America never really had an occasion to think about Michael Dukakis for about oh TWENTY YEARS until he showed up in a nice NYT graphic yesterday proving, conclusively, that he could never have defeated George H.W. Bush in an election because he was half a foot shorter. Dukakis was a hilarious failure of a candidate, and now he says the Obama campaign is doing better than his did, which is a true and obvious statement.
Here are some things we have learned from this article about Michael Dukakis in the Observer:
- Dukakis is 74 whole years old! That makes him just two years older, and an inch taller, than another doomed presidential candidate we have heard of.
- He called John McCain’s vice presidential pick “a pathetic selection.”
- He hasn’t really spoken with Joe Biden for 21 years, because it was a Dukakis guy who leaked a videotape of Biden plagiarizing the hell out of some teabag politician, which effectively killed Biden’s presidential candidacy back there in 1987.
Oh and Michael Dukakis “love[s Joe Biden's] affection for Amtrak,” which is kinky.
Dukakis on the Election: Obama Knows How to Win, ‘McCain Has Nothing’ [New York Observer]
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That’s OK, because Bill Kristol (who’s never been wrong about anything) thinks McCain will win, just like Ford did in 1976 and Gore did in 2000.
So, this is supposed to make up for Geraldine being Sarah’s “favorite vice president?”
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/the-trail/2008/10/02/palin_picks_ferraro_as_favorit.html
And Dukakis says Quayle > Palin, but where would he put the Ferarro?
[re=123235]Serolf Divad[/re]: But unlike Ford and Gore, McCain has been working on rigging the voting machines for Five and a Half Years. Being a computer incompetent, being an incompetent in general, is just deep cover.
If this theory is right, shouldn’t the process of artificial selection have brought us to an era of 12 foot tall Presidents?
You know what’s funny, Dukakis has an “affection for trains” as well.
We were at the Denver zoo a few years ago…watching the train that takes the kids thru the zoo, go round and round. Only one of the riders wasn’t a kid. It was a tiny Michael Dukakis. He was jammed into the kiddie car, with his knees drawn up to his chest. He looked grumpy. Which was understandable.
Also at the zoo that day, Heck-of-a-job, Brownie. Who got mocked by the guy taking out the garbage at the zoo. Which was also understandable.
(ps…I know I’ve told this story before, but it remains one of my best celebrity days ever. Because it was so Twin Peaks-like).
Bill Kristol has an affinity for trains too. He has a team of six dirty hobo’s run one on him twice a week.
Upon seeing that chart, I am quite sure that my 6’8″ 270lb stature will ensure my victory for the white house. After all, Americans clearly don’t vote based on competence and ideas. You will bow before your towering obese overlords.
Bah.
Dukakis would be one inch taller than Hitler, but taller than Kim Jong-il, Nicolas Sarkozy, Dmitry Anatolyevich Medvedev, Hirohito, Benito Juarez, David Ben-Gurion, Deng Xiaoping, Yasser Arafat, Nikita Kruschev and Napoleon Bonaparte.
[re=123241]EnBuenOra[/re]: This would be true if being President improved your odds of being reproductively successful. This requires vaginal sex, which even Bill Clinton didn’t manage (while in office).
Treebeard is 6’4″? Holy elf caca, that boy’s been hitting the Miracle-Gro.
Is the Alaska Independence Party supporting Sarah Palin for President? Looks like it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eniG9l_7its
Here we find America, standing on the precipice of extreme failure pain, and the drumbeat of partisan rancor is deafening. When we most need to come together…we are divided…when we most needed wise leadership…we are being lead apart. God is testing America…we are failing. Maybe it’s the German Lutheran in me, but I see it as obvious that we deserve all the pain which is coming. But what else would one expect from a human race that tore the planet just 63 years ago…that allowed millions to be butchered by Hitler…Stalin…in Rwanda…Cambodia…in the Balkans…Darfur. Drill baby drill? Negative: Lock ‘n load baby! Praise your (personal) leader and pass the ammunition! Mayan Apocalypse is near! Don’t fuck this up Barry…you have the opportunity to become one of history’s greatest leaders…if you lead with wisely and compassionately.
Hahaha, our Big Fat Greek loser is wrong again! He lost because of Willie Horton (who is honored by the Commie Detroit Tigers at Comerica Park—check it out, you pinkos!) and now he loses again because Walnuts is running AGAINST Willie Horton…minus the killing and the prison and the day-passes…but still he black!
Lee Atwater, wherever you are with the brain cancer, you are one in love with the schvartzes.
Biden would probably love AmTrak more if the State of Delaware were allowed to put toll booths on the train lines. Oh, and Amtrak be required to serve at least one meal of certified Delaware chicken to each rider.
