• February 14, 2012

Here’s John McCain — who we hope never gets cancer again, BRIDGET — explaining his little operation this morning: “I, as I do every three months, visited my dermatologist this morning. She said that I was doing fine. (She) took a small little nick from my cheek as she does regularly and that will be … biopsied just to make sure that everything is fine.” She takes pieces of his cheek regularly? Then how is there SO MUCH CHEEK remaining? [Washington Post]

{ 39 comments }

georgia_peach July 28, 2008 at 4:51 pm

“Then how is there SO MUCH CHEEK remaining?”

Ummmmm, Jim? Have you LOOKED at the size of his jowls lately?

Dramatist July 28, 2008 at 4:52 pm

Where does Obama stand on cheek removal? Does he pass the Cronenberg threshhold? Is his “Turning the Other Cheek” figurative or literal? Inquiring minds need to know, because there’s no way we’re being harder on him than Walnuts, as Walnuts IS HAVING HIS FACE REMOVED.

Q2 July 28, 2008 at 4:52 pm

Ravaged and plundered and ripped him and bit him
Stuck him with knives in the side of the dawn
And tied him with fences
And dragged him down

SuperRounder July 28, 2008 at 4:53 pm

Mittens has his fingers crossed. Well, he’s crossing the fingers he doesn’t use to massage WALNUTS! prostate.

The Intern July 28, 2008 at 4:54 pm

“getting a piece of cheeck removed” (read: old people botox)

TGY July 28, 2008 at 4:54 pm

‘Pimplegate’ deepens! The crisis comes to a head!

Deepthroat July 28, 2008 at 4:55 pm

ugh, CNN just had a headline on McCain having a ‘mole’ removed from his face. What a disgusting old man. Sadly, there was no t-shirt offered for this earth-shattering news bit. There is, however, the “Moustache Pulls Batter Out of Slump” shirt, which i think is mildly intriguing…

superfecta July 28, 2008 at 4:55 pm

Did he specify a face cheek? Because it could easily have been the other sort, given what a huge ass he is.

Dramatist July 28, 2008 at 4:56 pm

[re=45894]TGY[/re]: I can’t wait to see what juicy details pop out when this story gets squeezed some more.

FunkyPalmettoBug July 28, 2008 at 4:56 pm

Its amazing what you can do with silly putty.

Gopherit v2.0 July 28, 2008 at 4:57 pm

I want a president who carves his own face up with a red-hot Bowie knife when he sees something he doesn’t like, not some pansy who’ll go to a “dermatologist.”

whiteguyinshaw July 28, 2008 at 4:58 pm

Real Americans get their cheeks removed, not Barack “black don’t crack” Obama. Terrorist.

magic titty July 28, 2008 at 4:59 pm

Jim, you’re thinking of the wrong cheeks. Though there might be some jowling down there too.

SayItWithWookies July 28, 2008 at 4:59 pm

Um…has anyone told McCrone that you don’t just randomly biopsy skin on a regular basis? I mean, most dermatologists look for some sort of suspicious pre-cancerous spot before carving out a chunk of it. There’s always the possibility that all of McCrone’s face is pre-cancerous, but I sorta doubt it.

Then again, maybe this permanent running biopsy thing is a new medical technique that McCrone picked up on the Iraqi-Pakistani border when he was investigating the al-Qaida fighters trained by Iran who were planning some sort of attack in Czechoslovakia.

ManchuCandidate July 28, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Borat July 28, 2008 at 5:00 pm

will ya’ll leave da ol man alone, he’s so cute and gettin slimminger by da day. comes on, you wish uze looking like him when u iz 85

Scarab July 28, 2008 at 5:02 pm

“She said that I was doing fine.”
Then she performed an actual medical test in remote chance that her saying it wasn’t enough.
“I then said that we’re winning in Iraq.”
So you see, it’s all good.

Dramatist July 28, 2008 at 5:03 pm

How can we be sure that John McCain is not actually FBI Agent Sean Archer, or possibly even global terrorist Castor Troy?

