• February 15, 2012

Oh man, he got away with it! He’s now president even though he was born in like Kenya or communist Africa or whatever! Enjoy being Muslims, America, because that is exactly what you became when Barry spewed his secret snake code all over Abraham Lincoln’s 400-pound brown hellbox, the Bible. Let’s liveblog his declaration of jihad against you people, the whites.

12:06 — Your associate editor hears the loud cannons very clearly outside his house. The Holy War has begun!
12:07 — BTW, he stuttered in that oath and may have mixed up a few words, so that is the new reason why his presidency is illegitimate! Bill’s in the mail, PUMAs.
12:08 — Obama is taking office among terrible conditions such as… a few weather metaphors. And the lack of money everywhere.
12:09 — “Homes have been lost, jobs shed… our schools fail…” Well that has all been your fault for 10 minutes now, Mr. War President. Fuck your Iraq War etc. Why are you not giving me money right now Hussein?
12:10 — “We’ll fix all that bunk though, chill.”
12:11 — “The time has come to set aside childish things.” Oh this must be the revamped part of the speech where he always yells at us to turn our Xboxes off.
12:12 — Ugh he is going to force us to “make things” again, like the white ethnic immigrants. Well screw that. Make your own damn “exportable product,” tradey.
12:13 — He is literally mandating us all to perform rigorous manual labor by 2:30 p.m.
12:14 — He says we’ll fix our colleges “to meet the demands of a new age.” How did that shit move up the priority list? FIX THE COLLEGES?
12:15 — Calls out the cynics for being cynics. Look buddy, we’re just trying to make it through the day here.
12:16 — Can’t let the rich be the massive benefactors of all economic growth. Hmm… Barry, we don’t think this was on the script Bilderberg gave you?
12:17 — He says that earlier generations shot down “fascism and communism” not just with “weapons and tanks.” Well the first one was kinda shot down by weapons and tanks exclusively… but still, yeah, Clinton over there at State, doing the talky with other countries.
12:19 — Tuff talk to the enemies: “We will defeat you.” Can we just leave instead?
12:19 — He calls America a country of Muslims! Get in your bomb shelters!
12:20 — Something about a “bitter swill.” This speech, like many others, was written in a Boston tavern right around the Stamp Act.
12:21 — We shouldn’t just bomb random brown countries like this douchebag over here did.
12:22 — Dick Cheney is dreaming of a sweet bite of Obama’s leg meat, with STEAMED RADISHES.
12:23 — Uh yeah, “Be patriots” or whatever.
12:24 — “Also, I’m black, so that’s like a whole new thing we got goin’ on.”
12:25 — Tells terribly graphic tale of blood-stained carcasses and snow and murder and death boils during the Revolutionary War.
12:26 — Still, George Washington won that war.
12:26 — I’m the black president, peace out, sluts.
12:27 — Oh now we’ve got this poet. IT BETTER BE PRETTY *fist shake*
12:28 — First line: “Each day we go about our business.” SNOOZE — BOO THE FRAUD.
12:29 — This is just like the third or fourth paragraph in the first chapter of a fake-good book. You know, it’s “prose.”
12:30 — She is totally wearing a Snuggie.
12:31 — Sara is angry that they didn’t pick another poet, because Sara knows all poets, because she went to Harvard. She literally never shuts up about how she went to Harvard.
12:32 — Poem over.
12:32 — Rich Lowry is giving the benediction! Go get ‘em, Starburst!
12:32 — So… this thing kinda cooled off after the big speech, eh?
12:34 — No, this is not Rich Lowry. It’s his older brother, Charlie Rangel. OH this is the dude who was picked because he loves the gays, as the counter to fat queer Rick Warren. Can we just have our soap operas back, plz?
12:35 — There is a shit-ton of “God” at this thing, no?
12:36 — Obama looks terrified, ha. OMG he actually has to be president now. Didn’t ever think THAT would happen, did you , n00bama?
12:37 — Starburst’s brother says something about the “yellow” people and everyone laughs. Ha ha, it’s acceptable to be racist to Asians in this country still, so at least we’ve got that.
12:38 — End of prayer! A Navy chorus sings “God Save The Queen.” That is the end of this liveblog, we think. Someone else should do one soonish. Congrats, Barry!

{ 250 comments }

memzilla January 20, 2009 at 12:10 pm

I’m feeling so… debushified!

IceCreamEmpress January 20, 2009 at 12:10 pm

I can’t believe that Roberts messed up the oath of office. The Chief Justice has one moment in the spotlight every four years–you’d think you’d prepare for that.

Scott-san January 20, 2009 at 12:11 pm

“To choose our better history.” I like that.

ManchuCandidate January 20, 2009 at 12:12 pm

Hard work, sacrifice and quiet satisfaction?

This is not the Reagan US America I know. Damn Change.

tunamelt January 20, 2009 at 12:13 pm

12:09 — “Homes have been lost, jobs shed… our schools fail…” Well that has all been your fault for 10 minutes now, Mr. War President. Fuck your Iraq War etc. Why are you not giving me money right now Hussein?

This is why I love you, Jim. This. Right there.

shortsshortsshorts January 20, 2009 at 12:13 pm

“I would like to thank Allah for this opportunity.”

