- Sales are booming at exactly one retailer in America: Wal-Mart, of course! [New York Times]
- California state legislators work the crappiest hours — 30 hours over the weekend and possibly an all-nighter tonight, so that they can pass a state budget already. [CNN]
- Pakistan has agreed to allow the imposition of Islamic law in its northwestern Swat region, because why not, the religious nuts have been running that place for a while anyway. [AFP]
- The euro continues to fall against the dollar, which is awesome for everybody with enough money to go on a European vacation soon — meaning, nobody. [Bloomberg]
- Hillary Clinton went on her first trip abroad as Secretary of State. She went to Japan and got embarrassingly hammered at a G7 press conference. [UPI]
- John McCain explained to a Wall Street Journal reporter how one whole month into the Obama presidency, our new leader has been revealed as a sham and a failure at everything. [WSJ]
Wal-Mart Now Under Sharia Law
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{ 48 comments }
I can’t wait until they defrost Steve Perry to sing the new Northwestern Pakistan Unincorporated Tribal Region national anthem: “Oh Sharia.”
If John McCain is an expert at anything, it’s being a sham and a failure.
My sources tell me that the Japanese Finance minister got into a drinking match with Hillary and that’s why he was hammered for the press conference. The Japanese male ego cannot handle being out Sake’d by a woman, and Hillary just drank him under the table. Indeed, my sources further tell me that he was forced to resign, not for being drunk at the press conference, but for losing to a woman in a drinking match. According to Japanese culture, the nation of Japan must now bury their Hattori Hanzo swords at the base of Mt. Fuji and offer to harvest America’s rice fields for six generations.
[re=244895]4tehlulz[/re]:
He’s also very good at losing his temper and pouting when he doesn’t get his way.
I can no longer distinguish between McCain’s face and McCain’s ass. It’s the saggy factor.
Oh, BTW, McPain, you skated through an entire national election without having to account for Keating Five, a scandal which bears close relation to the one we are enduring now. So in future, do us all a favor and shut the fuck up.
Welcome to Walmartistan.
In fairness to the Japanese finance minister, he only sounded drunk because he was asked to say, “Lazy Lilly licked lollipops in Lillihammer.”
John McCain is like one of those old men sitting at the bar at the American Legion at 1pm on a work day. Knows everything, could have done things better, but no one would listen to reason. The high point of his day will be using that Denny’s coupon at 4:30pm to get both the early bird price and the coupon discount.
[re=244897]Serolf Divad[/re]:
Silly Nipponese. Hilary-san* can drink. Didn’t they see the primary?
*I know the -san is for males, but Hils has TruckNutz.
When the GOP was in power, “Republicans abused this process, and I saw it, and I didn’t like it, and I complained about it at the time,” Mr. McCain said.
Clucking your tongue and shuffling your feet awkwardly until the leadership snaps its fingers does not count as complaining, Walnuts. You never failed to fall into line. The moral high ground here is taller than the anthill you’re standing on, so STFU.
Memo to: Self
Re.: Next trip to DC
Whatever you do, whatever happens, be sure never to stand between John McCain and any Sunday morning panel of bobbleheads.
Fuck all y’all, I’m goin’ to France and get me some cheap wine!
Dear USA,
Now is the right time to go to Europe – the low-cost air carriers have not gone out of business as predicted, but hotel prices are coming down. Restaurant prices, too. And Americans are out of the doghouse now that the evil dictator Bush has been overthrown. You will be welcomed with open arms by our recession-beaten people.
Oh, and bring Marlboro & nylon stockings please.
Yours sincerely,
The Europe
[re=244905]Terry[/re]:
The high point of his day will be using that Denny’s coupon at 4:30pm to get both the early bird price and the coupon discount.
We’ll still only leave a dollar tip, though.
Today, we are all Walmart greeters.
[re=244906]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I think -san can be used for females too. -Kun is used mostly for males. At least she wasn’t called Hillary-sama, like THAT wouldn’t go to her head.
[re=244911]wheelie[/re]: But the nylon stockings will just snag on your stubbly, stubbly legs, alas….
Hillary shows up shitfaced at a press conference? Big deal, wake me up when she doesn’t show up shitfaced at a press conference.
Like equality *slurp*, bipartisanship doesn’t *slurp* mean having a *slurp* upper hand, McPOW *slurp*.
“Pakistan has agreed to allow the imposition of Islamic law in its northwestern Swat region, because why not, the religious nuts have been running that place for a while anyway.”
Does that mean whe should do the same with Alaska, Idaho, Utah, etc.
[re=244912]Serolf Divad[/re]:
A full dollar? Only if that server brings him extra dinner bread and listens to his opinions on Waziristan.
Someone must have pointed out to the California lawmakers that if they stop cutting checks to state employees it means their coke & whore money goes dry too.
