Oooh, it’s an angry letter about you, the readers of this wretched clearinghouse of half-literate nonsense, who generate ignorant drivel in incomplete sentences (i.e. “comments”). Our collective fate: far worse than a King Edward II-style red-hot poker to the bum, we shall be punished by mass humiliation … ON TWITTER.
from Laura
to tips@wonkette.com
date Fri, Aug 14, 2009 at 5:41 PM
subject Here’s a tipHere’s a tip…. you cater to some of the most ignorant fools I’ve ever seen on the web. When one of them can put a complete sentence together that is actually supported by fact, I may actually read what they have to say and take it seriously. Aren’t you embarrassed to support such drivel? Did it ever occur to you to actually fact check before posting this crap on your site? Do you realize that within a few mintues your site will be the laughing stock of Twitter?
Have a great conscience-free evening.
Jesus christ, guys, what did you do?
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{ 259 comments }
Wait wait. We’re going to be the laughing stock of Twitter?
How can you be the laughing stock of a laughing stock? Is that like a double negative?
Double Jeopardy.
So, wait, has the laughing-stockery begun yet? That was a full 20 minutes ago and I don’t feel a bit chastened…
so evn pple who can brly rght whle sntncs wll b lfing at the wnktte?
I’ve been waiting for a conscience-free evening for SO LONG. Thanks for the sage advice, Dr. Laura!
let me get this straight we’re going to be mocked for our “drivel” on twitter?
Is this a Wonkette marketing ploy? Smooth!
“Cater”, my ass. I haven’t seen a single Sargento-topped cracker since I got here. No fucking open bar, neither.
Actually, I’ve been meaning to complain about the catering on this website for a while too. Would it kill you to refill my coffee occasionally? I mean I’m sitting here, so I’m making the place look busy. I could always go to RedState across the street; they give away the stale muffins after 7pm.
[re=387102]Todd Mecklem[/re]: Why thank you, I’ve been meaning to prank call Dr. Laura for awhile, but I got busy and forgot. I needed a reminder!
“When one of them can put a complete sentence together that is actually supported by fact, I may actually read what they have to say and take it seriously.”
Laura, I’m sorry, but I’m still not going to give it to you! Go ahead…carry out your threat!
Hi Cindy. Tell Meghan I’ll always remember that night at Sturgis and I wanted to call but I lost her number.
I for one welcome our 140 character etc.
Uh, is this the libertarian with a second life avatar?
LALIDIVINA Just finished reading The Wonkette Blog. Progressives, what’s with all the hate and name calling? Enlighten me please!http://wonkette.com/
As long as I’m not the laughing stock of Trigger.
I can haz consius?
I once dumped a girl named Laura because she was in PETA and a felcher all at the same time. Mere coincidence?
Maybe this is the big break we need?!
THANK YOU LAURA!
Launch us into the Twittersphere so that we may soar above the unwashed proletarian rabble and rain birdshit/napalm on their twats!
Actually, I’m actually very concerned that Wonkette could actually become the laughingstock of Twitter.
Signed yours very actually,
An Ignorant Fool
Oh NOES! I couldn’t stand being Twitticuled!!
Hey, there. Longtime reader, new commenter. I just signed up because I think it’s important to be publicly recognized as an ignorant fool. Thankssomuch!
Not only will we be the laughing stock of Twitter, but Lady Laura will almost certainly drop her monocle into the pig trough from which she luncheons.
Laura while u sightseeing in Wonkette u said ‘we shld be ‘embarrasd to spt sch driv’ When you are a “hammer” u think evrything is NAIL We’re no NAIL!
So I’m going to have Twat’s this evening? … excellent
you cater to some of the most ignorant fools I’ve ever seen on the web
That’s what we get for making it look so damn easy.
No respect, no respect at all.
Thank you Laura. Humiliate me again. Ohhh, it’s going to be a good night.
I thought Glen was going to team up with fruitcake Alex Jones, that would have supercharged the nut base into a rabid frenzy.
Q: What did the fat lady say to the fat man? A: “Thanks for the tip!”
WoNkEtTE dot Com = conscience free since 93 ya’ll. Truck NUTZ/Palin ’12
Ok, how will she know if one of you can put a complete sentence together without reading EVERY POST which she refuses to do until one of you can do it.
This is particle physics stuff, way over my pay grade.
[re=387114]masterdebater[/re]: Complete sentences? Facts? Seriousness? That’s not the Wonkette I know and love.
Laura, we use Propofol for conscience and conscious-free evenings.
I bought some of that laughing stock. It tanked after George W. Bush left office.
Today. we are all imperceptive douche-bags.
