Wonkette
South Carolina granola hippie Mark Sanford just couldn’t take the pressure, man, so he put on his Tevas and headed up to the mountains to clear his head. Nothing like some Kinhin walking meditation to get the fear of The Man — that man, the prez — out of your soul. At least out here on the Appalachian Trail, mean old Barack Obama with his suits and his money and his power trips can’t bum you out …. unless uptight Obama is even using his Power Trip Stimulus Money on the trail itself.
Huffington Post professional bummer Sam Stein broke the news that harshed Mark’s forest buzz:
The economic recovery package enacted by Obama includes money that will help improve the trail on which Sanford has been hiking.
In late April, the U.S. Department of Interior said that $750 million in stimulus cash would be spent on more than 750 projects at national parks across the United States. The total included $650,000 for enhancing the Appalachian Trail.
Guess there’s no escaping The Man after all. Sanford plans to “run naked for president” on the Freak Power ticket in 2012, because Sanford believes the ancient Mayan calander predicts extremely good vibes (and the end of the world) during that groovy year.
Clearly we need to shift to a market-based parks system, where bears operate toll booths and the trails are maintained by hobo governors hoping for a handout.
he can hike, but he cannot hide
On his walkabout he will meet real Mericans tending their stills.
“Outspokin’”? So he’s a gay biker?
Even Andy would say stuff like: “Barnie, I’m goin’ up on the Appalachian Trail to see if the blackberries are gettin’ ripe. You be sure and let out Otis after he wakes up.”
With any luck, he’ll be eaten by bears on the endangered species list.
with props to my nephew for this:
Top 10 Places South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford May be Other Than “hiking on the Appalachian Trail”
10. Moose hunting/commie-watching in Alaska with Sarah Palin.
9. At a bar, drowning his sorrows, after putting all of the state’s money into cheap GM stocks last month on a personal tip from Jim Cramer.
8. At the annual “log cabin” weekend in Seneca with Lindsay Graham.
7. In jail, after reluctantly accepting the stimulus package…this time at a Japanese massage parlor.
6. Duck hunting with former VP Dick Cheney…hopefully!
5. At a secret strategy meeting with California Gov. Schwarzenegger discussing how to REALLY run a state into the ground.
4. In a locked bathroom mourning the Jon and Kate plus Eight divorce announcement.
3. “Anywhere that bitch Jenny ain’t”.
2. Hopelessly lost in one of Rush’s fat rolls.
And the #1 place Mark Sanford May be other than “hiking on the Appalachian Trail” is….
….doubling down in Vegas, baby!
“Governor Moonbeam”. Or has somebody already used that one?
He’s just trying to get all of the good hiking in before the Gubmint cashes in on that stimulus. They won’t let him hike naked with an assault rifle up his ass. Also, he does not approve of the proposed GORP tax.
If this doesn’t end in a tearful confession at a press conference with his wife standing tight-lipped next to him, I’m going to be very very disappointed.
You just know he’s up there dressed in camo tending to a plot of “magic plants”.
Gov. Sanford probably realizes that if he works it hard enough, the forest will likely feed him on breaks too!
Mark just wanted to join the others for Naked Hiking Day…makes it much easier for the trysts if you don’t have to remove any clothing.
http://features.csmonitor.com/politics/2009/06/23/sanford-disappears-to-hike-appalachian-trail-on-naked-hiking-day/
Escaping the Man? Didn’t his wife explain that he was escaping the kids?! Exactly what every good father does Father’s Day Weekend. He probably goes on separate vacations for his anniversary too!
Anyone remember that game on The Price is Right where the little Swiss mountain climber hiked up the mountain with all that yodeling in the background and then cold fell over the edge of that shit if the contestant was a dumb? To be replicating, please.
How about some stimulus cheese to improve Appalachians in general also in addition.
Too bad those toothless hillbillies from Deliverence didn’t catch with him, ugh, well maybe they did. What if a metiorite hit South Carolina while he was incummunicado? maybe SC should make him carry a blackberry, that way, Nobama could text message him at random intervals continiously.
Revelatory Return, Republican Deserter in 5…4…3…
That seems like a lot of unnecessary cover story for a simple squirrel-fucking expedition.
Right. That’s it then. Send in the CNN stormtroopers to interview him on the trail, because I don’t fucking believe it. If he isn’t shoulders-deep in a tranny hooker right now, he’s not a republican.
Ken, how can you desecrate the memory of Hunter and the Freak Power ticket with references to this inane cocksack?
SayItWithWookies: I want the frowny sucked-in lips face!.
“Help Wanted - New Face of the Republican Party”
Must be in favor of volcano monitoring, have never taken children of the female variety to a baseball game or attended a Brittany Spears concert without said child, must not use more bronzer than Miss California, does not use public restrooms especially in airports, cannot even spell Twitter. Hates nature.
If you have cheated on your spouse, the woman/man/animal must be considered good-looking to 2/3rds of the American public.
If interested send resumes and picture (see above) to mpdiddyhammertimesteele@sofuckedfor2012.com
True Merkins ride ATVs. Socialist hippies hike.
Next he’ll be eating shrooms at Burning Man. Give him a few years to unkink his membrain and he’ll be a Dem!
Anyone scoured the trail for the poorly hidden body of a tranny hooker/ACORN representative? Not that there would be any connection btwn them and the gubnor of course.
Is there any Republican anywhere who doesn’t pull some completely fucking stupid crap on a weekly basis?
Judging from Mark’s shirt, he’s a fuckin’ roadie. Is it possible to be both a hillbilly and yuppie? Apparently.
You know what most Southern men take with them when they go up into the mountains? Beer and deer scent. I’m guessing there’s a severaly traumatized Bambi somewhere along the trail.
CALENDAR!!
I think Sanford decided to proritize working on becoming a roadie for Widespread Panic over running for Prez.
So on Father’s Day he’s off hiking and camping in the mountains while his four sons are stuck at home in SC with Mom? Not that I needed any more evidence, but what a dick.
Mark Sanford just called into his office–turns out he was out hiking naked with John Ensign, Larry Craig and Mark Foley.
I’m not calling off the search until his broken and dead, orange body is found at the bottom of a ravine.
In a brief statement, Sanford was quoted as defending his actions by stating that, “When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.”
Manos: Hands of Fate: He just wants some pointers for when he starts his own band “Leftover Sanford.”
Q: If a Governor falls apart in the woods and no one is around to hear him, does he still make a sound?
A: No, he does not make a sound until later, at the nationally televised press conferenece.
If we now live in a country in which a rich, white man cannot escape his family on Father’s Day to a secret gay retreat to overcome the pressures of living under the thumb of a black man, I’m not sure I want to be an American any more.
“couldn’t take the pressure, man, so he put on his Tevas and headed up to the mountains to clear his head”
Please. Any self-respecting hippie now wears Chacos. Tevas are sooo 1994.
Did he take his son to go run a junkyard?
imissopus: Hey, go easy on the guy. His illegitimate Appalachian family needs quality time, too.
Noodle Salad: All the fees would be payable in salmon and honey.
The DNC has a new ad asking “Where’s Sanford?”:
http://www.gotchamediablog.com/2009/06/new-dnc-ad-asks-wheres-sanford.html
gjdodger: Eh, Jerry Brown’s just happy that the example he set 30 years ago is finally being followed by another Governor.
But if Sanford calls Linda Ronstadt, all bets are off.
Don’t cry for him, Carolina… but do stayed tuned.
Noodle Salad: I prefer the Bears who are park rangers - but I still haven’t been able to convince one to give me his uniform in exchange for the grade-a gheyseching a gave him…