We understand that for most of you it’s Late Lunch Hour Porn Cruising Time, but beware, the Iranians have set up a digital attack trap: “don’t know what’s up, but i went to persian bay (nee pirate bay), then to wonkette (at about 1:30 pm your time) and for a few long seconds it seemed that my computer (a mac running os x) had been seized from afar. i went to make a comment on one of your postings and my keyboard started typing an endless series of ‘i’s, then my selection bar in safari history started jumping all up and down on its own accord. i bailed out of safari and restarted and everything seems okay now, but spooky, my dear wonkette, spooky.” Is anyone else being oppressed in this way?
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Authors
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (800)
Jim Newell (5429)
Wonkette Jr. (626)
Liz Colville (96)
Blair Burke (171)
Kaia Mursi (45)
Garrett Quinn (13)
Ken Layne (6695)
Matt Langer (40)
Arielle Fleisher (385)
{ 62 comments }
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Sorry. No. Not really.
of course this would happen the very same week that I finally start using pirate bay. I’m already paranoid enough about it!
No, because I run a real Internet browser.
I hope Justin Long has a good alibi.
Dude. You need to reformat your hard drive immediately. Just ignore all those warning messages. They’re just more of those digital attack traps.
Same as usual here, just being oppressed by the Mexicans like all the other average, every-day white guys.
Can somebody seed Creampie Hunnies 47 please???
It’s because you use Safari.
“iiiiiiiiiiiiii”? I thought that the Muslin battle-cry was “Allahu Akbar”.
Alas, it seems, as was inevitable, that Wonkette is under attack. But I say to you, stay vigilant, Wonkette. Ahmad, the Supreme Leaders and the rest of their cabal will try to take you down, but they cannnot do it. Not today, of all days. They do this not because they are strong, or calculating, but because they fear you. Indeed, these vicious attacks on the very nature of new media- and thus, freedom itself- is the strongest evidence yet of their illegal actions that continue even as we speak. Stay strong, and continue to post the truth!
PEOPLE! If you don’t want this to happen to you, IMMEDIATELY disable “Remote Ululation”!
The only place iiiiiiiiiiiiii use Safariiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis on my iiiiiiiiiiiiiPod.
I knew Steve Jobs was being held against his will.
That’s because he wasn’t using Firefox.
but iiiiiiiiii wrapped my keyboard in 3 layers of tiiiiiiinfoiiiiiiil! DP saiiiiiiiid to only use 2!
here’s a tip move beer gut before typing
The Muslins have stolen the intarwebs!
Dumbass gets a power surge and suddenly he’s the crux of Persian conspiracy.
whi would the iatollah want to keep his i on us?
Aiiiiiiiiiiii Yiiiiiiiii Yiiiiiiiiiii Yiiiiiiiiiii ack! run for yer livesiiiiiiiiiiiii
What the Paultards couldn’t achieve on their own, they’ve managed to do by joining forces with the Ayatollah! But don’t despair Wonketter’s there’s an easy fix to this problem you just have to iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii and then iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii and download iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii and this should eliminate the trojan.
I suspect the Wonkette interns are behind this.
All of my porn is Persian. Iranian chicks are fucking hawt. Wait what are we talking about?
Will trojans defeat the persians, or should we use the magnums?
[re=341105]OzoneTom[/re]: It’s A Triiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip!
My Commodore 64 keeps crashing when I try to get on the ethernet. I blame Jimmy Carter and the Mandrell Sisters, for some reason.
[re=341131]pattycake[/re]: Is that a triple pun I see?
It’s the infamous Cheetoh-Spooge gambit, Brah!
INVIZIBUL KITTEH is walking on your keyboard. Or maybe jizz is making your keys stick, dude.
No, I have Norton Antivirus and firewall — the only time I get “virus attacks” is the week before my subscription expires, and then I get one an hour until I renew the damn thing.
Dump all your cookies, empty the browser history, and make sure there aren’t any persian cats on your keyboard.
o/ I-I-I-I-I’m not your stepping stone… /o
[re=341131]pattycake[/re]: I think we should all just pull out.
