- WHY MICHAEL PHELPS IS THE WORST PERSON EVER: Did you hear about this Phelps character, an elite swimmer who was photographed smoking the evil gateway drug marijuana? “It doesn’t matter that ‘everybody else is doing it,’ because my bet is that everybody else smoking pot at that student party at the University of South Carolina doesn’t have endorsement deals worth $100 million. They haven’t courted the concept of being a role model and selling cellphones and cereal to mothers and grandmothers and little children.” Next we will find out that Michael Phelps didn’t pay his taxes, and then his political career is OVER. [Washington Post]
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{ 78 comments }
A real role model would have used a vaporizer–the safest way to get high!
Thank you for pot smoking.
so “special treatment” is out, eh? what if we call it something else? like “spreatment”?
wouldn’t that make it okay?
America needs the spoils system established by the late, great Andrew Jackson. and, apparently, we also need fun portmanteaus.
Can’t we just go back to not caring about Michael Phelps until 2012?
Obviously swimming is a gateway sport.
But he didn’t inhale, right?
If I was China, Germany, etc., I’d be even more pissed off now at this. This mofo has got the black lung from smoking the Devil-Weed and he can STILL kick everyone’s ass in the pool?
Look, homie was just angling for another sponsorship-
http://www.roor-bongs.com/
It is important that we not let these amateur athletes infringe on the public behavior territory of our more responsible professional athletes! Next thing you know, Phelps will be wearing a wedding dress, covering his body in tattoos, shooting himself in the leg, and running a dog-fighting ring! Unacceptable! There’s a union, you know!
[re=235746]LeslieBee[/re]: It’s the chlorine. Also
…whats the point of having a multi million dollar endorsement deal if you cant jeopardize it with casual drug use, drunk driving, dog-fighting, domestic violence or mistakenly shooting yourself in the leg?! This isn’t the America our forefathers envisioned!!!
this is the horriblest thing ever. lying and taking the country to war, attacking the Constitution and civil liberties, torture, destroying the economy, electing Jim DeMint. these are nothing! NOTHING!. I cried myself to sleep over this. well, something. I dunno. maybe I didn’t. But it is important the horrible, horrible menace of marijuana be stopped. isn’t it?
Won’t most little kids find out that Michael Phelps smoked bong rips after an adult (likely addicted to meth) explains to them what bong rips are? Couldn’t they just, like, not tell them about this?
Remember kids, Winners only sometimes use drugs.
I’m going to go ahead and posit my theory that there is no such thing as a role model. Really, did you or anyone you grew up with actually try to emulate any kind of public figure? Other than Richard Nixon, I mean.
[re=235751]Mighty Rex[/re]: …beat me to the Michael Vick, Plaxico Burress snark! Damn you!!!
Leave Michael Phelps Alone!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omsDZz41Ks4
If I were Mister Phelps I’d say ‘screw it’ and start looking for endorsements from the Hemp Manufacturers of America since, over the long run, they’d probably be able to offer me a better deal.
Public sentiment in the comments fields is trending at about 70% in Michael’s favor and I’m sure Nate over at 538 could make some serious political hay over that.
But, hey, like, dudes, what, a live-blogging moment has gone by, Harry Markopolos is testifying against the SEC’s handling of the Madoff case on the hill right now, and you are missing it.
Completely.
Also.
hmm I’m going to go with, I don’t really care what Michael Phelps smokes. When you’ve won 8 or more gold medals, then you can comment.
There you go kids, win big at the olympics and you can smoke POT! Or you can just steal it from your parents. thats how real america does it.
[re=235758]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I was gonna say, other than Anne Rice, no.
…if he keeps this up he is going to look like Ian Thorpe in a few years!
[Next we will find out that Michael Phelps didn’t pay his taxes, and then his political career is OVER.]
it’s funny because south carolina has a $3.5/gram tax on pot. http://norml.org/index.cfm?Group_ID=6668#South%20Carolina
I smoked pot in college. You’d best take my kids to foster homes immediately.
Problem is nobody looks cool taking a bonghit. Getting photographed smoking a nimbly rolled fatty spliff – now that’s going to get you some respect.
Now, after stupidly taking a bong hit essentially in public…
That was stupid — always take your bong hit, or crack pipe hit, in a private place.
If you are 50 or under, at least half of your college professors smoked pot. If you’re older, I dunno.
