The CNN.com earned its pay this morning with this bewildered opening salvo about a Sarah Palin rally: “GRAND JUNCTION, Colorado (CNN) — Taking ‘Joe the plumber’ wordplay to an unprecedented new level, Sarah Palin on Monday…” Yes. Sarah Palin escalated her “verbiage” to new vistas of pain by giving a cute nickname to every worker in this godforsaken country, as well as Barack Obama, who has never had a job beyond gang organizing.
The nicknames included:
- “Tito the Builder,” for Colombian-born construction worker Tito Munoz. Palin: “Tito explained that he’s an immigrant from Colombia and he also had this reminder for us. He says, quote, ‘Everything is possible in America. I made it.’” Enjoy it now, Tito the Builder, because if the Republicans win this thing, Sarah Palin is going to deport the SHIT out of you and call you smelly within the first 100 hours in office. Even if Tito is aware of this, he surely considers it a fair risk to take when compared to the dire alternative: that people who make hundreds of thousands of dollars will see their federal income tax rate rise from 36% to 39%. And according to Jesus, “Socialism” kicks in once that number cracks 37%. If it’s 36% then our economic system is still safely “America.”
- “Phil the Bricklayer.” Phil lays bricks all day. If some day he made $250,000 a year and couldn’t hire several people full-time because black Obama had taken another $8,000 of his taxes — a full year’s salary for at least 20 people, shared! — then… oh right, a bricklayer will in fact never make $250,000 a year.
- “Rose the Teacher.” Palin said that Rose the Teacher, along with Phil the Bricklayer, “can expect to have their ‘dreams dashed by the Obama tax increase.’” Completely erased! Suppose Rose had a “good teaching year” and started getting paid $250,000 a year to teach fourth graders basic arithmetic. This happens almost all the time. Well, under the Obama tax plan, the $8,000 extra Rose would pay in taxes would prevent her from buying the public school at which she teaches. Now what kind of president does that? Of course, the liberal MSM gotcha media would never say anything bad about “The One.”
- “Barack the Wealth Spender.” This is Barack Obama’s fake full time job, Sarah Palin said: “So all these Joe the plumbers in the house, it doesn’t sound like you are supporting Barack the Wealth Spender in this elections.” That’s all he does, he finds “wealth” in your plumber’s toolbox and then “spends” it on, uh… tax cuts for middle class professionals such as plumbers. Fucking commie.
Palin dubs Obama: ‘Barack the Wealth Spender’ [CNN Political Ticker]
{ 139 comments }
It’s sad to watch someone try that hard to be cool.
What no “Walmart Moms”?
I call dibs on Name the Irritated Office Worker.
Sarah the Racist Gorgon Shrew.
Well, my wife’s a teacher, and she makes about $250,000/year.
Of course, she’s banging the principal, the superintendent of public instruction, several school board members and a half dozen state legislators. So a lot of it’s overtime, I guess.
But Sarah said in debate that teachers will “get their reward in heavan”, so that Rose the Teacher must be a damn ingrate.
Where is this $8,000 figure coming from?
She doesn’t even know what a vice president does…. STFU Sarah
I’m sad that she’ll be on Fox soon. I wish we could deport her to the Sovereign Nation of Alaskastan.
Tito the Bitter
It’s a good thing no one has told her about Attila the Hun’s plan to redistribute central Europe’s plunder!
I work at American Apparel.
I’m not a real American.
Sarah better pay a visit to Steve the cranial proctologist.
[re=141688]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Are there videos available on the intarwebs? I’m bitter and clinging to my online porn.
[re=141681]tunamelt[/re]: Well then I want to be Name the Major East Coast University Student Who Will Not Vote McCain Under Any Circumstances and In-Fact Received His Absentee Ballot and Is TOTALLY READY to Connect The Obama/Biden Line/Arrow Thing With His Number 2 Pencil
Sarah sand in her Virginia … get it? oh god
What of ‘Ned the Goatfucker’?
[re=141688]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Your wife has Main Street values.
How about “Sara the butt plug”
Why haven’t they paraded Penny the Prostitute out to pander to the feminists?
seriously. SERIOUSLY. What. The. Fuck. Is. She. Talking. About? What’s next? Is she simply going to recite limericks at her next campaign rally??