Mighty Rex January 20, 2009 at 12:13 pm

John Roberts = Not Ready

SkimLatteModerate January 20, 2009 at 12:13 pm

Ha, I was starting to get a little emotional, earnestly…but your snark to keep me grounded.

Scott-san January 20, 2009 at 12:13 pm

I really want him to call out Americans as slothful, selfish, star-fucking shitbags.

NoWireHangers January 20, 2009 at 12:13 pm

[re=223186]memzilla[/re]: The country has been waxed!

LuckyJim January 20, 2009 at 12:13 pm

“STARTING TODAY” that’s the money quote.

wheelie January 20, 2009 at 12:13 pm

His speech started well – straight into the Let’s Get Real thing.

A good distraction from the way he MOCKED the Oath a few minutes beforehand.

Mighty Rex January 20, 2009 at 12:14 pm

Also! Imagine right now a nutty “HENNGHHH!?!” coming across those microphones.

TGY January 20, 2009 at 12:14 pm

Restore science to its rightful place!

NoWireHangers January 20, 2009 at 12:14 pm

President Obama. President Obama. President Obama!

chascates January 20, 2009 at 12:15 pm

Old President Bush looks like one of them Soviet politburo dudes.

NoWireHangers January 20, 2009 at 12:15 pm

[re=223188]IceCreamEmpress[/re]: He did it on purpose

Barrett808 January 20, 2009 at 12:15 pm

“Reform bad habits”? NOOO!!!!111!!11!111!111

Dire squirrel January 20, 2009 at 12:15 pm

[re=223198]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: It’s wonkette’s fault I keep expecting that to happen.

snores January 20, 2009 at 12:15 pm

It was Roberts’ fault! He said the oath wrong…blah.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 20, 2009 at 12:16 pm

Is Bush Sr. wearing a pair of copulating raccoons on top of his head?

hockeymom January 20, 2009 at 12:16 pm

Wonder what Bush is thinking.

Terry January 20, 2009 at 12:16 pm

“restore science to its rightful place”

What a concept, huh? Luv ya, Barry.

TheMacWonk January 20, 2009 at 12:16 pm

Holy shit, Barry said he’s going to harness our air and soil and water for his “factories”?

(What will he be making in these “factories”?)

bhosp January 20, 2009 at 12:17 pm

[re=223212]NoWireHangers[/re]: PRESUMPTUOUS

Scott-san January 20, 2009 at 12:17 pm

“Common good” = Socialism

Aw, Dubya will sleep well in Crawford tonight.

DrThunderer January 20, 2009 at 12:17 pm

[re=223188]IceCreamEmpress[/re]: It’s actually pretty brilliant. Since the oath was bungled, this gave McCain the presidency.

ManchuCandidate January 20, 2009 at 12:17 pm

Friend of EACH nation?

TheNavOne January 20, 2009 at 12:17 pm

Is this the revolution being televised?

El Pinche January 20, 2009 at 12:18 pm

We’re making history right now, and my project lead has scheduled a meeting at 11:30. asswipe

shortsshortsshorts January 20, 2009 at 12:18 pm

[re=223232]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Not every, just a few. WAR ON EUROPE TO FOLLOW.
More at 11.

Barrett808 January 20, 2009 at 12:18 pm

It’s a lecture to Bush! LOVE IT!

TheNavOne January 20, 2009 at 12:18 pm

So the State of the Union Address will be watchable again, and not in an amusing way.

bitchincamaro January 20, 2009 at 12:18 pm

He looks great on the radio.

hockeymom January 20, 2009 at 12:18 pm

“humility and restraint”
suck on that bush/cheney

Mighty Rex January 20, 2009 at 12:18 pm

[re=223214]chascates[/re]: When can they stop showing picktures of him? Oh wait, there’s a bit of the speech saying how we won’t cast aside our founding principles, etc. for expediency. CLOSEUP ON W, TAKE 2!

Barrett808 January 20, 2009 at 12:19 pm

Hopey rattles a mean saber.

tunamelt January 20, 2009 at 12:19 pm

ATHEIST SHOUT OUT WHOOOOOOO!

bhosp January 20, 2009 at 12:19 pm

Wait, we’ve got Hindu’s now?

TheNavOne January 20, 2009 at 12:19 pm

Streets will flow with the blood of the non-believers.

P Drizzle January 20, 2009 at 12:19 pm

I will not apologize for my way of life. Pass the bowl over to my unemployed ass. Also.

hockeymom January 20, 2009 at 12:19 pm

a shout out to “non-believers”
didn’t see that coming.

ManchuCandidate January 20, 2009 at 12:19 pm

[re=223244]tunamelt[/re]:
Yay!

chascates January 20, 2009 at 12:20 pm

[re=223244]tunamelt[/re]: So I’ll have a place in this new America too!

memzilla January 20, 2009 at 12:20 pm

The cutaways to Bush’s face are priceless: “Was I that big of a fail?”

donner_froh January 20, 2009 at 12:21 pm

“False choice between our safety and our ideals”

wheelie January 20, 2009 at 12:21 pm

[re=223232]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I know. Even friends with, like, the Swiss. Why? Those Swiss are weird kids, I reckon. I would not hang around with them.

Colander January 20, 2009 at 12:21 pm

This is like the exact opposite of V for Vendetta (via Bush).