Mahousu July 28, 2008 at 5:05 pm

“If your dermatologist wants to take your right cheek, offer her the other also.”

IT’S IN THE BIBLE, PEOPLE!!

Canmon (the Inadequate) July 28, 2008 at 5:05 pm

The only people who go to a dermatologist every few months are the ones who need a touch-up on their botox.

ReelectTilden July 28, 2008 at 5:08 pm

I think they’re cloning him. LI’L WALNUTS IN 2044!

pondscum July 28, 2008 at 5:08 pm

[re=45920]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: So, you’re saying this is a cover for Cindy…

Fear of a Black Reagan July 28, 2008 at 5:11 pm

Please remove more cheek. There is to much already.

edgydrifter July 28, 2008 at 5:11 pm

He’s like a jowl shark. You can rip off hunks of his face and new malignant lumps fill in the voids two days later.

nietzscheprojectile July 28, 2008 at 5:13 pm

[re=45897]superfecta[/re]: But then that would mean he’d been exposing THOSE cheeks regularly and that’s really not something that should see daylight.

anabellum July 28, 2008 at 5:20 pm

perhaps its time to direct the dreaded Wonkette ‘prince of darkness’ curse at another target?…

just a thought…

it did seem to work last time…

PrairiePossum July 28, 2008 at 5:20 pm

It must be nice to have health insurance that allows you a trip to the dermatologist every 3 months for a cheek check.

Too bad WALNUTS doesn’t want taxpaying Americans to have insurance coverage similar to Congress’ plan.

edgydrifter July 28, 2008 at 5:27 pm

[re=45947]PrairiePossum[/re]: Quit yer bitchin’, you lazy, filthy hippie. You want health coverage? Go find yourself a beer empire heiress to marry and use her family money and connections to jumpstart your senatorial campaign. That’s the American way, by God, and only a sniveling leftist traitor would need me to spell it out so plainly.

Canmon (the Inadequate) July 28, 2008 at 5:37 pm

[re=45930]pondscum[/re]: No, I’m saying that he looks that old even with the botox.

Hooray For Anything July 28, 2008 at 5:37 pm

McCain has gotten so much skin removed that by the time of the election, he’ll look like Voldermort.

PrairiePossum July 28, 2008 at 5:44 pm

[re=45957]edgydrifter[/re]:

I don’t need a blonde pill poppin’ beer heiress. I have the great Black Muslim Hopey. He will make sure everyone gets a cheek check. Frequent cheek checks for the huddled massses – Now that’s change I can believe in.

Outstando July 28, 2008 at 6:03 pm

I seem to remember that McCain’s face was this weird color of beet red for a while there. Was that more cancer, or was he just really embarrassed because of his role in the S & L crisis?

The Incomparable Tiny Valdez July 28, 2008 at 7:15 pm

Why doesn’t Cindy just suck those polyps out at home, or on the jet. It would save so much time with the dermatologists.

trophy(forparticipation)wife July 28, 2008 at 7:29 pm

So he damaged his skin? When was he the bain de soleil man?

Volumptuous July 28, 2008 at 8:50 pm

Which of his faces was this removed from?

liquiddaddy July 28, 2008 at 9:28 pm

Why can’t he get new teeth for crissakes? If Lou Dobbs can get new choppers, why not McNasty?

Volumptuous July 28, 2008 at 10:51 pm

[re=46153]liquiddaddy[/re]: He did get some! Only it was in 1876 and they’re made of wood.

Oscar Folsom Cleveland July 29, 2008 at 12:33 am

“Then how is there SO MUCH CHEEK remaining?”

‘Cause Jesse Jackson keeps feeding Scary “Juan” McSquirrel more nuts!!

http://www.scarysquirrel.org/special/movies/foamy/featured.html

Deepthroat July 29, 2008 at 9:01 am

Gopherit v2.0: LMAO

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