• February 12, 2012

Your Wonkette does not have much praise to bestow upon the collected letters & columns of Washington Post warbomber Charles Krauthammer, who loves torture more than Dick Cheney does and hates “fairness,” hmm, slightly less than Dick Cheney does? But even Krauthammer’s most virulent ad hominem insult hurlers, on the Internet, usually understand that there is a LINE, there is a LINE when writing about this guy. You should never bring up his, uhhhhhh… well… OH YOU KNOW… the thing. The unfortunate Krauthammer thing?? And *no,* we are not referring to his race (black), about which many jokes can and should be made.

Just read for yourself what Time Internet scribbler Joe Klein said in Ben Smith’s fancy new profile of Krauthammer:

“There’s something tragic about him, too,” Klein said, referring to Krauthammer’s confinement to a wheelchair, the result of a diving accident during his first year of medical school. “His work would have a lot more nuance if he were able to see the situations he’s writing about.”

GAHHHHHH!

Maybe that “came out wrong,” but no? C’mon JOE KLEIN. Charles Krauthammer isn’t blind, and the country is rather wheelchair accessible. Oof.

Barack Obama’s biggest critic: Charles Krauthammer [Politico]

{ 106 comments }

Advocatus_Diaboli May 20, 2009 at 1:36 pm

Krauthammer is a douchebag, though, so I guess they’re even.

The Cold Sea May 20, 2009 at 1:36 pm

If he’s in a wheelchair, how can he have a Budweiser can up his ass?

HoboNutz May 20, 2009 at 1:37 pm

JESUS!

charlesdegoal May 20, 2009 at 1:38 pm

How about “If he were able to RUN for office”, or “stand up and be counted”?

x111e7thst May 20, 2009 at 1:38 pm

But is he like C4/5? I could tell if I could see his hands. Cause they would look like racoon paws.

AKAM80TheWolf May 20, 2009 at 1:39 pm

Was that wrong? Should he NOT have done that?

Internally valid May 20, 2009 at 1:40 pm

That was wheelie inappropriate.

WadISay May 20, 2009 at 1:40 pm

Dare I say, he could still use a whack upside the head.

snideinplainsight May 20, 2009 at 1:42 pm

“There’s something tragic about him, too,” Klein said, referring to Krauthammer’s confinement in a pea-sized brain crammed to the gills with endless spite and bile, the result of endless rounds of Republican initiations and hazing. “His work would have a lot more nuance if he were able to put aside the “Bomb Iran” thing for, oh, say, a few nanoseconds per day.”

BillyClubb May 20, 2009 at 1:43 pm

He’s black, his last name is Krauthammer(?!), confined to a wheelchair, and he lives with a can of Budweiser up his ass. No wonder he’s for torture…

freakishlystrong May 20, 2009 at 1:44 pm

The fact that Krauthammer still has any credibility at all after the last eight years of smugly and languidly cheerleading for that disaster is beyond me.

I thought Klein was going to mention the hairlip…

randomsausage May 20, 2009 at 1:45 pm

Mein fuhrer!

AKAM80TheWolf May 20, 2009 at 1:45 pm

Krauthammer just needs to roll with the punches.
He needs to take this stuff in stride.

rambone May 20, 2009 at 1:45 pm

On the up side, at least Krauthammer isn’t doling out medical advice.

SayItWithWookies May 20, 2009 at 1:45 pm

Hey Klein — thanks, but we already have a vice president. Leave that stuff to the pros.

Cape Clod May 20, 2009 at 1:46 pm

Krauthammer coined the term ‘Bush derangement syndrome’, mocking everyone with enough brain cells, (5), to see that President Ass Pants was a catastrophic liability to the country. I feel about as much sympathy for him as I feel for old man Potter.

Canmon (the Inadequate) May 20, 2009 at 1:47 pm

Klein should have signed his column “Anonymous”.

TGY May 20, 2009 at 1:47 pm

wearing reading glasses around his neck, a black turtleneck and black jeans

Indeed, it’s very tragic that Charles Krauthammer is so sartorially impaired.

