]AngryBlakGuy[/re]:
Too bad Chuck Heston or Troy McClure aren’t around.
“I hate every ape I see… from Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z.”
[re=23102]confusionanddelay<[/re]: Maybe he can just walk around with a 1 pound steak on his head with a huge cross pierced into it and carry a boom box (because he is black) that blasts the national anthem.
*sigh* He carries a monkey charm around in his pocket? Dude, are you trying to make this easy on the bitters? We’ll be seeing Obama monkey charms at the next Texas GOP convention thanks to you.
[re=23075]Darehead[/re]: I care. A question for the ages, who’s deeply weirder, the Indians or the Japanese?
I’ll bet he gets random junk in the mail every week, addressed to “His Excellency The Most Honorable Barack of the House of Obama, The Presidency Competition, America” from admiring foreigners. He probably has an attic full of holy pigs’ trotters and “magic” potions and lucky socks and miraculous medals and whatnot.
Oh, and excellent ALT tag on the monkyterducken picture!
He’s going to use it as a bookend for his collection of rare Korans.
I liked the Monkeys. They, Wild Kingdom, and Bonanza were the only shows I was allowed to watch on our 13-inch black & white TV. And where are we now? Black and white…good guys and bad guys…young upstart monkeys and provoking Hanuman hilarity. Sheesh…the more things change, the more they stay the same. It’s all rather depressing. So I’m gonna pull a Swanson TV dinner outa the fridge and wash it down with a liter of ‘ol #7. I know it’s early in the day…and it won’t make anything better…but itsa fuQin’ start people.
[re=23106]ForeignSickSpecialist[/re]: And wash those down with a hardworking white beer…
[re=23111]freakishlystrong[/re]: Anyone who don’t eat teh steak is the weirdest kinda weird. Might as well hang Jeebus on a cross again, no way no how.
[re=23074]southernbitch[/re]: Wasn’t that the plot for the last Legend of Zelda game?
[re=23117]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Good point, however…
“We have heard that he carries a small monkey charm in his pocket. So he is a devotee of Hanuman. That’s why we want to present him with this idol,” he said.
Mr. Bhama, what you obviously don’t realize is that Mr. Obama is CooCoo for Cocoa Puffs.
i thought he worshipped a turduckhen
[re=23122]MoodProcessor[/re]:
Wait a sec. Supposed to be a bird. I know, I fucked that up. Sorry. Never mind.
[re=23115]Q2[/re]:
Be careful of the cherry cobbler lava.
[re=23080]jagorev[/re]: You better be careful. You might regret dissin’ Jesus like that. For fuck sakes, Jesus and MonkeyBoy might be related in some meta-spiritual-physical sort of way and St. Peter ain’t gonna ‘preciate your post when you’re standin’ in front of him as the virgins beckon thee entry. I dunno…but better safe that sorry which is why I’m gonna vote for Walnutz…better more s l o w u n r e l e n t i n g g n a w i n g u n e n d i n g pain then taking the chance that Barry is the Hoparian Hanuman Hitlerian Big Bang!
The Tennessee Republican Party is going to air a commercial where a white woman comes up to an Obama double and asks him, “Is that a monkey in your pocket?”
[re=23128]spencer[/re]: …I wonder if Mr. Obama SPANKS the monkey?
The one involving rupees?
I guess this guy hasn’t heard about the Obama campaign’s “Senator for Punjab” remark.
[re=23129]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Nah, but Michelle can do a nasty banana split right before he SLIDES the monkey…
Like any good monkey, that picture makes it look like our simian friend is hoisting a (mountain-sized?) poo over his head, ready to throw at any nonbelievers.
I, for one, welcome our new monkey overlord
He should put the two-foot bronze monkey god on the stage, put a microphone in front of it, and say, “Well, what do you think of my economic plan, Sen. McCain?”
He should totally donate it to Hillary’s Campaign and Yard Sale.
[re=23129]AngryBlakGuy[/re]:[re=23129]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Just as long as the monkey don’t spank him!
[re=23129]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: He does but he needs both hands…
The Time Magazine article that the Mumbai guy read is pretty good. It says John McCain has a lucky hotel room in New Hampshire.
[re=23122]MoodProcessor[/re]: So the whole dirty secret is finally out…Hopey is a hideous Hindu! For fuck sakes…those Hindus…those FUCKIN’ Hindus…errr…help me out here folks…what’s wrong with those fuckin’ Hindu people…there must be something!
[re=23151]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Ha!
Man… I’m sure the Rednecks will milk this one ’til it bleeds.
[re=23171]kudzu[/re]: As opposed to ass fucking page boys ’till they bleed?
[re=23166]Q2[/re]: The Hindus hate America and our Freedoms so much that they don’t eat steak?
[re=23166]Q2[/re]: Um….they waste milk every year as they try and feed it to Ganesh? Is that bad?
[re=23180]Q2[/re]: John McCain can no more disown ass fucking page boys than he can disown the Republican community.
[re=23194]jagorev[/re]: Hey! He was married by that ass-fucker! You expect him to disown THAT?
Will someone PUH-LEEEZE make a Walnuts! green-screen video of this money god smiting him during his speech? That, or flinging feces at him…
So can we just start shipping him random cultural things, like, I heard you like spaghetti, so here is a FSM painting?
[re=23194]jagorev[/re] & [re=23185]jagorev[/re]: That all ya got?
Jidal is behind this. http://www.powell-pressburger.org/Images/47_BN/Sabu.jpg
This means we simply have to consult the murals of the Emerald Buddha Temple in Bangkok for a guide to the 2008 election.