TGY January 20, 2009 at 12:21 pm

[re=223242]Mighty Rex[/re]: we won’t cast aside our founding principles, etc. for expediency: yes, the high point so far.

TheMacWonk January 20, 2009 at 12:21 pm

[re=223233]TheNavOne[/re]: Speaking of the revolution, I was on the phone with my sister when the new, revolutionary Gatorade commercial “G” came on, with all the athletes and Weezy and stuff. And she was like, “Is this the revolution, should I be doing something?” And I was like, “Let’s wait for Barry to lead us…”

Dire squirrel January 20, 2009 at 12:21 pm

[re=223244]tunamelt[/re]: I really thought he would leave us out. Question: What’s worse to wingnuts, an atheist or a muslim preznit?

NoWireHangers January 20, 2009 at 12:21 pm

America is a friend of each nation that seeks peace!!!!1!!!!!!!!

SkimLatteModerate January 20, 2009 at 12:22 pm

[re=223243]Barrett808[/re]: A blunt one, naturally.

wheelie January 20, 2009 at 12:22 pm

Did he mention the Gays yet?

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 12:22 pm

[re=223224]hockeymom[/re]: “The stars at night are big and bright, clap, clap, clap, deep in the heart of Texas…is someone talking?”

donner_froh January 20, 2009 at 12:23 pm

“We are ready to lead once more”

“our power doesn’t protect us nor does it allow us to do as we please”

Get to work, Hilary.

Scott-san January 20, 2009 at 12:23 pm

[re=223244]tunamelt[/re]: WHOOOOOO . . . is gonna be cheering during the Rapture in December 2012?

Did I just hear a cell phone ring up there?

tunamelt January 20, 2009 at 12:24 pm

FREEDOM COSTS A BUCK OH FIVE

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 12:24 pm

[re=223227]TheMacWonk[/re]: And the sun! We will harness the sun and put it to work for US, for a change, rather than us working for old Mr. Sun in his Raybans…

TheNavOne January 20, 2009 at 12:24 pm

Our first Hawaiin President. Epic.

proudgrampa January 20, 2009 at 12:24 pm

12:20 — Something about a “bitter swill.” This speech, like many others, was written in a Boston tavern right around the Stamp Act.

I thought I’d heard that one before.

tunamelt January 20, 2009 at 12:25 pm

[re=223268]Scott-san[/re]: Herald trumpet.

JohnnyMeatworth January 20, 2009 at 12:25 pm

why isn’t everything better yet?? IMPEACH OBAMA!!!!

S.Luggo January 20, 2009 at 12:25 pm

[re=223249]hockeymom[/re]: He means Unitarians.

chascates January 20, 2009 at 12:25 pm

I hope he closes by turning to Bush and saying “And get out of here you White Devil!”

Colander January 20, 2009 at 12:25 pm

[re=223264]wheelie[/re]: he said that dissent was allowed, and those that meet it with clenched fists will be, like, labeled losers or whatever. I took that as ‘get over change, rednecks’ meaning gays r cool?

bhosp January 20, 2009 at 12:26 pm

[re=223224]hockeymom[/re]: It’s like Homer Simpson, with the dancing monkey playing cymbals. Except there’s a “Mission Accomplished” banner.

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 12:26 pm

[re=223276]JohnnyMeatworth[/re]: Please give him his first hundred minutes. Then complain.

Scott-san January 20, 2009 at 12:26 pm

[re=223266]donner_froh[/re]: It’ll be “clap-point-wave” diplomacy. In garishly colored pantsuits.

El Pinche January 20, 2009 at 12:26 pm

Wu-Tang, Wu-Tang! !

Sussemilch January 20, 2009 at 12:26 pm

Great fucking speech.

P Drizzle January 20, 2009 at 12:26 pm

Booooooooooring!

El Pinche January 20, 2009 at 12:26 pm

45, bitches, 45!

Mighty Rex January 20, 2009 at 12:27 pm

OMG Bush looks soooooooo “I has a grump sadz” after the speech! Yay!

TheNavOne January 20, 2009 at 12:27 pm

I know, I feel ripped off.

Terry January 20, 2009 at 12:27 pm

Crazy Eyes looks kind of constipated. Do you think she’s imagining being stuck in a house in Dallas with Dubya?

bhosp January 20, 2009 at 12:27 pm

What the fuck is the Secret Service standing around like idiots for?!

W’S GETTING AWAY!!!

TheNavOne January 20, 2009 at 12:27 pm

Yeah, a poetry slam.

Mustang January 20, 2009 at 12:28 pm

Who cares if he delivers? At least he won’t be actively working 24-7 to destroy the United States.

TGY January 20, 2009 at 12:28 pm

[re=223276]JohnnyMeatworth[/re]: Heck, I feel better.

Mustang January 20, 2009 at 12:28 pm

That poem is a big fat queer.

Colander January 20, 2009 at 12:28 pm

Boo. Poetry is gay. Can I marry another dude yet, or what?

wheelie January 20, 2009 at 12:29 pm

Yer new President just wiped his nose with his sleeve.

Ha ha ha @ America.

OffTheRecord January 20, 2009 at 12:29 pm

I guess I am going to have to get a job now. Thanks Hopey!

Neilist January 20, 2009 at 12:29 pm

Gesh, what a lousy speech.

