• February 12, 2012

Barack Obama and the Kingdom of the Crystal Meth.Here’s some terrifying news: While the U.S. media was focused on the very important subject of some fat wingnuts having teabagging protests in America, President Barack Obama was headed to Mexico — and on the night of April 16, he attended a fancy dinner at Mexico City’s famous Museo Nacional de Antropología, where noted archeologist and museum director Felipe Solís Olguín showed the U.S. president around, and they presumably shook hands and talked, without the protection of surgical masks. A few days later, Solís was dead of pneumonia.

There are various news reports from Mexico (and Spain) about this meeting, and due to the eccentricities of Google’s text translator and your editor’s limited Spanish abilities, here’s a relevant paragraph from one of the only English-language articles we’ve found, from Bloomberg:

The first case was seen in Mexico on April 13. The outbreak coincided with the President Barack Obama’s trip to Mexico City on April 16. Obama was received at Mexico’s anthropology museum in Mexico City by Felipe Solis, a distinguished archeologist who died the following day from symptoms similar to flu, Reforma newspaper reported. The newspaper didn’t confirm if Solis had swine flu or not.

Here is the obituary for Felipe Solís, in Spanish.

The famous museum is now closed to the public, like most public attractions in Mexico City.

As for Obama, after meeting Solís on the same night he met and praised the works of Colombian author Gabriel Garcia Marquez, he headed off to the Summit of the Americas in Trinidad and Tobago. And that’s where, among other things, Obama shook hands with Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez — which was, of course, an OUTRAGE against Democracy, according to U.S. wingnuts. (He was supposed to give Chavez a wedgie.)

But this can now be seen in a whole new crazy light, if you are crazy. Maybe Obama secretly assassinated Chavez with the swine flu! Meanwhile, the actual outbreak is moving to horror mode.

{ 77 comments }

rambone April 25, 2009 at 10:38 pm

“shook hands” = “received” = “buttsecks” ?

Texan Bulldoggette April 25, 2009 at 10:44 pm

Maybe it was a right wing plot: they somehow infected Felipe, made Barry shake his hand & now Barry will get sick (but not die because that’s nothing to joke about).

qaf April 25, 2009 at 10:51 pm

Keep dodging those rogue CIA assassination plots, Barry!

Bearbloke April 25, 2009 at 10:51 pm

Must be that Curse of Queztcoatl Flu they’ve got down there… don’t drink the water (or breath the air)!!!

Bruno April 25, 2009 at 10:53 pm

It looks like the Rooskies screwed up on administering Polonium based borscht or Itsu sushi again.

Bruno April 25, 2009 at 10:55 pm

[re=299835]rambone[/re]: This is why deep bowing is always preferential to shaking hands (including holding hands and kissing). You never know what the hell you’ll pick up from politicians and royalty. They’re always screwing someone.

WIDTAP April 25, 2009 at 10:57 pm

I had a little bird
It’s name was Enza
I opened a window
And influenza.

Hey – it killed more people than WWI and gave us childrens rhymes too.

Bruno April 25, 2009 at 10:58 pm

Is it still safe to smoke Mexican Skunk?

jasper-f-krone April 25, 2009 at 10:59 pm

What if Barry chest-bumped the dead guy? Would that be too gay?

Bearbloke April 25, 2009 at 11:01 pm

Hey, isn’t this how “The Stand” started?

chascates April 25, 2009 at 11:02 pm

Wait a minute! What about these Mexican wrestler guys? They can help us! I saw a movie, once, about the Aztec mummy and a Mexican wrestler guy KICKED HIS ASS! I know they have them there; I’ve seen lots of their pictures on calendars and such.

sati demise April 25, 2009 at 11:10 pm

U ur scarin me!!1!1
Did Barry use hand sanitizer?

sati demise April 25, 2009 at 11:11 pm

Oh, thanks for the deaths head.
whew I had a bad dream last night, too.

Come here a minute April 25, 2009 at 11:12 pm

Mexico’s shit’s fucked up.

sati demise April 25, 2009 at 11:15 pm

[re=299853]sati demise[/re]: before or after he picked his nose?
Or rubbed his eye, stuck his finger in his mouth…

MarieDevine April 25, 2009 at 11:16 pm

This is serious. I know God is calling us back to the IT IS WRITTEN in the word of God and we, including the president, have been rejecting it. Leviticus 26 is God’s promise of 4 X 7 curses to those who reject His ways UNTIL we return to Him in truth. Email President Obama to restore the 7th day of rest written in stone by God’s own finger (Ten Commandments, Exodus 20,) instead of the first day this May 7th National Day of Prayer. See: “obama-power-in-national-day-of-prayer.