She’d be a lot better at handing out names if she’d ever played any RPGs or watched bad sci-fi. I hope she runs into Hawk the Slayer at some point on her travels.
Just a moment:
WTF!! WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF.
Wonkette is making me RAGE. There are so many posts today about how fucked up we are, and rightfully so, but Jeebus the economic situation + Palin’s idiocy + suicide jumps + EVIL boss in reality land = GOING POSTAL in bible belt. The end.
What about Rosie the Riveter? She won’t be able to afford head scarves, and thus will die of a head cold. This is indeed a disturbing universe.
Srsly, though, they don’t come any more American than Joe the Plumber. All real U.S. Americans lie about their job qualifications and fudge their taxes. They also all refuse to wear belts and enjoy showing their fat butt cracks to all within sight. This, also, puts them at risk of dying of pneumonia.
Where’s Surly, The IT Manager?
Is this America or LEGO Land?
[re=141709]dano[/re]: John the Jizz Mopper (is that how you spell Jizz Mopper? I was that child that got left behind.)
Oh she forgot Tina the sex slave, Harold the homeless guy, Alfred the drug mule, Jane the druggie, Bob the burglar, and so many others.
Why is she so elitist?
[re=141707]TGY[/re]: You fuck one goat…
Sara the Anal Intruder
John the Diaper Loader
She also went off on a string of “Joe the Somethings” yesterday, and I was listening on POTUS 08 so I couldn’t back it up to make sure but I *SWEAR* I heard her say “Joe the Mother”.
Hussein the Half-Breed?
I don’t see how ANYONE can take this woman SERIOUSLY! She is a trophy running mate.
I bet she wants to but everyone maps in the Iraq like as such.
Republicans are so convincing when they pretend to care about blue collar schmucks and their trades.
I’m going to be Stephie the Mental Patient if I have to listen to any more of her crazy antics!
‘Annie the Promiscuous Blogger’ is mine. Suck it.
[re=141725]Red Headed StepChild[/re]: There are tooo many str8 boys who wish that were so….
[re=141722]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: That makes you Kev-O-Tron the kid that kan’t read in Palinland.
[re=141714]Sassypants[/re]: No, limericks take wit. Sarah is notoriously unarmed in that department.
“Rose the Teacher” would be lucky to get $250,000 in her teaching career before she checks into Bellview from dealing with “Bristol the Pistol” and “Levi the Meth Guy” as students.
[re=141724]Dr. Spaceman[/re]: Ahahaha, got it in one!
Wow, my favourite comment on this is actually from one of the CNN commenters, Chris from WI:
“Rose the teacher is going to be Rose the unemployed cat food and soap opera enthusiast if McCain/Palin get elected, sooo there’s that.”
[re=141700]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Win!
I can’t believe this is real.
“Barak the wealth spender”. I was a wealth spender. Once.
[re=141723]BillyClubb[/re]: Sarah the fluffhead babymaker.
[re=141725]Red Headed StepChild[/re]:
That would be Sara McCracken.
Rose the teacher could very well make $250/K a year. Hell, Cindy McCain the Teacher is worth about half a billion dollars.
She left out “Chyna the money-lenderer”
But what about “James the Child-Molestor” or “Sharim the Terrorist Sympathizer?” “Karen the Commie?” “Mark the Militia Man?”
Ask that turd if she has a nickname for this:
http://media.gatewaync.com/wsj/photos/2008/10/20/obama.jpg
Prostitutia the Handjobber?
Rose the teacher gives Sarah an F in grammar, and, also this entire interview is just pure American gold.
I like “Barack the president” myself.
[re=141721]The Cold Sea[/re]: beautiful.
I fucking hate her so much it makes me bleed.
My other favourite comment on CNN is this one:
No welfare with my money October 21st, 2008 9:35 am ET
“Obama wants to give my money to people who don’t want to work, who spend all day getting high, and want to live off welfare, I don’t like this at all.”
Is this an option?? ‘Cos that sounds like an alright life. How do I apply? How much does welfare pay? Is it over $250,000?
