- Hey remember that time Russia went INSANE retaliating against Georgia, which had but “lobbed” a few missiles up their creek, and Russia was suddenly evil again? Well… parallels! Different conclusion! [NYT]
- Bristol Palin finally crapped out her kid, Tripp Easton Von Dildo Palin Aniston Mozzarella Stick Johnston. [People]
- Consumer confidence drops to all-time low as consumers migrate to the holy land of Self-Loathing. (People have no money.) [WP]
- Oh and in case you were wondering, yes, independent farmers are still fucked, this has not changed. [WSJ]
- NASA: Don’t take our robots away. Please. Please do not take away… our robots. [NYT]
- Canadian snowmobilers are constantly dying in avalanches, in Canada. [LA Times]
Read More:
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- Share Some Greased Tea With Me, Everyday Is Silent and Grey
- Here I Lie, In My Hospital Bed
- Angels From the Realms of Glory, Stars Shone Bright Above
- I'm Worth a Million In Prizes With My Torture Film, Drive a GTO, Wear a Uniform, All On Government Loan
{ 85 comments }
Good morning, Wonkette! We were beginning to wonder…
So, he’s named after his godmother Linda?
It’s a good god-damned thing that I have been drunk since xmas eve.
I hear that People is paying Bristol $300k for the baby photos. Apparently abstinance education = wealth creation.
It’s so good to know nothing has changed over Christmas…Well, time to start drinking again….!
Geez, I’m so depressed about this middle east conglagration, but almost equally depressed that those crazy half-eskimo Palins (they’re a minority you know!) keep reproducing and spreading their seed. What a depressing Tuesday. Welcome to hell Baby Tripp. As soon as you can crawl, run away to Russia!!!
[re=206502]Mild Midwesterner[/re]: And how much will the Enquirer pay for the first photos of her driving Britney-style in a new Mustang with the baby on her lap?
Oh, read the Peoples article (like German “Vas?”),…what was the phrase? – “this matter falls outside of that…”?
With $300K, Bristol and her sperm donor should be able to start up their own meth lab for the baby’s grandmothers.
[re=206502]Mild Midwesterner[/re]:
Not really. Like most Hillbillies who suddenly get into a lot of moeny, they’ll blow through the money in a week after smoking up Grandma’s OxyContin Supply.
Also, Chrysler gets 5 or 6 billion! Detroit papers cannot decide which…what’s a billion here or there…?
Tripp Easton Von Dildo Palin Aniston Mozzarella Stick Johnston is right! Not only is that authentic Inuit jibberish, but it expressed a courage that is little seen in this day and age.
[re=206504]GDTRFB[/re]: Russia will be coming to him! I look forward to being in the New Texican Confederation, myself.
[re=206505]Vanity Smurf[/re]:
Even more disturbing are the new photos of Todd jumping off of his snowmobile.
I was disappointed in Hopey when he climbed on board the “Russia Is Evil” bandwagon.
He must have known full well that Georgia was the initial aggressor in that conflict.
So, let’s assume it was because of Russia’s “over reaction” to Georgia’s bone head attack on civilians that make Hopey get on board.
What of Israel’s current “over reaction”, taking the form of bombing the crap out of civilians in Gaza?
What about that, Hopey? Sheesh.
Fresh from teaching those Hezbollah thugs in Lebanon a lesson, the IDF attempts to repeat itself in Gaza. Smart move. On the bright side, Hamas is a smaller enemy and completely walled off from weapons suppliers — so this one might be more effective, if you don’t count the generations of intense hatred the Israelis will be accruing.
I love the smell of irony in the morning. US foreign policy is completely fraudulent bullshit and Israel can suck a large dick right now. End.
As a card carrying member of IRWA (International Robot Warriors Association) I must also protest. All hail Blendo!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blendo
One can only assume that, in the dark, Bristol thought she was picking up the baby names book, but got the gun parts catalogue by mistake.
Tripp Easton Von Dildo Palin Aniston Mozzarella Stick Johnston Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.
Please. You must use the full name!
Next year he’ll have a sister named Trapeze.
We hope the lag in reporting was because the Wonkette team was making its way to Wasilla. We expect hourly updates. 300K- well, that is more than no-GED Bris and runaway Levi will make in 20 years.
Hey, has anyone checked in on the ‘Rapture Ready’ crowd? They always tend to wet themselves with excitement whenever the Israelis and the Palestinians start killing each other.
Farmer Riensche looks like he eats at least a bushel of corn a day. Even at five bucks per, it’s cheap. But not very healthy.