[re=244919]shanemacgowan[/re]:
Uh, we have. Have you looked at the Texas State Legistature lately? A few Austin hippies, handful of Tejanos from the Rio Grande Valley, a couple of black people from Houston, and the rest are God fearin’ fundies.
[re=244913]TGY[/re]:
aka trolls.
The Pakistan news is made all the more important, because the newsies love to say “Swat”.
I’ll go to Europe, seeing how we’ve racked up about $1million AA miles using our credit card for everything. I went to the World Cup in ’06 for $58 round-trip. Whether there will be any room left on the card to eat while I’m there is another question.
[re=244914]Schadenfried[/re]:
Hai. You are correct, Schadenfried-san!
Never mind that Swat has been bleeding refugees from Sharia for months, as it’s been the de facto law there for some time. But the Taliban never let a little thing like complete lack of support from anything but bearded, old pedophilic cow-fuckers get in the way of a great idea.
so, so tired of the GOP thinking “bipartisanship” = “give in to everything we say like you had been for several years (as opposed to only much of what we say)”
I understand it is early in the morning – but I think the “because why not?” has run its course. I need a new phrase to keep me giddy.
(Moreover, I always thought there was a missing comma after the because….).
love,
Beer.
[re=244914]Schadenfried[/re]: [re=244941]ManchuCandidate[/re]: According to those dreadful James Clavell novels I read in high school, you could also refer to her as Hilary-chan, the affectionate/diminutive. Though why anybody in their right mind would choose to do so is beyond me.
[re=244897]Serolf Divad[/re]: OK, the Hattori Hanzo reference in today’s Penny Arcade went over my head, and now you’re throwing it about too. What is this strange new meme, O Wise One, and where did it come from?
[re=244894]norbizness[/re]: They don’t have to defrost Steve Perry. Journey’s new singer, Arnel Pineda, sounds more like Steve than Steve did.
I avoid Walmart because it gives me panic attacks (true story), but I was there through no fault of mine last week, and it appeared that aside from a few loss leaders, the prices were not lower than any other store. Weird.
[re=244957]Guppy06[/re]: A famous Japanese sword making tradition, most notably used in Hillary’s two-volume memoir of her husband’s personal affairs: Kill Bill, Volumes I and II.
Let me get this straight: John “the fundamentals of the economy are strong” McCain thinks Obama’s economic strategy is incorrect, and Obama is a sham and a failure?
Awesome! Now we know that the Stimulus is going to be a raging success. McCain, like Grover Norquist and William Kristol and Jonah Goldberg, is a nearly 100-percent reliable bellwether of success … if you take the opposite of any advice they give!
[re=244919]shanemacgowan[/re]: Yes. Yes, definitely. I really *do* think we should let Alaska, Idaho, and Utah secede.
I’m semi-serious.
We’re better off without them, and it will be fun watching them, as they go about their nutty Jesus Orgy of preparing to be “Refuge” states for folks fleeing the wreckage of Godless America, fall on their medieval backward irrational asses.
And just think of all that lucrative traffic across the Jesusland/America (or Jesusland/Canada) borders on Saturday nights!
> I really *do* think we should let Alaska, Idaho, and Utah secede.
Shall we throw Texas in, too?
Who cares about the euro? What’s happening with the pound, dammit?
[re=244972]iolanthe[/re]:
Two state solution: we keep Alaska, Idaho and Utah, but give the wingnuts their own state in Texas.
Problem solved.
[re=244999]Serolf Divad[/re]: Fine, we’ll become part of Aztlan and then you’re all fucked. We’re used to being our own nation, you know… just not one full of megachurches and Whataburgers.
[re=244999]Serolf Divad[/re]: I’ll bet if we let them call it “Real America” or “Christian America”, or “Real Christian America” or “Real Super Christian America”, they’d go for it.
We could still be the United States.
Seems to me that a bunch of North Carolinians want to have Jesusland, too. We’ll get them tickets for Texas, too.
I just did a stupid snarky blog post about the McCain story, and some Freeper got all uppity. Shit, does this mean the 2008 election is gonna replace the War of Yankee Aggression as the thing to turn mouth-breathers into fire-breathers?
[re=244949]Cape Clod[/re]: I lived in Japan long ago — “san” is for grownups of either gender, “chan” is for kids…
From the LA Times:
Legislature adjourns with no budget; governor prepares to lay off 10,000.
Isn’t California always supposed to be a trendsetter for the rest of the country?
[re=245170]chascates[/re]: Yahoo News now claiming 20,000 state workers to be laid off. Sheesh, they probably ARE trendsetters!
Sham, Mr. McCain? Or Sham-WOW?
[re=245170]chascates[/re]: If you mean California is a trend-setter for financially troubled states full of uninformed smallminded voters who have a say in everything due to an increasingly out of control system of proposition measures and held hostage by conservative dead-enders who worship at the altar of St. Ronnie, then yes.
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