BAN-HAMMER OF THE GODS: Folks, things have become a bit intolerable in our previously fun & funny comments section. You should know better, etc., but for the sake of Good Manners we’re going to repeat some very basic rules.
- Do not link to your own blogs. That is called “link whoring” and it’s one of the basic no-nos of the Internet. Don’t do it. If you’ve got something you want featured on Wonkette, send a tip to the tips line — we read them all.
- Please stay on topic unless it’s an open-thread kind of post. (AND EVEN THEN SHOW SOME BASIC CONVERSATIONAL DECORUM.) We are tired of seeing the first several goddamned comments having absolutely nothing to do with the post.
- Limit yourself. Police yourself. Do you need to make a hundred fucking comments about nothing, per post? No, you don’t. Good comments make a good site much better. Jabbering nonsense makes a good site intolerable. We can ban people for any reason — we are not Huffington Post, for god’s sake — but we will begin aggressively banning people who can’t keep their comments down to a few relevant contributions per post.
- We will take nominations for the Ban Hammer at this moment.
We love and appreciate our many, many witty & informed commenters. And we’re glad to have anybody who wants to join in our drunken salon and give it a go. But we are going to ban the fuck out of anybody, ANYBODY, who doesn’t instantly — as in right now — start following some basic conversational protocol around here. HILARIOUS HIVE-MIND WONKETTE UPDATE: While your editor was writing this measured response to the Comment Crisis, your other editor Jim Newell just cold fuckin’ banned like five lamers.
Read More:
- Rick Perry Not Obviously Drunk Or High, Political Source Says
- TSA Says It's 'Irresponsible' To Legally Opt-Out of Porno-Cancer Scanners
- West Virginia Hillbillies Attempt a Sex Threesome
- Americans Actually Crushed By Lack of Dignity & Joy, Not Politics
- Carly Fiorina Learns About Live Mics While Mocking Barbara Boxer's Hair
{ 231 comments }
Can we ban bacon-nays, or is that out of the question?
Is this the proper place to remark on the incredible explosive growth of truck nutz in the DC area? I’ve seen three distinct pair in Montgomery County this week alone. Srsly. They are gross.
Oh .. and please ban anyone who says “win!” or any other 4chan colloqualism.
I nominate Meghan McCain for the Hammer of Gawd.
What about about fart jokes?
can you set a rule about personal info? familiarty does breed contempt.
[re=330398]DC Hates Me[/re]: AGREED. “Win” has become an insufferable tic of commenting — not just here, but everywhere on the Hated Internet. Let’s all please come up with something less lamer.
The comments have been sort of sucking lately. I blame myself.
And anyone who says “first” like they’re on Perez Hilton’s site.
LOL EPIC WIN JIM NEWELL
Snap, son. Crackin’ down the whip of the law.
Please, no more song lyrics
The sucking has been sort of leading me to comment lately. But I don’t blame anyone with titties, magical or not.
[re=330408]tunamelt[/re]: Yeah we are like cops who are awake two days per year.
[re=330402]Ken Layne[/re]: Haha +1
(Kidding!)
Kill that “HP” person. There is no place on the Wonkette thing for “cyber sex.”
“I’m sorry, I was drunk” works how many times, on average?
Gee, I thought I was just being really bitchy being annoyed at the general direction the comments were going. Good to know Ken & Jim are just as big of bitches as I am.
[re=330413]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: “hpwilliams” was killed brutally an hour or so ago. Sorry I did not announce this publicly. HPWILLIAMS NO LONGER CAN COMMENT ON WONKETTE.
[re=330411]Ken Layne[/re]: You should try to schedule those awake days so they don’t overlap and you’ll get twice the coverage. That’d be, what, like a 200% increase in productivity?
Wow, I missed the Great Wonkette Comments War of ’09?
Short of a public execution, I’m the happiest boy in all the land. This is like a “make a wish” foundation for people with Swine Flu.
…but he was still TROGDORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR TROGDORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail58.html
http://www.homestarrunner.com/trogday.html
http://www.homestarrunner.com/trogday08.html
Ban Hamr hehe i mm a didk find out more at http://www.mywebsit.ass!!!!!!!!1
[re=330417]Jim Newell[/re]: Isn’t there some kind of devious algorithm you can purchase from an underemployed MIT grad that would automatically display on-topical-ness per poster?
Geez, I keep reading about cool cyber stuff that does everything but actually plant the agave and psyilocybin in the ground for you, why not a topicality index? Claim it’s a matter of national security and you could probably get a DHS tax credit, too!
They didn’t say anything about posting Snorg Girl fantasies or hotlinking to the photograph of G. Gordon Liddy in a banana hammock, so I’m guessing those are okay.
I feel like the police just traced the call and said “it’s calling from inside the house”.
[re=330411]Ken Layne[/re]: [re=330417]Jim Newell[/re]: I love it when you guys act tough and butch.
We haven’t had a good troll for a while. Where are the trolls of yesteryear? A good troll is like chum in the water.
[re=330424]memzilla[/re]: You have been commissioned to construct such a device.
[re=330429]WadISay[/re]: “Ron Paul secretly sucks Bill Donahue’s dick”
Expressing general contriteness here. Not that I ever had much to say, but I did descend into inanity towards the end. What about ironic cultural references? Are those banned too?
I’ll tell you one thing, Joe Biden will not be banned.