Sockfullanickels May 20, 2009 at 1:48 pm

Oh, Joe, you do not mention the axles of evil in polite company.

BillyClubb May 20, 2009 at 1:49 pm

old man Potter Ha! Reference to a classic movie (“It’s A Wonderful Life”) WIN!

donner_froh May 20, 2009 at 1:49 pm

Some people are assholes. Some are assholes in wheelchairs.

chauncey May 20, 2009 at 1:49 pm

[re=321188]Internally valid[/re]: heh heh

oh man

snideinplainsight May 20, 2009 at 1:49 pm

“There’s something tragic about him, too,” Klein said, referring to Krauthammer’s confinement to a wheelchair, the result of a diving accident during his first year of medical school. “His inability to play a decent game of hacky-sack. The way he gets stuck going down escalators, or in revolving doors, where he just goes around and around helplessly until someone pushes him out. How he flails like a turtle if he gets rolled onto his back.”

Global Cannibal May 20, 2009 at 1:49 pm

This may well have been just a poor extrapolation by Ben Smith. There’s no quote from Klein specifically referring to … that which must not be mentioned … as the source of his moral myopia. It’s probably just a comment that Krauthammer’s vast rhetorical skill largely goes to waste because of his aversion to empathy and critical thinking.

Or maybe I’m just jaded since I know someone who has expressed an interest in seeing the Hammer of the Krauts dumped in the middle of Hue, sans wheelchair, during the Tet Offensive.

Tra May 20, 2009 at 1:50 pm

Um, wow.

I had no idea bile-filled jackass was wheelchair bound. But, uh, yeah Joe, have you lost your mind? It’s not the wheelchair, it’s the blithering stupidity and hatred.

The Station Manager May 20, 2009 at 1:51 pm

Dude. I’m talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT… Also, Dude, Wheelchairman is not the preferred nomenclature. “Locomotive-American”, please.

snideinplainsight May 20, 2009 at 1:52 pm

I just feel like Joe wasn’t even really trying. Like Oops! Look what my keyboard spelled out when I wasn’t even looking at it. HOW DID THAT GET THERE?

Bill_TX May 20, 2009 at 1:52 pm

Look, all Klein’s saying is that Krauthammer is a stupid fucking
cripple.

ManchuCandidate May 20, 2009 at 1:55 pm

I strongly suspect that Kraphammer would be just as douchey on two legs as he is on two wheels.

rev_matt_y May 20, 2009 at 1:59 pm

“Locomotive-American”: win.

Funny, I had no idea that Krauthammer was an afro-locomotive-American. And didn’t care. Still don’t. It’s not his physical condition that matter to me. It’s that his ideas are idiotic and wrong in every way possible ever. Also.

boatapple May 20, 2009 at 1:59 pm

[re=321203]rambone[/re]: Oh, he still does that, too. Haven’t you ever watched “Agronsky and Company,” or whatever it’s called? He’s a disgrace to several professions at the same time.

Tommmcatt May 20, 2009 at 2:00 pm

[re=321215]snideinplainsight[/re]:

Oh my god, the win is omnipresent.

Lascauxcaveman May 20, 2009 at 2:01 pm

[re=321198]freakishlystrong[/re]: All that dancing around Jimmy did at the top of the post, I thought it was going to be about Krautie’s mental retardation.

But cripple jokes are actually funnier, so hey.

JamesMichaelCurley May 20, 2009 at 2:01 pm

Been seeing Krauthammer on Inside Washington for years and did not know he was in a wheelchair. Always thought he sat there leaning to the side because he was half-assed.

Suds McKenzie May 20, 2009 at 2:03 pm

[re=321201]randomsausage[/re]: “Mein fuhrer!” He will be “rolling” into Poland any day now.

Fuck that Cock House!!

snideinplainsight May 20, 2009 at 2:03 pm

Coulter, on the other hand, only gets stuck in revolving doors if you put a spear through her head first.

