Once upon a time Bill Clinton was a hot young maverick with an endearing taste for french fries and plump ladies, while George W. Bush charmed the world with his cockulicious flight-suit costumes and unquenchable thirst for near-beer. But now, compared to our elegant new president (Dr. Spock), these two guys just look like washed-up old losers who can’t even sell out a crowd in Canada. We haven’t seen this precipitous a decline among members of the Washington elite since Butterstick hit the crack pipe.
Bush and Clinton are going to speak in Toronto tomorrow, and nobody wants to go see them. Tickets are $229 CDN, or approx. 15 cents American.
One guy who is trying to unload his ticket complained that it would probably be just a boring discussion between two guys who don’t even hate each other enough to do anything interesting.
“It’s not going to be a debate. It’s going to be a lot friendlier than that. For a more robust exchange, I would certainly be happy to camp out for it. Absolutely.”
In other words, tits or GTFO.
Bush-Clinton tickets not that hot [Globe and Mail]
{ 59 comments }
It always boils down to tits or GTFO.
Bill Clinton just doesn’t have the pulling power he used to, but I think it was beneath him to hire the clown act.
It’s incompatible demographics — the complete fuckheads who paid big bucks to hear Dubya speak won’t go anywhere near the rabble that shells out $229, and nobody who’d pay that sum to hear Clinton wants to be in the same room with Dubya without waterboarding equipment.
No one cares much about aborted dynasties.
I know what’ll make the tickets sell faster, say it with me: two Presidents enter, one President leaves!
To the death! No, to the pain!
SKS, there’s nothing Clinton would like better than being trapped in a sack full of pussy.
No shit. Canada City types don’t mind Clinton in the early 2000s when it was all blowjobs and the injustice of the Arkansas Project. I still remember being stuck in the awesome infuriating traffic jam for a few hours the last time he visited Toronto.
Now? Feh. This Obama country now, Bubbha.
As for W? Who wants to hear a failure talk?
I got an invite to this event from a professional organization I am a member of. I felt could spend an afternoon with a couple of much better looking (and female!) whores for twice the price and apparently so did a lot of my fellow Canada City dwellers.
“Butterstick” was also Monica’s safe word.
Read this in the voice of Comic Book Guy.
Ah hem, I believe you meant MR SPOCK not Dr Spock.
YOU LEAVE MY PRECIOUS PANDA OUT OF THIS. Or, you know, remind me once in awhile that he still exists maybe.
They’d kill in Branson.
I mean I care about old Presidents, but not when they say stuff like this !
Bush will respond to rejection by crawling into a sad shell for the rest of his years, while Clinton will respond with increasingly inappropriate acting-out. Unless they share their pain together, and go cruising in Bill’s private jet, coked up and looking to land someplace warmer than Canada where the women don’t know their names… Seriously, these people are why Obama pretends not to be a baby boomer.
Bubbha + Megan McCabe = happytime! (they’re both pro-sex!)
[re=327252]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Obama’s country it is!
Terrance and Phillip will be there with their chemical weapons.
I’m not sure Bush could have talked to a sold out Canadian crowd when he was a washed up president, let a washed up former president. We hate him that much.
And I hate to be “that” Canadian, but your conversion rate is all wrong. With the American economy tanking as it has for the past year or so, $229CND isn’t worth $0.15USD. It’s worth approximately 35.7 baby seal hearts.
[re=327242]gurukalehuru[/re]: My God, you’re on a roll this week. I was merely going to say that W isn’t plump enough for Clinton to admire longingly.
[re=327269]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: “It’s worth approximately 35.7 baby seal hearts.”
Damn! No wonder they had to raise the quota to 338,000 dead baby seals this year.
I’m sure the Fox News crawler will say something like :”Bush fails to sell out Canadian speach due to the presence of Clinton.”
[re=327242]gurukalehuru[/re]: Bill Clinton just doesn’t have the pulling power he used to
Billie’s willie begs to differ.
[re=327248]AxmxZ[/re]: Two Presidents: One Cup
[re=327269]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Oh no, the world better switch to Canadian dollars, what with your commodity-based economy, ahead of money-printing Nobama hyperinflation! Just kidding, America will bring the world down with it, then claw it’s way back on top with massive borrowing.
Ewww…white people.
Bill’s Fantasy: sandwiched between two bushes. Bill’s reality: having to pal around with George and Jr. for teevee time. definite buzzkill.
Jimmy got left out.
From today’s Variety:
“Ex-Presidents Entertainment announced today, May 29, that Bill Clinton, George Bush, George Bush and Jimmy Carter have signed to appear in “The Prez Pack is Back!,” with a signed commitment to 40 shows at mid-sized arenas nationwide, in all major markets, with several corporate promotional tie-ins, for a summer show that includes singing by all four performers, dancing, jokes, stories, some classic vaudeville routines, some slapstick, and fundraising, in a show described by the producers as very similar to the current ‘Rat Pack is Back!’ tour that’s out on the road for summer, 2009. Producers confirm that Clinton, Bush, Bush and Carter will all be singing and dancing, with no taped background, no lip-syching, and they’ll be backed by a traveling 10-piece orchestra for the summer tour. Most songs are from the ’60s and ’70s, reps confirm, and Clinton will be playing the saxophone on most numbers. Repped by Ex-Presidents Entertainment, Air America, 20th-Century Fox, with major funding sources from producers George Soros, Mark Cuban, Warren Buffett and Bill Gates. Tour to start mid-June, runs through mid-September. Bandleader is Doc Severson.”