This is very frustrating—I tried to run my drivel through the digital fact-checker before posting it, but a bubble popped up & said I had to register the damn thing, fill out a bunch of boxes- I don’t have time for that crap. So I’m giving fair warning to Laura AND all Wonketeers that this drivel may well be devoid of ANY verifiable facts, and I want to apologize in advance to all, should this posting prove to be the final straw which tips Wonkette into the category of Twitter Laughing Stock. Humiliation becomes me, however, so I shall soldier on in my glorious shame and size 10 duncecap.
Does this mean that we can expect and influx of trolls?
Who wants to place bets on how long the average one lasts until he/she/it realizes that making fun of snarkasm only makes it snarkier, and that throwing around facts here is like tossing Chucky Cheez free pizza coupons around a room full of lactose-intolerant, anorexic vegans?
i think the sentence structures and grammar are often a criticism of wonkette. you guys should write worse just make it all worth it. I’ll start. Let me rewrite this sentence under wonkette guidelines:
i think…. the sentence structures;… grammar is… often a criticism of. wo’nkette you guys. should write; w’orse just? 2 make it all worth it…..
Laura, I have been called a laughing stock by people a hell of a lot more important than you. So THERE…… In celebration, gonna get a bottle and have a heck of a night….
[re=387096]WBYeats[/re]: Remember in Double Jeopardy when Ashley Judd was humphumping? God I love Twitter.
I’m so proud I could burst!
Sentence structure? You mean get Palinated.
I signed on just to see the mass humiliation! Where it is! Where it is! Wait, this is twitter right?
A Troll
a complete sentence together that is actually supported by fact
I believe Karl Popper would agree that “I can haz TrUcK NuTz?” is not a falsifiable statement, so Laura may be onto something there.
wut th.
kinda.
tip wuz that? huh. lorry?
is you wuz. were them questions wuz.
were them retorr.
ickal?
lorry. wut’s a.
lorry eye doan.
unnerstann r u makin.
fun uff?
ohh ohh lorry oohh
eyme drivelin all. over mice elf.
[re=387166]LittlePig[/re]: That’s cuz it’s not a statement, it’s a question.
Sorry Laura, but we’ve offended much more important people than you. The McCains check in daily to see if there’s anything to find fault with.
You may leave our presence now.
Here’s a fact: CONSERVATIVES KILLED JESUS!!!!!!!
Wow. Lelouch Lamprouge’s [censored] comment is still up there. The editor must be a Geass fan.
Laura, I wish George would take you out somewhere nice, so you don’t have to sit around all day, washing down fistfuls of Ambien with Maker’s Mark, and reading all this danged illiteracy on the Interwebs.
[re=387145]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: I think she carried out her threat! Yes, now I, masterdebater, am the laughing stock of twitter…damn it!
At least she spelled “drivel” correctly. This is no mean achievement, and she should be congradshuladed for it.
Oh, this is the best day EVER! When Wonketteers are recognized for their drivelish crap on Twitter, we have truly achieved our destiny. Laura is our hero; let us induct her into our Hall of Drivelly Crap.
Guys, it’s true:
http://twitter.com/#search?q=wonkette
fact check? yup. sure. just did. turns out glenn beck IS, in FACT, a fat racist queer-sandwich.
[re=387192]Rodney Badger[/re]: Hey b0nadipyo!
U R TEH HAWT!
Come on you guys. This is serious. How will anybody ever take us seriously again. Our credibility as serious people will be ruined. We will never be invited back to NetRoots ever again….Oh wait.
Rodney Badger: Wow, I’m disapponted. Looks like Laura is the only twit.
[re=387199]Native of SL UT[/re]: People took us seriously?
Srsly?
(kills self)
It’s a shame she doesn’t have an online petition for us to research.
[re=387192]Rodney Badger[/re]: Well, I hope you’re happy. I lost 15 I.Q. points just looking at that damn thing.
Que est buttsecs?
[re=387192]Rodney Badger[/re]: Yes we ARE a WARBLOG!!!! Bring it on!
[re=387199]Native of SL UT[/re]: Next thing you know, we will be the laughing stock of Friendster.
I’ve been conscience-free for almost 10 years. It’s still a struggle, though. One day at a time.
What about juvenile? How about infantile? Laura levelled NEITHER of those charges against us! I think we’re slipping…
Found her!
http://twitter.com/LALIDIVINA
“Just finished reading The Wonkette Blog. Progressives, what’s with all the hate and name calling? Enlighten me please!http://wonkette.com/
about 1 hour ago from web”
[re=387210]Rodney Badger[/re]: And HoverSpot.
[re=387192]Rodney Badger[/re]: Does Twitter have open comments? (I’m not cool enough to be all up on my twatting skills…)
************LIVE MEGHAN ALONE, also
[re=387129]You Will Be Towed[/re]: “Longtime,” “new,” “ignorant”
How come you know so much about me? Am I on some sort of list?