[re=330409]windupbird[/re]: Except for the ones by a certain “Candidate.”
[re=330432]d4g33z[/re]: Sotomayor the Messican against teh oppressed white man? Can anyone ban that? We can only hope that such ridiculous irony in any cultural reference lasts forever.
Also ban…
Also
Anything remotely French
Grammar Nazis
lIliterates
Cat lovers
Lol catz quotes
Dog huggers
Musicians
Anything remotely German
Texas
People smarter than me
Anything remotely Norwegian
IT Nazis
gardening tips
Intelligent Youth
Stupid old people
Color of Newell’s pubic hair jokes
Republicans
Libertarians
Obscure Zappa lyric references
Obscure Firesign Theater references
Democrats
Weasels
People who chew with their mouths open
People who throw cigarette butts on the ground
People
Everyone else
and
People that make lists
[re=330430]Jim Newell[/re]: Can’t code. Can recruit. Have network, will call. Response via tips@.
But please, a previous suggestion to cross-promote the chat room merits your earnest consideration. Assuming you can monetize it, of course.
Oh, it’s Wonkette of the Flies, surprise summer episode. Also, if Ken even sees a hat on a bed…
shit on by professionals
turds raining down hard
ban hammer rescues hair-do?
Do not link to your own blogs.
Just as well. If I had a blog, it would be nothing but Butter Cow porn, and nobody wants that. Do they?
[re=330403]magic titty[/re]: I agree… lets all blame Magic Titty.
[re=330435]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I am the oppressed white man. Therefore, I must be ironically banned.
No wait! I didn’t mean that! ***poof***
I guess now is as good a time as any to start commenting again. I promise not to go on any more I-despise-the-religous-right screeds anymore.
Good god! I go away for four whole days and the entire commentariat falls to pieces while I’m gone.
If only I could think of funny things that do not contain “win”or words with random “z”s tacked on the end for no apparent reason.
And check my spelling more.
I hypothesize that random banning should result in learned helplessness which should, in turn, lead to depression and mental illness.
As we all know, nothing makes for good art like the psychoses so I expect scads of amusing comments in the days to come, followed by self mutilation and suicides. It’ll be a win-win situation all around!
[re=330439]jaba the slut[/re]: “Eat a large bag of flaming dicks” still resonates meaningfully.
Crap! I said “win.”
I can haz second chance?
[re=330411]Ken Layne[/re]: Ken, if you’re so annoyed, maybe you should be like that guy from the New Republic and quit the internets. Renounce blogging!
Speaking of the Gods, how can anyone not see the necessary component of wish-thinking in all religions. Clearly, daily reliance on irrational beliefs is an accident waiting to happen. And I challenge anyone to defend the genital mutilation called circumcision. Open thread, etc.
Anyway, Wonkette commenters, solidarity forever! But Ken, know that the picture of my dick I sent to tips@wonkette.com was purely for Comedy.
[re=330398]DC Hates Me[/re]: win!
Trogdor!
[re=330426]Country Club Jihadi[/re]: I feel like its 1982, summer vacation is approaching, and Sr. Rita has just noticed that the boys have been letting their hair go a little too long lately. And the girls have been wearing their skirts just a little too short. DETENTION FOR ALL!!!!
trucknutz.
Damn, I missed the beatdown – must be because I followed one of Shorts’ many links to his blog and read a few things.
What the fuck did I miss?
Ya know, I was thinking how it seemed some people needed to
a. get a job
b. actually work at above job
Done with ‘also’ and ‘Name’-the-’vocation’. Which means I am done with Palin and her entire Party.
Thanks for letting me vent, (ya queerz!)
Also is AngryBlakGuy on vacation or something?
[re=330446]rambone[/re]: Yeah, you can never know if you’ve done something wrong, which is the way they want it, obvs. Why not a little random praise? Even sociopaths do this, but not our Dear Leader.
[re=330446]rambone[/re]: Well y’know, the problem with the elites is that there’s too damn many of ‘em.
[re=330450]lizard scum[/re]: and your dick is comedy gold.
Ban Hammer gots to be Luther Campbell.
[re=330450]lizard scum[/re]:
Let’s all discuss euthanasia, slavery, abortion, religion, lust, and their inter-connections.
Be polite and take turns.
No assaulting opponents, please.
The comments have been getting kinda Jezzy around here. (Who gives a shit if Neilist likes guns?)
[re=330457]NoWireHangers[/re]:
Nope, Cheney mistook him for a Somali pirate and zapped him with his nifty death laser. Them’s the breaks.
[re=330462]MGBYG[/re]: Have you read my book “Sexuality, Evolution, Spirituality, Consciousness, Knowledge and Madness: a History?”
[re=330456]MGBYG[/re]: Which means I am done with Palin and her entire Party.
Can’t be done with the entire party; it’s too much of a source of laughs.
[re=330457]NoWireHangers[/re]: If I recall, they moved and said they would be back in a bit.
[re=330470]Uncle Glenny[/re]:
As is Palin.
I had to work for a few days and when I get back the sea-green incorruptibles are moving among us. The banned commenters [/i]had[i] gone increasingly off the deep-end (I’m still slogging through Sunday’s comments, looking for the cybering Shorts said happened) and it’s probably for the best that they be taken out into the snowy wood and shuffled loose the commenter-coil.