If they’re handing out commemorative cum-stained dresses at the door- I’m there.
I listened to W go on in a language only space aliens could understand for 8 freakin’ years for free. I sure as hell wouldn’t pay for the opportunity now.
Bill, different story…
Love the picture Arielle has on the Wonkabout up yonder (the filmstrip messicans).
[re=327291]Custerwolf[/re]: That, and pretzels.
I repeat myself, but did the people who threw this gig together ever take into consideration the fact that half the ticket is notoriously incapable of speaking?
[re=327262]Jsab[/re]: ‘The audience, which gave Bush a warm welcome at his arrival, cheered when he said he wanted to be remembered as a president who “showed up in office with a set of principles and he was unwilling to sacrifice his soul for the sake of popularity.”‘
And now he has neither — heckuva job, dumbass.
[re=327274]Custerwolf[/re]: That and we have our ravenous Governor General to feed as well.
[re=327280]T. Way[/re]: My cat’s breath smells like cat food!
Maybe the thing would be more popular if they had debate topics like:
-Whose economic policies contributed more to the current financial crisis?
-Shooting rockets at Osama vs. invading Iraq– what’s the better way of taking him down?
-Blow jobs from interns or lying about reasons to start winnable wars: is getting blow jobs worse?
-Management Techniques- is it better to have your underling sublimate his favorite issue for political expediency or have him and his buddies secretly run everything behind your back?
Nobody Cares About Old Presidents Anymore
Certainly not me.
When will Obama shut down GTFO?
Not very well know but the infamous Dirty Little Coward Robert Ford went on a speaking tour after plugging Mr Howard and laying poor Jesse in his grave. This was the same booking agency, of course, which handles the remodel, Dohbya. Of the two, Ford at least never had to go to Canada.
This is reminiscent of the infamous Engelbert Humperdink/Rolling Stones tour of ’03. Humperdink believed he’d discovered a surefire way of amping his street cred, only to discover, sadly, that the Stones were perilously overdrawn at the Bank of Street Cred.
I gotta agree with the Canadians on this one. Who’s going to pay to see these guys? They should be paying us for listening to their tired old crap. And yes, Obama IS cooler.
Can you bring snacks into the auditorium?
[re=327251]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Win.
[re=327289]thefrontpage[/re]: Sadly for them, it’ll probably be another eight years before Obama can join up and take the Sammy Davis role.
What we need here is a Thunderdome.
It’s Mr. Spock not Dr. Spock (I never got laid in high school).
[re=327301]SayItWithWookies[/re]:
King Georgie certainly has his priorities in line. Destroy global economies through favors and neglect? “No biggie.” Obama goes coatless in the Oval Office? “Hang ‘im! Fuckin’ hang ‘im!”
But I’ll bet they have a great time on the “Fuck-Ups n’ Has-Beens” tour bus together
[re=327297]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: Isn’t it sad? The only way Bush is going to “replenish the old coffers” is by tying himself to the guy his administration tried to blame all of their own fuck ups on.
[re=327254]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I was thinking the same.
who let these two doucebags in are country, make em listen to to this pair of twats.
all hail Obama. also
Perhaps I’m just missing the extra double-funny joke of referring to Mr. Spock as “Dr. Spock” – the man who raised my generation with a mother’s little helper book. If I’m not missing the extra double-funny joke because there isn’t one, please refer to my handsome new preznit as “Mr. Spock” in the future. ‘Kay?
[re=327503]beastie[/re]: In the new ‘Star Trek’ movie Spock is the archetypical character representation for Obama according to some theatre-going pundits, who are also retarded.
[re=327294]Custerwolf[/re]: Yeah but can’t comment. I haz a sadz.
The queen wasn’t invited to this either? People are staying away in droves just because of this slight.
And this weekend, the NYT Magazine runs the cover about “The Mellower Bill Clinton”. Turns out his wife is a success without him, his daughter’s a success without him. Hell, even Ron Burkle can still make money. What’s left for the “young Lear”? Fries and gravy which means suicide to that still clogged ticker.
As to the topic, I’d pay 299 CAN to see him alone. HIm with W? Pass.
http://www.thestar.com/videozone/642845
Check out the shoe throwing at Bush!
The George Bush Lecture Tour: Bush with his mouth taped shut with Duct tape!!!!!
Those lovely Canadians rolled out the welcome mat with a fine WAR CRIMINAL reception- complete with a shoe throwing art design, picturing Bush in an orange Gitmo style prisoner suit.
Canada Oh Canada!!! I heart you!
ONE YOU WOULDN’T TRUST WITH YOUR DAUGHTER
THE OTHER YOU JUST WOULDN’T TRUST
LAWDS, I think it hurts Clinton to be Mr. Hillary Clinton, but for some reason me thinks Dubya is a big bag of sighs of relief since his glorious stupidity isn’t AP nooz 24/7.
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