How many times have I told you guys,
You don’t pee into the wind
You don’t dip your pen into the company’s inkwell
And you never, never let yourself get twatted by a gang of 140 (or less) characters
tell me lalidivina rhymes with “jolly vagina.” Because I am thinking she has one. Like Santa Claus jolly.
you’re welcome america.
[re=387176]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: D’oh! How ignorantly foolish of me!
@Laura How did you know about my bareback threesome? #conscience-free #Supportedbyfact
Is Dr. Laura browsing the interwebs again?
Giving her a quick browse… she’s a 6’11 Latina (!!) with a 27 year old son, “great figure and curvy”, her hobbies include Republican talking points (TELYPROMPTERZ, Nobama’s enemy list, etc.), Second Life (a game where lonely people can carouse imaginary 3D internet fursuit parties) and Mafia Wars (a game where you kill people, like the mafia, except your Twitter gets updated every time you do silly things in the game, which explains why she follows twice as many people as she has followers)
Next up: wonkette is taunted from afar by a group of second-graders on the playground.
[re=387218]mattbolt[/re]: Nice avatar she’s got there. If she even IS A SHE!
[re=387218]mattbolt[/re]: @johnsykes1035 God hears and answers the prayer of the righteous! Claim the healing!!10:42 AM Aug 12th from web in reply to johnsykes1035
What the fuck kind of nonsense is this??!?!
LALIDIVINA: Now THIS is sentence structure:
# I’m a redneck stupid right winger hangin on to my guns&religion Thought i was an educated libertarian latina hanging on to her $$ & rights9:29 AM Aug 7th from web
#
The Ameicas are finding out there is a socialist holy trinity in play. THe Father Son and The Holy Spirit: Fidel, Hugo and Obama.
[re=387235]mattbolt[/re]: hmmm, can one warblog this “second life” of which you speak?
[re=387129]You Will Be Towed[/re]: Welcome! Don’t call us if you need a ride.
[re=387236]PsycGirl[/re]: Nest up: 500 responses from wonketteers desperately procastinating in August. I procastinate desperately when I can.
I don’t think the Twitty thing is so new, Tolstoy wrote novels with 140 characters in them and that was the olden days.
Oscar Wilde was an old cocksucker.
Literate? Check
Fact-based? Check
Complete sentence? Check
Cheeze, I just hope this witch is happy now. And SKS, the shrimp cocktail needs freshening.
“Do you realize that within a few mintues your site will be the laughing stock of Twitter?
“Do you realize that I’m about to piss into the ocean? DO YOU? And that it will be impossible to find the above referenced urine in said ocean at a later date? And that the small amount of urine I excrete into the ocean will make no difference at all regarding the total amount of liquid in the ocean? Hmmm? I just hope you know what you’re making me do!” – “Laura,” posting from her obsessively clean and 99.9% germ-free 3.2 bedroom McMansion, somewhere in the pampered, sheltered Amercian suburbs.
Lalidivina…what a lovely Second Life name. I’ll have to look you up….don’t mute me now….purrrrr.
[re=387218]mattbolt[/re]: 45 minutes late pal![re=387120]doxastic[/re]:
Wait, Laura Bush reads Wonkette? Tell George we said hello and not to worry about Darth Cheney’s memoirs, we already knew who the real President was.
I thought Sara Palin was the laughingstock of Twitter…
I’m a redneck stupid right winger hangin on to my guns&religion Thought i was an educated libertarian latina hanging on to her $$ & rights9:29 AM Aug 7th from web
Jeez Louise. Another believer in the Asphalt Fairy.
It seems Laura is one of those people who can only digest information 140 characters at a time.
Good luck on your Quixotic quest, Queen of Twatters.
Laura must have missed this week’s story that 60% of twitter is just drivel.
Ugh…yet another reason to flip off Texas. *sigh*
Don’t blame me; it was all Dixon Boibutz’s idea!
The scrubber at this Glen Beck support forum seems to have left for the day;
http://www.defendglenn.com/support_wall.php?
waaaaay to much fun
First Meghan McCain bitches about Wonkette. There her mommy does. Not this 8-foot tall freak from south Texas (which the GOP has done so much for)complains.
Just don’t read Wonkette! It’s that fucking simple. I don’t look at RaptureReady.com or InfoWars.net (except for a laugh).
[re=387278]chascates[/re]: Wait wait wait. An 8-foot freak in Texas? Wouldn’t that be the mandatory death penalty there, along with the mentally retarded?
What’s that you say? The death panels were OBAMA’S idea? But I could have SWORN it was Bush’s Texas that started executing the mentally retarded and other freaks…
[re=387251]Vacation Without Hats[/re]: +, ur 2 liter8 4 this cite
[re=387270]DemmeFatale[/re]: Oh no, santorum spawn. weeping.