I didn’t hear one joke.

Except the one about “thanking President Bush for his service to the country.”

But no one laughed at that one.

(Oh, and who was that fat homosexual who gave the invocation? “Rick Warren” Clearly a stage name lifted from those “Bears 4 Bears” videos they shoot out in the Valley.

hockeymom January 20, 2009 at 12:29 pm

Patching Tires?

Nerdalicious January 20, 2009 at 12:30 pm

[re=223227]TheMacWonk[/re]:
“Soylent Green is People”!

Liquid January 20, 2009 at 12:30 pm

WTF??
Is this poetry?
Couldn’t get Leonard Cohen riffing about fellatio, hey?

riffin1 January 20, 2009 at 12:30 pm

Can’t we all just get along?

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 12:30 pm

[re=223290]Terry[/re]: With him “starting his memoirs” every morning for the next four years then gettin’ drunk and watching ESPN all day

bhosp January 20, 2009 at 12:30 pm

Ah yes. The “inaugural poem,” drum solo of the presidency.

TGY January 20, 2009 at 12:30 pm

[re=223297]wheelie[/re]: The mucus will bring big $$$ on eBay.

Neilist January 20, 2009 at 12:30 pm

For GOD’S sake, will someone PLEASE kill that “poet.”

proudgrampa January 20, 2009 at 12:30 pm

Crap – this poet is boring…

Mighty Rex January 20, 2009 at 12:31 pm

The great thing about being a libtard administration is that everyone knows and expects you will have some sacrificial doofus poetry reading to cover the moment of chaos after the Inaugural speech.

“Who we gonna get to follow up Barry’s speech?”
“Not me.”
“Uhh, no.”
“Not me.”
“Uh-uh, not me.”

“Hillary?”

“Hells no.”

“Good thing we have that shitty poet… wait, it’s not Maya Angelou, right?”
“No, she was busy.”

“Okay, good.”

pocket Liz January 20, 2009 at 12:31 pm

The poetry starts and the people flee. So typical.

FreshCliches January 20, 2009 at 12:31 pm

What

if

I

read

a

poem

so

fucking

slowly

syl

la

ble

by

syl

la

ble?

chascates January 20, 2009 at 12:31 pm

I may be a while before we have another poem at an inauguration

loquaciousmusic January 20, 2009 at 12:32 pm

I watched Barry’s speech thingy in a school cafeteria with a bunch of teachers. Everyone cried. WE MUST ALL BE MUSLIMZ NOW!!!

Terry January 20, 2009 at 12:32 pm

[re=223291]bhosp[/re]:

In case Ruth Bader Ginsburg goes ninja.

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 12:32 pm

Uh…the poem? Not so much. It ain’t no “road less taken” or something off a Hallmark card

mookworthjwilson January 20, 2009 at 12:32 pm

she should have just gotten up and recited “there once was a man from nantucket”

TGY January 20, 2009 at 12:33 pm

I have this inner filter for poetry written after Dickinson. Or maybe Phillip Larkin. Anyway, nothing gets through. Yadda-yadda, NOT LISTENING!

Terry January 20, 2009 at 12:33 pm

[re=223304]smellyal8r[/re]:

She’ll start stocking up on pretzels.

hockeymom January 20, 2009 at 12:33 pm

I love Lowry.

jbd January 20, 2009 at 12:34 pm

[re=223197]tunamelt[/re]: yes. just… yes.

S.Luggo January 20, 2009 at 12:34 pm

Has the IDF re-entered Gaza yet?

Hello Sunshine January 20, 2009 at 12:34 pm

[re=223229]Scott-san[/re]: Communism, surely?

cal January 20, 2009 at 12:34 pm

[re=223188]IceCreamEmpress[/re]: Seriously, Roberts screwed up the oath so that he can rule Obama’s presidency illegitimate. Cynicism is not dead!

boredcommunist January 20, 2009 at 12:35 pm

At a LOW moment and of course Bush is responsible for that, but GOD is not. He works through the MESSIAH, not that evil rich elite white devil.

Scarab January 20, 2009 at 12:35 pm

A long poem and a long prayer, this presidency sucks so far.

TheNavOne January 20, 2009 at 12:35 pm

She didn’t even rhyme the words.

lazyb January 20, 2009 at 12:35 pm

Could this preacher be any more badass?

FreshCliches January 20, 2009 at 12:35 pm

Oh, great. They got Grady from “Sanford And Son” to do the closing prayer.

WadISay January 20, 2009 at 12:35 pm

This closing prayer would sound so great with an electric organ behind it.

TGY January 20, 2009 at 12:35 pm

[re=223311]FreshCliches[/re]:

U

can

haz

National

Poet status?

NoWireHangers January 20, 2009 at 12:35 pm

Ahahhahah! W looks miserable! So long motherfucker!

TheMacWonk January 20, 2009 at 12:36 pm

That minister is the oldest living guy in the US. True story.

TheNavOne January 20, 2009 at 12:36 pm

Obama gets his powers from the tears of Americans.

p-Sludge January 20, 2009 at 12:36 pm

Government can’t fix everything, but it can sure-as-hell stand there and read you a poem while YOU do it!

bfstevie@yahoo.com January 20, 2009 at 12:36 pm

I’m getting my own fig tree! Thanks, Rev.

romer January 20, 2009 at 12:37 pm

oh, I love this guy…

pocket Liz January 20, 2009 at 12:37 pm

Crazy old man. Don’t you know prayers don’t rhyme?

pattycake January 20, 2009 at 12:37 pm

…if it’s brown, we won’t flush it down.

