Soon everywhere you go it will be like the olden days in former Soviet satellite countries, where frightening old human gargoyles would sit outside public toilets and demand a few coins for a scrap of toilet “paper” (i.e. barky wood-pulp with splinters) that you would then toss into the hole in the restroom floor in honor of Tito. Except now this vital commerce will be transacted on airplane flights, in western Europe, because some air carriers are so cheap/broke that they’re thinking about how to “monetize” the human digestion and excretion process. Smart travelers will wear Depends whenever they fly Ryanair. The European budget travel industry needs a bailout. [Reuters]
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{ 47 comments }
They will change this policy once the first 2 year old decides to make himself dirty on take-off.
It’s a Euro thing. Not something I would do though.
Worst moment on a bidniz trip to France was an urgent need to go, frantically looking for a crapper, finally finding it and then initially discovering I didn’t have the correct change for the stall. I nearly tore my jeans pockets apart looking for a coin which I found, barely in time.
This is going to lead to people peeing out the windows in midflight.
Will they charge extra if you have a wide stance?
(sigh) Looks like it’s back to peeing in the airsickness bag for me.
The flight attendants are already complaining, rightly, about finding soiled nappies in the seat back pocket. This will just make it worse. Fly Ryanair: We’re all David Vitter now.
How much can I charge to have passengers pee on me? Maybe I can offset those costs some.
There was a Broadway musical about this called Urinetown.
[re=254383]ManchuCandidate[/re]: TMI?
Is it cheaper if you just bring your own cup?
[re=254390]DangerousLiberal[/re]: Sorry to disappoint you but Ryanair designed its aircraft specifically without seatback pockets to save money. Therefore I think you’ll have to put them under the seat, on top of the life preserver.
Smart travellers bring their own piss jugs
http://www.ryanairmag.com/story/calendar09/488/1/
Coffee, Tea or me? The “Trolly Dollies” are just asking for a golden shower.
[re=254400]Bruno[/re]: Why O’Leary hasn’t taken out the seats yet, I’ll never know.
This is just an interim measure until they put into service the planes that run on pee.
I thought the ‘Capella – The University Online’ was going to be some hilarious article about earning your masters or PhD in your PJs, but then it was an *actual* ad that our very own Wonkette *actually* ran. For shame. Bring back oversized Campbell Brown and her oversized lady bits!
Can I take a boat instead?
…we will see how quickly this policy changes once someone takes a steaming dump in the middle of coach!
…charging for seat belts is not so off.
Phase two is coin-op oxygen masks. Ventilating the entire cabin is too expensive – bring lots of quarters.
[re=254406]wheelie[/re]: Or how about an aircraft which replaces all ordinary seats with toilet seats? This could drive up in-flight beer sales.
Flying with wings is old crap my friends. Welcome to the future of flying. Fixed.
http://www.the-rocketman.com/outhouse.html
[re=254406]wheelie[/re]: On BBC today, O’Leary tried to justify his position that you have to pay 20p to go to the toilets in Liverpool St. Station.
Not really. There I just go for free in a nearby pub, or if I want to act like a drunken Brit, in public (and I’ve seen women doing this too at said station)
[re=254383]ManchuCandidate[/re]: In the ’60′s apparently bus stations had those pay toilets. My aunt was in college then and on a trip home she couldn’t find a coin and resorted to peeing in the sink. I was about 8 when she told me this and thought it was the funniest thing I’d ever heard.
Pay to Pee is a European thing. (If you’re American in the kitchen and African in the bedroom what are you in the bathroom? Ur a peein’! Yuck yuck yuck)
So for all the talk of Europe being filled with socialist communist liberals, they make you PAY to PEE. Not in my America!
Word of advice: Depends are only for accidental leakage, not for full-on five-Guinness Russian-racehorse pisses. Take it from me, I know.
Thus cementing its well-earned image as a shitty airline.
That’s a brilliant strategy. Personally, I fly just so I can use the bathroom — getting somewhere else is just an added perk. What’ll be really exciting is when the first RyanAir flight hits turbulence and the passengers find out that airsick bags cost a pound and you have to get them from the vending machine in the front of the plane.
[re=254424]Bruno[/re]: Knowing Ryanair, the ‘onboard toilet’ will turn out to be in the pub 3 miles away (“a convenient 20 minute stroll from your cabin seat”).
Good luck finding a toilet at the shite, third-rate airport where your RyanAir flight will be landing.
They still do that in Eastern Europe. I remember trying to visit the loo in Slovakia recently and being yelled at by a babushka because I didn’t pay the fee of 2 koruna or whatever it was to enter the bathroom. Problem was that the sign telling me I had to do that was (a) in Slovak; and (b) inside the bathroom door, leading to an interesting metaphysical question of how I was supposed to know I had to pay to enter the shitter when the sign telling me to do so was inside the shitter.
Put simply: Charging to use a bathroom on a plane is just stupid, and makes no business sense. Look for this stupid airline to go out of business soon. What morons.
I’m with the airlines on this one. People are always expecting free shit.
(See what I did there?)
[re=254476]thefrontpage[/re]: Oh no, it won’t. It’s one of the most sucessful and agressively competitive in the European market. Its CEO gets a kick out of outraging public opinion; it’s part of his style. We are used to O’Leary’s stunts over here.
Hail Malthus!
[re=254487]wheelie[/re]: <– This. It’s nothing to do with Ryanair being broke. It’s all to do with Ryanair: a) being bastards and b) making a point of making sure everyone knows that they are bastards in any way that keeps the ticket cost down. Previously we have seen them refuse to let staff at HQ in Dublin charge their phones at work, insisting that the staff bring their own toilet paper and going to court for the right to charge extra to carry wheelchairs.
They probably don’t even intend to do this no free toilet thing. It’s probably forbidden by health and safety law in every country they fly to. But O’Leary gets to go on TV with his “If the bureaucrats in Brussels would let me, I’d take the life-jackets out to give you cheap flights” bollocks.
I think this is a great idea! This way, people may just seek out an out of the way corner to piss in. See, that way, when you get to your next European destination, you will be prepared for the smell.
And finally, two words: pee fee.
…instead of ‘duty free’.
Puts a whole new spin on the final line of that nursery rhyme —
“and this little piggy went wee wee wee, all the way home!”
Sue me, I know it ain’t funny. Need more booze.
Looks like a job for stadium pal:
http://www.stadiumpal.com/
Wow, totally reminds me of this ’80s Alaska Airlines ad, which is now rather prophetic. Who knew?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYspsgIjb4U
[re=254382]Bruno[/re]: Forget two-year-olds. If I’m ever charged to use the bathroom on a plane, I’ll stand in the aisle and pee on the handle of the lavatory.
The next thing they’ll charge is the air you breathe..it has to be “purified,” you know. If you refuse to pay, bring your own oxygen tank.
They ought to install a private bedroom in the back of the plane: 50 quid for 15 minutes of use.
The joke’s on Ryanair since we’ll be boarding those flights with vessels containing way more than 3 ounces of liquid.
[re=254449]SayItWithWookies[/re]: The secret agenda is to give Junk food to passengers more, that way the rate of bathroom going increases…O’leary should be given Noble for fighting away economic crisis for Airliners…
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