• February 3, 2012

Hillary Clinton is the most orange woman alive tonight. “Orange” is the color of Unity, and Barack Obama. Are the PUMAs buying it? No, because they’re sociopaths. But maybe enough people are. It’s all about getting your 51%, and Hillary could offer like 2%, right now! 3%!

10:58 — Hillary’s speech: kind of like the other speeches, but read by Hillary, so people are paying attention.
10:59 — Barack Obama now cares for the Invisibles, a.k.a. Hillary’s children. Maybe Mark Penn can make a little “invisible people” button for his website, too.
11:00 — Bill Clinton’s in the house, too! He’s in a little corporate balcony. People are falling over the balcony trying to see Bill Clinton in the other balcony.
11:01 — Oh she loves Michelle Obama. Are they friends? Ha ha fuck no they hate each other.
11:02 — YEAH JILL BIDEN FTW!!!
11:03 — “John McCain is my friend, but you need to know something: he masturbates to Transformers figurines in furry outfits.”
11:04 — She’s heatin’ up! She says something about lady’s rights and that is by far the most important thing to every Democrat.
11:04 — “George W. Bush is a real nut.”
11:05 — There was a nineteenth century leader, she says, who took slaves and brought them to freedom in New York. Her name: Hillary Clinton. Rodham Tubman.
11:06 — “Let’s elect Barack Obama.” OK! Heckuva speech there, Hillary. You are everyone’s favorite orange politician tonight.

{ 82 comments }

Lorax August 26, 2008 at 10:59 pm

Awesome! She just said “mounting Bill’s”!!

hockeymom August 26, 2008 at 10:59 pm

Scores with the Twin Cities joke!

AnnieGetYourFun August 26, 2008 at 11:00 pm

Oh, SHAZAAM. Twin cities.

hockeymom August 26, 2008 at 11:01 pm

Yay! A shout out to…Susan B. Anthony?
Am I in my Women’s Studies class all of sudden?

hockeymom August 26, 2008 at 11:02 pm

A lynching reference?
Odd.

Pacodenero August 26, 2008 at 11:04 pm

and gods speed! ok que the music!!!

forgracie August 26, 2008 at 11:04 pm

Uh, somebody at Disney left the automatron on high speed…

AngryBlakGuy August 26, 2008 at 11:04 pm

…not a bad speech for a pumpkin!

hockeymom August 26, 2008 at 11:04 pm

Godspeed, my Tangerine Dream.

badco/LoJ August 26, 2008 at 11:05 pm

Goddamn. Not bad.

Also, I want to write my name on Chelsea with my meat crayola.

What?

graceless August 26, 2008 at 11:05 pm

[re=71163]hockeymom[/re]: Really?

OffTheRecord August 26, 2008 at 11:05 pm

Even Keith loved it. All is right with the world.

AngryBlakGuy August 26, 2008 at 11:06 pm

…does anyone dare turn to FAUX News for a buzz kill?!

SwanSwanH August 26, 2008 at 11:06 pm

Why aren’t they playing “No Woman, No Cry” now?

Pacodenero August 26, 2008 at 11:06 pm

shes not too bitter. also she will never wear a dress cuz she has chubby thighs

DieOnTheTurnpike August 26, 2008 at 11:06 pm

Methodists?!

obfuscator August 26, 2008 at 11:06 pm

My greedy self would have preferred more BarryBoosting and some more Healing of the Divide, but it was mostly pretty great.

Jenna' August 26, 2008 at 11:06 pm

Not since Tang, has something so orange made me tingle!

KittyKatMan August 26, 2008 at 11:07 pm

Oh man, Hilz just left the bitters/pumas back at the greyhound station. The local authorities better be on suicide watch in west Texas.

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star August 26, 2008 at 11:07 pm

Is Biden crying? His lower lip is all pooched out and everything.

wheelie August 26, 2008 at 11:07 pm

After all she’s been through, and considering her speech tonight, I have to say, “Ha ha, Hillary, you loser, pity you are kind of crap.”

Sharif DelMonte August 26, 2008 at 11:07 pm

PUMAs: cougars with men’s haircuts. Oh, and not enough attack. When are they going to rough up John McCain?

Franklin Pierce & Pierce August 26, 2008 at 11:07 pm

Brit Hume seems dour over on Fox. The speech must have been good.

j6n August 26, 2008 at 11:07 pm

Pitch perfect

american mutt August 26, 2008 at 11:07 pm

Damn, Hillary. You’re like that classmate I hate who ends up handing out homemade cupcakes and handmade cards during the holidays. I appreciate it.

forgracie August 26, 2008 at 11:07 pm

Her timing is so bad I bet Bill puts on Al Green when they do da nasty…

graceless August 26, 2008 at 11:07 pm

I loves me my msnbc, but my computer’s having a hissy.

flyingspaghettimonster August 26, 2008 at 11:07 pm

Batman & an Olsen twin!!???

loganmo August 26, 2008 at 11:07 pm

Why is Chris matthew’s hair yellow??

chaseychasem August 26, 2008 at 11:08 pm

now that was good.

