All the world’s great bankers — the Illuminati, Bilderberg Group, Rothchilds and the Trilateral Commission — put on their black robes and met in secret last night, under the Great Pyramids, to try to save their holdings, and maybe help the Global Economy. So all the rich world’s central banks launched a coordinated interest-rate cut this morning. You can probably guess how the markets reacted.
First, there was happiness, on Wall Street! A little bit. Not much, really. But some bottom feeders came around, slurped up some “bargains,” and then left the scum pool, in helicopters. And then everybody panicked again and the Dow closed down, again, this time by 189 points or 2%.
That’s 9,258, if you are keeping track — or 4,906 points less than the record reached a year ago this week: 14,164. Good-bye, 35% of DJIA!
The S&P 500 was down another 1.1% and the NASDAQ only bled 0.8% today, so hey, tech is back!
There was some vaguely good news, too! Pending home sales were up quite a bit in August, by 7.4%. That would be a good sign if buyers finally felt like things were hitting bottom and were maybe jumping back in the market because how long can you wait to buy a house if you, say, need a house and want to buy one? It would also be a good sign if a) They were correct (they’re not) and b) if the word “pending” wasn’t in there, as “pending” means it hasn’t closed, so most of those deals probably collapsed as people couldn’t get their loan after all.
Oh, also, it’s a National Association of Realtors’ statistic, which means it’s just made-up bullshit. It’s always a great time to buy a home, right?
What else? Ah, AIG. Remember how AIG was “rescued” with your $85 billion? They will need a little bit more, if that’s okay. $38 billion more.
Oh and tax revenues are dropping fast across the country, so there won’t be any police or ambulances or whatever to help you, as the vermin mobs head up your street, to eat you.
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Glad I stocked up on canned food and military-grade weaponry when I had the chance.
OK, here’s what we’ve got: The Rand Corporation… in conjunction with the saucer people… under the supervision of the reverse vampires… are forcing the global economy to tank, in a fiendish plot to eliminate the meal of dinner.
(looking at my 8 credit cards)
I’m going to the Borgata!
I am making a unique textural portrait of Obama, using only torn stock certificates.
I just hope Italy’s crown prince is ok.
Mccancer must be thrilled that the move to invest Social Security in stocks never got anywhere. Uhoh, I might have given his campaign a new idea………..
Why aren’t you reporting at all on that other headline, the attempt to kill Italy’s Crown Prince? You are so obviously in the tank.
[re=126974]tonashideska[/re]: But if they hadn’t voted for the bailout, er…rescue, we might already be in hoboland.
This rate cut was decided upon at the last Bohemian Grove meeting. You of all people should know that Ken Layne!
…eat me, vermin mobs… ah got all kines a pize-ness crap a-flowin thru mah veins, bein wun a-these globalized consoomerz… an ahm old enuff fer mah bonez a-be glowin in th’dark from all the nookie we-all got when we wuzz young’uns… ah kin lat yer way…
Even Donald Trump had to cut back on his hair preparation expenses.
Damn you Illuminati, Bilderberg Group, Rothchilds and the Trilateral Commission!!!!!!!!!
You forgot the evil reptilians from nibiru, coming in 2012 that harass the tinfoil hat wearers.
I think rich people are finally afraid because their wealth isn’t in land and machinery, but illusory papers and shell corporations. They’ll have a hard time claiming their feudal right to property when everything tangible is up for grabs in the ‘claim it, you own it’ bottom feed to come.
Not to worry, it will get worse. Property tax assessments in many states are periodically reassessed using “fair market value” — which, in most neighborhoods, is now about a third of what it was a year ago. So, the good news is that the property tax assessment on your house, assuming you still have one, will go down. The bad news is that local governments will have to cut the ever-loving shit out of their budgets (unlikely) or raise taxes to make up for the assessment declines (more likely).
Is this part of that “pattern” thingee they are always talking about on that new show, Fringe? If so, I’d like to apply for my time-travel machine now, please.
[re=126992]Larry Fine[/re]: How expensive could a sick badger be, anyway?
[re=127003]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Why yes it is, the pattern will reveal itself in due time. Cue evil laugh mwahaha mwahaha
Fortunes will be made as a result of the current misfortune. Rather than complain and wallow in self pity, I’m putting a bunch of windmills in my garden and offering that Italian Crown Prince some much needed protection. My wife was an Israeli intelligence officer a long time ago and she’s just hanging around the house all day anyway.
My friends all laughed when I joined the Freemasons 10 years ago. They’re not laughing now!
I don’t trust the librul Gotcha tactics of the Brooklyn Daily Eagle and its witch hunt against Calvin Coolidge.