Wonks Adventure January 20, 2009 at 12:37 pm

Rhymes! Fuck ya!

TheNavOne January 20, 2009 at 12:37 pm

That guy was soooooo high.

hockeymom January 20, 2009 at 12:37 pm

Well…Lowry’s poem was memorable.

memzilla January 20, 2009 at 12:37 pm

Best benediction EVAH !!1!!

FreshCliches January 20, 2009 at 12:37 pm

“Yella, Mella”???? Preacha, pleeeease.

AmazingLarry January 20, 2009 at 12:37 pm

The red man can get ahead man? Give this guy a post! President of hip cat swingers.

Dire squirrel January 20, 2009 at 12:37 pm

HAHAHAHA the preacher can also do poetry. It rhymes!

TGY January 20, 2009 at 12:37 pm

[re=223330]FreshCliches[/re]: Oh, thanks. You managed to trigger my memory of ‘The Jeffersons’. Movin on up! To the East side! We finally got a piece of the pie!

Dreamer January 20, 2009 at 12:38 pm

That poem sucked and the black preacher rocked eventhough he was so policically incorrect.

WadISay January 20, 2009 at 12:38 pm

Did Obama end these wars and recession yet? I’ve been paying him for 38 friggin’ minutes alread!!!

Mustang January 20, 2009 at 12:39 pm

“Sara is angry that they didn’t pick another poet, because Sara knows all poets, because she went to Harvard.”

I took British Lit at a crappy state school, and I completely agree with Sara. See, Hopey’s uniting us already.

Mighty Rex January 20, 2009 at 12:39 pm

Every one of those singin’ dudez has a mofackin’ LAPEL PIN, baby. Srsly.

chascates January 20, 2009 at 12:39 pm

Oprah is leaving with her entourage.

smellyal8r January 20, 2009 at 12:40 pm

Well, it’s done now. The world I have suffered through these past eight years (though while watching my income rise by about 70 percent) is gone. I imagine the guy at the Farragut North metro station who hollered “Impeach Dick Cheney, the Liar” is now gone. Gone to his condo in South Beach to retire, dream and write…S’long W you skunk. Getcher ass back to Texas. Good riddance. I’ll happily take my chances with this guy.

Lascauxcaveman January 20, 2009 at 12:40 pm

National anthem! He was totally flat on the “Broad Stripes and Bright Stars” line! His preznitcy is illegitimate! PUMAs rejoice!

The Station Manager January 20, 2009 at 12:40 pm

Did they really tell us to let it mellow if it’s yellow? I’ll take it one step further, and always let it mellow.

AmazingLarry January 20, 2009 at 12:40 pm

Hey, democraps, you’ve been in charge for almost 35 minutes and I haven’t seen nothing! Where’s my money!!

SkimLatteModerate January 20, 2009 at 12:40 pm

Wait, real question, what’s the name of the piece they’re playing now? (After the anthem)

GreenFunkDanCass January 20, 2009 at 12:40 pm

Great benediction speech! When Obama refers to ‘the people’ a player in history it has meaning, from his life, the African-American experience. That’s just good and can’t be blunted by overthinking

chascates January 20, 2009 at 12:41 pm

Sweet Jeebus on a Moped, can you imagine the difference if McCain and Palin were on that stage taking the oath?

TGY January 20, 2009 at 12:41 pm

Talkin’ heads tellin’ me what I just saw. Thanks!

Scarab January 20, 2009 at 12:41 pm

So we can call them ‘yellow men’ now?

Mighty Rex January 20, 2009 at 12:41 pm

Quick Qwesh… what would happen if Obama just flat-out cold-cocked W right now as they go up the steps? What would Secret Service do? Sharks v Jets? I would pay big munnies (Ameros) to see that.

TheNavOne January 20, 2009 at 12:42 pm

You don’t have ol’ Bush to kick around anymore.

p-Sludge January 20, 2009 at 12:43 pm

how irritating if like W or Cheney end up in custody over at the Hague at some point and the Obama Administration is like “hey you can’t do that!” and goes to bat for them. ugh.

user-of-owls January 20, 2009 at 12:44 pm

[re=223360]GreenFunkDanCass[/re]: You auditioning to be the next inaugural poet?

ManchuCandidate January 20, 2009 at 12:44 pm

Bill Bennett didn’t like the bit about hard work. No more losing/sucking at Video Poker for you, Pork Pie!

Czn939 January 20, 2009 at 12:44 pm

Brit Hume just outed himself live on the national TeeVees!
“For someone, er, for those that look from the right…”

Dreamer January 20, 2009 at 12:45 pm

Chief Justice Roberts messed up the oath of office – let the conspiracies begin. A gift to the PUMA’s and wingnuts (not that they’re mutually exclusive).

BBC loved the speech.

facehead January 20, 2009 at 12:45 pm

WORST HIP HOP SHOW EVER.

pocket Liz January 20, 2009 at 12:45 pm

[re=223364]Mighty Rex[/re]: Yes, complete with finger snaps, sweet dance moves and singing.

p-Sludge January 20, 2009 at 12:46 pm

in the Obama administration, gay marriage will not be legal. However, musically making love to an Ewok in public will be mandatory.