Guess what- Israel doesn’t give a fuck for what Wonkette commenters have to say.
[re=206514]SayItWithWookies[/re]: [re=206515]magic titty[/re]: Agreed to both of you. And joining Israel on the huge bag of dicks buffet would be none other than Goofus Boosh, who let Israel slide on the whole bombing Hamas back to the Triassic Period by essentially saying, “Well, Hamas started it.” Great. Foreign policy straight from a Dick and Jane Reader.
$17 billion for NASA is a big deal? Hell, that’s only two Wall Street banker bonuses.
Yes, I’m sure if Canada starting shooting rockets into the US, we would just show all the restraint in the world and not protect our citizens. So easy to be sanctimonious when they threat is halfway around the world, isn’t it.
[re=206505]Vanity Smurf[/re]: Silly Smurf! It’s too cold to drive a mustang convertable in Alaska. The photos will be of little Tripp Easton von Dildo hunting from a helicopter!
So is it snowmobile again? We’re going back to snowmobile and ditching “snow machine” on the Island of Half-Assed Memes where it belongs? I hope so.
[re=206519]Vanity Smurf[/re]: Nah. “Tramp Stamp,” more like. Or something exotic, like Methamphetamine Buprenorphine.
$300k… that should keep Granny Palin in new clothes for a few weeks. This is how she’ll get her wardrobe for her Epic Fail Part Deux in 2012. People Magazine pays better than the RNC.
Sure, it’s too bad that independent farmers are fucked. But the bright side is that there’s only something like seventeen of them left in the entire United States, so it’s not like it’s a huge problem.
If farmers would be allowed to grow drugs on 1% of their land their money problems would go away. But they might forget about the other 99% of their land.
Palin’s wrong name choice: of course, it should be “Meth” in honor of the grandmother…. and that Magic Titty “bag of dicks” comment – good thing or bad thing…I’m confused…. But the big point is: why do the Gaza bombing and the Bristol kid story seem to fit into the same commentary….?
I remember all those Palin name generators that popped out stupid names. You’d chuckle to yourself and go “That’s a stupid fake name, but there’s no way the Palin’s would go further.” Thanks for proving us wrong Palinspawn, may Tripp Easton Mitch Palin enjoy his God-King status as ruler of the meth labs. Tripp is a boy’s name, right?
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
I was hoping they’d name the kid after another depressed post-industrial Pennsylvania town, like Tripp Scranton Mitchell Johnston, Tripp Bethlehem Mitchell Johnston, or Tripp Altoona Mitchell Johnston.
[re=206533]Toomush Infermashun[/re]: Because the IDF and Hamas are both hopped up on meth, sold to them by Tripp Palin.
So she named her first baby “Trig” after the class that failed her out of high school and now she names her second kid “Tripp” after the hockey-playing thug that knocked her up.
No, the other one.
[re=206533]Toomush Infermashun[/re]: Nah. “Meth” is a girl’s name. Among ethnic Alaskans, boy’s names start with “Tr.” That’s how you can tell.
[re=206535]Miller[/re]: I think he’s named after the hockey penalty, so yea. It’s a boy’s name.
Good thing the ref didn’t call hooking on Levi.
[re=206526]Beth[/re]: For that comparison to be parallel to the Gaza situation, the US would’ve had to take more than half of the Canadian land (who would notice, right?) drive all the people off it, scatter them across the world for forty years, invite them back, promise them a new homeland and not give them one, then drive them into a walled-off slum the size of Long Island. Then insist their shaky, feeble government that’s completely beholden to our goodwill for food and money do our bidding to the point they’re beaten in a free and fair election that we wanted them to have, then threaten to wipe out said freely-elected government and subsequently starve and isolate the whole area.
And when one of the inexplicably irate Canadians lobs a homemade rocket into our territory, retaliate with fighter planes and bomb the crap out of the only infrastructure they have left, and declare “all-out war” on the same government you insisted get freely elected. That would be about right.
Did Bristol ever actually marry that high school drop-out?
[re=206519]Vanity Smurf[/re]: I was thinking more along the lines of “Trollop”, myself.
[re=206556]Min[/re]: Hell no. They are holding out for more money for the wedding pictures.
[re=206535]Miller[/re]: So her second son’s gonna be named Dose? Maybe Tabb or Hitt.
[re=206526]Beth[/re]: Well sure! Unprovoked rocket fire landing in civilian areas is only a “nuisance” and has only killed a dozen or so Israelis this year. Israel should just accept that as the price of insisting on, you know, existing. Silly Jews.
