The popular New York City blog Gawker has posted this leaked memo to the staff of AIG, about the things they should do to avoid their immediate death when in public. It includes such oldies as “If you think you are being followed, immediately dial 911.” But why does AIG management assume that the police will want to save these people? [Gawker]
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{ 43 comments }
Next thing you know they’re gonna want to use TAX PAYER MONEY to pay for security for these people…
“The popular New York City blog”
Subtext win.
But why does AIG management assume that the police will want to save these people?
Kinda like that movie where Samuel L. Jackson was the crazy cop that wanted to kill his neighbor.
- Also, drop dead.
That bullet point must’ve been cut off.
…well Black-Water did lose their license to operate in Iraq, didn’t they?
When they say to beware of people attempting to “Piggy Back,” do they mean Andrew Sullivan?
The popular New York City blog
I hope you mean the “popular global synergistic vertically-integrated general purpose blogging conglomerate”
I like how this is the fault of “media scrutiny” and not, you know, backlash because of AIG’s recklessly bad business decisions and ham-fisted business-as-usual attitude regarding the bailout. If Joe The Plumber were here, he would tell you that the media have no business reporting from an economic crisis. Also.
Pussies. “Always travel in pairs.”
[re=270112]shanemacgowan[/re]: Yes, and Joe the Plumber also.
The people following you are the police, silly.
For once these pinheads have earned their exaggerated sense of persecution.
[re=270123]Woodwards Friend[/re]: yeah. As soon as we start criticizing the banks and corporations, the taxpayers win and we don’t want that.
I’m glad I’m not a Manchester United fan.
Report feelings of extreme paranoia immediately.
(2) Stop being white business criminal assholes.
(RIP, George Carlin.)
(3) Fly to Rio. Stay there until the Apocalypse (two weeks from Wednesday).
silly. we don’t want to kill them. we just want to beat them like piñatas until our money falls out of them and we can get our duckets back.
They omitted the most crucial tip of all: Insure that your hari-kiri tanto knife has a safety-lock on the trigger.
yes, poor AIG, it’s the media’s fault that people hate them! it has nothing to do with their actions.
[re=270123]Woodwards Friend[/re]: i would be funnier if you weren’t around. i am not slow, it’s your fault for existing. please desist, or i’ll call aig and ask them to call 911.
Fly to Venezuela. Stay there until Chavez gets you & your kids a job cutting sugarcane. He’ll keep you out of Gitmo.
or…
Leave an anonymous check for $900 trillion in an Easter Egg on the WH lawn.
also. those weren’t bonuses, they were just pulling out their own life insurance policies in the event of their unlikely eminent death.
The execs who are responsible can rot in hell, but the regular employees of the company shouldn’t be getting shit for this. Not everyone in AIG is evil, and should not be blamed or attacked for working to support their families.
“Don’t engage the media.” Because Lord knows Thad in Securities might tarnish the image of confidence and dour apology that the CEO burnished in his Congressional testimony. Also.
If the anti-abortion nuts can post lists of Doctors and home addresses of abortion staffers, why can’t we have a list of AIG employees?
Leave the police out of it. For the kind of money those people are getting from the American taxpayer, they can buy their own damn security.
Funny how all of AIG’s suggestions on how to stay safe involve calling the police or some other non-AIG entity. Almost seems like they don’t give a fat rat’s ass whether their employees get lynched. Then why should we care?
[re=270195]erikah[/re]: You’re really not in the spirit of this witch-hunt, are you? Fairness has its place, but it ain’t at The Wonkette.
I know this is a crazy concept, but you guys do realize the only people that will actually get hurt is the normal-level employees, right? Because whereas the rich can buy their own security, the ones that have their nose to the grind and do their work are stuck with what’s given, and what’s given is not nearly enough.
avoid wearing diamonds larger than 1 carat
try driving the Lexus instead of the Bentley
don’t walk down the street yelling “money fight, money fight’ and throwing Ben Franklins in the air
remember not to tip waitpeople with a Faberge egg
and most important of all
walk around muttering “those sorry AIG bastards”
I think I’ve seen this movie. Where’s Bruce Willis when you need him to protect the employees from teh international terrorists (well it is the London office that did this) when you need him?
Or make that the general public…
And no you haven’t been drinking, I did repeat myself in previous post…
If they are lucky, they will call 911 and get Harvey Keitel, who will whip out his tiny, shrivelled penis and then rob them for crack money.
where is the Scarlet Pimpernel when they need him?
[re=270236]V572625694[/re]:
That’s because only the right people got the AIG Personal Kill-BOT user manual and maps to the underground Bermuda Bunker.
“Sense” of public attention? Like some weird “feeling” they are getting? Bad karmic vibes, fucked up qi fields?
Well, sense this steel-toed Red Wing work boot up yer ass, suckers. (You know what “work” is, remember, AIG suckers?)
[re=270236]V572625694[/re]: Really. That government is best that governs least. Fight the Man, AIG!
[re=270195]erikah[/re]:
Those ‘normal’ people making less than 250k won’t be affected. Crawl back under your rock.
[re=270275]Holding Out for a Hero[/re]: Don’t blame Alan Rickman, he was only acting (well). In real life he lives with an honest-to-God Socialist member of Parliament. You CAN, however, blame the absurdly wealthy Bruce Willis. He’s a Republican and he can’t act like anything except a tool.
Where’s France/England/Europe? Don’t they have lots riding on this so called company made up shit heads? What do they have to say?
This reminds me of a few years ago when anti-capitalist rioting was taking place. Everyone was supposed to wear street clothes to work so we could “blend in”. A an absent minded partner at my ex-firm (whom I knew) insisted on hauling me to security to have me checked out. Believe me, I got back at him for this in a very capitalistic way.
They ought to come up with a secret code word when talking about AIG in public. Something like “Da Firm” or “Project Shareholder Value” would probably do
I don’t understand how American International could have gone so evil, after making so many great biker and Karloff movies.
[re=270519]Bruno[/re]: Yeah, they could try something like this thing of ours.
…Or maybe not. I can imagine some wiseguy Capo, quietly surfing teh Intertubes and chancing upon our witty banter: “Eh, waddid we ever do to be lumped in with these dirty low down crooks? And who da hell is this Captain Douchebag, anyway?”
Er, it was just a joke, fellas… A really bad joke… Honest.
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