Destonio August 26, 2008 at 11:08 pm

Olberman wets himself. Good speech. Not too long and made nice points.

Favorite line of the day didn’t come from her, though. It came from Casey: “He’s not a Maverick, he’s a sidekick!”

DoctorCulturae August 26, 2008 at 11:08 pm

Sorry the Harriet Tubman reference was poor taste, passive-aggressive.

HIROHITO99 August 26, 2008 at 11:08 pm

Que the republitard commercials where they show clip after clip of her talking about how hopey, stupid and naive that she thinks Obama is.

hockeymom August 26, 2008 at 11:08 pm

[re=71186]graceless[/re]: It was oblique, but there (in my opinion). She quoted Harriet Tubman saying, if you hear the dogs, keep going…if you hear, their voices, keep going…

A reference to the underground railroad and escaping slaves. So I thought, lynching.

smellyal8r August 26, 2008 at 11:09 pm

Farewell, my traffic cone. Tonight was your night. Get to the campaign trail and say the same things until finally you will believe them. Become a co-attack dog with Biden…PUMAs, if you want Jamakane, you will vote alone…

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 26, 2008 at 11:09 pm

I’m assuming that the orange pantsuit means she wants to run for president of Holland next.

AngryBlakGuy August 26, 2008 at 11:09 pm

…Chelsea is cute but she aint no Sasha & Malia!

DieOnTheTurnpike August 26, 2008 at 11:10 pm

God of Dry Cleaning we pray for shirts ready on Wednesday.

graceless August 26, 2008 at 11:10 pm

[re=71191]Pacodenero[/re]: Her thighs aren’t the problem, it’s her cankles.

forgracie August 26, 2008 at 11:11 pm

You know guys…oration is about the pauses…was she late for dinner?

grendel August 26, 2008 at 11:11 pm

Michael Beschloss finds the bad in anything

j6n August 26, 2008 at 11:11 pm

Give her her due. That Harriet Tubman shit was great.

graceless August 26, 2008 at 11:11 pm

[re=71214]hockeymom[/re]: No, you were right. Is it over? I’m on the DNC right now, an asian couple. Am I on the wrong thing?

nestor August 26, 2008 at 11:12 pm

Chris Matthews – the only man with worse hair than Joe Biden.

smellyal8r August 26, 2008 at 11:14 pm

[re=71223]forgracie[/re]: I’m sure the nets want to get away for late local news, Leno, Letterman, etc. I imagine there’s a clock over that prompter that gets set at 20 minutes or whatever…this is an infomercial after all.

nietzscheprojectile August 26, 2008 at 11:14 pm

Actually orange sort of worked for the Ukraine. Um, apart from the whole poison thing….

itgetter August 26, 2008 at 11:14 pm

Oh my god. Turn on The Daily Show. John Oliver is rehabilitating Hilltards with the help of a child psychologist.

hockeymom August 26, 2008 at 11:14 pm

Shut up Bill Kristol.
I can NOT stand your axe-slash smile.

DoctorCulturae August 26, 2008 at 11:15 pm

Burn baby burn.

ladymacbeth August 26, 2008 at 11:16 pm

can this PLEASE be over now? it’s been 19 months and i can’t stand any more pantsuits

so that being said, she rocked and i fully expect her to be rockin alito and roberts in short order

AWEsome

Wagamuffin August 26, 2008 at 11:16 pm

Twin Cities rocked! She is getting to the point that her reading the Denver phonebook would sound compelling—I thought her timing was incredible! Not a foot wrong (am I starting to sound like Keith Olbermann?).

Did anyone catch Michelle’s thin-lipped smile? A tad strained, I’d say.

And noone else has used Tom Petty AND Lenny Kravitz tunes in their video intros. WIN WIN WIN For the Dems…

Now—how will Bill handle his spot? A trembling convention waits in anticipation…

loganmo August 26, 2008 at 11:16 pm

I am totes LMAO right now…are they really playing Disco Inferno at a democratic convention…”burn baby burn” is that another reference to 1968???

Dientes August 26, 2008 at 11:16 pm

[re=71233]itgetter[/re]: samantha bee makes me laugh so hard i pee!

graceless August 26, 2008 at 11:17 pm

[re=71229]nestor[/re]: That would be a sexist comment, if….

The Real JR Revisted August 26, 2008 at 11:17 pm

She killed it. She was amazing.

AngryBlakGuy August 26, 2008 at 11:17 pm

[re=71233]itgetter[/re]: …is there any shock therapy involved? Please tell me there is shock therapy!!!

