- Barack Obama ate plastic turkey with the Marines, at a Marine Corps base on Oahu! [CNN]
- No wonder he’s America’s most popular person and favorite president. (Obama is the only president-elect to top the polls of American popularity since Dwight “I Like Ike” Eisenhower, a half-century ago.) [USA Today]
- A religious nut dressed as Santa Claus slaughtered eight people in the Southern California suburb of Covina, at his ex-wife’s family’s home. Then he set the house on fire, ran away, and killed himself. [LA Times]
- Eartha Kitt, America’s sexy lady and Santa Baby (and Catwoman!), has died at the age of 81. [Reuters]
- An old gay Nazi dressed in Prada slippers and a golden lady’s gown took this special Xmas opportunity to condemn transsexuals. [TIME]
- The CIA is giving Viagra to the Afghan Warlords, because why not? [Washington Post]
Read More:
- Your Famous Blue Raincoat Was Torn At the Shoulder
- Share Some Greased Tea With Me, Everyday Is Silent and Grey
- Here I Lie, In My Hospital Bed
- Angels From the Realms of Glory, Stars Shone Bright Above
- I'm Worth a Million In Prizes With My Torture Film, Drive a GTO, Wear a Uniform, All On Government Loan
{ 31 comments }
Yeah “you look for those common things in the form of material aid that motivate people everywhere” and what are they? Why longer-lasting erections of course. Blue pills to the rescue. Beats the bomb. All the Afghans have to offer is potency-diminishing smack.
Come on, like your auntie Gertrude didn’t go on a 5 minute rant about transsexuals in the middle of Christmas grace. That’s Christmas at my house, and not just when I bring my friend Pat along.
I just have a sneaking suspiscion once it gets good and hard, he’s going to use it one us.
BOHEICA
(Military Acronym for “Bend Over, Here It Comes Again).
Ever wish there was a holiday where all the religious leaders of the world shut up for one day?
That would be worth celebrating.
Judging by Pope Ratzi’s diatribe, I never realized that even Pedophiles have limits on behavior…
Speaking of which, does this mean that the CIA is helping pedophiles out? From my own reading about things in Afghanistan, they seem to live by the code of “Women are for babies, boys are for pleasure.”
What is wrong wiht America? 5% of the people polled admire George Bush??
I guess Ratz doesn’t share W’s sentiment that the primary threat to the integrity of human nature is the creation of human-animal hybrids. But then he’s part Rat, so he’d probably want to sweep that whole issue under the carpet.
God Ken. What pile of shitty news. Let’s hope that 2009 brings a little less of this kind of crap and little more of conservative hypocrites in denial having butt sex with each other. Jeeze, now I feel like Tiny Tim. Tiny Tim of Scrooge fame, not the dead squirrelly guy with the miniature 4 string guitar.
[re=205655]finallyhappy[/re]: Well, the Thank You W site seems to have stalled out at 1,321 Thank Yous. So that implies only 0.00044% of the population have anything to thank him about.
http://www.thankyoupresidentgeorgewbush.com/id11.html
[re=205655]finallyhappy[/re]: And 11% admire Snowbilly. So I guess we can say that her approval rating is several magnitudes of order better than Bush?
The Afghanistan care package comes with a picture of W grinning, “Bring it on!”
I know, I know…child murder on Christmas Eve is absolutely nothing to joke about. But this particularly American phenomenon of mass murder by heavily-armed gun-fellator who goes crazy has got to stop, folks. After reading about this vile Bitter cretin’s background, this just sorta wrote itself.
The Night Before Christmas (in Covina)
with apologies to Clement C. Moore
‘Twas The Night Before Christmas, on East Knollcrest Drive
By twelve just three people would be left alive;
The fearful ex-wife armed the system with care,
In hopes that her Santa would never come there;
Upstairs kids all watched Cartman, sprawled on the beds,
New ‘Pods blasting Kanye clamped firmly to heads;
I mixed up the cocktails, while out of my sight;
Her friends settled down, to watch “The Dark Knight.”
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
A child sprang from upstairs to see what was the matter.
Away to the foyer she ran ‘cross the floor
Flipped open the deadbolts and threw open the door,
The floods in the drive that light up the place
Lit “Santa’s” black Glock as he shot her face.
The screams started in earnest – he couldn’t have missed!
“Santa?” In a Hummer? – and Christ, was he pissed!
As he set fire to the hall, so lively and quick,
They knew in a moment that this wasn’t St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his epithets came,
He swore vengeance and grinning, he cursed them by name;
“Now Mother and Father! Now you fucking cow!
My fucking Christmas is starting right now!”
Gas on the porch! Gas on the wall!
Now burn away! Burn away! FRY away all!”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to our house-top his deer loads they flew,
His pack filled with gas bombs – and a Mossberg or two.
