- ALSO, AND ALSO: The whole time Steve Schmidt was running John McCain’s presidential campaign, he was gay! Or at least he wanted gay people to get married! Whatever, same difference, it’s all about wanting humans to have sex with giraffes. Your number’s up, Steve! Time to be EATED by Rush Limbaugh. THIS HAPPENS SOMETIMES: Oh look Sara wrote about this while your male associate editor was
asleep“working on other projects.” And she wrote much more and it is probably funnier so HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND. [TPM]
-
Authors
Jim Newell (5418)
Wonkette Jr. (623)
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (796)
Kaia Mursi (43)
Garrett Quinn (13)
Liz Colville (94)
Ken Layne (6695)
Blair Burke (170)
Matt Langer (40)
Arielle Fleisher (385)
{ 87 comments }
What’s funny is that the Deep-In-Closet-Self-Loathers, I mean, the hetrosexualist brigade of the GOP is going to teabag a guy who wasn’t a total incompetent cluster fuck creating moran of a campaign manager. Unless this was orchestrated by Joe the
Plumber Journalist PitchmanLoser so he could be the GOP’s next Karl Rove except more hetrosexual and stupid.To Limbaugh, sometimes a cigar is more than a ‘cigar.’
Limpball’s gonna give him the “Gay Test”…. if he passes, he’s hired!
Based on our esteemed editor’s post, it appears that the “Three Martini Lunch” has survived the unpleasantness of late in our economeez.
Having sex with giraffes is both challenging and unnatural. Unless you’re also a giraffe.
…Jim Newell = Over Achiever!
Bah — he’s just trying to hook up with Meghan McCain.
Yeah, that’s the trick. The one issue that will generate a massive resurgence in Repub fortunes is to get on board with gay marriage. Never mind the damage that’s been done by a generation of policies wed to pillage, deception, distortion, pointless unnecessary war, incompetence, stupidity, ignorance, and pillage (did I mention the pillage?). If the Repubs can safely count on 51% of the electorate not being able to remember any further back than the last commercial break of Fox News, and given that 26% of them are already in that condition, they’ll be set for triumph.
HOW MANY TIMES IN DAY CAN A MAN BECOME GAY? HE IS CROWDING THE CLOSET.
HOWEVER, if anyone is interested in seeing Glenn Beck go crazy over and over again, that kinda makes the weekend more fun, right? http://www.shortsshortsshorts.com/?p=2053
SHIT WHO KNOWS.
[re=293491]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Rove is neither homosexual, nor heterosexual. In fact, nobody really knows what Karl Rove really is about anything, right? I don’t know… maybe he is a shape-shifting lizard person or something. Fuck— it’s Friday who cares anymore?
[re=293502]Min[/re]: …no its not! All you need is a bottle of tequila and a bunch bored college kids sitting around bored at 3am! Trust me, don’t ask me how I know!
fails repeatedly…..
[re=293509]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: …errrrrr, is it even possible for someone who is already nuttier than squirrel turds to get any crazier?!
fails repeatedly… also
[re=293509]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: He’s addicting our country to heroin? Where the hell is mine?
[re=293513]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Hey, I’m as big a fan of the inhibition-erasing powers of tequila as the next person, but come on. If you actually drank enough tequila to be willing to fuck a giraffe, you would then be entirely too drunk climb up his leg.
I’m stoked, because this means I may finally be able to commit to the Republican party!
This was the only thing wrong with the party, so as soon as they fix it, everything will be all set.
Also: LOLBUTSECKS
[re=293518]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Glenn Beck continues to be proof that there are no limits to wing-nuttery. And the more he does it, the more viewers he gets! YAY AMERICA!
[re=293505]SayItWithWookies[/re]: So, I bleach my hair and get a boob job…that’s it?
easy as pie?
And can I just get another ‘also’ in right now…I’m feelin’ it.
Hannity said today he never heard the ‘teabagging’ or the words meaning until recently.
What a liar, he works at FOX. All the perverts are employed there.
The other day Dick Morris was on location in Paris. Must have found some toes to suck that really tasted like cheese.
[re=293544]smartypants[/re]: Also.