“Salty the Hobo Leader” knows how to make a mean dog food casserole for all of us out on The Squat.
How the fuck she not give Salty props?
And “Old The Running Mate”
[re=141709]dano[/re]: Nah. Butt plugs give more pleasure than this harpy ever could.
[re=141756]dano[/re]: See: ‘magic titty’ at 3:41pm
“Palin the Propaganda-Pandering Platypus.”
…Angry the Blak Guy!!!
Don’t forget Savakh the Satanist, Pendrake the Pedophile, and Jables the Bumbling Subnormal
This lady’s funny. But when does the real VP candidate come on?
Cheney “Bringer of death, Devourer of souls”!
[re=141743]choinski[/re]: Yoink! Excellent rejoinder. I too was a wealth spender before I became a full-time Wonkette commenter.
Sigh! I miss having money…
…”W” the clueless!
Fuck that, I” blow “LEVI the BABY DADDY”!!
[re=141714]Sassypants[/re]:
There one was a woman from Wasilla
Who knows black people ’cause she once saw “Thriller”
She’ll create multiracial unity
- like that McCartney song on MTV -
And join together fake America with vanilla
Sara the giver of stupid kid’s names
Sarah the wolf-slayer.
(kinda sounds like an 80′s hair band)
[re=141681]tunamelt[/re]: DAMNIT!
Oh well, at least she’s talking about the ‘issues’ … after a fashion. She did, however, forget about Ashley, the 2.5 whore diamond prostitute. (Bet you all forgot her name already.) Also, Little Johnny E, the baby-daddy.
Why is the bulldozer about to kill that cat?
[re=141717]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: First mistake was living in the Bible Belt.
[re=141784]Not_So_Much[/re]: Or a Porno
[re=141739]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Haaaaaaa!!!! You made my afternoon with that… perhaps because I spent the day teaching…
Hire Joe the Plumber for all your plumbing needs. He’s a Real U.S. American (TM) unlike those pasta-eating dagos the Mario Brothers.
[re=141791]Itsjustme[/re]: Oh no no no I don’t live in the bible belt, but I’m willing to take the trip.
She forgot Sarah the Twatwaffle.
[re=141793]Itsjustme[/re]: same thing.
Skank the Veep?
Sara the Carny. Time to pack the Cordoba’s trunk full of “Old Tyme” photos and souvenirs of the lower 48 and hit the road for Wasilia. Buh-bye.
Trig the Actually Bristol’s Baby.
[re=141732]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Hey, Annie// ever make it to Arizona??
And where is Sponge Bob Square Pants in all of this?
hey wnkette. ‘verbiage’ is a real word. what rolls off sarah’s forked tongue is ‘verbage’. as the neew yorker pointed out : so close to garbage; so far from from language.
[re=141680]freakishlystrong[/re]: And then there’s Walmart Wanda, the toothless hillbilly on the scooter she rides because she’s too fat to walk. Do not get between her and the sale on the volume pack of frozen burritos, Elitist Terrorist Scum Obama.
In reality, do you really believe the election numbers would be as close as they are?
This is what racism does. It covers up, rationalizes and minimizes positive qualities in one candidate and emphasizes negative qualities in another when there is a color difference.
Candidates Educational Background:
Barack Obama:
Columbia University – B.A. Political Science with a Specialization in International Relations.
Harvard – Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude
Joseph Biden:
University of Delaware – B.A. in History and B.A. in Political Science
Syracuse Univ College of Law – Juris Doctor (J.D.)
Vs.
John McCain:
United States Naval Academy – Class rank: 894 of 899
Sarah Palin:
Hawaii Pacific University – 1 semester
North Idaho College – 2 semesters – general study
University of Idaho – 2 semesters – journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College – 1 semester
University of Idaho – 3 semesters – B.A. in Journalism
Education isn’t everything, but this is about the two highest offices in the land as well as our standing in the world.
You make the call. I don’t want to think about what if you don’t.
VOTE!!!
[re=141797]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Better hurry before the Muslin takes over. “Bible Belt” will be stricken from all GPS devices.
[re=141722]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Legoland?
