• February 14, 2012

Too bad he won't provide as many laffs as, uh, Mel Martinez.After months of titillating evasion, the governor of Ponce de Leon’s meth-swamp has finally (almost) come out and made a very important personal announcement: he’ll be running for the Senate next year when Mel Martinez retires.

He’ll probably win this thing in a walk, being a pretty popular governor and having virtually no opponents since Jeb Bush decided he wouldn’t run. WOE BETIDE any Democrat who decides to run against this shiny orange deity, as they will be thrown into a pit of crocodiles, for sport.

Fla. GOP: Crist will be next U.S. senator [Pensacola News Journal]

{ 63 comments }

Texan Bulldoggette May 11, 2009 at 10:22 am

He can join Boehner in the category of Republican men of color ‘not found in the natural world.’

The Schadenfried PAC May 11, 2009 at 10:22 am

Why is there a pic of Guy Whitey Corngood?

Bruno May 11, 2009 at 10:24 am

I can’t wait and neither can the senate page boys.

ManchuCandidate May 11, 2009 at 10:25 am

Orange Skin. Check.
White Hair. Check.
Pants hiked up to his chest. Needs to work on that.

2 out of 3 ain’t bad to representing Florida.

Crab1 May 11, 2009 at 10:26 am

Is nice to see an old queen with new ambitions.

Capitol Hillbilly May 11, 2009 at 10:27 am

He has to do something to get away from his “wife.”

4tehlulz May 11, 2009 at 10:28 am

Jesus Crist will be the salvation of the GOP, until he is struck down by Rush Iscariot.

kudzu May 11, 2009 at 10:34 am

Fuck Florida.

Come here a minute May 11, 2009 at 10:35 am

The gays will vote for him cause he’s gay, the anti-gays will vote for him cause he’s straight-married — he can’t lose.

Monsieur Grumpe May 11, 2009 at 10:36 am

[re=313072]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]:

Don’t forget the

Oompa Loompas.

SmutBoffin May 11, 2009 at 10:37 am

I’m not feeling the snark in this post — perhaps there is a Wonkette endorsement in the works?

CHUCK CRIST 2010 “Thrusting vigorously toward the future.”

Canmon (the Inadequate) May 11, 2009 at 10:37 am

Fabulous!

trophy(forparticipation)wife May 11, 2009 at 10:41 am

[re=313092]kudzu[/re]: anti-crist.

superdave May 11, 2009 at 10:43 am

does this mean that he’s going to actually have to go through with his marriage?

BigIrish May 11, 2009 at 10:43 am

What a handsome blade. Let’s Vet him together, y’all.

SomeNYGuy May 11, 2009 at 10:49 am

He’s a shoo-in now that “Outrage” has made him a movie star.

Madeline May 11, 2009 at 10:50 am

Cue supremely unsurprising gay scandal in 3-2-1…

trophy(forparticipation)wife May 11, 2009 at 10:53 am

There’s nothing like a moustached man in a football jersey belly top and Dolphin short shorts. With just a little more power Florida could have a dress code.

Scrodd May 11, 2009 at 10:56 am

He needs to be more public about the fact he’s a Pike (ΠΚΑ). That way he’ll get all of the severely repressed homosexual vote.

hockeymom May 11, 2009 at 10:57 am

WHERE ARE THE NEWELL PICTURES, PEOPLE??!!!!

AllHat May 11, 2009 at 11:05 am

He’s cute, I’ll give him that.

sanantonerose May 11, 2009 at 11:16 am

He’s “reinventing” himself. Or is it more like a “reimagining?” Like The Wiz?

sarcasticusername May 11, 2009 at 11:16 am

aren’t all of florida’s wingnuts lining up behind some other limbaugh approved asshat in the primary? i suppose crist will start beating the “we’re all socialists now” drum in order to make it out of the wingnut primary.

Truculent May 11, 2009 at 11:17 am

Hate to be quoting Alec Baldwin from 30 Rock, but he’s right — “The entire population of the state is criminal. It’s America’s Australia.”

P Drizzle May 11, 2009 at 11:23 am

He’ll make any Democratic opponent his new bottom.

the problem child May 11, 2009 at 11:24 am

Has he been eating too much citrus, or do they just spray all the fruits a uniform, glossy orange?

mrpuma2u May 11, 2009 at 11:27 am

He’s over 60 with good fashion sense. This alone means Rush and the other losers in the GOP are required to declare him RINO by their own rules. C’mon, look at that tie!!!

JadedDIssonance May 11, 2009 at 11:29 am

Dear Wonkette,
Please stop trying to install spywares on my work computer when I try to shoot the ducklings.

thx,

JadedDIssonance

snideinplainsight May 11, 2009 at 11:30 am

Florida issues an armless blue Charlie Crist license plate in 5..4..3..

Hart88 May 11, 2009 at 11:31 am

Mitch McConnell can’t wait.

BadKitty May 11, 2009 at 11:50 am

It’s a proud day for Orangericans.

TGY May 11, 2009 at 11:51 am

If he can deflate Rushbo-the-Hutt in a Welch ‘have you no sense of decency’ moment, rock on say I.

queeraselvis v 2.0 May 11, 2009 at 11:53 am

HALP! I AM BLINDED BY FAKE TANZ.

the lady MS.Sheila Dixon May 11, 2009 at 11:57 am

[re=313129]JadedDIssonance[/re]: and please stop dropping my netbook signal while i’m in the employee restroom. Also.
thanx

El Pinche May 11, 2009 at 11:59 am

speaking of republican queens and other royalties….
ooooooooooooh! our spoiled bratty republican princess!