We can go for a million alsos!! Like Ashton!!11!! And it will mean something…like teabags in an office cubicle…
[re=293541]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I think all the Botox in GB’s head is finally getting to the brain. Whilst watching a teevee at the gym today, I noticed he was talking to a “media fear consultant”??? I guess he was picking up tips on how to make his idiotic show more scary. Oh, also, it’s not news that the GOP is full of homos with standard “overachieving workaholic” behaviors so they don’t spend all their time on all fours or at the bars.
[re=293526]Min[/re]: …that’s exactly what I told my AA sponsor! Go figure?
[re=293541]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: …I honestly hope its the car crash effect(when people slow down to see a really bad car crash). Frankly I’m just surprised that he isn’t in padded room smearing his own feces all over his own face while singing “Row row row your boat”.
[re=293546]rocktonsammy[/re]: …”Teabag” was Sean Hannity’s pledge name when he was in college!
I just saw a sign in my neighborhood that there is a “Tea Party” on the 25th and to “bring 2 tea bags”. What the fuck, is this not over?
A good many of the grunting disgruntles seem to want to take the Republicans and make them into an angry and irrelevant third party on the wrong side of history–think “Dixiecrats.” I say more power to them, and as America becomes what it’s going to become then–America! Love it or Leave it!
[re=293567]Country Club Jihadi[/re]: …sounds like a homosexual indoctrination to me! Wear a rain coat, you don’t wanna get the gay on you!
So..open thread then? It’s on?
[re=293572]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I am bringing a colostomy bag and a gun!
And then he will try to sell them some fine Florida swampland and a bridge.
[re=293567]Country Club Jihadi[/re]: Nope. They are planning to recreate the dumbfuckery all over again on July 4th.
[re=293564]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Ha! You naive fool. You think Hannity actually went to college for more than a week. At least Snowbilly grifted about 7 colleges to get her degree. Hannity aka dickhead couldn’t even be bothered to do that.
In a moment of inspiration… Truck Front Butt!!! It’d look like a cross between a chin spoiler and Kirk Douglas.
[re=293572]AngryBlakGuy[/re]:
I remember the nineties, when I used to get a little gay on me every weekend, sometimes two or three times a day.
Good times…
[re=293518]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: nuttier than squirrel turds. I’m gonna chuckle about that all night.
[re=293579]FlipOffResearch[/re]: Truck Tea Bagz, also.
[re=293546]rocktonsammy[/re]: You are being so unfair, and I suspect you are a severely imbalanced person as well!
Of course Hannity didn’t know this meaning of the word “teabagging,” at Fox it is known as “asking the boss for a raise.”
OKAY now this is sad. I follow Wonkette more closely than Jim Newell.
Hey, I just clicked on SarahPAC over there on the left, and looked at her SarahPAC official logo, the one where Alaska has been picked up and dropped on top of Kansas, Nebraska and Missouri.
Is this supposed to symbolize something, and what happened to Hawaii?
OPEN THREAD: I just looked at CNN.com and their latest news is that SUSAN BOYLE managed to sing My Heart Will Go On using the correct notes, despite being an ugly lady. How can this be??
Maybe Peggy is right.
Maybe, this frayed, frumpy WASP will replace all the rap singers by 2011. She is not pumped and cut. She is the sparse furniture in your living room; she is the cheap wallpaper to re-decorate the basement. She is the strawberry yoghurt that is probably gone off that you will still eat, because of the Depression. She is the light that burns in the foreclosed building. She is the mirror of our alienation, and the best guarantee against it.
Peggy Noonan – have an extra highball in the bath tonight to celebrate.
Steve Schmidt comes out and Ziegler is getting ass-raped right about now.
Hahaha, what a joyous day. I believe it is time to DRINK.
I don’t know what to THINK anymore! The Republicans might accept gay marriage? Oh, my! What party am I going to choose if the GOP starts suppoting LGBT rights?!!? LOL! Republicans are such Losers! The only people stupid enough to fall for this are the “Log Cabin Republicans” and we already know they are as intelligent as the “Jews for Hitler” crew!
OPEN THREAD: Father Murphy touched me. I should sue the Church. Jesus came back and touched me too, but that was some holy shit, so whatever.
[re=293617]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Yes, i believe in blogger transparency…so, i must say, my father touched my butthole.
OH HELLO!