Of course, the bitch is that Israel is not actually helping itself here. But that’s another issue.
SayItWithWookies: Geez, get a grip – it’s just a little marital squabble…
[re=206514]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Isn’t trans-generational racial enmity the engine of the Israeli war machine/economy? Also true of all the other countries in the Middle East, except they don’t even pretend to be democracies.
[re=206543]actor212[/re]: Easton and Mitchell are both hockey equipment manufacturers.
A little more tweak, and the kid could’ve been named Tripp Warrior CCM Vaughn Johnston.
As for the first name, I’m holding onto the belief that it was derived from Linda Tripp.
Oh man! Everyone beat me to the anti-Semitism this morning! Guess there’s a first time for everything!
[re=206581]V572625694[/re]: Yeah, the odds are that it’ll stop when the last Israeli and the last Arab simultaneously beat each other to death. Sometimes I think they can be brought to reason, and then I remember that they’re fighting over a 3,500 year old land grant from a being that doesn’t exist.
[re=206591]FreshCliches[/re]: Your right, I forgot about Easton, Mitchell and hockey!
Wow, talk about an endorsement deal! I’m guessing Levi is really jonesing to play in the WHL next season…
I’m surprised they didn’t find a way to stick Victoriaville or Koho in there.
I know, one’s Canadian and one’s Finnish.
[re=206609]actor212[/re]: Reminds me of the Steve Martin (?) routine where he brilliantly deduces the name of the person riding up the ski lift with him by looking down at his skis — Rental.
Why waste time riding around on the snowmobile waiting for the avalanche to come along and bury you? It’s so much easier to attach a hose to the exhaust pipe and just off yourself in someplace nice and secluded where it will be much easier to retrieve your body.
SayitwithWookies: I understand that shades of gray exist and Israel has not always done everything right, *however*, 1) There was a 2-state solution in 1948 until the Arabs started a war they ended up losing, 2) it’s a walled-off slum b/c a) Israel had to protect themselves from the suicide bombers Hamas is only too happy to send over and b) corrupt Palestinians who keep aid money for themselves instead of distributing it properly, 3) the US insisted on the elections – Israel warned that Hamas would like win. At the end of the day, you have a democratic entity that while not perfect, at least strives for peace and an extremist group whose ultimate goal is Israel’s demise.
[re=206515]magic titty[/re]: Middle-East Solution Suggestion # 4,741:
Load Ariel Sharon’s comatose corpus onto a missile and fire him into Gaza. The blast-off may bring him out of his stupor and he can negotiate a truce upon landing harmlessly in a Palestinian backyard. (His stature as an Israeli leader willing to negotiate in good faith with the enemy was peaking at the time of his stroke, remember?)
Of course, he may land in a Palestinian living room and wipe out 4 generations. Any survivors can tear apart his remains, thus satiating their need for revenge.
Win/win.
[re=206631]Beth[/re]: And if Israel destroys Hamas, what’s next? It’s not like there’s some pro-Israel group in Gaza just waiting in the wings. Israel is trying to look tough rather than solve the real problem — by doing this, they’re only exacerbating the situation.
[re=206609]actor212[/re]: Ack! Gawd, no, not another Palin sports-themed kid! I gotta hand it to them, they’re proud to be snowbillies.
Maybe Willow will hook up with a cricketer so she can give her kids combinations of names that include Innings, Wicket, Batsman, and Gazunder.
I hear uncle Trig couldn’t even be bothered to buy a round of drinks for the happy new parents.
SayItWithWookies: I agree with you on that one. So what do you think Israel should do? Stand by as their citizens are attacked in the hopes that Hamas will one day tire of shooting at them? I’m not saying this sarcastically at all. If you have other ideas I’d love to hear them b/c this is a terrible situation.
[re=206567]CorkPopper[/re]: Yeah, Israel is in a no-win situation here. Even if they are in the right in this case (and I have no idea) they are going to either
1) look like big asshole bullies *or*
2) continue to have rockets lobbed at them.
The Palestinians are in a backwards sort of no-lose situation; they’ve pretty much lost it all already.
I heard if it was a girl they would have named it Crystal Beth.
[re=206526]Beth[/re]: More like if we hadn’t killed off or incapacitated all the Indian Tribes and completely snuffed out their culture, but instead left them sealed off and seething in their little glorified internment camps and then built a huge arsenal out of foreign superpower money and bombed the shit out of them every time they sneezed whilst invoking the specter of our persecution at the hands of King George. Never again!
[re=206502]Mild Midwesterner[/re]: Ironically, abstinence education creates more “welfare queens”, which helps keep the whole “welfare queen” meme alive.