Here’s the October surprise:
http://www.pangolin.li/pub_pic/bkk/P1060557
[re=23214]S.Luggo[/re]: This is a culturally hurtful — and insensitive — depiction of our Muslim brothers. NOT! I WAS JUS’ KIDDIN’! THAT’S NOT A TOWEL HEAD! I KNOW THAT! THAT’S CARMEN MIRANDA’S BROTHER, SABU! I had ya goin’ that time didn’t I!
http://images.buycostumes.com/mgen/merchandiser/10216.jpg
When is the BBC going to report on which candidate the girl with eight arms has endorsed for President. Or in comment-speak, WHO ARE THEY TRYING TO PROTECT??
Great, I just hope that it isn’t one of those “designer” two-foot-tall polished bronze idols. Barry needs to keep it real.
[re=23236]problemwithcaring[/re]: Those whacky Hinduistas! They MUST have a girl with eight…large…breasts…no?
[re=23075]Darehead[/re]:
I like this one more:
http://photos.imageevent.com/deltaforce/monkeye/feb-2008.jpg
caption: E-mobile girls dress up like the monkey in February 2008.
[re=23252]donner_froh[/re]: No, yes. Oh, who am I kidding. Yes, yes.
Uh, people, that isn’t a “monkey” in his pocket….
bow-chicka-bow-boooowwwwwww!!!!
omg, those hindus are totally trying to outsource Jesus’ job to Hanuman.
[re=23304]Tits_LaRue[/re]: DATS what I waz lookin’ for! Where is the outrage?
How the hell does he fit all of his religious affiliations in a single line on a form?!
[re=23111]freakishlystrong[/re]: Gotta be the Japanese:
http://www.engrish.com/
[re=23311]Q2[/re]: And therein lies Hopey’s problem. ReligoFlipFlop. Muslim. Christian. Hindu. But…perhaps…what’s next will be Hopey’s final stop on his quest for enlightenment!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3_jh2dO78U
[re=23166]Q2[/re]: Well in all seriousness, the Hindus practice voodoo, which means they are possessed by demons. That is what I have been told by the Bitters.
Really, this is a fun experiment: ask a right-wing Christian what they think of Hindus, and prepare yourself for all manner of hilarious answers. They think it’s like the second Indiana Jones movie.
On topic, yet not really: Barry has the long slender hands of a medieval monk.
[re=23412]AxmxZ[/re]: Very monk-y.
[re=23443]Smackdown[/re]: That ‘monkey king’ charm must be a Capuchin.
[re=23393]C-5[/re]: Aum Namah Shivaya! Aum Namah Shivaya! Aum Namah Shivaya! Aum Namah Shivaya! Aum Namah Shivaya!
Hanuman Baba Shakti de!!!
[re=23114]itgetter[/re]: that will be a good replacement for his liberal capuchin-o(bama) maker he was using before (ps, don’t get any ideas if you are a Cafe Press abuser or are Karl Rove).
As for the monkey, Hindus just don’t see things the way we Christians see them, do they? Clearly Obama is the foretold lion of the tribe of Judah, who come from Africa as all Jesii do. So what I’m tyring to say is he will EAT that bronze monkey, and mail back the tail wrapped in “disappeared” supporter’s headscarf. This will somehow cause John McCain to develop tuberculosis or tinitis and drop a few more points in the polls.
Heh. Among other things, here’s what Wiki sez about Hanuman:
“Having seen Rama and Lakshmana, Sugriva sends Hanuman to ascertain their identities. Hanuman approaches the two brothers in the guise of a brahmin. His first words to them are such that Rama says to Lakshmana that none could speak the way the brahmin did unless he or she had mastered the Vedas. He notes that there is no defect in the brahmin’s countenance, eyes, forehead, brows or any limb. He points out to Lakshmana that his accent is captivating, adding that even an enemy with sword drawn would be moved. He praises the disguised Hanuman further, saying that sure success awaited the king whose emissaries were as accomplished as he was.[8]”
Heh.
So if Obama’s a monkey, what’s Mccain?
[re=23911]Sabre_Justice[/re]: If Obama’s Hanuman, McCain’s got to be a rakshasa.
[re=23111]freakishlystrong[/re]: Americans, maybe, but thanks for caring!
Interesting choice to make the cell phone monkey Obama. I guess if there is still a lot of animism in Asia they don’t necessarily make the racist associations, maybe we should leave it at that for now. Obama b. 1961, however is an OX, not a monkey:
The Ox is the sign of prosperity through fortitude and hard work. This powerful sign is a born leader, being quite dependable and possessing an innate ability to achieve great things. As one might guess, such people are dependable, calm, and modest. Like their animal namesake, the Ox is unswervingly patient, tireless in their work, and capable of enduring any amount of hardship without complaint.
[re=23911]Sabre_Justice[/re]: McCain, b. 1936, is a RAT:
The Rat (鼠) was welcomed in ancient times as a protector and bringer of material prosperity. It is an animal associated with aggression, wealth, charm, and order, yet also associated with death, war, the occult, pestilence, and atrocities.
[re=23925]Darehead[/re]: You can’t make that shit up.
Please to stop feeding my god a peanut!
If I were McCain, I’d start praying to ol’ elephant head, Ganesh. He serves the same purpose in the heathen’s religion as St. Jude does in the Only Real Religion.
[re=23989]regisgoat[/re]: But Ganesh treads on the rat, and the rat is McCain’s animal.
[re=23925]Darehead[/re]: “These days, however, the rat is considered not so much a bringer of material prosperity as a bringer of the plague.”
C5 – Satan was the father of Jesus Christ. Christianity is an inferior religion.
Lord Hanuman is the one true God of mankind. He was also our Ancestor. Do not insult something you don’t know about.
Convert to Hinduism and your soul will be saved.
Outsourcer.
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