Polls have closed, in some states! Your Wonkette Team, the best team of Wonkette editors on TeeVee, is here, along with serious supplies of wine, champagne and assault rifles. Mark Warner is your new Virginia Senator, yay, and sleazy fartbag Mitch McConnell is losing a bit, right now, in Kentucky. Vermont has gone for what’s his name, the King of Man, the Socialist-Terrorist.
7:04 PM — Kentucky is leaning McCain right now, 52%-47% with 10% reporting. Let’s liveblog, and hope Saxby Chambliss will soon have to ask Joe the Plumber for a job, giving handjobs down at the rest stop.
7:07 PM — We cannot even actually believe this is election night, and polls are closing back east. We have been covering this for FIVE AND A HALF two years.
7:09 PM — Raise a glass to Christopher Conklin at BlogAds/Pressflex, who is working tonight to keep Wonkette online and alive during this time of unprecedented zillions of people reading Wonkette tonight.
7:13 PM — Obama leading Indiana, 50%-49%, 7% reporting.
7:14 PM — But Walnuts leads by 10% in Virginia, yikes! (Don’t worry, it is 1% reporting.)
7:15 PM — OH JESUS CHRIST TURN ON CNN, THEY HAVE HOLOGRAPHIC HUMAN TECHNOLOGY AND HAVE EMPEROR PALPATINE “ON THE SET”!
7:17 PM — Wolf Blitzer: “You know what I like about this hologram … you’re a hologram now, Jessica.”
7:17 PM — This is terrifying pornography.
Jim N.
HAHAH WATCH CNN
Sara S.
Jesus Christ it is like shitty Star Trek
Jim N.
there is a princess leia “help me obi wan kenobi” image talking to wolf blitzer
Sara S.
That is so retarded
Jim N.
this is so horrifying!
Sara S.
Just awful
Ken L.
CNNN WHT THT HTHE FUCK
Ken L.
“Yes, My Master, what is Thy Bidding” …
Ken L.
She’s even flickering like the Emperoro
Ken L.
oh my god
Ken L.
this is awful
Jim N.
god, if they’re going to do this, they could at least make it look somewhat professional
Jim N.
i think i am too scared to watch CNN
Ken L.
“you’re a hologram now jessica”
Jim N.
it’s also like an 80s music video.
Jim N.
HAHAHA
Juli W.
oh she looks like that movie waking life
7:21 PM — Indiana, too close to call.
7:24 PM — We have switched to MSNBC, because dear god, the Flickering Witch Monster on CNN is the scariest motherfucking thing we’ve ever seen.
7:25 PM — But then we have to go back, to see John King and his wizard’s map.
7:26 PM — John King: “But most of Virginia, as you can see, is very white.”
7:27 PM — Oh he is talking about the blank counties where results aren’t coming in yet … OR IS HE?
7:28 PM — McConnell tied, 50/50. But CNN calls Kentucky for Walnuts!
7:30 PM — New thread with your Sara K. Smith, go!
{ 84 comments }
Hi everyone!!!! What are we drinking to tonight? How about “game changer”?
The voters are in the tank for Obama – DUH!
Begun, the poll wars has.
YAY!
Bill Bennett just said Obama ran a perfect campaign (except for that Bitter Guns and God remark). Even the pubs are getting hopey.
God the coverage on BBC America is so terrible, thank god we have Wonkette
Western Kentucky isn’t coming in yet. It will save Mitch. I refuse to be optimistic about this. I got screwed in 2004 when I thought Bunning was gone and then Paducah saved him at the last minute.
I still think he shoulda brought up McCain’s BLACK BABIES!!!!!
Has anyone else noticed that the title of Drudge’s site is now “Drudge Report 2009″ in your browser? Has he just given up on November and December?
A hopey guy just came by my house to make sure that we voted. Thanks, hopey guy!!
I’m getting ready to perform the traditional East Lansing victory celebration: Burning a couch in the street in front of my house. Time to syphon gas from my neighbors Escalade!
What the hell is this hologram shit on CNN!?
Help me Wolf Blitzer, you’re my only hope!
[re=164426]simetrias[/re]: Gin. Honor your editrix emeritus.
OMG there’s a holographic reporter on CNN right now – Wolf is standing there looking at nobody, I guess.
OKAY! I can’t take it ANYMORE. I’m leaving work. Last shout out to Seattle folks. If you don’t wanna go to the lame ass Stranger party at the Showbox head to the Lava Lounge on Second avenue around 6 or 7. I’ll be the sleazy white guy half passed out in front of his laptop with a dozen or so friends.