[re=123250]Kingbee[/re]: I didn’t think it would be like a genetic legacy — I figured it would be like the NBA, in which promising draft Presidential candidates each 4 years would be selected from high school and college debate teams, which by this time should average at least 10′ to 11′ feet in height.
No! Don’t look in that mirror!
Someone to claim us, someone to follow
Someone to shame us, some brave Apollo
Someone to rule us, someone like you
We want you Big Barack Brother
[re=123254]MISTAHCOUGHDROP[/re]:
Holy cow, that is one scary video.
And let’s connect the dots even further. The guy who talks about “infiltrating the republican party”, I’m pretty sure, is the guy on The Daily Show last night interviewed at a Wasilla bar. Who called Obama “colored” and had a problem with it.
It would be interesting if somebody put the two together and got them up on the intertubes.
The standing silhouettes remind me of Hoogerbrugge’s “NAILS”:
http://nails.hoogerbrugge.com/
I’ve got to trot out this classic again. Message: I care.
“You cannot be president of the United States if you don’t have faith. Remember Lincoln, going to his knees in times of trial and the Civil War and all that stuff. You can’t be. And we are blessed. So don’t feel sorry for — don’t cry for me, Argentina. Message: I care.”
-George H. W. Bush
Dukakis is in the tank, obviously.
There’s got to be a gag about Dukakis being “in the tank” for Barry in here.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=403397803012843164&ei=i23rSLPSB4aYrQLWhZmZCw&q=dukakis+in+a+tank&vt=lf&hl=en
Oh come on, how about a 4’7″ Roosevelt in his wheelchair as a nice graphic!
Thank God Manute Bol pulled out of the Republican primary after Iowa, or Obama would be screwed. But if Obama does lose, can we blame Dukakis for this one too?
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
[re=123235]Serolf Divad[/re]: I have to agree with Bill Kristol, for once. McCain’s outcome will be just like Ford in 1976.
is this what they all mean when they say in the tank? http://blogs.chron.com/txpotomac/dukakis%20tank.jpg
Did no one note that the winning candidates were ALL BLACK? Does that mean the others were all passing?
[re=123241]EnBuenOra[/re]: 12 foot presidents?
George Washington 6′ 20, f***in killing for fun!
I find it amazing that FDR, despite having polio (and eventually dying in office), stayed exactly the same weight through 4 elections. Hell, I lost 4 pounds from Saturday to Sunday just from the hangover.
[re=123334]superfecta[/re]: Did you notice that either Barack Obama or John McCain will be the first white president?
It saddens me that the Bush – Dukakis election is the first one I remember vividly growing up. I was so dissapointed as a child when our little man got trounced by big papa H.W.! After that, I felt like being a progressive was sort of like being a Cubs fan, in that we never seem to make any progress. You can’t win for trying, and even when the nation elects a Dem president, he’s so moderate it almost doesn’t count.
The thing I take away from that graphic is that Dukakis is taller than McCain.
but I heard that Dukakis is hung like a horse. that should have been good for something back in ’88.
Thanks again for not campaigning on the weekdays, Mike. Massachusetts is all the richer for it.
1988′s election is pretty similar to this election, except this one’s more mavericky.
“winning candidates in black”? that chart is so racist.
McCain is small enough to ride the model train under the White House Christmas tree!
sara is back! i had stopped eating.
You have to love the graphics. Apparently Eisenhower took over in a military coup, TR was a space alien/vampire with glowing eyes, and Nixon only one because he stretched his arms up higher than his opponents.
[re=123347]TJBeck[/re]: Shouldn’t there also be an asterisk with his true hight in his wheel chair given?
I like the Dukakis to McCain comparison. Sad that Democrats were ever that stupid.
…because the most important issue in this election is if your candidate is tall, or a woman, or black, or….
I am, however, giving cred to Dukakis for knowing how to pick a good VP candidate. He does, at least, have some expertise in that regard.
[re=123457]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Not to mention, James Madison looks fetching in his skirt.
Doesn’t anyone remember what Father Guido Sarducci pointed out on a Letterman episode back in 1992? Ususally the candidate with the wider face wins. This is why I worry about Obama. Dude’s got one of those kenyan-marathoner skinny faces, while McOnion has that asymmetrical pokey-outy jowly thing. Fortunately, McFormaldehyde left the door open by choosing that skinny bitch. Obama should have chosen a running mate with a a really wide face, like Ted Koppel.
Truman is Kevin from Sin City. Scary.
http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/5/57/220px-KevinSinCity.jpg
That crazy elitist paper, all the winners are in BLACK! They are trying to send us subliminal messages to elect the Black.
Also, upon examining the losers, it is clear that Dukakis didn’t lose because HE’s short, he lost because his PANTS are too short. How could Amuricans be expected to vote for someone who couldn’t get the length of his pants right? He would never have be able to decide the length of any kind of protracted military operation.
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