• February 15, 2012
CANNIBAL MEAL-PLANNING

San Francisco’s Newest Culinary Delicacy

by Sara K. Smith

12:30 pm July 27, 2009

Consumed with fava beans and chianti, doubtlessShe must have been delicious! [HuffPo]

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{ 52 comments }

ManchuCandidate July 27, 2009 at 12:34 pm

Soylent Snackable?

american mutt July 27, 2009 at 12:34 pm

Chianti and fava beans. There I got that out of the way.

Mr Blifil July 27, 2009 at 12:35 pm

“Feed it to us!” they kept screaming. “FEED IT TO US!!”

snideinplainsight July 27, 2009 at 12:36 pm

LEAVE TRIG ALONE!

Mapmonger July 27, 2009 at 12:37 pm

18,000? Why, she’d barely fill out the Donner Party’s appetizer tray.

BitterKlingon July 27, 2009 at 12:39 pm

Bite it, Jesus!

Min July 27, 2009 at 12:39 pm

Ha! I always knew Jesus would come back as a girl!

YouveBrokenApeLaw July 27, 2009 at 12:42 pm

“TO SERVE MAN” is a cookbook!

mattbolt July 27, 2009 at 12:45 pm

Cannibalism fact of the day: apparently, not everything “tastes like chicken”. According to first-hand accounts, humans taste like a softer, gamier version of beef when properly cooked. Now that’s good eatin’!

GreatOldOnesParty July 27, 2009 at 12:46 pm

“She must have been delicious!”
Snarkalicious, SKS.
POETRY.

Hooray For Anything July 27, 2009 at 12:47 pm

There’s no way she fed 18,000 people in San Francisco as while she might have been raised free range, I highly doubt she was organic. She could, however, be considered “local food” so there’s that.

Noodle Salad July 27, 2009 at 12:49 pm

So San Francisco is for Eloi, Sacramento is for Morlocks?

Terry July 27, 2009 at 12:50 pm

[re=371297]mattbolt[/re]:

I would have guessed pork.

queeraselvis v 2.0 July 27, 2009 at 12:50 pm

[re=371283]american mutt[/re]: Alt-text FAIL.

SayItWithWookies July 27, 2009 at 12:53 pm

I’ll bet they did fondue — that can really stretch a meal.

Bypartizoa July 27, 2009 at 12:54 pm

Please. This is nothing compared to the old fish and loaves trick.

Native of SL UT July 27, 2009 at 12:55 pm

Just imagine how many people one of those fat Mississippi kids will feed.

germansteel July 27, 2009 at 12:57 pm

But, does she have a Luis Vuitton handbag?

Obamaton July 27, 2009 at 12:57 pm

She must have been sliced “waffer” thin.

Fred Wertham Jr. July 27, 2009 at 12:58 pm

Sara K. Smith is a very, very, very bad person.

Keep up the good work.

Gopherit July 27, 2009 at 1:01 pm

That’s what happens when you get Jesus as your chef. One little girl, a loaf of bread, some scallions and a boatload of rice goes a long way.

american mutt July 27, 2009 at 1:02 pm

[re=371305]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: damn :(

OzoneTom July 27, 2009 at 1:06 pm

[re=371304]Terry[/re]: Yeah, the cannibal islanders refer to it as “long-pig”. But some of the smaller ones are sometimes called “hairless goat”…

Those 18K diners must’ve had pretty small portions though.

FMA July 27, 2009 at 1:06 pm

Delicious, but such small portions.

Todd Mecklem July 27, 2009 at 1:08 pm

Pesky 5-year-old, forcing all those people to eat. Some of them probably weren’t even very hungry. Give this girl a time-out and make her read “Atlas Shrugged”–that’ll get all this goody-two-shoes socialistic enabling out of her system…

SmutBoffin July 27, 2009 at 1:08 pm

First use of the ‘cannibal’ tag on Wonkette? Expect to see it more often in the future, as food prices rise and Americans acquire a savory bacon odor.