[re=330436]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Please yes ban “also” as a violation of the Strange Sketch Act, to wit that you can’t merely end a comment without a proper punchline by just saying “also.” (If Monty Python references have already been banned I am immediately doomed, but I mean it about the “also” thing.) Also. (oh sh*t)
Didn’t this happen about a year or go so when that monster tard was making all those bea arthur dick jokes?
[re=330476]Rev. Peter Lemonjello[/re]: Those were jokes? Shit, all this time I’ve been wacking nostalgic to fiction??? I feel so disillusioned. And dirty. But mostly horny.
See? That’s why people like me, who appreciate a good joke but actually aren’t all that funny or insightful, have the good sense not to post comments. Usually. Please continue doing the same, people like me!
Nothing like a good purge.
Does this mean I’m still banned?
Whoa, how did that get through?
[re=330479]Andropov[/re]: Agreed. Keep this up and Wonkette is going to look fantastic in a bathing suit this summer.
I blame Riley. I’m not saying we didn’t have these problems before he showed up. I am just saying we need to fix the blame before we fix the problem.
[re=330436]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]:
“I’d hit it”
and
People who reply to their own posts.
I think he’s stopped commenting, but just to make sure he never comes back, fucking ban Miller. That dude was the king of blog whorin’.
[re=330487]Keram2[/re]: Miller. He is on the Wanted List. If anyone sees MILLER around here in the future, alert your editors, and there will be a public execution.
uh……….buttsekks?
Look, I already stipulated I am beneath contempt.
[re=330475]DogBreath[/re]: You have dogbreath, also?
They needed bannin’
[re=330436]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Whew! Librarians aren’t on the list. Instead of “win” can we say “spidoosh?”
Marijuana is the answer to all of life’s – and history’s – problems.
Between work and being stoned, I can’t keep up with the drama.
OK, so being busy with work also helps.
I’m not a total liberal lamer.
Hey, Newell! Was that you in the Philly Chinatown Wawa a few weeks back?
[re=330436]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: And methought it was just the bad apples on the night shift.
I stopped reading after “Ban”.
[re=330498]sanantonerose[/re]: I hope the big cheese doesn’t put the kibbosh on the spidoosh. Twenty-three skidoo.
I am so out of the Wonkette loop, someone besides Jesus forgive me.
All this banning is making me kinda horny, maybe I should check out that chat room…
[re=330499]Delicious[/re]: Oh how I wish, to be in not-Washington. The PNC ATM at that Wawa… that used to be my ATM.
Do not link to your own blogs. That is called “link whoring” and it’s one of the basic no-nos of the Internet.
Uh, Ken Layne does it. Or he used to. He linked to his screed in some LA giveaway newspaper.
Didn’t you, Ken?
Just sayin’. Ain’t no banning matter.
Can we get that guy who used to link to the Borgen Project to come back, just so we can ban him?
Ken Layne is my editor,
I shall not want the Snorg girl.
He makes me snark in white blog space;
He leads me to good articles.
He teaches me to foot tap;
He guides me in the paths of snarkiness
For His blog’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Denby,
I fear no Paultard, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your ban hammer, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of Pumas;
You read The Corner so I don’t have to;
My RSS Feed overflows.
Surely laughter and drunkenness will follow me, and the buttsex,
And I will dwell in the house of Wonkette forever.
Also.
[re=330507]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Wow. Very nice.
[re=330507]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: That was fantastic!
And I lower my head and run backward in obsequiousness towards all.
[re=330504]Jim Newell[/re]: What you and Ken are missing in this witch hunt, Newell, is the realization that you are humble public servants. Many decades ago, after making progress on computers, the Pentagon thought it might me nice for a future alienated and atomized American populace to have a powerful communications tool sometime, as a consolation from their government for being such corporate pushovers. Decades later the project was completed, and it was called The Internets. A wonderful social service for all isolated/ unemployed/ underemployed people in the world! Now you want to treat it like it’s yours, but we can strike until you give us a 55% equity stake in our Wonkette.
fuck, I just dropped in to see if AngryBlakGuy was back. some fuckers really take their pursuit of non sequiturs seriously. in the spirit of things, how about wrap-around shades, shouldn’t those be on list?
[re=330507]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: nice
[re=330509]SayItWithWookies[/re]: [re=330510]chascates[/re]: No! No! The correct term is now “spidoosh!”
Have I been banned?
If i can post from China, how on earth could you ban anyone inside the US from posting anyway?
I only read this post because I thought it was going to be about the UN Secretary General. Bloody Bogus.
[re=330515]gurukalehuru[/re]: Of course not. And I’ll miss you.
[re=330512]peorgietirebiter[/re]: Yeah, where’d he go? Does it have something to do with Hopey’s facistsocialistsupercalifragilisticexpialidocious agenda?
[re=330517]Steeevyo[/re]: To logon is human — to ban, divine.
Angry Black Guy had some housing problems a while back which he explained (bank was actually doing some underhanded stuff to force him to foreclose.) Since then he hasn’t been heard from. I miss him, too.
[re=330518]Meaty Ochre[/re]: Dag.
I would like to write an impassioned plea for the life of ‘also,’ but will instead just write a few sentences. It has its roots in something fabulously funny (Palin’s inability to speak English,) plus one of my favorite posts ever, by shorts, shows how to use ‘also’ properly, for humor. I laugh every time I think of this post. It is sheer genius in its economy and mocking tone. There is a place for ‘also.’ It’s just that its place is not at the end of every goddamn comment.