19kevin8 May 11, 2009 at 12:06 pm

jesus crist, shit on a shingle… orange you glad you’re not a reublican? o you are? sorry to hear that…

snideinplainsight May 11, 2009 at 12:10 pm

[re=313154]El Pinche[/re]:May I just say, “Hideous!” ? Where did our Megs steal that Turkish beadwork-themed pup tent?

StripesAndPlaids May 11, 2009 at 12:10 pm

Best line in this story: “the governor of Ponce de Leon’s meth-swamp has finally (almost) come out….” It is about time he came out.

bonghitsforjesus May 11, 2009 at 12:19 pm

Is the phrase “…Republican chain reaction…” code for “circle jerk”?

Mad Farmer Manifest May 11, 2009 at 12:20 pm

Why is George Hamilton the King of Florida?

One Yield Regular May 11, 2009 at 12:24 pm

Damn! Now I’ll have to rush to revise my Jesus license plate order to read:

CRST4SEN

Lascauxcaveman May 11, 2009 at 12:24 pm

[re=313106]Madeline[/re]: Cue supremely unsurprising gay scandal in 3-2-1…

Nuh-uh. It ain’t gonna happen. A lot of people KNOW the man is a friend of Dorothy, a vast majority of people ASSUME this is the case, and don’t really care. They’re OK with it. They like him.

Oh, and the 23% Bible-thumping-Bush-Approver crowd? They don’t count anymore. Barely even in Florida.

gilgamess May 11, 2009 at 12:25 pm

“Ponce de Leon’s meth-swamp” should really replace “the sunshine state” as Florida’s official motto.

SwanSwanH May 11, 2009 at 12:27 pm

Really? That’s FABULOUS!

dennymcden May 11, 2009 at 12:28 pm

I just realized that Charlie Crist looks almost exactly like Guy Smiley, (who in turn was the Muppet version of Bob Barker, so I guess it all kind of makes sense)…

problemwithcaring May 11, 2009 at 12:31 pm

[re=313092]kudzu[/re]: I wish Angry Black Guy was ’round to tell us which parts are indeed fuckable. Lost my field guide.

Lascauxcaveman May 11, 2009 at 12:32 pm

[re=313154]El Pinche[/re]: My goodness, Meggie! Such a display of pouty temper and sense-of-rich-person-entitlement.

Would Paris have done such a bratty thing? Um, we don’t remember, ’cause that whole NAKED, ROLLICKING SEX TAPE thing made us pretty much forget whatever else we knew about her.

Just sayin’…

lawrenceofthedesert May 11, 2009 at 12:38 pm

Of course, he’s much older than when he played the sheriff in “Blazing Saddles.”

El Pinche May 11, 2009 at 12:41 pm

[re=313160]snideinplainsight[/re]: and THAT too.

Holy crap, mannequin mommy and megs went nutz with the Bedazzler.

problemwithcaring May 11, 2009 at 12:47 pm

[re=313154]El Pinche[/re]: “Why talk about her [mom Cindy] at all?

Well, in all fairness Wanda Sykes probably hasn’t seen Meghan’s resume.

snideinplainsight May 11, 2009 at 12:53 pm

[re=313205]El Pinche[/re]: “The problem? She had only two tickets, but brought two friends.”

The solution: she quickly ate one of them.

Zorg May 11, 2009 at 12:55 pm

My term for Florida, based on Central Florida experience, is Baja Appalachia.

Scrodd May 11, 2009 at 1:08 pm

May he and Lindsay Graham get to spend time together in the sauna at the Senate Gym. You ever hang hang around in a gymnasium, Charlie?

But then again, that may not work – both Crist and Graham are unfuckable bottoms.

arclight May 11, 2009 at 1:32 pm

He will win because he’s so pretty.

THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR LETTING WOMEN AND GAY MEN VOTE!

arclight May 11, 2009 at 1:44 pm

GOD NO!!!!!!!!!! So you mentioned Meghan McCain in this thread, meaning I got wood on a page about Charlie Crist! Does that make me gay?????

TeddyS May 11, 2009 at 2:03 pm

Ms. Crist, fondly known as Cholly at the “We B Bondage and Shit Botique” in Ft. Lauderdale, is no Sarah Palin. He will have to kiss Limbaugh’s fat ass in public to stand a chance of winning. Of course, he may already be doing that.

El Pinche May 11, 2009 at 2:07 pm

[re=313280]arclight[/re]: Pretty Bratty Meg versus Pretty Leathery Boy Crist, the tan man….reminds me of a Ween song ..the crust of a tan man embibed by the sand, soaking up the thirst of the land.

KTHXBAI May 11, 2009 at 2:07 pm

It’s such a shame Desperate Housewives killed him off in the tornado episode.

norbizness May 11, 2009 at 3:12 pm

[re=313095]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: He’s got another puzzle for you… what is a gay who marries a chick? Posing for pics while he’s craving a…

ThePerfesser May 11, 2009 at 3:17 pm

At least Lindsay will have someone to take to the dinner dance!

Lionel Hutz Esq. May 11, 2009 at 4:24 pm

Is this much of a surprise? Everyone knows the Senate Weight Room is the best place in the world to cruise for gay, Republican sex.

heroinmule May 11, 2009 at 4:33 pm

Just a closeted homosexual? To get cred with the GOP, surely he’ll need to at least have sex with a farm animal.

Autochthon May 11, 2009 at 6:29 pm

[re=313117]Truculent[/re]: You’re thinking of Georgia, actually…

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