TGY January 20, 2009 at 12:47 pm

[re=223364]Mighty Rex[/re]: The Pres-that-Is takes priority over the Pres-that-Was. Also, cocks will distributed on a first-come-first-served basis, cold or otherwise.

user-of-owls January 20, 2009 at 12:47 pm

[re=223365]TheNavOne[/re]: Based on the last eight years, I believe you reversed the kicker-kickee equation.

ManchuCandidate January 20, 2009 at 12:47 pm

Bill bitching about the booing of Human Rights Defendant 45523 and 45542? At least those booing kept their shoes on.

pocket Liz January 20, 2009 at 12:47 pm

BTW TOTALLY waiting for the ice on the reflecting pool to crack and for all the people to fall through.

Is that mean?

chascates January 20, 2009 at 12:47 pm

President Bush’s chopper has started. Look out Midland!

SayItWithWookies January 20, 2009 at 12:47 pm

[re=223361]chascates[/re]: Yeah — I wouldn’t be watching, first of all. And I would be doing my not watching from Costa Rica.

TGY January 20, 2009 at 12:48 pm

So…regime change to a Hussein? There should be something about that in the Laws of Irony.

Min January 20, 2009 at 12:48 pm

[re=223254]memzilla[/re]: In a word, yes.

facehead January 20, 2009 at 12:48 pm

[re=223369]Czn939[/re]: I thought you meant he complained of his inability to use a port-a-potty due to his wide stance.

TGY January 20, 2009 at 12:50 pm

[re=223381]pocket Liz[/re]: That’s at least some cause for reflection, anyway.

Czn939 January 20, 2009 at 12:50 pm

[re=223384]TGY[/re]: WIN!

chascates January 20, 2009 at 12:50 pm

Biden, give Cheney a noogie!

NoWireHangers January 20, 2009 at 12:50 pm

AMEN!

shanemacgowan January 20, 2009 at 12:51 pm

[re=223370]Dreamer[/re]: You mean that I don’t have to pay my taxes now because Barry was not officially sworn in?

bitchincamaro January 20, 2009 at 12:51 pm

No mention of buttsecks. Wtf?

OffTheRecord January 20, 2009 at 12:51 pm

Bush is leaving! He is actually leaving! I am so excited.

Get on the helicopter right now! Go!

Scarab January 20, 2009 at 12:52 pm

I’m hoping that they leave Cheney and his wheelchair in some old vacant lot.

SpikeyDog January 20, 2009 at 12:52 pm

My browser just shut down while reading the comments. A final gift from the Bushwackers?

Violenza January 20, 2009 at 12:52 pm

[re=223378]TGY[/re]: Now if those were hot cocks being distributed freely, that would be some change to believe in for real.

chascates January 20, 2009 at 12:53 pm

Can someone que the geese when Bush’s plane takes off?

Cape Clod January 20, 2009 at 12:54 pm

So long you worthless pile of excrement! You won’t be missed AT ALL!!!

PrairiePossum January 20, 2009 at 12:54 pm

Barry’s first job as Prez – take the trash to the curb.

Scarab January 20, 2009 at 12:54 pm

Crash, please crash.

shortsshortsshorts January 20, 2009 at 12:55 pm

THE WHOLE CAPITOL IS LOCKED DOWN. PEOPLE ARE RIOTING. WHAT HAS CHANGE DONE TO US?

Schadenfried January 20, 2009 at 12:55 pm

[re=223278]chascates[/re]: That would have been Epic Win!

user-of-owls January 20, 2009 at 12:55 pm

[re=223386]facehead[/re]: At first I read “port-a-poety” and thought, ‘How very apropos.’

NoWireHangers January 20, 2009 at 12:55 pm

[re=223344]memzilla[/re]: when the red man can get ahead, man

Dr Tobias Funke January 20, 2009 at 12:56 pm

OMG Peggy Nooners on MSNBC

Schadenfried January 20, 2009 at 12:56 pm

[re=223349]Dreamer[/re]: Rev. Pop Pop was the man!

Czn939 January 20, 2009 at 12:57 pm

I was hoping they would make W live up to his middle name and have him WALK back to Texas.

bhosp January 20, 2009 at 12:57 pm

Free at last.

Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool January 20, 2009 at 12:57 pm

Besides Hopey not sporting a grille, I am disappointed by no Wonketeers with a D&D reference. The land of the unicorns haz triumphed, Urkel has the wizard powers over the geeks!

bhosp January 20, 2009 at 12:57 pm

Oh jesus millions of people singing na na na na….

bitchincamaro January 20, 2009 at 12:58 pm

[re=223399]SpikeyDog[/re]: Gimme’ bandwidth, or gimme’ death.

shortsshortsshorts January 20, 2009 at 12:59 pm

They just announced that the White House will be moved to face Mecca

Dreamer January 20, 2009 at 12:59 pm

[re=223393]shanemacgowan[/re]: someone is collecting donations for the supreme court challenge. Until that court case is settled we live in a land without a president. Brian Williams is assuring the nation that Hopey is legit.

hockeymom January 20, 2009 at 1:00 pm

Juan Williams is crying on FOX news. He’s crying about Joe Lowry.
Britt, however, is a tool.

chascates January 20, 2009 at 1:00 pm

One of the strongest memories I have is that of the B&W TV imagines of blacks in the south being sprayed with water hoses and German Shepherds being set upon them.
Can someone in Alabama find Bull Connor’s grave and take it shit on it for the rest of us?