I’d consider his past DUI a bit more anti-role model than this, wouldn’t you say? That, or just being a pompous dick. Take your pick?
Can someone point me to a college-age swimmer who isn’t smoking the DEVIL WEED?
[re=235757]Mista Eko[/re]: Oh yeah, I’m SOOO sure. Try go telling that to the Snowboard medalists.
I duly expect to see Mr. Phelps on the hill lobbying on behalf of NORML. And next superbowl I want to see him in some Doritos and Cheetos ads. Also.
[re=235771]Iggy Plop[/re]: But to legally be “cool”, you must also be saying “Did I stutta muthafucka?” while the spliff is in your mouth.
[re=235775]PsycGirl[/re]: Theirs drank in speakeasies and hung around with those flapper harlots
i’m supposed to give a fuck what some jackass from ESPN radio thinks about smoking pot?
i’m more likely to turn to Wonkette for actual political analysis.
[re=235779]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: For the snowboarders, it’s like a training meal.
Does that Rosetta Stone thing have a program to teach stoner speak? Mikey might need that.
Marijuana is the gateway to 14 Olympic medals?
Sign me up!
This is a job for Bluntman and Chronic.
[re=235758]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Darryl Strawberry.
[re=235758]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Both my brothers tried to emulate Evel Kneivel. It turns out that skateboards+ramp do not equal a motorcycle and a canyon.
Hey, he put his $100 million at risk. He’ll probably only make, oh, say $20 million. Really, really sad.
Next we will find out that Michael Phelps didn’t pay his taxes, and then his political career is OVER.
On the contrary. That will just be its storied beginning.
[re=235792]PsycGirl[/re]: I bet it did equal a pair of Darwin awards, or at least an amusing event to watch.
My brother was one of the culprits responsible for destroying this great leader of men. Seriously.
Michael Phelps and Carl Sagan. Obviously cannabis is a barrier to excellence.
I feel like we’re all missing something here…oh, yeah
“Bong Hits 4 (acquatic)Jesus”
I just think everyone’s jealous. Ask any woman under the age of 80 if they’d still do him, & I think the answer would be a resounding ‘God yes’.
A word of caution, Michael: brownies. TMZ won’t give anyone a nickel for pix of you eating them. And it’s a nice, longer high.
Hell, with all the parental pressure to be the best of the best, the kid surely needed some doobage.
I am outraged. I demand that all the shitloads of crap I buy for my greedy teenager be promoted by wholesome role models like Paris Hilton or Mylee Cyrus, not some pot addicted spokesswimmer.
If it’s black and brown people who die and go to jail for the weed, why do the rich white kids always get the pass? There, I wrote a sentence that was way better than Michael Wilbon’s whole article. Can I be a sportz riter now?
[re=235806]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: A resounding yes from the neck down. Above there, he’s kind of duh looking.
Meh, he’ll be fine; athletes only loose their endorsements if they’re lesbians. (Oh wait, that was the 1980s; now virtually all female tennis players are either Saphic or Jehovah’s Witnesses.)
i’m too annoyed by this pollyannaic douchebaggery I can’t even muster something clever or snarky.
this fuckface gets paid a lot of money to argue on-air and in-print with other douchebags about professional sports. if not for the marions, vicks, barry bondses, pacmans, and plaxicos, this asshole would be left with nothing to fill time and column inches. how dare he complain about phelps’s behavior? NEWSFLASH, asshole, superstars like Phelps making mistakes is the only reason you have a career in the first place.
so FUCK him and his “i never smoked pot” bullshit.
“edited” books for charles barkley MY ASS.
I like Mr. Wilbon’s outraged stance — but y’know, if his sponsors don’t care whether he smokes weed, and nobody else does either, it kinda takes away from the consequences, doesn’t it?
His “apology” was epic lame. Now he can kiss the shot at a cover for High Times, too.
This calls for Paris Hilton to go on the YouTubes to clear the Phelps taint off the proud Hilton name.
maybe if Wilbon had smoked pot in his life he would have developed the creativity to write an article that doesn’t make me want to choke the life out of him.
If it weren’t for self righteous douches publishing columns and yapping on CNN for 5 hours about this, how would would the poor, poor, role-model-deprived children know that they shouldn’t have seen this sort of awful behavior?