The primary message of the Qur’an is to follow the whole Bible. Jesus and Moses’ message is to live by EVERY word of God. We should not be in wars and calamities. The goal in life is not employment, it is a garden paradise we can begin here and now and it will solve the world problems with the one strategy. Our whole culture is against God’s word and we have refused to be corrected. I have been sending similar messages to leaders of religions, governments and media since 1990 (about 18 years). That should be fair warning and a resonable time for Him to hit us hard to turn us back. He said, I will cut My work short in righteousness. We have our escape plan; but we must use it.

Wet Work April 25, 2009 at 11:17 pm

Yeah, once I heard that it was part swine, part bird, part human, etc. and started in Mexico City last week, my tinfoil hat started emitting the high-pitched whine that can only mean capital-K KONSPIRACY. No lie. Leave it to the CIA to infect the entire country while missing their primary target. At least Texas will be the first to succumb. Losers.

chascates April 25, 2009 at 11:18 pm

HOLY SHIT! This means the Dia De Los Muertos is coming close to the Cinco de Mayo!

Texan Bulldoggette April 25, 2009 at 11:20 pm

[re=299859]MarieDevine[/re]: Oh Jesus…I didn’t realize Barry had revoked the Sabbath. Be gentle on her Wonkette.

sati demise April 25, 2009 at 11:21 pm

[re=299860]Wet Work[/re]: yikes!

Bearbloke April 25, 2009 at 11:21 pm

Here’s something to take your mind off of your impending doom – it’s got Trucknutz! Enjoy!

BillyClubb April 25, 2009 at 11:24 pm

He was supposed to give Chavez a wedgie

Instead he gave Chavez swine flu! Top that, CIA spooks. Rush Limbaugh would be proud.

AxmxZ April 25, 2009 at 11:24 pm

If it turns out that the pigs did in our shiny new President, they will pay.

BillyClubb April 25, 2009 at 11:26 pm

[re=299859]MarieDevine[/re]: The goal in life is not employment…

Oh good, well at least I can agree with you on that one. By the way, love that avatar… or is that a death mask?

Professor Proffy McProfalton, Prof. April 25, 2009 at 11:28 pm

Ben Stiller begins planning for the Threequel: Noche al Museo Anthropologico in 3…2…1…

Bearbloke April 25, 2009 at 11:31 pm

[re=299859]MarieDevine[/re]: Maybe this would be a good time to spread your message amongst those sinners in Mexico…. oh, and take the Fred Phelps circus with ya – they’ll be good to barter/martyr…

imissopus April 25, 2009 at 11:31 pm

Oh Lord help us, a religion troll!

PerhapsSo April 25, 2009 at 11:36 pm

[re=299863]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: What is with the trolls this weekend? Is this some new funtime project for the freepers?

WadISay April 25, 2009 at 11:38 pm

Whatever’s going on, the Cubans and the Mafia are going to want in on it.

Spiro Agnew April 25, 2009 at 11:38 pm

[re=299859]MarieDevine[/re]: Is this cunt for real?

chascates April 25, 2009 at 11:52 pm

You’ll have to admit the Aztekians had nice design ideas based on that picture of their whats-it.

Joey Ratz April 26, 2009 at 12:07 am

[re=299859]MarieDevine[/re]: Is that you, Shorts?

DustBowlBlues April 26, 2009 at 12:11 am

[re=299843]WIDTAP[/re]: “gave us childrens rhymes too”

Which is why pig plague and the Black Plague are one big plague. Ring around the rosy!

hobospacejunkie April 26, 2009 at 12:12 am

[re=299859]MarieDevine[/re]: God is dead, sweetie. He blew us off long ago, then hung himself in the cellar. His son found him there, just swingin’ away. Rumors had it that god’s pants were around his ankles and…well, you can imagine the rest. Guess he didn’t learn from Michael Hutchence.

DustBowlBlues April 26, 2009 at 12:14 am

[re=299859]MarieDevine[/re]: Are you quoting “Watchtower”, or something? That sounds like crazy Jehovah’s Witness (is there any other kind) shit to me.

DustBowlBlues April 26, 2009 at 12:17 am

[re=299881]PerhapsSo[/re]: Jim is going to have to superban someone else if this keeps up. Or is it Ken this time? He’s scarier.