Keram2 January 20, 2009 at 1:02 pm

Hahahahahaha. Today we just saw history happen before our eyes. Years of struggle have finally paid off. Hope has overcome cyncism… and what is The Confluence’s response? A quote… from Chumbawumba.

Stay classy, PUMAs.

AxmxZ January 20, 2009 at 1:03 pm

Watch your sinister new President sign the cabinet papers sinisterly.

Barrett808 January 20, 2009 at 1:03 pm

He’s a lefty — spawn of Satan!

bitchincamaro January 20, 2009 at 1:05 pm

It’s a great day! For a bad news dump. Stay vigilant, people. Also.

TGY January 20, 2009 at 1:05 pm

[re=223424]Keram2[/re]: “Pissing the night away”? Not a bad idea!

DustBowlBlues January 20, 2009 at 1:06 pm

[re=223188]IceCreamEmpress[/re]: Since Roberts was swearing in a Democrat, and a negro at that, he probably didn’t bother practicing ahead and was having trouble making out the crib notes on his sleeve.

Rat bastard. And give it up for my black preacher–blew that fucking Ric Warren out of the fucking water. Acting out of love–for those of you (all of you) losers who don’t know anything about Wesleyan theology, that phrase sums up what the founder meant the church to be. I’m proud. And give the old man the rhymes at the end–I’ll bet he’s been saying that since his days as one of the founders of the SCLC.

slavojzizek January 20, 2009 at 1:06 pm

Great, he’s done. Now can everyone who was spending their work day watching this get back to wasting time buying used books on Amazon? My livelihood depends on it. All this momentous occasion is killing my sales.

OffTheRecord January 20, 2009 at 1:06 pm

Oh my god. Look at the White House website. It is glorious. I cannot stop with my annoying happiness.

Barrett808 January 20, 2009 at 1:07 pm

OMG: “Bush get da hell out!” sign in the crowd

Czn939 January 20, 2009 at 1:07 pm

[re=223424]Keram2[/re]: that’s only because they were subconciously planning on getting blitzed and crying away their grief. Whiskey, vodka, lager, cider….

troqua January 20, 2009 at 1:08 pm

What, I’m supposed to sacrifice and he’s dining on pheasant?

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO January 20, 2009 at 1:08 pm

He’s a lefty?!?!?!?! Sumbitch! Can I change my vote? Left handed writing creeps me the fuck out.

El Pinche January 20, 2009 at 1:08 pm

look at all those happy faces. Imagine a McCain/Palin inaugura..blarghgHH. I just slightly vomited.

Nerdalicious January 20, 2009 at 1:10 pm

[re=223397]Scarab[/re]:

They should wheel Dr. Strangelove down to the Super Dome in New Orleans & leave a note on him

TGY January 20, 2009 at 1:11 pm

[re=223434]OffTheRecord[/re]: Oh my God! Uh..embarrassing. L33T H4X0RZ have struck!

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO January 20, 2009 at 1:11 pm

OffTheRecord: It’s like his campaign website only it isn’t asking me for money every five minutes.

TGY January 20, 2009 at 1:13 pm

[re=223440]troqua[/re]: McCain would dine on peasant.

Czn939 January 20, 2009 at 1:14 pm

[re=223443]El Pinche[/re]: nah, it would have run too long with “also” at the end of every Palin’s butchered sentences during her oath.

TheNavOne January 20, 2009 at 1:16 pm

I need to know what Ashton Kutcher thinks about the speech. Can they not find Ashton Kutcher?

aflurry January 20, 2009 at 1:16 pm

[re=223233]TheNavOne[/re]: What Gill Scott Heron meant was that it would be streamed over the internet.

President Beeblebrox January 20, 2009 at 1:17 pm

[re=223434]OffTheRecord[/re]: Ho ho, when I tried to bring up the Bush Record PDF that I read earlier this morning:

The BEST 404 message I have seen EVAR.

http://www.whitehouse.gov/404/?aspxerrorpath=/infocus/bushrecord/default.aspx

aflurry January 20, 2009 at 1:18 pm

[re=223242]Mighty Rex[/re]: my favorite part.

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO January 20, 2009 at 1:18 pm

Czn939: “Also,too, I DO swear to protect the Constitution… because, like everyone I know, I am ILL over the healthcare, such as, and the Iraq, too, the Great Ronald Reagan, and… uh… I’ll get back to ya!”

Czn939 January 20, 2009 at 1:18 pm

[re=223472]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Let the purging begin!

Czn939 January 20, 2009 at 1:21 pm

[re=223476]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: you forgot “You betcha! “

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO January 20, 2009 at 1:21 pm

Ooh, maybe they could have swapped roles should Palin/McCain been elected. That way John Roberts and Sarah Palin could have butchered the ever living piss out of the ceremony.

eekahil January 20, 2009 at 1:24 pm

Who did that “let’s start here” picture?
It is nice.
Thank you.