[re=341137]Country Club Jihadi[/re]: iiii you!
I like to oppress myself on a daily basis. Sometimes when it’s particularly intense I go iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.
[re=341117]BklynIlluminati[/re]: Yes. This is the operative comment of the thread. Well done.
Now that the Iranians have achieved key-sticking capability we can’t be satisfied with our outdated fly swatting capacity. We cannot allow an i key gap!
[re=341130]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: http://iranianpersonals.com/?affiliateID=gg_ir_usa
OMGWTFBBQ1101010001eleventyone11 I tried to refresh and got a blank page. Wonkette is under attack from the forces of evil11111
Dear illuminated respondent:
You have a book laying on top of your keyboard. Remove it. If it is large enough, thrust it in your mouth. If the book contains a shiny metal bookmark from a Christian bookstore, plunge it in your ear.
Firefox + Noscript = that shit don’t happen. You don’t see Sarah Palin ads on Wonkette, either, which is the REAL payoff.
[re=341152]facehead[/re]: There are Allahta ladies there to search for. MY DREAM HAS COME TRUE. THANK YOU FACEHEAD.
Today, we are all torrent seeders.
Chair-to-keyboard interface error.
Iiiiiit’s the start of the Jiiiiiiiiiad! Praises be to Allah and baby Jeebus!
Sir there is a dozen roses shoved inside of your anus!
(whispered) “read the card!”
“Democracy Now?”
Yes, every time I click on The Wonkette I”m besieged by inane and maniacal text that fills my browser up until I feel I am as one to explode. This means you [re=341160]shortsshortsshorts[/re].
[re=341135]Humpback[/re]: I’m all about the triple P.
“I tried to go to Wonkette, but instead wound up on PirateBay and somehow or another downloaded “Alexis Texas Big Butt Sluts 28″”–this sounds awfully suspicious to something I told my wife last week. Interesting.
[re=341175]pattycake[/re]: Rare but wonderful.
I went to persiankitty and lost 5 hours this morning.
Too much fapping. Not enough tapping. The user’s keyboard is lonely.
Step one: Flip over the keyboard so the keys face down.
Step two: Bang the leading edge against your desk.
Step three: Repeat until keys start to pop off, (don’t worry, they just pop back on…normally).
Step four: Dispose of the bits of dead skin, ashes from your drug addiction, dried splooge flakes and snot now littering your desk.
Now, you can also fix the problem with your browser but for that you’ll need a cigar, a bottle of rum, a live chicken a drop cloth and a long, serrated knife (unless you want to go “old school” and just spin the chicken by the neck and rip off it’s head). Let me know when you’re ready.
[re=341168]d4g33z[/re]: funny, I get the same thing every time i sign on to twitter…
Step 1) Is your computer plugged to the wall socket
Step 2) Wiat 4-6 hours for hallucinogens leave the blood stream
That’s just god getting mad at you for using Pirate Bay. The next time you open up a laptop in public gross german poopy porn will start playing at a high volume.
No snark. Did you install the Java update? I did that this morning on my iMac. Firefox was slow on certain sites but not other after the I installed the Java update.
Wow, if you can’t trust torrent seeders, who can you trust? I mean, it’s outrageous that people who are ripping off intellectual property holders aren’t completely aboveboard in their dealings with site users!
[re=341394]IceCreamEmpress[/re]: Hey, it’s safer than looking for straight porn elsewhere, that’s a sure source of infection (digital or anal). I pity hets, such a big-ass target, just like Windows.
[re=341163]sezme[/re]: That would be my guess. Still, I’d throw in the OS X disk, go to disk repair and run, repair permissions and repair disk, install Firefox and run an apple update. Or just use your IPhone for Persian porn – they have an app for that.
That’s a well known computer virus know to afflict certain newspaper columnists. They just can’t stop typing “I” when commenting on great affairs.
omg that totally happened to me this one time, except it was the backslash not the ‘i’. and it was totally caused by a cookie crumb wedged under the key. but other than that, it was exactly the same. damn muslins.
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