DustBowlBlues April 26, 2009 at 12:20 am

This troll is much less persistent than the one who wanted to break in on the bashing OK thread by talking about Marx and that kraut philosopher. I have nothing against Nitztshezeszz–it’s just that I can’t remember how to spell his name.

chascates April 26, 2009 at 12:23 am

[re=299913]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Nit-ski?

PerhapsSo April 26, 2009 at 12:26 am

[re=299910]DustBowlBlues[/re]: She doesn’t seem as persistent as the H-bomb (are we allowed to say his name now?). Maybe our editor(s) won’t have to go nuclear with the SUPERBAN.

sanantonerose April 26, 2009 at 12:34 am

I kissed the little cow
She gives us milk and cheese
And now I’m lying on my back
With hoof and mouth disease

And that’s the only worthwhile thing I from my 7th grade Texas history teacher. Oh, and also the comic writings of Patrick McManus.

sanantonerose April 26, 2009 at 12:41 am

[re=299848]Bearbloke[/re]: Yes. Exactly like The Stand.

Turd Way April 26, 2009 at 12:45 am

Just think, if McCain had been elected he would have died from this exposure, and we would have our first woman president!

Wet Work April 26, 2009 at 12:56 am

[re=299935]Turd Way[/re]: yikes!

Mr Blifil April 26, 2009 at 1:42 am

[re=299859]MarieDevine[/re]: You must change your avatar to your “O” face for any of us to take you remotely seriously.

shortsshortsshorts April 26, 2009 at 1:50 am

WE’RE ALL GONNA FUCKING DIE. RUN FOR YOUR GODDAMN LIVES. WE’RE FINISHED. NO MORE HUMANS. THE END IS NEAR.

REPENT!!!
REPENT!!!11!

SayItWithWookies April 26, 2009 at 4:15 am

[re=299859]MarieDevine[/re]: Jesus fucking Christ’s gay testicles on a biscuit — you’re funnier than all of us.

Bruno April 26, 2009 at 7:58 am

[re=299859]MarieDevine[/re]: You make some interesting points however, please tell me which is the ONE TRUE word of God since it seems there are some differences between competiting versions bibles. At least the Muslins realized that is a stupid idea.

Scandinavian Fetus April 26, 2009 at 9:00 am

The Cheney skull?

bunnyhead April 26, 2009 at 9:53 am

Joseph Robinette “Joe” Biden, Jr. , 45th president of the United States, sworn in after the demise of BO who succumbed of swine flu…the horror…

Scandinavian Fetus April 26, 2009 at 10:05 am

Why are posts that include “Houghhton” censored, if spelled correctly? That is very un-Wonkette-like.

Just ignore the fucker’s posts if you don’t like them.

azw88 April 26, 2009 at 11:23 am

[re=299848]Bearbloke[/re]: so, who is the “Walking Dude” (Flagg) I’d say Limbaugh, but he is too damned fat to be walking along a lonely hiway

windupbird April 26, 2009 at 11:34 am

CDC believes the incubation period in humans is 1 to 7 days. So if Barry’s last exposure was April 16th, and he’s not ill, he should be ok (I guess?)

Joehoya April 26, 2009 at 12:15 pm

It’s all a cover-up. The museum director was actually killed by an albino monk.

Bruno April 26, 2009 at 12:20 pm

[re=299964]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Nobody should die a virgin. Let’s all get bizy

schvitzatura April 26, 2009 at 12:27 pm

The Yucatecans naturally knew when they had done wrong, and they believed that death, disease and torments would come on them because of evil-doing and sin, and thus they had the custom of confessing to their priests when such was the case.

Lord Cuculcan’s Revenge and a lack of reverence?

hobospacejunkie April 26, 2009 at 1:20 pm

Yes, the museum director was killed by an albino monk…with anal poisoning.

Hooray For Anything April 26, 2009 at 2:35 pm

[re=299860]Wet Work[/re]: This wouldn’t have happened if we instituted Bush’s ban on human-animal hybrids.

sati demise April 26, 2009 at 2:47 pm

[re=300087]Hooray For Anything[/re]: exactly.

Min April 26, 2009 at 3:06 pm

[re=299859]MarieDevine[/re]: I spoke with God in church this morning. He didn’t mention you.

dijetlo April 26, 2009 at 3:09 pm

[re=299844]Bruno[/re]: So far, so good

Bearbloke April 26, 2009 at 3:23 pm

[re=300027]azw88[/re]: he’s currently known by the name “Dick Cheney”…. be afraid, be very afraid…

llyn April 26, 2009 at 4:08 pm

It’s bad manners and lays up bad karma to mock a person’s religious beliefs. Marie Devine posted exactly one comment, and it was not discourteous. She doesn’t deserve to be excoriated and called names.