Thank you thank you, I’ll be here all week! Please tip your Wonkette!

shortsshortsshorts May 20, 2009 at 2:03 pm

[re=321215]snideinplainsight[/re]: My Lord. My fucking Lord.
WIN.

canadians for pussy May 20, 2009 at 2:06 pm

to bad he survied the diving accident, the fucking retard

chascates May 20, 2009 at 2:06 pm

It’s not a leap to assume his anger at almost everything is enhanced by his disability. The fact that he was trained as a psychiatrist is even more perplexing.

proudgrampa May 20, 2009 at 2:07 pm

Oh, hell. I always said that Krauthammer doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

Mahousu May 20, 2009 at 2:08 pm

Actually, I thought this was Klein’s snidest remark: “He became ground zero among the neo-cons, but he’s vastly smarter than most of them.”
Klein went on to add, “Yeah, his IQ must be like, what, twice that of Wolfowitz.”

Scarab May 20, 2009 at 2:08 pm

All this talk of his wheelchair is inappropriate and draws attention away from the fact that Krauthammer’s face looks a cheap rubber Halloween mask.

pondscum May 20, 2009 at 2:10 pm

OK, you fuckers. THIS is why I shouldn’t read Wonkette at work. Can’t…stop…laughing…

queeraselvis v 2.0 May 20, 2009 at 2:11 pm

[re=321250]snideinplainsight[/re]: You are ON FIRE today. Have you been playing lighter tag with Lascauxcaveman?

randomsausage May 20, 2009 at 2:12 pm

Calls himself a neo-con? If he was a real fuckin’ Spartan he’d throw himself of Mount Taygetos. Pussy.

lawrenceofthedesert May 20, 2009 at 2:12 pm

Joe Klein wrote for Rolling Stone, so we know he wasn’t a real hippie; Krauthammer worked for Jimmy Carter and Walter Mondale, so we know he hasn’t been a lifelong wingnut. Klein was a liberal when he wrote a pretty good Woody Guthrie biography and a column for The New Yorker, and now he does wingnut writing for Time; Chuckie changed his Primary Colors in similar cuttlefish fashion. They understand one another, as any two highly paid hookers would. They’re not there to set an example; they know whose name is on the check, and they know how to please. A Proust or Flaubert would recognize them instantly.

MrsNateSilver May 20, 2009 at 2:16 pm

Before this, my favorite KrASShammer moment was when he said feminist hates Palin because she made the moral decision to have Baby Trig, and the ugly feminists, if they could even get knocked up in the first place, would not have done that. And nobody else on the panel said WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU CRIPPLE?

Servo May 20, 2009 at 2:17 pm

Ah, yes. Summer means the good ol’ Budweiser Chicken Sybian.

TeddyS May 20, 2009 at 2:19 pm

I feel sorry for Krauthammer being confined to a wheelchair, where he cannot do anything or go anywhere. Same thing happened to Franklin Roosevelt, who only managed to get elected president four times. Krauthammer’s liability is not physical, it’s mental. Tragic? Nope.

Suds McKenzie May 20, 2009 at 2:19 pm

[re=321215]snideinplainsight[/re]: I strongly concur with the win!

bitchincamaro May 20, 2009 at 2:23 pm

Joe Klein once offered me a cigarette while I wheezed away in my iron lung. This latest outrage does not surprise me.

freakishlystrong May 20, 2009 at 2:25 pm

[re=321243]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Ok, a retard a hairlip and cripple roll into a bar…

SlouchingTowardsWasilla May 20, 2009 at 2:25 pm

So, wait, does this mean that Dr. Strangelove comparisons are out of bounds?

dougbob May 20, 2009 at 2:26 pm

so is klein saying that wheelchairs cause stupidity?

Suds McKenzie May 20, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Kleins next article, “Bob Novak’s Silence Speaks Volumes”?

IceCreamEmpress May 20, 2009 at 2:29 pm

Now I want to have a Wheelchair Death Match between Krauthammer and Stephen Hawking. Or Simi Linton.