Add Me!!!
Oh shit, that was a stupid link to my own stupid comment. I apologize. I cannot find the funny shorts comment. But it was funny. And I am a dumbfuckass who, while I did link to my own comment in another blog, did not link to my own blog.
Am I dead yet? (Eh, probably for the best.)
“Do not link to your own blogs. That is called ‘link whoring.’” Another word you might consider is hURLing. I’ve previously heard it applied to people who post links in forums without providing context (forcing you to click) but it seems it could apply here as well.
[re=330529]hobospacejunkie[/re]: [re=330530]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Please relax, and let’s not overcompensate with an outpouring of recriminations. Let’s not give the n00bies the idea that this is a completely random process, entirely out of reach of our attempts at amelioration, compensation or supplication. I don’t think they’re ready for that.
[re=330533]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Ha, you think that was bad? You shoulda seen my previous weepy outpouring of grief and apology and begging. It was ugly. Naming names and singing like a canary, making up lies about everyone else here to save my own sorry ass. You’d think I’d been waterboarded or somesuch.
I assume my comment was auto-deleted because at one point I invoked the name of a she-wullf who’s now persona non grata in this forum.
(Or maybe I just forgot to hit ‘Submit.’ My attention span is pretty short as the gin bottle magically empties itself.)
Ban me again, but from this IP too.
[re=330535]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: I, too, have made a couple of comments wondering as to the whereabouts of the custerlady and they did not appear.
No reason to be an asshole about this, Ken.
[re=330525]hobospacejunkie[/re]: I hope angryblackguy isn’t homeless. Or if he is, I hope he will find his way into some sleazy internet cafe and panhandle his way onto Wonkette. There is an empty space where he was.
Have I survived the attack of the Ban Hammer?
I blame Jesus.
[re=330440]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: Mmmmm….butter cows.
[re=330538]Aurelio[/re]: I believe that it was discovered that he is, in fact, a contented female caucasian.
I think now, looking back, we did not fight the enemy, we fought ourselves. The enemy was in us. The purge is over for me now, but it will always be there, the rest of my days. As I’m sure Ken will be, fighting with Jim for what Sara called ‘possession of my soul.’ There are times since, I’ve felt like a child, born of those two fathers. But be that as it may, those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again. To teach to others what we know, and to try with what’s left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this blog.
[re=330547]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Goin’ away ain’t gona ease us. It’s gonna bear us down…They was the time when we was on the lan’. They was a boundary to us then. Ol’ folks dies off, an’ little fellas come, an’ we was one thing – we was the fambly – kinda whole and clear. An’ we ain’t clear no more.
If blog whoring is no longer acceptable, can we at least continue to prostitute ourselves and our children for yummy pancakes? I ask only because I’m hungry for pancakes, and prostitutes.
[re=330507]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Shorter version:
I have to sleep outside next to the reservoir
I walk through the fucking desert to go eat with people I don’t like.
I need to wash my hair and I spilled my fucking drink.
Can we Ban Ki-moon?
Hey guyz, what’d I miss…huh? Oh fuck!
Last!!!1!!
I really can’t define banning, but I know it when I see it.
TonyTheTiger was da bomb.
[re=330409]windupbird[/re]: Agreed posting lyrics is lame. I’ve done it, but only after reading other’s posted lyrics, I’ve come to realize that, no matter how topical, they only reasonate in the poster’s earworm.
I kind of like the phenomena where a chick talks frankly about sex and draws alot of attention from the horny guys, and so she posts more frank talk, and gets more replies. What’s that called?
[re=330559]ph7[/re]: It’s called “The Doctor Ruth Westheimer Show”.
[re=330402]Ken Layne[/re]: WTF, Is Ken Layne Calispeak for lowtax?
[re=330559]ph7[/re]: Let’s see if this works. Bandwidth stealing from coolaggregator on wordpress.
Because seriously, greatest revenue model ever.
BECAUSE SHUT UP, THAT’S WHY!
Will I get banned for saying, “I got nuthin?”
I’ve honestly stopped reading the comments altogether, even though I usually find them amusing when I do read them. I hadn’t noticed any of the more egregious nonsense, but cleaning it up for those who do hang around here is probably a good thing.
“Wonkette was better in my day, blah blah…”
[re=330527]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Angryblakguy was on Kos, too, but I just searched for him and his history is gone, which is odd because that’s not even how their system works… There was nothing at all, even though I know for a fact that he was on there as of the election…
Newell, did you ban Angryblakguy from THE WHOLE INTERNET?
The problem was that people started thinking of Wonkette as an online “community” where we bake cookies and share recipes and get weepy about each other. We should aspire to be more like the community model started in Rome, between lions and Christians Plus buttsecks and funnies.
[re=330566]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Curiouser & curiouser. Kos was where ABG detailed his housing plight. Perhaps he’s gone off grid & is removing all traces of himself from polite society. If so, I salute you, ABG, and godspeed, whatever godspeed means. I’ve always assumed it was akin to nonsensical baby talk.
http://angry-blak-guy.dailykos.com/
Happy ending? Guess he/she got the mortgage terms changed and is now out buying blingee in an urban/suburban hip-hop setting. Last entry was TAX DAY. COINCIDENCE???? AngryBlakGuy is now a teabagger.