HuddledMass April 26, 2009 at 4:27 pm

[re=300119]llyn[/re]: New to Wonkette?
Don’t make me come oveer there.

MGBYG April 26, 2009 at 6:11 pm

[re=299875]Bearbloke[/re]:

Phelps is a lawsuit-seeking scam-artist sham surrounded by related lawyers…

http://www.kanewj.com/wbc/

Just for the record. Also.

SayItWithWookies April 26, 2009 at 7:36 pm

[re=300119]llyn[/re]: On the contrary, it’s bad karma to tolerate ignorance and coddle the proselytizers of ignorance. Because then you end up allowing for more ignorance in the future. As for politeness, if someone says “have a blessed day” or something equally short and in passing, that’s one thing. But to come here and post completely off-topic proselytizing bullshit as one’s first post — well, that just deserves to be driven away.

engulfedinflames April 26, 2009 at 9:33 pm

[re=299859]MarieDevine[/re]: let’s see if i have this right ; 21 curses from an omnipotence because the national day of prayer (in a secular nation) falls on a thursday rather than sunday? picky, picky picky. you’ve been doing this for eighteen years? you need a hobby, even better go to your local hospital and volunteer if you can help-out while keeping your beliefs to yourself. even better…go eat a big bag ‘o dicks. thank you.

oldguy April 26, 2009 at 10:19 pm

[re=299862]chascates[/re]: Dia De Los Muertos is pissed off because the Mexicans were trying to discourage ceremonies in his honor. Let sleeping gods lie.

S.Luggo April 26, 2009 at 10:49 pm

To show no hard feelings about Barry’s release of the Bush torture memos, Kathy Lopez has sent an entire Ryder truck of broasted Mexican pork chops to the White House from her personal larder.
(On the plus side, they were actually pork chop bones, tinted with a bit gravy and mash and saliva.)

hobospacejunkie April 26, 2009 at 11:43 pm

[re=300119]llyn[/re]: It’s bad manners and lays up bad karma to mock a person’s religious beliefs.

“…lays up bad karma”? WTF does that even mean? And we’re mixing karma & religious beliefs. Aren’t they kind of two different concepts? Karma is simply the stupid hippy way of saying “what comes around goes around” and has about as much basis in fact as WMDs in Iraq. But then so do religious beliefs, so yeah, I guess they aren’t all that different.

When I hear someone use the word karma it makes me think of stupid hippies who can’t be bothered to actually fight back against some injustice or other. They just do nothing & say “whoa, dude, that bad karma is going to come back & burn you, man.” I don’t see how people can talk about karma seriously in public with a straight face. But then I feel the same way about christianity.

I’m all for whatever you wanna believe in private (and i have some strange-ish beliefs, too) but once you set ‘em on the table they are fair game for dissection & ridicule. Preferably the latter.

Reed Enwright April 27, 2009 at 2:05 am

Where’s Tintin when you need him?

Suds McKenzie April 27, 2009 at 3:01 am

[re=299843]WIDTAP[/re]: WIDTAP, there is someone I’d like to introduce you to, Her name is “Marie Devine”. This is her first “performance”. btw, it is nice to see you two.

mcc April 27, 2009 at 3:18 am

[re=299935]Turd Way[/re]: I was wondering about that. Does anyone know what kind of effect that previously having had lymph nodes surgically removed would have on flu resistance?

Lakergrrl April 27, 2009 at 11:38 am

[re=299907]DustBowlBlues[/re]: FYI- Um, Witnesses don’t do National Prayer Days. or sabbeth. or curses 4×7 (we prefer them 2×2, like the saints that go marching by)

Mad Farmer Manifest April 27, 2009 at 12:45 pm

[re=300262]mcc[/re]: The lymph nodes are the sorting ground for cellular trash and a gathering place for white blood cells. If you’ve had some removed, then drink lots of water and eat lots of green veggies to bolster your immunity. A plant called “cleavers (Galium aparine) helps with lymphatic troubles.

mrpuma2u April 27, 2009 at 3:51 pm

[re=299877]imissopus[/re]: The Flying spaghetti monster helps those who help themselves. Let’s git ‘er

mrpuma2u April 27, 2009 at 3:52 pm

[re=299905]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Such a win! I laughed, I cried, it became a part of me.

Cranky Old Batt April 27, 2009 at 9:39 pm

[re=299988]SayItWithWookies[/re]: WIN! That is one of the bestest smackdowns EVAH. I laughed so hard I couldn’t catch my breath and thought my head was going to slpode.

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