Purple Tide January 20, 2009 at 1:29 pm

I’m just waiting for the purple man to get a… shit, nothing rhymes with purple.

DustBowlBlues January 20, 2009 at 1:31 pm

Henceforth, I want Hopey encased in a popemobile and protected from all harm.

TheNavOne January 20, 2009 at 1:32 pm

So are they going to allow comments on the White House blog?

DustBowlBlues January 20, 2009 at 1:33 pm

I’m back to the old faithful, MSNBC. Anyone had the stomach to monitor what Faux news if doing to ruin the moment? Ric “Make Jerfferson Puke” Warren on a loop?

chascates January 20, 2009 at 1:38 pm

[re=223517]DustBowlBlues[/re]: And Faux refers to him as ‘Dr.’ Warren.

Czn939 January 20, 2009 at 1:40 pm

[re=223469]TheNavOne[/re]: FOUND HIM!

GreyPanter January 20, 2009 at 1:43 pm

A shout out to all the non-neanderthal Supreme Court justices who stayed alive until The Coming.

GreyPanter January 20, 2009 at 1:49 pm

Sorry for not having read all of the previous posts, but did anyone wonder why Bush was announced as George Walker Bush and Barry was announced as Barack H Obama? I wonder who’s choice it was to not say “Hussein”?

DangerousLiberal January 20, 2009 at 1:50 pm

[re=223224]hockeymom[/re]: Thinking? Where have you been the last eight years?

p-Sludge January 20, 2009 at 1:50 pm

wow. thanks crooks&liars: http://www.whitehouse.gov/

shitimintexas January 20, 2009 at 1:51 pm

I wonder why the navy choose to sing a Sex Pistols song.

Purple Tide January 20, 2009 at 1:52 pm

That one anti-Warren sign flashed on ABC for a second: “Can you say bigot? Yes we can!”

That’s some vintage catty snark right there.

wickedlittledoll January 20, 2009 at 1:55 pm
Purple Tide January 20, 2009 at 1:57 pm

[re=223551]GreyPanter[/re]: Same reason George HW Bush went by HW instead of “Hitler’s Wife.” It’s embarrassing to have a dictator’s middle name!

BobLoblawLawBlog January 20, 2009 at 1:58 pm

Did anyone notice when Brokaw waxed rhapsodic over the special connection between the bodyman and the POTUS when he caught sight of Reggie Love, only to realize minutes later it was Michelle’s brother? Nice to be reminded that, in this new era of post-racial equality, “they” all still look alike to “the greatest generation.”

Trace January 20, 2009 at 2:14 pm

[re=223551]GreyPanter[/re]: I too wondered about the sinister “Barack H Obama” thing. What does H stand for? Heretic? Hitler? Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil!? The American people have a right to know!

chascates January 20, 2009 at 2:16 pm

[re=223566]Purple Tide[/re]: Or Hangman’s Woodie.

Purple Tide January 20, 2009 at 2:19 pm

Pat Buchanan just had a full on Hopegasm live on MSNBC. Do I hear the hiss of a hastily doused burning cross at the Buchanan family estate? Or is Pat’s vision going and he thinks Barry O’Bama is a fellow “Black Irish.”

Trace January 20, 2009 at 2:32 pm

[re=223621]Purple Tide[/re]: Maybe he thinks the California Raisins are making a comeback. I know they wanted to leave us, but I refuse to let them go.

HipHopOpotamus January 20, 2009 at 2:35 pm

I want my “I went to the 2009 Inauguration and all I got was this Muslin President” shirt.

TheNavOne January 20, 2009 at 2:40 pm

Has anyone checked out whitehouse.org? That is some truly bizarre shit.

http://www.whitehouse.org/initiatives/posters/index.asp

Bearbloke January 20, 2009 at 3:26 pm

[re=223188]IceCreamEmpress[/re]: Only a TERRORIST Supreme Court Justice would mangle the text of our Yang Worship Words, and try to misunderestimate The One into repeating such satanic blather… SHIP ROBERT’S ASS TO GITMO-ON-THE-POTOMAC PRONTO!!!11!!!!1!!

Bearbloke January 20, 2009 at 3:34 pm

[re=223299]Neilist[/re]: We bought out his contract months ago, so I guess he’s been out hustling speaking gigs….

Bearbloke January 20, 2009 at 3:39 pm

[re=223323]S.Luggo[/re]: No, no – the war was scheduled ONLY during the American Interregnum – now that it’s over, everyone back to the ‘Diplomacy’ pool!

whiskey tango foxtrot January 20, 2009 at 6:19 pm

buhbuhbut what about aretha franklin’s hat?

SC_Liberalette January 20, 2009 at 6:37 pm

I wish Barry would have turned around and bitch slapped Bush after he got done talking to him like a 5 year old.

That asshole deserves alot more.

Enjoy your time hiding in South America, you fuck.

Norbert January 20, 2009 at 6:49 pm

[re=223224]hockeymom[/re]: oh those Golden Grahams! / crispy Golden Grahams / etc…

L Urchin January 20, 2009 at 7:20 pm

[re=223472]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Oh, snap! Rickrolling would have been funnier, but this is good.

CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us January 20, 2009 at 11:21 pm

[re=223244]tunamelt[/re]: w00t w00t!

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