A fancy Tory named Professor John Beddington is worried about that the “growing world population will cause a ‘perfect storm’ of food, energy and water shortages by 2030.” He’s the “chief government scientist” of England, too, so he is basically Al Gore in knickers. Anyway, this will starve out mostly the poor countries, so we’re… oh shit that’s us now! Actually, meh. Anyone who expects things to be halfway decent in 2030, anywhere, is kind of dumb. Just remember not to breed, unless you’re *comfortable* with having to sell your child to the Huns in a few years. [BBC]
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Jim Newell (5425)
Wonkette Jr. (625)
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{ 49 comments }
Just remember not to breed, unless you’re *comfortable* with having to sell your child to the Huns in a few years.
Or cannibalism.
This cheers me right up. And I’ll only be… counting… 52 when this shitapolcalypse happens! Huzzah!
Whatever, we all know the world will end in 2012 so why should we worry about 2030?
I for one welcome the chance to finally indulge in my craving for long pig.
And sell “human” organs I grow in my bathtub on the black market.
Yay!
The Florida pythons will have their way with us well before 2030, so no worries.
Where is the genital/excretory reference? This post is way OT!
[re=269187]NoWireHangers[/re]: Whatever, my kids are gonna be my spare parts.
Nah, things will be just fine. Of course, I’m planning on being dead by then, so shove it, suckers! MOO HA HA!
Sela Ward has swallowed my chldren.
No! Age of fucking Aquarius! Jupiter aligns with fucking Mars! Peace everywhere!
http://www.amazon.com/Cosmos-Psyche-Intimations-World-View/dp/0452288592/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1237493196&sr=8-1
I’d prefer to be sold to the Visigoths myself. They sound like more fun.
It’s a good thing we taught all those third-world people about abstinence. This problem’s pretty much already solved.
Silly rabbits, didn’t Dame Noonington cover this eventuality not even a week ago? Just buy gold! That way your wealth will remain intact in the era when the only law is the Thunderdome.
[re=269200]Holding Out for a Hero[/re]: I’m holding out hope for the Lombards. Because I like my barbarians starring in 30s screwball comedies.
[re=269187]NoWireHangers[/re]:
Octo Mom is smarter than we are. With 14 kids to feed, um, on, she’ll be the only survivor left.
In regards to the article. Complacency is the human way. Only about 10% of the population is screaming about Fiat Currency, aliens or lack of fresh water (most people can’t tell who is sane so they tar everyone with the same crazy brush–thanks a lot Paultards) while the other 90% pretend that nothing bad happens while the pols and oligarchs feast till shit happens the way the smart/sane ones say is going to happen and then the 90% scream when it’s way too fucking late. Humanity’s Epitaph: Too Stupid to Live.
Yesterday you said that obesity would kill us, now its lack of food. Make up your mind, Wonkette.
[re=269203]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Well, fortunately, the Pope is going around disputing condoms as a good method for preventing the spread of HIV, so if that keeps up, maybe everyone will be dead from AIDS by 2030 anyway?
[re=269207]comradepaulson[/re]: Nuh-uh, it’s all about the Vandals. The guys that fucked Rome’s shit up, and they still have operatives around today, if police blotters are to be believed.
Professor Beddington’s analysis completely overlooks the Rise of the Machines. Since according to nearly every movie I’ve ever seen (starting as far back as Kramer v. Kramer) the extermination of the human race at the hands of superintelligent cyborgs is inevitable, I don’t spend much time worrying about it.
[re=269209]shanemacgowan[/re]: ftw
[re=269200]Holding Out for a Hero[/re]: Visigoths? Those are the guys with completely white skin and black lipstick?
Good deal the Pope thinks sex education is good and all the people in the developing world have been told by teh holiness that condoms are good and that family planning is the way to go. And the US Guberment under George W., good thing we were on top of sex education and condom and birth control pillz distribution in teh third worlds and at home. Good thing.
[re=269208]ManchuCandidate[/re]: As a species, we should say, “Superior intelligence? You can have it back.”
Wait, wait, I thought most of Europe (and Japan) has a population decline problem. Just move those excess third-worlders there! Noooo problem.