Note: I did not know until now that Krauthammer used a wheelchair. I don’t know if that means that the teevee has taken lots of trouble to be discreet in filming him, or if it’s just that I can hardly see the man through the film of rage and vomit his idiot words invariably induce.

paintitblack May 20, 2009 at 2:30 pm

Like some, I didn’t know KrASShammer was a gimp, but that doesn’t give him a free pass to be the biggest asshat and damn proud of it on the planet.

Adolf Bachmann May 20, 2009 at 2:34 pm

The answer is in German, my friends. Klein means small in german, whereas Krauthammer means “German smasher.” Klein merely fears for his life at the murderous wheels of Charles Kleinsmasher!!!! Er summat…

102415 May 20, 2009 at 2:35 pm

I think I understand what Klein is trying to say. I for instance have a huge rack and that’s why I am a left of center Democrat. If I could just leave the house with out the constant stares and comments I could see why torture is so necessary and why fetuses should all become human beings.We are all shaped by our circumstances. Thankfully I am only allowed to write here at Wonkette until I get banned.Klein is a boring bag of dicks always.What the fuck is his excuse for himself?

Atypical May 20, 2009 at 2:38 pm

Being confined to a wheelchair all day must cause the crap to come out of his mouth.

Makes sense.

Dorje Chenpo May 20, 2009 at 2:41 pm

Thank God Krauthammer gave up psychiatry for punditry. He has all the warmth and empathy of Dick Cheney on wheels.

Egregious May 20, 2009 at 2:42 pm

I was suprised to learning that Mr. Krauthammer was paralyzed. This lead to me review is wiki entry and that lead to an even greater surprise. He is a medical doctor. So that makes him a doctor..that supports torture. Ugh.

crapistani May 20, 2009 at 2:42 pm

[re=321317]102415[/re]: Wonkette readers are thoughtful and discerning. We won’t believe your sad story of prejudice without photographic proof. Full frontal and side shots. Also.

Hooray For Anything May 20, 2009 at 2:47 pm

[re=321216]Global Cannibal[/re]: I agree– Klein could have been mentioning Krauthammer’s successful attempt into becoming the world’s first human cyborg due to his lifelong dream of fathering an entire race of Cylons.

BklynIlluminati May 20, 2009 at 2:51 pm

Dr. Mengele?

Joshua Norton May 20, 2009 at 2:52 pm

They can either have Krauthammer or they can have Tucker Carlson. Two ideologically identical, condescending asshats who say the exact same thing is way too many in this time of media cutbacks.

Or maybe they should keep 1/2 of each one. That works for me. Also.

Joshua Norton May 20, 2009 at 2:55 pm

[re=321327]Egregious[/re]: So he’s a low rent knock-off of “House”?

Edywin May 20, 2009 at 2:57 pm

So who remembers Raymond Burr as Ironside? Anybody? Nobody? He like, carried a gun and stuff. Cool big old wheelchair truck too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaHDut6z8yg

The Krautster needs a gun, an old police riot wagon and a hip Afro driver, thats all.

Mr Blifil May 20, 2009 at 3:00 pm

So in other words the main prerequisite for advancing up the ladder of Wingnut Intelligencia is not being able to feel your dick? And yes Malkin and Coulter count.

dijetlo May 20, 2009 at 3:05 pm

[re=321351]Mr Blifil[/re]:
I’m pretty certain Malkin and Coulter can still fill their dicks, I’ve noticed them “checking their package” from time to time during speaking engagements.

dijetlo May 20, 2009 at 3:09 pm

“Feel their dicks”
Also

Aloysius May 20, 2009 at 3:12 pm

You must all realize, of course, that Klein has once and for all pulled Krauthammer’s teeth. From now on, anyone who has read this article (and let’s face it: the only people who read the article are people who knew who Chuck was to begin with) will read Krauthammer’s work and think, “Poor, bitter man–too bad he’s in a wheelchair.”