Cape Clod July 27, 2009 at 1:09 pm

What happened? A plane carrying 18,000 passenger crash landed in the Sierra Nevada mountains and it took too long before help arrived? Why didn’t they eat one of the fatties?

azw88 July 27, 2009 at 1:14 pm

[re=371328]SmutBoffin[/re]: even better, The ultimate in white trash weaponry. You can have my gun when it slips from my clogged artery, grease-stained fingers.

hobospacejunkie July 27, 2009 at 1:17 pm

Oh come on, get ahold of yoursevles people, this just isn’t right. The headline says …feeds nearly 18,000, not satisfies 18,000.

shortsshortsshorts July 27, 2009 at 1:27 pm

This makes perfect sense, as Liberals EAT CHILDREN and San Francisco, being the disgusting rot of a City it is— feeds on the young as a delicatessen. Can we just BLOW SF UP? THE PEOPLE ARE GROSS. DESTROY THEM JEEBUS. PLEASE.

Monsieur Grumpe July 27, 2009 at 1:29 pm

Cannibal Helper will help stretch the meager amount of little girl in that meal.

dr.giraud July 27, 2009 at 1:37 pm

Just think about the monster Huckabuffet the Huckebees would make.

Gopherit July 27, 2009 at 1:39 pm

[re=371343]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: haha…the jingle makes so much sense now: “Cannibal Helper, when you have a helping of hand.”

Extemporanus July 27, 2009 at 1:46 pm

Were it not for the Meals on Big Wheels program, thousands of San Franciscans would never know the sweet, tender taste of kinderveal.

The girl was pretty good, by the way, though a bit sweet. I plan on ordering an orphaned 9-year old boy next time.

facehead July 27, 2009 at 1:47 pm

[re=371322]american mutt[/re]: There’s always beer and donuts.

One Yield Regular July 27, 2009 at 1:53 pm

[re=371340]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: This story is technically impossible. There ARE no children in San Francisco, except adults and a few Bruno-esque fashion accessories.

Yes You Can Own A Piece of History July 27, 2009 at 1:55 pm

[re=371326]FMA[/re]: Like a nice little tapas style meal.

wheelie July 27, 2009 at 1:55 pm

“Little Phoebe, from San Francisco, California has a big heart.”

Even after it’s been pan-fried with shallots and a red wine reduction.

bureaucrap July 27, 2009 at 2:00 pm

[re=371371]wheelie[/re]: I just assumed her heart was sort of like a large bean of some sort; let it soak in water overnight and it exands to 18000 times its original size.

jetjaguar July 27, 2009 at 2:01 pm

… like a dolls eyes

Snarkalicious July 27, 2009 at 2:12 pm

I’m guessing it was a stone soup sort of thing. Which would explain why I found myself high on crack and hucking my last few potatoes at the front window of a daycare center this morning.

octupletsmom July 27, 2009 at 2:15 pm

That does remind me of my old hometown newspaper, which ran a front-page headline a few years ago:
“420 Soldier Cooked For Troops”.

One Yield Regular July 27, 2009 at 2:23 pm

[re=371402]octupletsmom[/re]: Thanks. I’m going to start referring to all the cooked stoners who inhabit my neighborhood’s street as “420 soldiers.”

Pat Pending July 27, 2009 at 2:35 pm

Wow, just like the loaves and the fishes. It’s a miracle! Thank you, Jeebus!

bago July 27, 2009 at 2:44 pm

Yeah yeah yeah. Wake me when the water to wine bit happens.

Extemporanus July 27, 2009 at 3:00 pm

[re=371333]hobospacejunkie[/re]: The socialists in San Francisco believe in sharing their food, unlike the sword-wielding, greedy gluttons in San Antonio.

SouthernDem July 27, 2009 at 4:35 pm

PedoBear is all over the wonkette today.

Minnie Mean July 27, 2009 at 4:49 pm

Who could blame them – she does look delicious. I love kids, but I can’t eat a whole one.

liquiddaddy July 27, 2009 at 5:23 pm

The problem is that kid’s leave you hungry an hour later.

GreatOldOnesParty July 27, 2009 at 6:28 pm

The last part of that headline was cut off:
It should have read.
WATCH: 5-Year-Old Girl Feeds Nearly 18,000
Homeless People and Infants to Wild Boars.

zhubajie July 28, 2009 at 2:51 am

[re=371297]mattbolt[/re]: Pork, hence the nickname, “long pig.”

Zhu Bajie

LoweredPeninsula July 28, 2009 at 7:44 am

Battered children: Mmmmmmm….delicious.

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