[re=330567]Boojum[/re]: Christians & lions, buttsecks & furries — are you sure that’s where you want our newly-purged Wonkette to go?
[re=330545]Come here a minute[/re]: Hey, I met the Butter Cow lady. In fact, I just talked to her hubby. Also. I mean, spidoosh. Did I do that right? LOLtrucknutzwinI’dhitit.
Also, please ban anyone who leaves long discourses on the Canada City political system. I’m talkin’ you, Mattbolt and Manchucandidate!
Banning the hobos is just going to mean that they are going to spend more time at the library reading magazines.
[re=330570]Come here a minute[/re]: Ah, there you go. Perhaps the use of unnecessary dashes is a symptom of mental distress or high levels of melanin.
Checking in on Wonkette first thing in the morning sometimes is like walking through a campus commons room after an kegger the night before. Debris everywhere, a few passed-out underclassmen, the smell of stale beer rising from the carpet, and a few things laying in the corners that that really shouldn’t be examined too closely.
Can somebody here tell me how to pwn sum n00bs?
I overheard my parents plotting to post a link to their blog on Wonkette. Can I turn them in for a pre-emptive ban?
[re=330409]windupbird[/re]:
Trogdor!
Trogdor!
Trogdor was a man
I mean, he was a dragon man
Or maybe he was just a dragon
But he was still Trogdor!
Trogdor!
Trogdor!
Burninating the countryside,
Burninating the peasants
Burninating all the peoples
And their thatched-roof cottages!
Thatched-roof cottages!
Whoa, this has wicked dueling guitar solos
It’s like squeedly versus meedley over here
Go squeedly!
Go squeedly!!
Squeedly wins!!!
When all the land is in ruins
And burnination has forsaken the countryside
Only one guy will remain
My money’s on
Trogdor!
Trogdor!
And the Trogdor comes in the night . . .
[re=330429]WadISay[/re]: Oh, we are here, we’re just not sayin’ anything… oops!
Poetry even if its on topic.
Lyrics more than 1 line long.
(unless only Layne knows the tune)
People that correct their own spelling.
teh … anything
!111!! etc.
“eat a bag of dicks”
More than one “truknuts” per topic (read before posting!)
Just yesterday I was considering asking you guys that if I posted a bit more regularly, would you consider giving me a job here? From the tone of you post, Jim, I’m thinking your mind isn’t made up on this yet.
Well, let me know when you can.
sure, ok DAD.
It’s so hard to get free, brilliant, humorous posts about buttsex, these days.
Enough of this. Sims 3 is done downloading & ready to install. I’ll be back when the water tastes a little less coppery…
I feel as if I has truly been shat on by professionals for the win.
And does anybody know why tequila makes my butt sore?
I love Jim’s approach. Ban them first, ask questions later.
I proposed most of these tenets of lame comment identification months ago, and was told to go back to my eating mush and watching Matlock in the nursing home.
In the words of Zorak when he guest-hosted the Space Ghost Coast to Coast show, a special “You’re gone!” to LOLcats, also, trucknutz, whore diamonds, l33tsp3ak. It’s about as fresh as hearing quotes from the Wayne’s World franchise in 2002 (long after the time they became stale and well before the time when it was due for a revival). Emoticons would be fresher.
Oh, good, I wasn’t banned. I once thought I got banned from some lame travel site but it turned out after a certain incident at my office(NOT MY DOING) splashed across the news, my office tightened up on everything. I couldn’t even get to the BWI parking site- I am sure that has some foul stuff there. And you can’t check mega million or powerball numbers anymore because that is gambling??(but you can go to the Washington Post and find them there)
Am I too late?
I usually check this blog a couple of times everyday. I don’t read the comments so I couldn’t tell you if they’ve been good or bad lately. WHO CARES. Jesus Christ what is this Jezebel? The monster that the “Jezzies” fucking lame comment community has become over there is a huge part of why it is now worthless. If there is ever just a straight up open thread to be used as a chat room on this site I’m done.
Dedicating a post that includes a list of rules on how the comments are annoying is annoying. The comments started sucking the day you made it mandatory to register in order to leave one.
You’re funny Jim. I like you,you say intelligent and original things. These other people that write things on here I like a lot too. I hope this blog continues to be awesome that’s why I was compelled to post. But Please Jim, I’m begging you don’t let these people turn you into this. Next thing you know, you’ll have a wiccan comment moderator.
Also, bring back Ask A Anonymous Hill Staffer or whatever it was called.
Thx
Nicki
[re=330507]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: That was above contempt.
Obviously I work too much nowadays, seeing as I was unaware of the declining quality of comments on this here website. Our editors’ outrage seems inflated beyond past ban-hammer purge periods, thus I can only assume that as many of us who completely ceased productivity in 2008 have since realized that actually completing our assignments on time, now and again, may perhaps be a prerequisite to keeping these so-called ‘precious’ jobs we hold. I blame myself for this miscalculation, and will attempt in the future to block out at least an hour or two per day to thorough Wonkette analysis. I shall issue my full report in a week. And yes, it shall be congress ready and have accompanying cardboard pie-charts.