MAGICAL OPEN THREAD. While you are still open—
Here is Glenn Beck saving us all— and I quote:
“WWAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!1111!!!!!! SHIT@@@!!!!11!!!! FEMA!!!11!!~~~!!!!2@!!!!!. Also, and also.”
This quote probably came from Rumproast (http://www.rumproast.com), because that is where babies come from. However there is no “deep throat” to confirm this.
[re=293623]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Linkage fail!
RumpRoast.
Also.
The only comforting thing about Glenn Beck’s show is that during the time he is “working on it” and in filming he is not loose among the general population. There’s only so much damage he can do from in front of a camera. Imagine for a second, if you will, Glenn Beck alone with a child that wandered too far from mommy in a grocery store. If that thought doesn’t make you uncomfortable then just imagine him alone with YOU.
That’s what the pepper spray is for…
I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high and life worth living
Susan Boyle was going to be the tonic that cured all our cynical ills. Then she agreed to appear on Larry King & god knows what other craven, soul-destroying TV shows so soon she will be a 3-dollar whore making up for 48 years of no sexy time. Well it was good while it lasted, all 7 minutes of that youtube clip. God bless you, beetle brow. You were our last hope.
[re=293574]Country Club Jihadi[/re]: The new book by conservative political pundit Anne Coulter: Tea, a Colostomy Bag and a Gun: How to Talk to Conservatives. Get it today on Amazon Crazy Fockers !
[re=293623]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I still fondly remember when many of *us* were scared of the FEMA camps. They didn’t *just* build these things, guy.
In other news, it is appalling what sort of trash ends up on eBay these days.
Gail is bringin’ the snark! Suck it, Texas!!
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/18/opinion/18collins.html?_r=1
[re=293526]Min[/re]: Or her leg, depending on which way you roll.
[re=293564]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: …”Teabag” was Sean Hannity’s pledge name when he was in college!
he went to college? must’ve been on the intertubes, or he ju8st did what all Fox people mean when they say they went to a institution of higher learning, like high school, they say it to themselves while they smash their heads in with the Bible, which makes it true. That’s how Anne Culter graduated from Cornell!
WHY DO YOU HATE WOMEN?!
[re=293659]Nick vdK[/re]: when did you stop beating you wife?
while you stammer, Anne Coulter is not a women but rather an amorphous blob of hate and insanity that blinds people with neuro-toxins that she ejects from her “mouth”. also, DONT CAP LOX MEH BITCH!!!!ONE!eLEVEN Also.
[re=293659]Nick vdK[/re]: now you will most likely vanish like your consevratroll friends, with your trucknutz between you legs
They use video clips of Annie American, the twitchy witch, in anti-meth campaigns in Alabama. Close-ups of her shoddy, Haitian “operation” with all that bacteria-eaten flesh are also used in abstinence education classes. Great for hunger suppression when you’re trying to lose weight. Also.
Dana Milbank:
Ow my butt hurts – why are you libs so mean – Somebody call the wahhhmbulance!1!
~
[re=293639]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Just please tell me she’s not letting anyone with a tweezer near those eyebrows.
FUN WITH FASCISM!
http://www.shortsshortsshorts.com/?p=2073
HOORAY! GO FASCISM GO! AND STUFF.
TEABAGGING 4EVER.
No really there are a bunch of videos you can waste your time with, if you would like. Happy Saturday! I’m getting the hell out of here— for a few hours at least.
Which means also that ANYBODY can attack the website, without my knowledge! YAY!
[re=293674]Custerwolf[/re]: You mean weed-whacker, don’t you?
I don’t pretend to understand the whole gay thing, but I think it would help immensely if people would just make friend’s with their own sexuality. Personally, I love the cock – however, just the other day I fell CRAZY in lust with the nurse at my doctor’s office. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She had that sort of Rachel McAdamsy look (in The Lucky Ones) and there was some definite chemistry going on between us. I felt all the same sexual urges I normally feel when I see a particular guy I want to “get to know” – but then the thought of actually DOING anything with another chick kinda made me feel icky. So tell me, all you homos out there, is that just my conditioning – or what? I’m not into pussy (at least I don’t think so after trying it way back when), but I felt like I could have run off with that beautiful babe and never once looked back. So am I gay? Am I bi? Or could it be that this isn’t a gay issue at all and I’m just a whore? Thoughts??