You’re the WINNER. And I’ve never used all caps before.
And if you’re having trouble keeping your Joe’s organized, there’s this:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/us_elections_2008/7679987.stm
[re=141781]Sussemilch[/re]: Heh. Thank you. I needed something to laugh about, her horseshit isn’t doing it for me anymore.
[re=141707]TGY[/re]: This is where I would insert my “If you fuck the goat, you get to keep the cheese” folk saying, in Hungarian, if I knew Hungarian.
Jimmy the Greek
[re=141722]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Kevo the quick-avatar-change artist
Excuse me — Are the Village People all Palin supporters now?
Cindy The Pill-Popper is blowing Todd The Duder right now.
Ho boy. Meet Tito the Builder, everyone.
http://www.motherjones.com/mojoblog/archives/2008/10/10411_video_mad_for_mcain.html
Be nice. He’s probably delirious from heat, what with wearing that outfit — including helmet and reflective vest — everywhere he goes, apparently.
She forgot George the Decider. His job is certain to disappear soon, and in the new Socialist America, his chances for moving up professionally, or even just sideways, are nil. What is he gonna do? Clear brush for a living?
[re=141907]slomojoe[/re]: I’m thinking he will masturbate with glee to Paraguayan telenovellas.
It will be interesting to take a gander at the national archive of birth certificates to see if the name Sarah rapidly declines after this bible cunt disappears to the land of the midnight sun come Nov 4.
I’ve known a lot of Sarahs. Some were bitches. But nobody deserves to be first-name associated with this class act.
She missed the whole point of nicknames like this, which is they absolutely must be alliterative. (e.g. Bob the Builder or Rosie the Riveter) She totally missed Alex the Alcoholic, Burt the bass player, Charlie the Chupacabra, Danny the Drug Dealer, Edna the editor, Freddie the fruitcake, Gordon the Gay, Harry the hoser, Ivan the Iconoclast, John the Junkie, Kathy the Kleptomaniac, Larry the Lush, Martin the Moran, Nancy the Narc, Oscar the obnoxious, Penelope the Pitstop, Quentin the Questionable, Roger the recidivist, Sam the Spammer, Terry the terrorist, Umberto the unusual, Veronica the verisimillitudinous (disclaimer: I don’t actually know what that means), Willie the Wanker, Xavier the exasperating, Yolanda the yuppie, and Zeke the Zen sort of dude.
…and the best she could do was Umberto the fucking builder. pfffft.
[re=141904]Tra[/re]:
Weird … Phil the Bricklayer also has a cameo in this. Is Sarah Palin reading Mother Jones? If the NYTimes is the epitome of evil, shouldn’t Mother Jones actually burn her poor eyes from her head?
[re=141920]Reefpilot[/re]:
I was thinking the same thing about “Hadassah”
[re=141919]magic titty[/re]: I can definitely see that as a hobby, but as a source of income?!
I think I just died of laughter and I like Sarah Palin.
Sarah the pregnant prom queen and Todd the tube-tied token and their kids Track trucknutz and Bristol Bay-beemaker…
oh, hell, where was I going with that?
Sure but what of the taxes of:
-Conan the Destroyer
-Vigo the Carpathian
-Xena: Warrior Princess
-Puff the Magic Dragon
-David the Gnome
-Maya the Bee
Pegleg the Pirate, Vlad the Impaler, Mack the Knife, Jake the Alligator Man, Krusty the Clown, Sinbad the Sailor, Lydia the Tattooed Lady, Ivan the Terrible, Jack the Ripper, Rasputin the Mad Monk,Sweeney Todd the Barber, and their friend: Sarah the Disemboweler.
What about Mark the Non-Profit Slave/Community Organizer. He’ll see demands for his services skyrocket as more and more people lose their jobs and become homeless. Somehow, this will translate to me earning 250,000 dollars a year, because the non-profit world is just like the free market. Too bad hes a terrorist urban jew faggot cocksucker commie. He’ll be sent to “RealAmerika” the re-education camp in Idaho and be taught a useful trade.
Funny, I always thought cock-sucking WAS a useful trade.
[re=141928]slomojoe[/re]: Do vacuous billionaires need income?