What better way to hobble your opponent than to cut his legs from under him? Klein is the Sun-Tzu of journalistic debate!

assistant/atlas May 20, 2009 at 3:17 pm

That Joe Klein has not been bounced out the journalism profession–or beaten senseless by fellow journalists–for his repeated violations of truth, decency and anything approaching competent analysis is a big reason why I hope all newspapers and magazines fail.

That said, Krauthammer still deserves it. After all, he’s a disabled doctor who thinks it’s okay to torture the crap out of people to the point where they, too, get physical disabilities. So sit and spin bitch.

Oh–and good call predicting Obama would never win. Seriously, THIS guy is the smartest neocon? No wonder nothing they do works, ever.

bitchincamaro May 20, 2009 at 3:22 pm

[re=321309]IceCreamEmpress[/re]: Don’t forget Larry Flynt in his Hustlermobile.

LittlePig May 20, 2009 at 3:28 pm

Where’s Richard Widmark when you need him?

102415 May 20, 2009 at 3:30 pm

[re=321328]crapistani[/re]:Nobody ever gets tired of boob pictures around here.I’m so heartened by that but no photos can be released. It would only encourage the America haters. Trucknutz.

SlipperyDick May 20, 2009 at 3:30 pm

Let me see if I’ve got this. Krauthammer is really Captain Christopher Pike and Klein just wants to get him back to Talos 4 where he can kiss beautiful girls again? Interesting.

assistant/atlas May 20, 2009 at 3:32 pm

Wait, what? He’s BLACK????? Charles Krauthammer–black man?

Seriously? I’m more dark-skinned than that guy and I’m blond…so I guess we should be thankful Joe Klein didn’t call him an octoroon.

widestanceromancer May 20, 2009 at 3:32 pm

“But, ya ahh, Chuck, but ya ahh.”

artbot2000 May 20, 2009 at 3:35 pm

Actually and in point of fact, Krauthammer’s a Dalek.

Get him to say “exterminate…exterminate” some time and you’ll see.

But the image of him as a chicken with a beer can up his ass is pure genius.

102415 May 20, 2009 at 3:36 pm

[re=321377]Aloysius[/re]: Maybe, maybe not. The nutty 21% will say “He’s in a wheelchair and a doctor!You don’t hear him howling for stem cell research or complaining about torture.”

A Better American Than YOU May 20, 2009 at 3:37 pm

My German is not very good, but doesn’t “Krauthammer” mean “cabbage beater”?

If that was my name and I was a hopeless cripple, I’d be bitter too, though I’d probably be cheered up if someone stuck an occasional beer can between my enfeebled cheeks.

jaba the slut May 20, 2009 at 3:38 pm

Krauthammer should just come back with one of those strap on robo-exoskelatons, crush a few bortion factories, dispatch Bin-Laden with his optional flame thrower, and demonstrate a few other differently abled feats of strength.
There’s one thing I know:
DON’T FUCK WITH THE TRANSFORMERS!

gjdodger May 20, 2009 at 3:47 pm

re=321401]LittlePig[/re]: That’s not Krauthammer’s “Third Rail.” It’s his “Kiss of Death.” HEY-OHHHHHHHHHHHH…![

bonghitsforjesus May 20, 2009 at 3:51 pm

Beer butt Krauthammer.

RoscoePColtraine May 20, 2009 at 4:16 pm

[re=321385]assistant/atlas[/re]: “…So sit and spin bitch…”

Atlas, here I thought your funny was limited to Meghan McCain threads. Thanks for that hearty laugh.

Sagacity May 20, 2009 at 4:22 pm

Know anyone who would trade there life for Joe Klein’s life?

Hell No! Klein got one of the ugliest faces alive, no one would trade faces with that. Double Hell No! No one on this site would give up there brain to have Joe Klein’s brain. Just look at his body of work and tell me you prefer his brain over your own.

Now that we have the technology to do a face transplant one could change the face but you would be stuck with his brain.