Pacodenero August 26, 2008 at 11:18 pm

[re=71233]itgetter[/re]: HAHA cnn is interviewing one such person! lol

mirrorball August 26, 2008 at 11:18 pm

Damn it. Did I miss the Chelsea pole dance?

obfuscator August 26, 2008 at 11:19 pm

Crazy Terry on MSNBC next! Maybe he’ll dry hump Andrea Mitchell in a fit of Jameson’s induced euphoria.

The Real JR Revisted August 26, 2008 at 11:19 pm

lol with the “No McCain”.

Eat on that Nobama!

itgetter August 26, 2008 at 11:22 pm

Sadly, the only violence was done to Samantha Bee in an Obama mask. But you know that Hilltards feed off electricity, right? Only silver bullets can harm them.

DoctorCulturae August 26, 2008 at 11:23 pm

[re=71214]hockeymom[/re]: It’s not credible for her to appropriate slave imagery. Sorry, not in this campaign. That was a veiled reference, as I believe was the bald mother with cancer and two kids with autism. That’s how I read it. I call bs.

AxmxZ August 26, 2008 at 11:26 pm

Mister Tangerine Man just played a song for Hillary, and danced the fucking fandango as well.

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star August 26, 2008 at 11:28 pm

[re=71212]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Totes. Did Hillary just imply that Barry is a black woman?

Twinkle Twinkle Lil Star August 26, 2008 at 11:29 pm

ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always had a crush on Brian Williams.

I want to do him so hard.

itgetter August 26, 2008 at 11:30 pm

[re=71256]itgetter[/re]: That was in response to [re=71246]AngryBlakGuy[/re] of course.

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 26, 2008 at 11:30 pm

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but a very good speech. If Bill does as good tomorrow, and she hits the campaign trail, this fall should be fun.

And someone needs to slip the following line to Obama: “I’m going to say something that you know John McCain will not do nest week: I’m proud to be a Democrat, and I’m proud to follow the last Democratic President, Bill Clinton, and look forward to continuing many of his policies. John McCain plans to continue with four more years of George Bush, but he isn’t willing to tell you so.”

[re=71205]american mutt[/re]: I love that allusion. We need a name for someone you hate but also appreciate. A “Rodham”?

Mr. Evercool August 26, 2008 at 11:33 pm

Recycled claptrap.

We would have our wait times for MRIs down to 3 months by now if she didn’t fuck up universal health care back in 1993.

naveed August 26, 2008 at 11:38 pm

[re=71217]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: True, but at least she’s not jailbait.

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 26, 2008 at 11:44 pm

So, Michelle and Hillary delivered. I’m sure that Bill and Biden will to. Can the Republicans put up four people like that? I mean that don’t keep hating on the gayez and Barry’s fellow Muslims?

dougbob August 26, 2008 at 11:47 pm

faux news has got mccain’s bitch on that laid off all the workers at hp. she doesn’t feel the pain of the middle class because she’s been too busy laying them off.

JuiceMe August 26, 2008 at 11:51 pm

I had to adjust my TV, the orange was too much. At least she didn’t look like a prison worker picking up trash. Nice words, too. I think she finally figured out how to campaign.

The 3-Legged Man August 27, 2008 at 12:06 am

I have to admit that every time I see Hill’s graduation photo I think, “Man, I so would have tapped that.” Then I tug one off to my Barbara Boxer photo montage. What? It’s normal….isn’t it?

J-Man August 27, 2008 at 1:01 am

I was waiting for her to say, “We’ve gone from Harriet Tubman to Harriet Miers!”

Jingo August 27, 2008 at 1:23 am

Let the Pumas go over to McCain’s side. The Republicans will just reject them, having had their fill of divorce anecdotes from women with smoker’s breath. What Hillary should do is send Chelsea to the RNC convention in a mini-skirt. She’ll get every GOP horndog with a working Y chromosome thinking about crossing her aisle… well, at least the 53% of GOP horndogs who are straight.

jerryw August 27, 2008 at 9:42 am

You gotta have an “itch” to spell “bitch”,
Hillary needs her some Calamine lotion,
or get Bill to do some “homework” on her.

Jerry w
http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com

kellygrrrl August 27, 2008 at 10:38 am

Orange makes me think of the OC — def not HOPE town

beej August 27, 2008 at 10:39 am

Thank god Hil isn’t going to be in the White House again anytime soon.

We don’t need four years of those ORANGE pantsuits!

Gah :P

http://www.kissmysass.org

randomsausage August 27, 2008 at 11:21 am

strap on your pantsuits for 2012 ladies

hatlesshead August 27, 2008 at 11:56 am

Gawker swears it was tangerine… not orange. Did anyone see Billz tearily lip synching “I love you” to Hillz? I didn’t catch the rest.

JadedDIssonance August 27, 2008 at 11:59 am

[re=71206]forgracie[/re]: I’m very sure that Hilz and Bilz have NEVER “done the nasty.” Chelz was invitrio.

Miller August 27, 2008 at 12:03 pm

The Tangerine Warrior fights for us all.

http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

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