[re=330612]Nicki Pee Pee[/re]: ur not even associated with gawker anymore guess I’m the asshole.
this place is the only thing that keeps me going when work gets me down. i don’t think the comments need to be side-splitting hilarious 100% of the time, but they should at least offer an interesting viewpoint. not everyone is going to think all the comments are awesome (‘one man’s trash…’), but DAMN….sometimes they’re just BAD. maybe warnings for offenders, next time (like she-wolf-who-must-not-be-named) ?
and when a thread gets hijacked, it can get really tedious to read if you’re not into it. (510 comments ?? HOLY FUCK !!!) that said, in attempting to connect over comments/ideas with other humans, it’s easy to get OT once in awhile…maybe a forum would be nice, so those things have somewhere to spill over to…maybe one or more of our more active members could get something started, and moderate ? you know, a li’l sumpin’ sumpin’ for everyone ? we all love this place, that’s why we’re here…
ok, i’ll STFU now.
WONKETTE 4EVAH !!!
[re=330559]ph7[/re]: I kind of like the phenomena where a chick talks frankly about sex and draws alot of attention from the horny guys, and so she posts more frank talk, and gets more replies. What’s that called?
It’s called “fear of dying alone.”
[re=330419]cal[/re]: ” I missed the Great Wonkette Comments War of ‘09?”
It wasn’t pretty. If only the old man had been surfing porn, I would have missed them whole thing, so I blame him. Oh, shit, was that off topic? I’m the most polite person here but confess that I, too, skip the song lyrics. I will try to keep my comments brief except on the subject of abortion, where I have lots of wisdom to share. Although crazed gunmen may be hunting down Ken, Jim and Sara for allowing me to share it. I hope not. And fuck anyone who doesn’t like pets.
Now I’ve got performance anxiety.
Latitude 31.95
Longitude -27.77
Straighten the sails mates, put your backs into it. You there, sweep the rats from the deck. Scurry up the lines men! Today we sail for the Borondon’s island. Ready your spirits and steal your souls!
[re=330507]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Hah, now do the Nicene Creed. In latin.
[re=330604]norbizness[/re]: That’s outa the park, Norby, you read my mind…what’s left of it. The faux hacker sp33k, LOLcats crap and text messaging jargon have to go. Thanks Jim.
What about dee?
Maybe you should just close the site down. I mean, really, is it doing any good at all? Isn’t it just a kvetch-site with no definable wonking at all? What exactly is being wonkerd at WONKETTE? Are you wonking politics? Couldn’t be. You’re relying too heavily on wire sources instead of your own inside information. So that’s out. Are you wonking the culture of the thirty year old cosmopolitan/omnisexual? Couldn’t be — ’cause there’s no real intellectualism on WONKETTE.
I think you’re just ‘wonking off’ and that you’re not really wanting to help anyone come to some sort of new or informed point of view.
So no one would really find a gaping hole of need if WONKETTE just pulled its own plug. How about a new format, at least?
WONK: person preoccupied with arcane details or procedures in a specialized field. Where’s your SPECIALized FIELD?
Anyone who still thinks that, after fifty-gazillion repetitions, the entirely predictable “I’d hit that” is funny in any form, regardless of gender and/or species, should be banned with extreme prejudice.
No, it does not keep getting funnier every time you say it.
[re=330655]Makeithurt[/re]: You’ve got it backwards, I believe. Don’t like it here? Don’t agree with the direction? Don’t like the other commenters? Then don’t come back. Disappear. Discorporate. Decamp. Depart.
[re=330655]Makeithurt[/re]: Slightly OT but I was just watching the IFC channel doing an interview with A.M.Cox. It must have been filmed this week as Wonkette had pictures of Sotomayor on it, and according to the IFC dweeb host, Wonkette is obsessed with anal butt sex type humor. I don’t suppose anyone saw it since it was on IFC.
Great, now where do I post the rantings of my depraved mind?
Hi Wonkette. Long time reader, first time poster.
I’m generally against banning people because…I don’t know. Just am. But, as long as you are banning people can you also ban those who use the Tweenage Text Message style of communication too much? You know those who use “Hawt” and “Teh”? Exception for ‘butt sects’ That’s marginally funny. But the TTM style makes people appear to have the communication skills of Miss Teen North Carolina, but not as funny.
[re=330584]low_standards[/re]: I’m sorry, but I’m going to take that “teh” thing personally.
Good to see that Jim is still burninating the countryside, burninating all the villages with their thatched roof cottages.
[re=330579]Dean Booth[/re]: AND a cash reward.
What a lovely day for an Autos-Da-Fe.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IrOXId1y5g
You’ll have to get the lyrics on your own, and the gay little accent mark over the ‘fe’ word.
Nice to see the tactics of the Spanish Inquisition make a comeback in the early years of the 21st Century, what with Abu Ghraib and now The Great Wonkette Kommentariat Purge of ’09.
Now if we could only bring back the guillotine, but that’s probably asking for too much.
Geez, I was on vacation people. If I had known that the quality of Wonkette snark was going to deteriorate so quickly in my absence, I’d have stayed home.
Okay, that’s a lie. But I would have felt bad about leaving.
[re=330533]SayItWithWookies[/re]: ” Let’s not give the n00bies the idea that this is a completely random process”
Actually, I’d assumed that the terrifying treatment of new commenters was the wonkette hazing process. In my case, I was so giddy with scorn for the Palin family on the RNC’s big night that I had to share the bile somewhere and turned to wonkette. (I’d quit reading during the Butterstick phase). I commented, “it’s too bad for the pregnant one that she has to dress like she’s amish so she’ll look like a virgin again,” and someone said, “You are stupid c***. (Women of a certain age do not use that word).