ZorinZorin May 20, 2009 at 4:26 pm

IT IS WITH A KRAUTHAMMER THAT I FORGED MY RINGS OF POWER!!!

problemwithcaring May 20, 2009 at 4:29 pm

“Charles is not a hater, but he can be an intense disliker,” he said.

Such high praise.

Custerwolf May 20, 2009 at 4:34 pm

Joek line.

Custerwolf May 20, 2009 at 4:42 pm

Krauthammer can’t help being an asswipe. That’s how he rolls.

imissopus May 20, 2009 at 4:43 pm

We have nothing to fear but FEAR ITSELF!!!

Fear and, you know, staircases.

Staircases, soccer, dancing, and fear. Then we’re home free.

sezme May 20, 2009 at 4:47 pm

Yes, being wheelchair-bound was also what made FDR such a hard-line, right-wing, no-empathy nutcase.

SomeNYGuy May 20, 2009 at 4:48 pm

It’s perfectly fair because Krauthammer demands that all Americans take diving lessons from him. Also, he’s a psychiatrist who’s clinically insane — so all bets are off.

chaste everywhere May 20, 2009 at 4:50 pm

At least when the posse finds Krauthammer’s abandoned chair out in the sagebrush one of them can say, “Don’t worry, he won’t get far on foot.”

And when John Callahan sues me for plagiarism I can say . . . I dunno . . . “Wheel men don’t sue for plagiarism”?

SomeNYGuy May 20, 2009 at 4:58 pm

Okay, to be fair to the hateful, deranged Krauthammer: sitting in his wheelchair, he’s still taller than Joe Klein.

Dog Trombone May 20, 2009 at 5:20 pm

[re=321184]x111e7thst[/re]: OMG!!! You are a horrible, horrible person. And you make me laugh.

S.Luggo May 20, 2009 at 5:23 pm

“His [cabbage-masher’s) work would have a lot more nuance if he:
1. Hadn’t been raised among Canadastanis..
2. Didn’t have French parents. (Actually, his mother was Belgian, but what’s the fuck?) .
3. Was actually a real doctor.
4. Wasn’t one of Reagan’s policy butt boys.
5. Stopped stealing Boehner’s spray tan.
6. Worshipped the one true god Baby Jesus Christ our Savior instead of a motzah image of that hebrew Moses.
7. Were taller.

x111e7thst May 20, 2009 at 5:53 pm

[re=321654]Dog Trombone[/re]: [re=321654]Dog Trombone[/re]:My best friend the psychoQuad says it’s ok for me to make fun of the Krauthammer’s paws. Tho I would anyway.

Joey Ratz May 20, 2009 at 7:09 pm

[re=321325]Dorje Chenpo[/re]: Seriously? I thought he was a dentist. That makes so much more sense.

Scandalabra May 20, 2009 at 7:33 pm

I’m bitter without being confined to a wheelchair. If I was, I would surely be a “bitch on wheels”!

Custerwolf May 20, 2009 at 8:16 pm

[re=321805]Scandalabra[/re]: “confined”? I don’t know about that. I’ll bet he could slither across the floor if he just weren’t so lazy.

S.Luggo May 21, 2009 at 12:55 am

[re=321805]Scandalabra[/re]: Crip on wheels.

S.Luggo May 21, 2009 at 12:59 am

Famous psychiatrists:

1. Doctor Hugo Strange.
2. Hannibal Lecter.
3. Doctor Moriarity.
4. Radovan Karadžic, Serb premier; UN prisoner. On trial for some technicality concerning the Geneva Convention.
5. Charles KrautScheiss.

The tradition is long, the tradition is deep.

nader paul kucinich gravel May 21, 2009 at 1:04 am

anthrax intimidation
neocon 911 fairy tale
bush rove cheney rummy
extortion blackmail bribery
federal reserve is not federal
israel-first dual-national aipac

Gravel Kucinich Paul Nader
McKinney Ventura too
perotcharts.com
RAGE

big January 13, 2010 at 10:39 am

best essay writing HERE http://www.rushessay.com

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