Wonkette
A Wonkette St. Louis Radio Spy sends us a thrilling update on the John Ashcroft Saliva Auction, now taken down from eBay because it was too sexy for mainstream tastes. Our dreams of cloning a personal army of Ashcroft Sex Robots is slowly dimming. The sad report straight from a listener’s ears, after the jump.
This morning local St. Louis conservative talk station 97.1 The Eagle’s Allman and Crane show interviewed the guy eBaying the Ashcroft backwash. The guy says eBay took the auction down for violating pornography laws. (!?)
The hosts are negotiating with this drug addled guy to drink the backwash out of of a GOP shotglass for 97 dollars. Apparently they believe Ashcroft’s backwash has magical powers capable of turning burnouts into young Republicans. All parties were disturbingly enthusiastic.
It appears the listing was removed because it violated the eBay Adult Material policy. Maybe they’re afraid that the glass contained “adult materials” beyond common saliva? Anyway, if the dude had listed his item as like a pre-1980 Playgirl magazine, that would have been in total compliance with the Adult Material policy, but glasses of spit are just too kinky for America’s youngsters, the end.
eBay gets off on Ashcroft’s backwash [Cheeto Fingers]
I’m sure this is just the beginning of the “Ashcroft backwash” affair. Next installment: there really is a fetish group devoted to saliva/backwash, and John Ashcroft is the group’s leader…
All reporting is, after all, reporting. But entirely more than I want to know about this subject.
A bit of the trail of mucous Alberto Gonzales left in Ashcroft’s hospital room might be worth something on eBay.
Imagine a choir built around Ashcroft clones singing “Let the Eagle Soar.” The Moran Tapping Choir. I could make millions on the idea to the Fundie Rubes of the South and Midwest.
On second thought, I don’t want to be tried for crimes against “humanity” and I’d rather clone an army of Heather Grahams.
Whoever wrote the pornography law that this violates sure has weird standards for getting turned on. Whatever trips your trigger, but geez, I can’t imagine too many people actually wanting to delve into this kind of porn.
Larry McAwful: Watch, it was Ashcroft himself. Remember, this is the man that used taxpayer money to cover the statues of the spirit of justice because they showed dirty, sinful titties.
His backwash isn’t important — we should swab under his fingernails to see if anything under there matches the DNA of the corpses of Civil Liberties and All That Is Good about America that were found in a dumpster during his — ahem — service to our country.
“Leeet the eeeeeegle”
*ptoo!*
“sooooooar”
*ptoo!*
“higher than”
*ptoo!*
SayItWithWookies: Who cares about the corpses of lofty abstract ideas? I wanna know which fellow republicans DNA is under his fingernails. I bet he had to fight off Larry Craig AT LEAST once in a capitol hill bathroom.
prob taken down because Meg Whitman, ebay’s ceo, is a McCain surrogate.
Too bad. I was gonna bid on it, win, then take the trace DNA and clone me an Ashcroft.
Backwash Backlash
loudmouthredhead: Then you should buy the glass. If you’re looking for Craig’s DNA, Ashcroft’s backwash is a better place to start.
Just sayin’ — if Ashcroft can’t beat the corpse of Paul Wellstone, there’s no way he can say no to a fellow Singing Senator.
Clone him and brainwash him into a Ultra liberal, sorta the “evil twin”, if you will.
Norbert: Backwash-gate
V572625694: Isn’t that typically called a dental dam? Just sayin…
loudmouthredhead: Mmm…latex, clamps, wet surfaces. Sounds kinky.
I thought republican politicians were swallowers, not spitters.
Ha, the auction for Obama’s porntastic leftover waffle was similarly removed from the eBay. Some administrator at eBay has an imagination far too kinky for even me to contemplate. McCain’s dentures, now that I could understand.
Hmm, I would hardly call myself “drug addled” or a “burnout”. I just don’t like John Ashcroft. And the item is backi on eBay for now (we’ll see if they take it down again):
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=320283365242
I particularly like this comment:
Larry McAwful: Watch, it was Ashcroft himself. Remember, this is the man that used taxpayer money to cover the statues of the spirit of justice because they showed dirty, sinful titties.
Well put, loudmouthredhead.
Precious bodily fluids, indeed.
Here is the “drug addled burnout” radio interview.
http://www.971talk.com/MorningShow/index.aspx
Its in the audio section.
So what happens with the bid I made?