It really did scare me off for a bit, but I kept reading the site and worked up my courage to post again.
To the critic who says wonkette should be more “wonky.” That’s why god made KOS, HuffPo and other sites that demonstrate more outrage and indignation than humor. Some of us recognize that things are really fucked–that Republicans have won elections for decades by cutting taxes, reducing services (cutting the fat is, I believe, the term) and borrowing money while they deregulate because Jesus would trust international bankers. In the words of Rev. Wright, “the chicks have come home to roost”.
Reading the daily summary of the news on wonkette is an emotional suicide mission. Things are fucked. Hopelessly fucked. The age of America is OVER. I have lots of outrage, just like everyone with a brain not remote controlled by Rush O’Beck. But for the fucking love of god, the only viable outlet is laughter. Nasty, bitter, snarky, ironic laughter.
Ken, Jim and Sara don’t have to turn into investigative reporters on my behalf (and the wonkette budget might make that hard). Nor do I need erudite policy analysis–though anyone who is as funny as they are can clearly do it, because they’re SMART and articulate. They couldn’t be this funny if they weren’t.
So, if the odd congressional sex scandal falls into your lap, metaphorically (or not) speaking, please do be the first to report it and perhaps you can move from the Library of Congress to the Pulitzers
In the meantime, please don’t leave me out here, alone, laughing by myself.
[re=330445]MarieDeGournay[/re]: As to the commenter’s spelling comments, I’d like to add a comment to a commenter who said don’t comment to your own comments. How else are we to correct our typos? Sometimes, in the heat of irony, one misses the odd keyboard key and you look up and bam! everyone will think you confuse your and you’re. (Not that it’s ever happened to me). And then the wonkeratti will think you’re a troll because you’re illiterate.
By the way–(It will take a while to get used to typing that out fully–and adding the lys to the adverbs) the above started out not nearly as alliterative until I proofed it, realized I was on a roll and started elaborating.
You’re welcome.
“Hate fucking” and other misogyny
using lots of the f word instead of trying to come up with something funny
treating Wonkette like it’s your personal Twitter
Wonkette has no obligation to any commenter to do, or allow, anything. It is what it is.
Long time commenting does not equate to ownership.
Wonkette’s only obligation is to monetize its content. How it does that is only Wonkette’s business.
I would move to replace usage of “also” with “and such as”.
Spelling and grammer – these are the tools of the enemy. Half of what made Palin funny is on account of, she is not finnishing the sentences she starts. Or W.
also, stop qualifying comments with “just kidding.”
it’s annoying.
[re=330655]Makeithurt[/re]: Wonkette keeps me sane. There is nowhere else on the internet quite like it (Sadly, No comes close but is a little too predictably partisan for my taste).
[re=330685]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: …with his metaphorical Zippo lighter, I presume….
[re=330612]Nicki Pee Pee[/re]: Registration has been mandatory for posting Wonkette comments since the first day Wonkette has ever had comments (I also remember when you actually had to audition to gain commenter status – maybe they should bring that back). It’s a large part of the reason why the Wonkette comments section doesn’t suck as bad as the rest of the internet.
I learned something today. It’s hard to post anything snarky or on-topic with a 2-year old in your lap.
Wait, that didn’t come out right! Damn, now I just fingered myself for the Pedophile Database! Wait, that didn’t come out right either!
Oh hell, trucknutz! Also.
How about informally agreeing to limit “also” to Palin posts only?
“Buttsects” also fits humourously into some topics, but not others.
I’m of the school that says if you took the time to learn to write the language, it is okay to fuck around with it occasionally in the name of creativity, humour, or to make a point about some illiterate twat who never bothered to learn to write or speak. Snark and humour are context-dependent.
Funny isn’t funny if it is over-policed.
I never knew until today that Wonkette had a chat feature. Now I am terrified for my future productivity.
Oh, and have pity on the small keyboard commenters. Our hands can barely reach the delete key, let alone the backspa
Jim Newell is burninatin’ today.
Jeez, at least in California, you get THREE strikes before you’re out. (off to spend the rest of the day angsting over whether I’m funny and relevant enough to comment again…)
[re=330694]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Jim and Sara did investigate Mt. Vernon and it’s environs!
What is this “blog” thing everyone keeps talking about? Is it a disease, or an animal?
I thought I saw a “blog” at the National Zoo the other day, but I’m not sure. Someone said there was a collection of interesting “blogs” at Artomatic, so is it a type of art?
Thank you.
[re=330403]magic titty[/re]: I also blame you, bit it’s okay. You have five (5) comments to make it better.
[re=330402]Ken Layne[/re]: How about the classic “Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter?”
Frickin’ finally. Severely prune the Wonkette garden-o’-comments, Newell, I beg you.
[re=330406]agentstinky[/re]: Don’t do that. I mocked a banhammer posting once and I still can’t post on Gawker sites. >.>
[re=330740]jagorev[/re]: Oh yeah, I forgot all about the days when commenting was a privilege for the proud few… I was living in Foleys’ district during the original Cocktober, and kept sending in info from my bartender cousin who used to wait on him, as well as random gun-covered Kitty Harris advertisements from local media until they let me in.
