Here’s your new president, Barack Obama, just cold dialin’ the Joint Chiefs from the Oval Office and orderin’ up his new composite-kevlar superhero outfit and a dozen sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads. Also, new White House photographer Pete Souza is good! ALSO: Dear new White House, you dudes need to promptly get these pix up on the WhiteHouse.gov website, instead of special-delivering them to the frickin’ New York Times. America (Wonkette) owns these White House photos.
‘The jetpack must have a 5,000-mile range. The titanium armor must be black with red accents …’
by Ken Layne
by Ken Layne
4:48 pm January 21, 2009
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{ 48 comments }
How did he solve the icing problem?
He’s ordering take out from Ben’s Chili Bowl.
Now that’s something to smile about. Hopey’s at the helm.
You should check what the nuts at Free Republic have to say about this. Basically Hussein is masturbating over the grave of Reagan by not WEARING A JACKET!
A desk looks weird without a computer on it. Am I right?
“So I want a large pepperoni with arugula beans. Oh and please send it straight to the Oval Office, I don’t want Biden getting his fingers in my pie.”
Where’s his fucking computer? How is Hopey supposed to screw off at his desk if he can’t play some Bejeweled, log on Facebook, read Wonkette or send links to funny You Tube videos to his friends?
Oh wait… that’s what I do all day.
…where is Alfred the butler?
“Yes, Michelle. I saw the clip on YouTube. No, hon. I didn’t say a word to anyone. It was just a lucky guess. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. No, absolutely not. I will not order a Seal team to hunt her down and kill her.”
what a huge desk you have barry. my, what a large phone you have! the flag is kind of tiny compared to what’s eating protesters outside, but i guess it will do.
…WTF!!! I don’t understand; shouldn’t he bike riding or on vacation clearing brush?!
Was there some delay with the new drapes? Change the fucking drab drapes and get that fucking bush carpet out of there. Now. I don’t care if it’s a perfectly good and fairly attractive rug. Erase all traces.
Hmmm, first day in the new job. Where’s the stapler? Bunch of old paperclips and navel lint in the desk drawers. A letter from someone named 43. Think I’ll go put up a Post-it by the coffee maker that says, “Your mother doesn’t work here, clean up after yourself (smiley face).”
Sooo….Can when can we get a cordless?
“…hello. hello. Popeye’s? OK…yeah. Ready? OK…gimme the 16 piece with
4 sides of mashed potatoes. Huh? What?…Oh…No…No biscuits. Michelle’s mom makes
her own, and man, they’re bangin’.
OK. Right. Rahm’ll be there in 15 minutes.
Yo…don’t forget the hot sauce. Peace out.”
“hey Michelle. It’s on. No cookin’ for you tonight, cutie….till later.”
Wow! A president who can hold the phone right side up! That’s change I can believe in!
GWB: Hey did I leave anything …
BHO: Uh, I haven’t seen anyt–
GWB: Yeah, I think I left my…umbrella, under the desk. Or…and some…uh…drill bits were in the top drawer..
BHO: Nope. Haven’t seen an umbrella, or any drill bits.
GWB: Sure?
BHO: Yup. It’s as clean as a whistle.
GWB: Oh. Ok. Well, what are you doing?
BHO: Yeah I’ve gotta go, man.
GWB: Ok. (long pause)
BHO: I’ll call you when I get a few minutes.
GWB: (longer pause) …Ok.
BHO: Bye.
The Prez that Does.
I hope he slathered some purel on that phone to the get the fail off.
They’re telling him about the alien spacecraft crash in Rosewell in 1947. He’s listening calmly and astutely.
Is that a grey peeking through the window?
Hello, and thank you for calling the Butterball Hotline. My name is Barack and I’ll be assisting you today.
Hey Honey, tell Sasha I like the ducky she colored for me… Oh wait, it’s from Bush, never mind…
He must have been calling his guy. The bike messengers always get hassled when they deliver blow to the Oval Office.