Goddamn, you, Karen Handel, stop “fixing” the results and post some, you disgusting harriden.
http://www.sos.georgia.gov/elections/election_results/2008_1104/swfed.htm
[re=164438]El Bombastico[/re]: Drudge is internet dead.
CNN somehow got the Empire’s hologram technology!
Truly, a historic election.
I feel sort of like Bible Spice–’really eel’ about all the crap that could go wrong.
God that looks awful. I think Star Wars had better effects in the 70′s.
Just got back from Home Depot and Giant with a big supply of plywood, nails, canned goods and bottled water. After I get the windows boarded up, I’ll be sitting in the middle of my living room with shotgun in hand, lights off, and flashlight for the next week or so. I’m worried about crazy dark skinned folk, rednecks, and zombies.
Wolf Blitzer is talking to a hologram about how holograms are born.
HOLY SHIT THE TERMINATORZ HAVE COME TO GET US WITH THEIR HOLOGRAMZ!!1!
Oh sweet Jesus, the NYTimes website puts FL and VA in the pink. What is the deal, America?
Oh, the Kentucky, they are the morons.
They have a green screen puppet covered with balls.
Princess Leah on CNN! Hopey…you’re my only hope.
[re=164438]El Bombastico[/re]: hahahah I agree with him. He should also leave planet earth
Oh Jesus, you weren’t kidding about the hologram shit…
Captain Tenille: “Get it on!”
The Fox people seem sad. Like they know already.
[re=164445]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: I’m running away too. Making a break for the parking garage. Speeding home to NPR. Time to get drunk!!1!!
That CNN halogram thing is freaking me out. It’s so…Star Trecky!
I just had several ELITIST beers with fellow Wonkette commenter Rush. He paid, of course.
Snark aside, it was quite nice to meet a Wonketteer and to discover that he’s not a mass-murdering psychopath. (Yes, I’m looking at you, Shorts.)
We made promises to have beers again in the future, but we won’t be able to because Socialist President Herr Obama will take away all the beer and replace it with pee pee, the end.
I am now off to an election night PARTAY. I love you all.
Does Jem come with the Holograms?
Also, Philly people, shall we coordinate yet another happy riot? I know the Phillies folks make fye and Robinson’s their main targets, but I think we can plan bigger.
The elections are on Australian TV right now. It’s 9.20 am, I’m in a group chat with a bunch of other foreigners and we’re all watching! It’s a bipartisan chat, very interesting too. For some reason, Ricky Gervais is on BBC to talk about this. *shrugs* I’m hitting the maison!
We’re all holograms now.
Thank you CNN for releasing some of my nervous laughter into the night.
Elizabeth Dole is going DOWN. May God be with her.
NYT are a bunch of wimps not even calling VT for Barry, ha ha ha ha
[re=164455]CleverGirl[/re]: It’s shaded if they’re leading, but not called.
Christopher Hitchens on BBC America railing on Palin and the Sarkozy prank….ha that crazy God hater
[re=164439]PerhapsSo[/re]: Okay, now three more Hopey guys just showed up at my door, because apparently the first Hopey guy forgot to write down anything when he went through the neighborhood. That’s not canvassing we can believe in!
The hologram kinda reminded me of Wonkette’s electric Bush etc.
Roland will be beamed in, said Wolf. Beam me up, Scotty!
What’s with CNN’s hologram? Do they need Obi-Wan’s help?
Holograms are elitist.
booo i have no television so i have to watch cnn online where it looks like they have no hologram
did anyone else see the two young spritely cnn online anchors who are totally doing it? “oh i was just thinking about you melissa?” “oh really? in what way?” “well, in the way i can say on the air, i was thinking about you in a long, long voting line.” no srsly!
well screw those young attractive successful ppl..i prefer to watch chris mathews (/barf) and olbermann (angry bear!) and maddow (yay!) on msnbc.com
but srsly, where can i get the cnn holograms on teh intarwebs
Where’s Barry? Oh, he’s a Hopeygram!
[re=164438]El Bombastico[/re]: AIDS dementia complex does a pretty bad number the brain.
If Unicorn is close in rural VA, just wait for NOVA to come in. It’s gonna be a curb stomping.
What the f is up with FLORIDA?>>?? And the panhandle hasn’t closed yet….