The Republicans are working on yet another bailout for their lobbyist base under the code name Soylent Green.
Great scott! Someone tried to kill Fabio?!?
oooo I wanna join the HIGH duty group.
Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Lung tonight.
What criteria have to be met before you can in good faith call yourself a hobo. Eviction with permanent unemployment doesn’t seem like a sufficient set of conditions. Is there some rite of passage, like the first time your soles wear out and you wrap your feet in rat skins to make the last eight miles to the work camp? Or does it just follow from some general act of recognition by a salty old hobo chief, like when he lets you keep the ticks you pry off his scalp.
My Krav Maga skills and a bag of Cheetos…i’m outta here
[re=127019]StrangelyBrown[/re]: Wait, your Lodge let you in on the secret shit? Mine said they had no idea what I was talking about and referred me to those bookworms over in the Philalathes Society.
Who knew that Nick Nolte’s house contained all those films!!!
Dude, now that the heating season’s back upon us here in Upper Midwestia, I haven’t had time to fuck around and read Wonkette like I used to during the day. I work at a place that helps keep The Poors in light and heat during the winter and there’s, like, a hundred thousand more people shut off this year than there was last year, so it’s all business during the day.
So now I get to come home and hear the latest hotness with regard to the stock market sinking like a bran-eater’s turd and it’s almost like when I would watch cartoons after coming home from school a couple of decades ago. Bittersweet, to be sure.
President Nader may have to bring back the Works Projects Administration after he packs the Supreme Court with former Second City actors (“Gimme a citation!”). AIG is making a beach movie with Frankie Avalon, music by the Lehman Brothers; Greenspan will direct.
Roger Mexico, Actuary: A hobo by definition can’t suffer “permanent unemployment;” they work for a living, unlike bums. Not too many hobos left, percentage wise, and the whole rail hopping scene has been riddled with ungodly violence in recent years, just in time for the recession. Tough to be a gentleman of the road nowadays.
Layne: Illuminati, Bilderberg, Rothschild and Trilateral — you left out the Gambino Family.
[re=127095]edgydrifter[/re]: I like to think of my membership as an insurance policy, just in case Alex Jones is right after all. This way, I’m in on the ground floor when the New World Order reveals itself. But I’m also thinking about applying for a job at the UN, just to cover all my bases.
I’m hoping that my years of quiet loyalty will be rewarded with a military governorship, ideally in Texas. I’ve got some old scores to settle down there.
By the way, I found the Philalethes to be kind of a let-down.
Olaf Unteroberdoerster, the International Monetary Fund’s representative in Hong Kong, says you are full of shit.
I’m intrigued that Barak Obama has begun arriving at rallies in a wheelchair with “Happy Days Are Here Again” playing over loudspeakers. “There is nothing to fear, but fear itself” and “when can we join in the land war in Europe?” have been added to his speaking points.
Ah shit!!! Another attempt on the Crown Prince of Italy???? Fuckin car bombin, Obama lovin terrist!!!! You betcha!!!
No Gnomes of Zurich reference? I’m disappointed. I’d think that fnord you of all people would be the one to drop that science.
[re=127114]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: [re=127071]Roger Mexico, Actuary[/re]:
As the granddaughter of a true hobo, I think it may be the only secret society that doesn’t require human sacrifice, or Yale. My Grandfather, Bob, bet his brother that he could beat him by hoboing to California from their home in the hills of Tennessee. So, he hoboed on the trains, while his brother drove a Model T. Duh…my grandpappy won of course. Bob was a tall, strappin’ fella who looked like Walter Huston, and he settled in San Francisco where he met my Nanny, a tiny, ballerina from Vienna. She had moved to America with an Opera Company first to New York, and eventually to San Francisco. It was in the San Francisco Opera House where she was dancing, that she first caught my grandfather’s eye. Soon they were married and started a family. Much to Nanny’s chagrin, Hobo Bob resettled her and the kids, to the sticks back in Tennessee. This time he drove his own Model T, but I’m sure he grew wistful for the rails passin’ by. Nanny stayed wistful for Vienna and never lost her accent. So, between a hobo and a dancer, I was blessed with great rhythm, wander lust, and a longing for home – which I haven’t found yet.
[re=127369]PentagonBookkeeper[/re]:
Clickety clack, clickety clack,
The wheels are saying to the railroad track
“Well, if you go, you can’t come back.
If you go you can’t come back
If you go….”
[re=127369]PentagonBookkeeper[/re]: Your story of the hobo who liked to go to the ballet is quite remarkable.
[re=127369]PentagonBookkeeper[/re]: You know this one? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpWccNgx-GQ
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