[re=269212]Formerly Preferred[/re]: The Cylons were created by Man. They rebelled. They evolved. They look and feel human. Some are programmed to think they are human. There are many copies. And they have a plan
[re=269220]TGY[/re]: Let’s keep some perspective. Impending global doom aside, I am still doing better than the pigeon I had for lunch.
[re=269211]Zadig[/re]: On the other hand, Vandals, Visigoths and Huns are sooo old school. Let’s face it: we’ll be selling our first born to AIG or Shitibank and they will turn the organs and precious fluids into spleen-backed derivatives which will be traded on the market for more organs and children. Thus, capitalism will be saved.
[re=269210]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Hey, the Pope’s got it on good evidence that condoms aren’t the answer. I mean, he never used a condom, and he doesn’t have AIDS. Of course that might have more to do with the fact that his hunch, his permanent leer and his sunken eyes make him look so creepy even an altarboy wouldn’t fuck him.
I have no problem selling my child to the Huns, as 2030 would be around the time I could get the best price for him.
Now I don’t feel so bad about losing all of my retirement money in the market.
[re=269187]NoWireHangers[/re]: Ding. From Chattel to cattle as quick as a stomach can rumble.
[re=269207]comradepaulson[/re]: Ok, seriously what nomadic warring tribe comes up with a name like the Lombards, Bulgars, Sassanids, Alans (sub group of Sarmatians), Carolingians and the Berbers? No wonder they got their asses kicked.
Some pasty old fart in England is all doom and gloom? Who woulda thought?
Personally I blame abortion, gay-marriage and condoms for this trend.
2030? Fucking optimist.
And Newell, I won’t be selling my kids to the Huns. I’m training them to BE Vikings. Mead-fueled raids! Gold pillaged from Paultards! Maidens for all (except the straight ladies and gay men–we’ll get you some nice strapping young men). Basically, I view this as an opportunity to get in on the ground floor of the “Pillaging Republican Villages” industry.
Ich bin ein Huehner. (And, no, I don’t want to buy my own kids.)
[re=269193]Cookie Guggelman[/re]: there are a bunch of pythons in the Everglades — the Burmese is … uh .. interesting. So, the whole state will be overrun with them and they will be moving into the swamps along the gulf and south atlantic next. we are doomed.
WAKE UP PEOPLE, SOYLENT GREEN IS … mmm, pretty good actually.
But look out – I hear they put MSG in the sprinkles!
Fortunatlely, I’m almost too old to breed. And I guess I really am going to have to plant a garden in the backyard.
Gore in knickers… damn you Newell… etc.
Just more proof that the only companies to invest in are the makers of ramen and spam.
[re=269248]WadISay[/re]: Oh that’s funny. I ran that through the google translatorium and it gives me back “I’ma chickens.”
Now google is speaking, uh, whatever slang that is.
[re=269233]Holding Out for a Hero[/re]: Yeah! Who would go for that when they could have called themselves Hoyas, Tarheels, Aggies, or Buckeyes?
[re=269233]Holding Out for a Hero[/re]: There was a nomadic warring tribe called the Alans?
That sounds more like a gay doo-wop group.
[re=269233]Holding Out for a Hero[/re]: I’m hoping for a resurgence of the Yamnaya culture in the Pontic-Caspian steppes. Not only will we feast on horse meat every night, but we’ll be able to hide underground in our 100 meter circumference kurgans when the real Huns come looking for us.
[re=269298]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: My point exactly. According to teh internets, the Alans were
Sarmatian pastoral nomad tribe from the Black Sea steppes, first recorded in the 1st century AD raiding the Persian empire. Think they got a better deal on rugs than the Berbers?
Anway, they were driven westward by the Huns (see getting their asses kicked) and settled in Gaul about 460, others became closely associated with the Vandals and migrated to southwest Spain and north Africa.
(source – http://www.historytoday.com)
You’re welcome…
I’m still holding out for the Rapture. When all the Jeebus Goblins disappear, the world will be left to us with all its resources.
[re=269377]Links[/re]: But afterward the nation might be led by some half-breed Muslin socialist with a funny name – and we don’t want THAT, do we?
Chicken make good pet!
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