Those clever Republicans!
[re=206545]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Oops! Much better than mine. That’s why I should keep reading. But note mine had the Holocaust reference.
Bad news for Bristol and Levi. Despite the $300K first prize for humping in the pickup nine months ago, they remain snowbillies. Taxes? You mean we gotta pay the dang gummint taxes on this money? I thought them people just gived it to us! Thar’s barely enough left over to cover Momma Johnson’s bail.
Damn, now I have to take Tripp Easton Von Dildo Palin Aniston Mozzarella Stick Johnston off my baby name list!
The baby was late because he found out who his grandmabillies are. He was trying to crawl back in there.
Tripp is a perfect name for this kid. You know Trig will even make fun of him.
There are two sides to every political issue, whether it be abortion, the Iraq war, global warming, immigration, gays, etc… . The exception in America is the Arab-Israeli conflict. There is no (at least mainstream political) opposition to Israeli policies. Name one other political issue in America where one side has such a complete monopoly on elected officials. My guess is that one could dig up a pro-NAMBLA elected official easier than one who dares question Israel’s policies.
President Beeblebrox
You forgot “Leg Before Wicket” Palin.
Pepperpug, Purple Tide: honestly, what would you have Israel do? I’ve seen no one in their right mind take the side of the 9/11 terrorists, but somehow that’s OK as opposed to people who side with Israel in their fight against terror. When Hamas terrorists are killing random Israeli men, women and children, Israel should show restraint? The real question in my mind is will Israel’s strategy work? I have no qualms about their right and their responsibility to protect their citizens.
[re=206631]Beth[/re]: Yeah, the Arabs really violated the 1948 agreement by getting the Jews to run all over the country, take it over, and break the armistice agreement.
Would it be too much to ask you to at least read a history book before spewing this crap?
[re=206845]Beth[/re]: The answer for some people here is for Israel to keep giving in and eventually the Jews will leave or be killed. I mean there are only 13 million of us in the entire world- so really we don’t count. Israel isn’t always right but the simplistic nature of the nonsense that SayitwithWookies posted could also be found somewhere like Stormfront
Beth: It’s not as if Israel’s strategy is new and needs to be tested. And as someone pointed out in a previous post, comparing the 9/11 terrorists who wish to impose an Islamic regime in the various middle east states (or Timothy McVeigh types who bomb because government has gotten too big in their opinion)with Palestinians is comparing the proverbial apples and oranges.
There is probably no realistic solution. Israel should not have been created. In solving one problem (anti-semitsm in Europe and Russia and anti-jewish immigration policies in the US before, during and after WW2) another problem was created (displacement of Palestinians, the native population of present-day Israel.)
Regardless, Israel is obviously here to stay. What would your counsel be to a Palestinian whose grandparents were made to vacate their home and who was born in a camp in Gaza?
[re=206791]pepperpug[/re]: Nothing personal, but that ingrained myth kind of bothers me. There are usually for more than two sides to any story, it’s just that the media can’t handle more than two at a time in their race to make everything he said/she said.
In this particular case, Israel, there are so many sides to the story that it’s pretty damn hard to follow, even if one tries mightily.
As for Bristol, she is now 18, and when not pregnant is way hotter than her mom.
hobospacejungle: Not sure which myth you refer to. As far as sides to a story, it sounds like we’re saying the same thing in different words. At any rate, whether there are 2 sides or 10 to this story, every president since Truman has been overwhelmingly pro-Israel (with exception of Carter and he got spanked.) All present day US senators pro-Israel. House overwhemingly pro-Israel. Can you name any other issue that has brought everyone from the most Conservative Republican to the most liberal Democrat together? The bailout? Iraq war? Abortion? What other issue would have brought together Jesse Helms and say, for example, Nancy Pelosi? I’m sure if Helms were alive today, there would be no difference between helms and Pelosi (other than each claiming to be the more staunch supporter of Israel. Its just strange, that issue.
When Hamas terrorists are killing random Israeli men, women and children, Israel should show restraint?
My guess is that killing random Palestinian men, women, and children isn’t going to get the results anyone’s looking for.
Also, thanks, England, for creating an enormous crazy mess in the Middle East and then leaving the US to deal with it! That Iraq/Iran thing is working out great, too. You guys are the best. Love your scones!