[re=293678]Custerwolf[/re]: Hmm…women’s breastusus are moderately sexy to me (as long as they don’t look horrendous), but the thought of going south for dinner is NOT appealing to me in the least. That’s how I know I could never just decide to be gay. So I don’t think you’re gay–you just have whorish thoughts like everyone else in the world!
[re=293674]Custerwolf[/re]: Regarding Susan’s eyebrow: if that’s what she lets grow on her face, imagine the forestation going on down yonder on her. She probably looks like the Yeti when naked.
[re=293679]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Thanks TB, and yes, a great set of tits is admirable, but only the homegrown variety. I’ve known a few women who have struggled with their gayness – mostly because they wanted to be in a relationship and were looking to hook up with someone. As far as the whole marriage thing goes – the BEST relationships I’ve had in my life have lasted less than 2 weeks. I personally think striving for longevity in a relationship is a joke. Of course I’ll probably die alone, stuck to a couch with an empty box of bon-bons in my gnarled hands.
[re=293680]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I scared my dog laughing at that one.
[re=293681]Custerwolf[/re]: No, as trite as it sounds, you just have to find the right person (be it man or woman). I’m not into giving advice but I think as long as you truly like & respect someone, maybe the rest will follow & endure but it’s HARD FUCKING WORK–not for the faint of heart or lazy. (Disclaimer: I’ve been mostly happily married to the same person for 20 years.)
[re=293686]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I’ve been with the same guy for 12 years and we are THE best of friends (with great benefits), but I wouldn’t necessarily say we’re “made for each other.” I spent 4 years trying to find a better woman for him, but we live in a small town, so that hasn’t really panned out. I never actually thought I live much past forty, so I’m just kinda winging it from here on out.
BTW Congrats on your marriage – lucky guy. I tried it once (for about 6 months), ruined a perfectly good relationship.
Ladies please continue, I’m enjoying this. Been married 10 years. Definitely hard work to not let it stagnate. But the upside is living with your best friend who always has your back. Some people can’t live w/o conflict. We never fight. Can’t imagine anything worth getting that bent out of shape about. Well, I can, but if you’re worried about that you have bigger problems to address.
[re=293690]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Joe and I fight pretty regularly – well, I yell alot while he sits back and looks at me like a bewildered cocker spaniel – but yeah, when it’s all said and done it IS nice knowing that someone’s got your back. Still, there is a major issue that occurs in relationships. It’s when one person wants to explore more of life (intellectually or physically, like traveling)while the other person wants to pretty much call it a day and kick back on the couch and watch TV. Joe’s more of the latter while I’m the former – which wouldn’t be such a problem but he always wants me to lay on the couch with him. He’so the most uncomplicated person I’ve ever met in my life, meanwhile, I’m the type who wants to plumb the depths of the Universe and explore what lies beyond the laws of physics, beyond energy and matter. It’s a fine balancing act – the urge for security and the desire for risk.
I think we need to hear more about the nurse.
First Palin says she considered murdering little Trig. Now it’s okay for pederasts and sodomizers to get married? Are you tellin’ me that these Real Honorable Conservative Americans don’t really believe in anything? I have to go watch American Idol and eat a bag of Cheetos now and try to forget all of this.
[re=293695]InsidiousTuna[/re]: zing!
[re=293693]Custerwolf[/re]: I see your point. My wife & I both love to play soccer & watch it on TV. We also both prefer to stay at home with our cats doing not much at all (reading, sleeping) when she’s not working (6-7 days/week.) Our only difference is her professional ambition. I have none, so am happy to be the supportive househusband. Any time off she has we spend together, like in Las Vegas a couple weeks ago for our 10th anniversary. I have all the time I want to myself to read Wonkette, take pictures of hummingbirds, read books and take my meds. Life is sweet. Time for a nap.
glenn beck hosting a tea party at the alamo on fox and idiocracy on comedy central. coincidence or is shorts cubed vp of saturday programming?
[re=293693]Custerwolf[/re]: Not to continue the Dr. Phil string, but yes, it is a problem when you have two complete opposites in a relationship. However, I wonder (not knowing you from Adam) if ‘Mr. Traveling Wonderful’ came along, would you be able to dump Joe without looking back after investing 12 years into the relationship.