And then, in a twinkling, thus shouted my “son”:
“I’ll burn down your shithole and shoot every last one!”
As I shuddered in fear and was turning around,
Down the chimney Bruce Jeffery came in with a bound.
Dressed all in red Kevlar™, from his head to his foot,
His tactical webbing all tarnished with soot;
With the Heckler & Koch he had flung on his back,
He looked like a jihadi just opening his pack.
His eyes – how they rolled! His dimples – not merry!
His cheeks flushed and blistered, his nose like a cherry!
His mouth a grim rictus drawn up in a bow,
While the fist ’round his Uzi was as white as the snow;
A spare magazine he held tight in his teeth,
Gunsmoke encircled his head like a wreath.
That red Santa suit and bandolier ‘round his belly,
Made my guts hot and loose like a bowlful of jelly.
He was grinning and mumbling, a right crazy old elf,
“NRA asshole,” I laughed – in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon let me know my death I should dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all his clips; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, to his Hummer he rose;
He sprang to his seat, gave a low whistle,
Then down my drive he did fly like the down of a thistle.
But he exclaimed as he aimed, ere he drove past my tree,
“Happy Christmas, dear Joseph -my next round’s for me.“
Hokey smokes! Isn’t everyone impressed that the CIA made sure the tribal chief was in good health before giving him the Viagra. That would explain the Afghani TV commercials: “Tell your CIA agent about any medications you may be taking before taking Viagra. If you experience an erection lasting longer than four hours, contact Langley, Virginia.”
Best description of the Pope I have ever read, heard, seen, imagined, absorbed, or vomited ever.
*Smacks Pope* Grow the fuck up!
Can we now please abandon the delusion that the Catholic church is anything but a front organization for systematic child abuse?
Butt-zechs is okay between consenting adults. Doing it to kids is bad; using your “moral authority” to do it to kids is beyond monstrous.
[re=205697]V572625694[/re]: WIN.
Wait, what, no topless pictures of Obama greeting troops?
I spent Christmas Eve in West Covina drunk.
[re=205659]p-Sludge[/re]: Then why is he hanging with the furries?
I strongly suggest that, if the pope is against gender-reassignment surgery, he not get any done on himself. Beyond that, STFU you asshole.
[re=205662]Bruno[/re]: That thank you site is precious. Says one person thanking the President: “Thank you for the ooportunity to follow such an honorable leader! You are always welcome in Las Vegas! I have dedicated my entire art career to your term in office and hope that we can get another republican in office ASAP! ”
I’m guessing at least one of those pieces of art involves a bald eagle crying
[re=205662]Bruno[/re]: Which pisses me off, because I signed as “Jim Newell” and they never posted it. Cheap shit lazy assholes.
One of my transman friends works for a Catholic parish. Like it or not, the Pope paid for my pal’s tits to come off.
Earl Butz’s summary of the Papacy ought to be inscribed on communion wafers: He no play-a the game, he no make-a the rules.
Bruno:
Hah! Those grateful, enlightened wingnuts missed Il Duce’s spicy thanks-giving (with meatballs):
1377 Benito M. Your policies have my full support and admiration
DeLand DeLakes:
Well what did he do with the old knockers? Can’t let them go to waste. At least get
a couple of bars of soap out of those things!
He quoted Nietzsche? This papacy is going to go even further downhill soon.
[re=205736]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Depending on your point of view, gay porn counts as art. I am just pointing that out.
[re=205669]agitpropster[/re]:
Well, I thought it was great poetry. Maybe the “too soon” kind of great poetry but great poetry.
Covina sucks, doesn’t it? I used to live in West Covina, so I can say that.
The part of the story that seems the worst is that he changed out of the Santa suit into street clothes before painting the ceiling. What he should have done, if he’d had any guts, was keep the suit on and surrender to the coppers still dressed at St. Nick. And then, when the trial date came, he could have restaged the ending of Miracle on 34th Street by putting Christmas itself on the stand: “Who here hasn’t wanted to kill their relatives on the 25th of December, that most anxiety-inducing day of the year? I ask you, ladies and gentlemen of the jury–is the public enemy here me, or is it Christmas itself!” He would have walked and got a handshake or a kiss from the judge.
Instead, now he’s just a dead scumbag, instead of a martyr who tried to take on the biggest and worst of all holidays.
An old Nazi dressed in Prada slippers and a golden lady’s gown…
Aha! The pope is a feminazi! Someone alert Rush!
[re=205665]Bruno[/re]: [re=205655]finallyhappy[/re]: Something tells me those two groups overlap heavily. And that they wanted to sign the ‘thank you’ site, but couldn’t quite figure out how to do it. I’m heading over there to sign it now – if “Freda Felcher” gets through, so should “Joseph Ratzinger”.
If Ratzi can’t stand the heat he should stop showing up for the tranny pageants every year.
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