Candice, the Cubicle Commie, does not approve this message.
Jesus the Weeper
[re=141888]bitchincamaro[/re]: If I were a master hacker I may be able to explain this better but the situation is… I post from three different computers and each time I switch it up my avatar and the typing of my screen name changes. I’m about as computer literate as John McCain so I just go with it and watch my little avatar morph every day or so. But Hobo Wine avatar is my favorite.
Frannie the fluffer
How about Virgo the Virgin
When I read quotes from Palin the Demagogue, all I hear is her retched voice.
[re=141962]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: I got drunk on you once. You, Mr. Rossi, turned my teeth purple.
Never, EVER have i wanted to see a person fail as badly as i do right now.
[re=141923]gurukalehuru[/re]: i think you mean larry the aiport lounger.
Hopey the President
She is as witty as she is clever, isn’t she? I think I will now refer to her as Sarah the GuvTard!
I’m so embarrassed to be female these days. But at least my parents didn’t name me Sarah.
Mandrake the Magician. Maybe he can make Sarah the Douchebag disappear. Forever.
Jim the Blogger: When you get that bonus Ken has been promising, you will soon switch your vote to lovable gramps McCain
And it’s not $8000 really, the higher rate only applies to the portion of income above 250k. So you’d have to be on 500k to pay $8000 more. Yay progressive tax systems and whatnot.
Palin the Beluga Sperm Bag
Can we please just toss her under the bus now? Not figuratively, just literally toss her under a bus, preferably one that is moving.
Uncle Teddy is about to croak again, now who gives a shit?
I trust Phil the bricklayer’s full name is Phil McCracken.
Don’t forget Patty O’Furniture who is Irish and lies around the pool.
[re=141691]jakey[/re]:
$250,000 with a 36% tax rate = $90,000
$250,000 with a 39% tax rate = $97,500
———-
$7,500 <=== Rounded up to $8,000
Have no idea if those are accurate tax rates for people earning $250,000. But, Jim says they are and he’d never lie for comic or dramatic effect. Unless it was a weekday. And, he was bored. Or he felt like it.
This is part of the McCain’t/Pallid strategy to take us back to the Dark Ages, before people had last names. He will be John the Short and she will be Sarah from Hunger.
What about “Todd the Terrorist”, “Bristol the Adulterer”, and “Piper and Willow – Witches from the WB” and “Grandpa John the old guy that says “cunt” a lot”?
I used to be “betsy the recycler” now i’m “betsy the bum”, since “sarah the shop-a-holic” and “republican the economy killer” made the DAM price price of scrap metal drop to nothing!!!!!!
but hey on the bright side,the price of gas dropped $2.23 per gallon and I scraped up enough change to go out and VOTE yesterday and I brought 6 more voters with me.
Everyone y’all missed the most famous of all!! Popeye the sailor man.
[re=142597]Grimnir[/re]:
No, no, no… It’s a 3% increase only on the taxable income IN EXCESS OF $250K. So, like, with $250K income after deductions, 36% X 0 = 0, 39% X 0 = 0, 0 = 0.
Q. E. fuckin’ D!
We return you now to your [Blank] the [Blank} thread, already in progress…
Howzabout Wag the Dog?
In 2004, I registered Larry the Loser to vote. He did okay on his name, but the address part was a pisser. He had to come out on the porch of his crumbling double-wide and copy down the numbers barely still hanging over his door.
His roomie Dave the Drunk was excited (and kind of hot, in a white trash, fuckin’ redneck way) and asked questions like, “you mean I can vote now?” “In what elections?” “Even President?” “How long is this good for?”
I cheerfully gave him a civics lesson and put Democratic signs all over their yard in Jennings OK because, wtf, they had no idea what was happening. Not that many Kerry signs around there, I assure you, so this was a big WIN!
Like either of them ever made it to the polls even after I described in detail how to get down their street to the polling place. And, even if proud first-time registered Dave did, like either of them hadn’t been released for prison on their last meth-related conviction the day before.
Liberals in the Heartland live on our fantasies, however, otherwise we would all form a ring, sing “kumbaya” and drink the fucking vodka-laced kool-aid.
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