Sometimes IDs are so firmly ingrained that even when something really isn’t as major of an issue anymore, you still feel it is because it always has been. My suggestion: tell Joe you’re going out 2 or 3 weeks a year to do whatever you want (travel, find yourself, whatever). He can come if he wants to, but he can’t bitch if he decides not to go with you. I’m probably over simplifying but I’m a really simple, straightforward, uncomplicated type. Oh, TruckNutz. Also.
[re=293695]InsidiousTuna[/re]: Samantha (I read her lapel pin and checked her finger for a ring the second I laid eyes on her – it’s just habit)had an ass that even a hetero such as myself felt compelled to grab onto with both hands. It was perfection in a pair of navy blue scrubs. So- she actually called me because I had forgotten to schedule my mammo before I left (yeah, I’m at the age where I need to visit the titty-squishing machine annually) and I swear to god we were both like, “Oh how ya doin” “Good, how you doin?” “Yeah…,” trying to keep the other on the phone until we just kind of trailed off and said goodbye. Gawd, she had such a lovely pouty full-lipped mouth – but there again – could I have actually frenched her? I don’t know how close to pandora’s box I’m truly willing to get. That and she was probably in her late 20s MAYBE early 30s, and that would only make a 40-something like myself feel like an old hag and who needs that. The question that lingers is – if she were a GUY and I had those same feelings of attraction, I would have rushed home to Joe and told him that I seriously needed to fuck the living daylights out of this person and would he be okay with that (the answer would have been “no” but who cares) – so why is it different simply because she had female genitalia? I mean there are strap-ons and such, right? Would that make me feel like a guy if she were on the receiving end? I don’t want to feel like a guy, for chrissakes. Fuck that. Plus – I have never used a dildo in all my life. With me, it’s gotta be the real thing or nothing – even if it’s two of the real thing. I suppose I could watch another guy fuck her. That would work. And now something even weirder has just occured to me. If she were an actual lesbian I probably wouldn’t be attracted to her at all, it’s just that if she happened to fall in love with ME for some odd reason, I could really dig that, and the details could work themselves out. Maybe 3-way marriages are the new wave of the future. Well, kids, unfortunately I gotta take this show on the road and head up to work.
[re=293702]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Interesting ides. Also.
[re=293708]Custerwolf[/re]: whateverthefuck an “ides” is – something to do with March I think.
IDEA – there, that’s better. Gotta run.
[re=293699]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Most excellent photos Hobo. Most excellent I am impressed.
By the time I scrolled quickly to the bottom of this and read Custerwolf’s novella, I’d forgotten what the thread is about. Also.
But I don’t give a fuck, because my new keyboard is here and I can type again (my husband, who uses a keyboard like they’re all a manual typewriter–my hand to God, he’s pounded the letters off his keyboard at work–pounded my old one to death) and I just got some rare native ornamentals at a cool new plant nursery and, let’s be honest here, the Lortab just kicked in.
And even though the Bell’s Palsy is still hanging around (give me a break–I haven’t mentioned it in what, a week–while my keyboard was broken) I think that, whatever, maybe every Republican isn’t a total douche on every issue because gay people like my daughter should be able to get married so she can start collecting on all those fucking wedding gifts I’ve given to other people’s useless children. If Steve whatever would start promoting my boycott of wedding gifts until gays can get married, then this thing would totally be decided. Or, would be totally decided. Does would be count as an infinitive?
There. Now I’m going to go watch Grey Gardens. Happy weekend, wonkeratti! I hope all you losers’ drugs are as good as my legal ones.
[re=293715]102415[/re]: You’re very kind. Thank you.
[re=293720]DustBowlBlues[/re]: I hope all you losers’ drugs are as good as my legal ones.
Sadly no. Apart from the crazy meds, suboxone is all I can do these days, though my wife would prefer I share her pot habit with her. That stuff just makes me too introspective, which is what got me into trouble in the first place.
[re=293710]Custerwolf[/re]: Your posts are better than any sexy time stories available on the internets. I wish to sign up for your newsletter.
Two Words: DAILY KOS.
[re=293664]LeastExcellent[/re]: I’m flattered you think I have the power to read over your shoulder, seeing as how it takes a few minutes for a post to show up on Wonkette, and you and I posted in the exact same minute. Those warrantless wiretaps have been good for us consevratrolls.
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