ICECREAM: Part of the problem is that Israel and its supporters view Palestinians, whether men, women or children, like American Southerners viewed black people – as not quite human. And yes, thanks Winston Churchill – you saved western civilization, true, but also left a gift that keeps on giving…
[re=206845]Beth[/re]: Exactly, because Israel is NOT currently killing random Palestinian men, women and children, I repeat, Israel is NOT currently killing random Palestinian… wait, what? Oh… never mind.
[re=206526]Beth[/re]: [re=206631]Beth[/re]: 1. Israel warned the US that Hamas would win the 2006 election?? If so, it also failed to warn itself:
http://methodistdemocrat.blogspot.com/2006/01/hows-israel-reacting.html
[AP] [1/26/06] “Before the vote, Israel had assumed Hamas would at best be a junior partner in the government, and formulated no public position on how to deal with it.
The militants’ surprisingly strong showing threw officials scrambling into action.”
2. What would the US do if them pesky Canadians started shooting rockets into northern Maine? Well take for example, when the US invaded Mexico 1916 after Pancho Villa raided a US arsenal in Columbus, New Mexico. The US punitive expedition (led by General Black Jack Pershing) into Mexico last a year and wascalled off after unsuccessful attempts to defeat or capture (now Mexican hero) Villa.
Also FWIW, in order to get at those bastard terrorists the Brits and the loyalists, the US unsuccessfully invaded Canada several times during the War of 1812. The Treat of Ghent put and end to the war.
3. What should Israel do? Well, jeepers, let’s think.
The rockets attacks from Gaza started in 2001 even though Israel occupied the Gaza Strip. The attacks continued through the end of Israeli occupation in September 2005.
In January 2006 Hamas won Parliamentary elections in Gaza. Thereafter, the EU, Israel and the US imposed punitive economic sanctions on Gaza, and Israel and Egypt imposed a blockade. And the rockets continued.
Israel conducted a May 2007 military incursion into northern Gaza, a March 2008 incursion and air raids in Gaza, June 2006 shellings in Gaza and a November 2008 incursion in gaza. The rockets continued. (The November 2008 incursion happened even though there was a truce, during which truce the rocket attacks significantly decreased.)
So, what should Israel do? First, consider was hasn’t worked, then what has worked, then what hasn’t been tried, and go from there.
I am certain that President Bush will step forward, even in the final days of his marvelous terms in office, and bring the warring sides together with a comprehensive peace plan that will satisfy everyone. He can’t help being a great leader. When he could be looking forward to retirement, he’s still our caring and brilliant chief executive. His latest plan, a Dick Cheney idea, is to give each Palestinian his or her own personal nuclear mini-bomb.
[re=206916]S.Luggo[/re]: “lasted a year”
[re=206673]Beth[/re]: Sorry, I missed your reply earlier and haven’t been back here in a while. First, Israel should at the very least end the blockades that are stopping necessary goods and services from getting to the Palestinian people. These have only exacerbated the resentment that’s already there. The Palestinians don’t want another intifadah — after the period of relative prosperity they experienced before the blockades and the bombings, the people of Gaza are in despair, and basically have nothing to lose. Bringing back even the small degree of proserity they had will impel fewer people to put it in peril.
Second, the US has been part of the problem. We’ve been instigating Fatah to attack Hamas (in the same cowboy mentality that brought us into Iraq) rather than trying to bring everyone together. Dubya leaving office will be the single biggest step towards peace in the middle east in the last eight years. We need a president who’ll be focused on the intense and very frustrating work of bringing the different sides together, and who will be felt as acting in good faith.
Third, Israel should offer Hamas a carrot for acknowledging Israel’s right to exist. I’m not sure what it would be — just entering into negotiations with Hamas over their economic needs might do it, though. Unpleasant as it may be to all sides, we know that small steps can bring peace. The problem is there are too many people right now — on all sides — who don’t have any stake in it. And the US hasn’t helped — our “do what we say or else” approach to foreign policy has removed many of our common interests with peole we should be negotiating with. A long slow process is ahead — but the alternative is much worse.
[re=206894]pepperpug[/re]: Apologies for the late reply — the myth I refer to is that there are two sides to every story. Nothing to do with Israel. I’m sorry I wasn’t more clear. In pretty much every story that isn’t a lawsuit there are more than two sides, yet the media cover everything in a he said/she said kind of way, implying that one is right and one is wrong, ignoring the fact that there are always other people affected by the story and ignoring those other people as well.
[re=206502]Mild Midwesterner[/re]: Honey, if that were the case, I have more that a few cousins who would be rolling in greenbacks right about now. You only get cash money for baby pics if you are both famous and hot, or if your mom happens to be a turd-mouthed Mongoloid who who “inspired” legions of the same from the stump.
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