“And write down that the idiot carved a big ‘W’ right here in the center of the desk. I’m not paying for that, so make sure that’s noted.”
You cant see it, but there are 8 cartons of Marlboro Reds under that desk.
“No, there was nothing too secret. It just said, ‘To #44 from #43: Don’t forget — Iraq is the freedomy one, Iran is the Ayatollahy one. That used to get me every time, G.”
“You get that bumpin’ CD player installed in my Presmobile yet?”
Okay, but I could set the building on fire…
It’s traditional for Muslims, when newly elected to an office, to make their first phone call to another Muslim. Hence: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/us_elections/article5563280.ece
Haha! It’s funny because it’s the first time a Muslim has ever been elected to office. They usually get in by killing a predecessor.
[re=225014]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I kind of hope he has a cigarette if he needs it. I’d rather have my President focused during a world crisis than wishing he could smoke.
Suitcoat: Forget the effing suitcoat. I saw the Hawaii photos. Hell, if I had his bod, I’d sit around in the Oval Office in my 501s and flip flops. Mahalo, baby.
Obama is actually Metal Wolf?
[re=225017]SayItWithWookies[/re]: and if you decide to prosecute us for torture/war crimes/constitution shredding I am so sendin’ my mother to DC after you all.
Lazy Barry. Just chillin on the phone his first day in office. For shame!
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/2009/01/barrys-first-day-anything-but-business.html
yeah, now that my man is in- I will have to stop visiting this so often. I am going to get busy just like Barack and spend my time keeping the pledge I made for this President. Sounds serious- but I am pretty old for Wonkette. So I guess my pretend kids, Sara and Ken and jim and Juli(who is younger than my kids and Kevin(from Rumproast) will be growing w/o me. I may still visit with my fantasy son, Shafeen, who is a serious guy. Good luck!
All in favor of the COMPLETE ANNIHILATION of Austin Powers references FOREVER please quiver with seething disdain.
All of you are wrong. He’s calling Michael Flatley to get some lessons real quick so he can go on Dancing With The Stars in about 6 weeks.
That’s not a Grey poking in the window. It’s Dick Cheney and he’s wondering why his hand is cold, wet and covered in santorum.
“Get me Ken Layne on the horn. Now. I gotta tell him I’m sickadis shit.”
[re=224980]actor212[/re]: phone, my pet goat book…sheeeet, that explains a lot! He held the polls upside down and thought he was leaving at the top of his game!
[re=225307]Mr Blifil[/re]: win
“Layne, what is up with this place? It’s a freakin’ zoo trapped in 1998! No wifi, bunch a lame-ass Dell desktops, goofy rug, and no tune machine. Who could work here much less live here?”
[re=224951]AdRock[/re]: Queen Victoria’s emissaries will be highly annoyed at the unseemly display of shirt sleeve.
[re=224950]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: This is the first time in 8 years that I’ve felt that someone is at the helm.
Otay. Mandatory snark for the picture:
1. “Fries with that.”
2. “Cheney stole fucking what?”
3. “O-B-A-M-A. Yes, I’ll wait.”
Counting down to the inevitable “He’s NOT WEARING A FLAG LAPEL PIN ON HIS SHIRT!!!” post. in 3…2…
[re=224951]AdRock[/re]: OK, here’s a pic of Gerald Ford in the oval office without a jacket, too.
http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/08WK8uqb6D7ks/610x.jpg
[re=225526]TJBeck[/re]: …and Jimmy Carter
https://www.cia.gov/library/center-for-the-study-of-intelligence/csi-publications/csi-studies/studies/winter99-00/pg16.gif
…and the Gerald Ford again
http://www.umich.edu/ford/gallery/thumbnails/21.jpg
“Wow! A president who can hold the phone right side up! That’s change I can believe in!”
That photo is ‘shopped (http://www.snopes.com/photos/politics/bushphone.asp), and given how much real stuff like that there is, we don’t have to make it up.
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