CNN Hologram: terrible and hilarious. I love that they have secretly been working on this for three weeks in Chicago and now the time is finally here to show it off to the world, and it’s terrible.
OMG! 1!!1!!!!11!1!! Walnuts is ahead 8 to 3!!!
S’foosball, yeah?
Obama making a jump in Florida!
cmmmmon Arlington County!!!
Can I panic yet?
41 Senate Seats! Senators are elitist, also.
Wolf: We’ll fix the math and get back to you.
Tim Russert is rolling his eyes while rolling in his grave. (miss ya, Tim.)
Wolf, you bastard! You CANNOT tease us with those Florida numbers and then retract them!
Yeah, bitter pictures! Can we have pictures of those pesky Black Panthers from the earlier post, too? I want to scare off any freepers who happen upon the site.
[re=164426]simetrias[/re]: Guinness. I am on my third one already; thankfully, my supervisor will understand if I am hung over tomorrow.
Drinking absinthe (Jade 1901) and watching results. Regardless of outcome, I will be relaxed about it…
NYT says FL leaning Kenyan Terrorist
Free Republic has already called the election.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/2125114/posts
new thread babies: http://wonkette.com/404145/early-election-night-whats-up-with-indiana
I am so sad I’m stuck at work and cannot see the suckitude of the holograms.
Dole is going down. First time in FIFTY years that there will not be a Bush or a Dole in office. About time.
[re=164513]emberglance[/re]: I will lol heartily through their tears when Hopey wins.
Heheheh. McCain is barely ahead in Indiana, and none of the coloreds areas have even come in yet. LAKE COUNTY REPRESENT, MOTHAHFUCKAHS!!!11!!!
>>Dole is going down.
Why do you think Bob takes all that Viagra?
Shepard Smith just got pwned by Charlie Gibson. He was interviewing someone who was actually answering Gibson’s question, since all the networks line up to get their questions in.
I only caught a bit of it, so I’ve already forgotten who it was.
I need to not watch Fox.
The problem with the hologram is that it is a hologram for hologram’s sake. Why would you send a reporter to Chicago just to beam her into New York? It makes nay sense.
I love Mark Warner.
Oh yeah, and the hologram was seriously cracking me up. Creepy, creepy stuff.
Dear Wonketteers, I will truly miss you all (on average, at least–let’s just say I’ll miss most of you so much that it will more than compensate for how little I’ll miss the few dicktards in the bunch) after tonight and I wish you all the best of luck in the coming Apocalypse. The Republicans may steal a third presidential election on paper, but I doubt there will be much to preside over.
Remember to move about in groups if possible, and to find secure locations before sundown each night. If we haven’t fallen to the zombie hordes or the rapture or the Russians, perchance we can come together someday when electricity is restored and we aren’t too exhausted from tending our victory gardens and picking through mountains of trash for shiny baubles.
It’s getting dark… gotta go clean the guns, again.
[re=164536]Que Sera Sarah[/re]: It wouldn’t be so bad if she wasn’t glowing.
[re=164527]VoxPopuli[/re]: Ooh, it was Obama campaign manager David Plouffe who chose “In what respect Charlie” Gibson over Foxtard Shepard. I guess I didn’t know what Plouffe looked like before tonight.
I’m watching MSNBC and there was Pat Buchanan saying the conservative era is over and this could be an election comparable to FDR in 1932. I must have had a mild stroke… Obama is running 20 points ahead of Kerry’s numbers in rural Indiana, where the KKK was born. Too early to gloat, but watching Buchanan’s expression (eyes down — he couldn’t face the camera) as he admitted the Nixon-Reagan scam is over was one of the happiest moments of my life. And I’ve had a decent share of happiness! But it won’t mean a thing if the swing states don’t swing.
South Carolina for McCain…no surprise…wave that confederate flag with pride!
I’m also laughing at NBC’s on-the-plane interview with McCain. Joe Lieberman is standing waaay too close and right behind Walnuts. What’s he doing back there?
Also, it turns out that when you put Cindy on an airplane, she looks just like a brittle flight attendant who never brings you the pillow you asked for.
Anyone just see the demonstration of voting sheets in Palm Beach? I think it is some sort of cognitive exam.
Nooooo! I’m hearing that Florida voters had another confusing ballot in Palm Beach County. What is wrong with them?
[re=164476]Rukasu[/re]: Is he drunk?
[re=164621]VoxPopuli[/re]: They shouldn’t even be voting until tomorrow… Floridians and Obama supporters don’t vote until the 5th, right?
Right?
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