Best day of my life when I got invited to comment. Which makes my life (at that point) pretty fucking sad, no?
We should make all these motherfuckers EARN it. Except not really, since I honestly don’t care, and just want the site to succeed.
I do have to say that this post scares me. Inane bullshit is what I do best, and I thought it was cool here? Anyway, I haven’t been paying much attention since mid-May (was on vacation) so maybe I missed something.
I’m ambivalent about the anti link-whoring stance. Wasn’t there a time when commenters had to have a blog of their own before they could be commenters?
Oh yeah, and the “hate fucking” thing makes me think WTF, not laugh. Not even remotely funny unless you’re a beer-saturated frat boy. I’d rather be locked in a room with a small child in possession of an encyclopedia of knock-knock jokes than see another dumbass, cringeworthy, knuckledragging “hate-fuck” line.
I’m cranky today. Here, in honor of the banning and Jim’s, uh, mighty hammer?
The Following Things Are Fired
http://fafblog.blogspot.com/2008/08/following-things-are-fired.html
[re=330883]Walter Sobchak[/re]: But then Our Beloved Editors would have to deal with the flood of mediocre attempts at qualifying from fanboy-ish suck-ups, desperately and pathetically trying to find acceptance and life affirmation through the privilege of posting on a website about ass-fucking.
Not that I’m speaking from personal experience, of course!
Besides, it’s been like a year since that former councilman got busted in the Sears bathroom in Daytona Beach, along with a few others including a gym teacher, and not even that got any attention here! I blame the way that local governments have to compete for attention against state and federal legislators here in Florida, but still… I’d never be able to get back to share my brand of mediocrity again!
[re=330894]arclight[/re]: Scares me too! I remember back when I thought Wonkette comments were a blog for posting anal rape jokes. Confused me to tears when Layne brought the hammer out.
[re=330489]Jim Newell[/re]: Always vigilant.
All hail our Overlords! Shitty comments have ruined too many a good buzz. It was bad enough before but now without AngryBlakGuy; it’s been intolerable. Please also ban anyone who edits their own f@&king swear words.
Now all we need is some buttseks and I may start reading comments again.
Question:
Don’t multiple comment postings = multiple page views = more traffic for wonkette = PROFIT?
I almost forgot to post a relic from the glory days (maybe never? I can’t remember well) of 4chan:
MODS==GODS.
Please don’t implement some kind of whore-diamond rating system to commenters.
[re=330694]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Agreed. I like my newbies terrified. Terror breeds funny.
[re=330474]Gallowglass[/re]: Can you post them here for everybody, please?
If we prove that we get banned from an evil right-wing blog can we get a pass?
[re=330505]Aurelio[/re]: Shit, that was MY LA giveaway paper! And guess why I’m sitting here reading fucking comments all day instead?
[re=331013]Bruno[/re]: That’s too easy; kindiegarten stuff!
Can someone please catch Aaron Schock doing something gay (preferably related to teh buttsecks) so when I randomly comment about how I want to bang him it’s not off topic?
FIRST!!!!!!!1!!
Oops. Never mind. Ignore this psot.
but he was still TROGDORRRRRRR TROGDORRRRRRR
http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail58.html
http://www.homestarrunner.com/trogday.html
http://www.homestarrunner.com/trogday08.html
I knows good commenting when I sees it.
ARE WE STILL ALLOWEDED TO TYPES IN ALL CAPS?
AND IT WOULD BE REALLY COOL IF I COULD CHANGE THE FONTS ON ALL MY WORDS AND PUTS THEMS IN DIFFERENTAL COLORS
[re=331014]commiegirl[/re]: Because that paper no longer exists?
[re=331251]tunamelt[/re]: DING DING DING! WINNER! Tunamelt, you are smart and with-it, for sure.
[re=330409]windupbird[/re]: Yeah, fuck these song parodies. Sorry, cause it’s always the best people who are posting them, but really, changing all the lyrics to American Pie to be about Sotomayor? There’s a reason why the members of the Capitol Steps keep dieing in bizarre accidents…
[re=331507]NYNYNY[/re]: Yea. But then, that brilliant Lord’s Prayer mock-up on the ban-hammer thread was too toooo good. Not really a song, but what I mean is, STFU ’cause you’re wrong.
I left this morning, well, early afternoon at about 55 or 60 posts and came back to over 225. I still have a reply function, so I guess not being able to spend the afternoon at home, groveling, worked out okay. I went to the doctor and begged for an abortion but he reminded me I’m post menopausal so the ship’s sailed on that one. Damn, I miss being young.
[re=331507]NYNYNY[/re]: ? members of the Capitol Steps keep dieing in bizarre accidents…”
Really? That news didn’t make it out here to the heartland. Lots doesn’t.
Let’s stuporious Wonkeratti and Wonkerette reign!
Please, ban all tight brained people with an agenda!
There are one zillion blogs populated with people with an agenda in ‘Murika.
Wonkette should be reserved for aired brained ‘Murikans and those who try to comfort them as much as they can. Also!
And to people who love Trucknuts for what they symbolize.
Also Vive l’anarchie (intellectual) Also
[re=330507]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Win! Thats Huge. Free trucknutz for you. I bet SnorgGirl could put her fist in her mouth.
Comments on this entry are closed.