Barry really has changed the world. Kathleen Parker is for legalizing pot. Whoa…I think her conservative Republican card has officially been revoked.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/03/AR2009020302645.html?hpid=opinionsbox1
hey, Kathleen Parker says it’s OK! The Repubs might regret giving her shit for dissing Palin.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/03/AR2009020302645.html?hpid=opinionsbox1
[re=235797]loudmouthredhead[/re]: They might have gotten Honorable Mentions for the Darwin Awards, but their choices in girlfriends for a while were definitely Darwin winners.
Doesn’t winning mean anything, anymore…? What’s the point? But, [re=235760]danko[/re]: Please, dear God, NO! That was cruel….
KP ‘n’ MP, sittin’ in a tree, K I S S I N…jest tryin’not to fall out of the fuckin’ tree, man, am I zoned…
Loose endorsements. Sounds kind of kinky.
I wonder if Michael Wilbon would agree that Barack Obama shouldn’t be President because he made the same “screw up” when he was in his 20s.
Please. I think every president we have from here on out will have done drugs at least once. Clinton, W, and Barry all smoked ganja. Barry and W even dabbled with blow. Which means that any of us can be president. Hear that stoners of America? There is hope for you!
[re=235755]qwerty42[/re]: Oh, if only Phelps and his people had had the balls and foresight to respond to this non-situation in just the way you suggest. Can’t you just hear him at the presser? “Dude, I won eight freaking medals then celebrated by smoking a little weed. It’s not like I lied the country into war and then celebrated by smoking a little weed.”
His argument makes more sense to me if you replace “Michael Phelps” with “CEOs of major bank corps”, “100 million in endorsements” with “100 million per year in salary”, and “smoked weed” with “made incredibly stupid and risky business decisions that drove their company into the ground, thus necessitating a huge bailout from the American government, then bitched endlessly about how they may only make 500K in salary for the next couple of years unless their corporate board votes to increase that salary, which they most certainly will.”
But hey, everyone else was doing it. Yeah, I’m feeling something akin to outrage.
What I’m saying is, the argument Wilbon is making is “You are making a lot of money to be some sort of icon, and people seem to look up to you. Don’t be a fucking douchenozzle.”
To which I would like to suggest: Like politicians, sports stars are almost always complete assholes. Stop paying them so fucking much to make laws/hawk products.
[re=235869]NoWireHangers[/re]: W “dabbled” with blow? Oh spare me, sister.
In the 70′s and 80′s, W hoovered up so much pure, uncut crystaline fine that it damn hear hollowed out his skull, obviously. He singlehandedly kept 14 Peruvian harvesters and all their burros fat for nearly a decade.
What about the children? Why won’t anyone think of the children!
Could someone please summarize that column for me? Because I never made it past the words “…then cast your eyes elsewhere.”
[re=235927]Woodwards Friend[/re]: I’m sure quite a few people are thinking of the children. Specifically, they’re thinking of children and a THC equivilent of Micheal Jackson’s term for wine: Jesus Juice.
First pot, then what? I think we all know where this ends. With Phelps a broke and jobless with heroin needles coming out of his arms
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/2009/02/michael-phelps-sorry-for-puffing-away.html
Why won’t anybody think about the poor soul who sold his soul to rat out Michael Phelps? And by “think about” I mean corner in a dark alley and brain with a heavy, blunt instrument. Who the fuck does that? If my brother told me he was the News of the World’s source I’d brain him, just on principle. Uncool, man. Way uncool. Also. Just goes to show that inbreeding (south carolina) is far worse for you than smoking pot.
Why does Micheal Phelps hate your children and want them to fail so badly?
http://dailysuffering.wordpress.com/2009/02/04/michael-phelps-is-michael-vick-with-fins-now/
[re=235758]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Only to try and be 6 feet tall, 105 lbs, like a model. Because of my poor ethics and general worthlessness, I only grew to 5 feet four inches. WHY do I always sabotage my dreams?!
Most expensive bong hit ever.
He does have a degree from Michigan to fall back on, right?
so nobody ever wondered why he was endorsing all that cereal and junk food and shit?
[re=235766]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: ok, now i believe he’s not gay.
[re=235927]Woodwards Friend[/re]:
do they also need a BONG …???
that’s child abuse…aint it?
Seriously – I think Phelps is looking for more sponsorships
Maybe he is getting a kickback from Roor Bongs – http://roorbongs.net
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