Texas twatting? Oh noes!
We don’t hate around here, ma’am. Just show us yer tits and everybody gets what they want.
Didn’t Texas like leave last month to make room for the Hawaii statehood star Flag thingy to get our Kenyan Leader legal?
Wait, Glenn Beck is on…be back in an hour.
Some of the 678 people, I mean ppl, Laladivina follows are: GlennBeckClips, GlennBeckonFox, GlennBeckFanClub, glennbeck, GlennBeckNews and I swear to the baby Jeebus, William Shatner.
Laura,
Wovon man nicht sprechen kann, darüber muss man schweigen.
– just a thought
[re=387281]geminisunmars[/re]:
I play to the quiet ones, in the corner. Like you. My audience is there, I trust them.
I actually flubbed that one, it should have just read “Tolstoy wrote novels with 140 characters.”, period.
That was actually what I wrote in my first Tweet. First of about four, before it became tiresome to me, and I went to do the Sprockets dance.
Riley is gonna be devastated when he reads that e-mail.
I guess we should listen to Laladivina. Anyone who follows William Shatner certainly recognizes a “laughing stock” when they see one.
[re=387280]Redhead[/re]: Ideology trumps freakiness when it comes to the ‘Adios Cocktail.’ She should move to Lubbock or Lufkin though. She’d fit in more there. Giantism included.
I’m really disappointed. I was expecting the 2nd great twitter crash of 2009 out of this.
[re=387252]WadISay[/re]: Thank you SO much for saving us! I was sooo scared that the 19 year old chick at the video store with the booger stuck in her nose ring, who was “tweeting” too much to notice that I wanted to make a purchase, would consider me a laughing stock. I can move on now. Thanks.
Today we are all Laura.
Don’t worry, everybody — she wrote “mintues,” not “minutes.” A mintue = 1500 years.
[re=387290]Vacation Without Hats[/re]: Keep playing to the corner. Me, I’m doing my Isadora Duncan impersonation, sans scarf.
A sham of a mockery of a travesty of a sham, ftw.
Oh Laura, thank you for the warning. Public humiliation gives me the stiffest boner you could possibly imagine. I don’t suppose I could convince you to come over and whip/slap/choke me while I’m feeling humiliated, but if by chance you change your mind I’m the one in the corner with my hand in my pants.
So when is the laughing stocking beginning? The anticipation is giving me Matthews-style electricity runnning up my leg. I hope this isn’t anti-climatic, like my girlfriend.
[re=387305]geminisunmars[/re]: Pedal to the metal, baby!!
Congrats on being threatened by a Repulitard! You have “truly” arrived…
I have read Wonkette for the longest time and have been too intimidated to post comments. I laugh out loud all the time at the comments on here. I just became a commenter because the health care debate started my drinking problem (vodka out of a plastic bottle…I’m gonna be turned down by my insurance co. for every GD medical visit in no time! wee!) and I take great joy in reading your thoughts.
I bow down.
I don’t feel laughinged at all. Or stocked. When is it starting? Should I dress appropriately? What is the proper attire for being laughing stocked? Clown shoes, a tutu, tube socks and a coconut bra?
I really need to know. Soon.
Carrie Perjean totally ROCKS!!! SPEAK your mind, girl. This is still the UNITED STATES AMERICA, NOT USSR AM3RIKA!
9:03 AM May 12th from web
And that’s all I need to know right there. Well, plus the obligatory “DONT TREAD ON ME” Paultardation that one can expect from her ilk.
BTW, guys: it seems she’s single.
We’re in good company. Analysis shows that 40 percent of Tweets are pointless babble: http://mashable.com/2009/08/12/twitter-analysis/
Thundering succotash, there was a flashwarblog uprising and I had to work! Fact checking? Does this Laura-bot work at Fahx? Not to worry, I wear my humiliation on my sleeve.
“Have a great conscience-free evening.”
Well it IS Friday. And our improving economy has provided me with an ounce of Thai bud.
We all know who “Laura” really is. Don’t we….LIZ?
All your twitter are belong to us.
[re=387319]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: And I’m bettin’ it’s always going to be that way.
[re=387316]Ms. Bananahammock[/re]: Aw, don’t be scared. Except for the whole laughingstock thing. That’s going to suck a bit for you, being a new commenter and all. You won’t have the hardened, crusty exterior that so many of us have formed.
[re=387318]eleventybillionblogs[/re]: A strap-on created from paper mache of the pages of Atlas Shrugged and The Bible. For LaVagina Queeftessa!
I never get good hate mail like that.
But hey! I’m already the laughingstock of Twitter.
Damn,
Tengrain
I guess Laura in unAmerican FILTH since she did not mention that she WANTED HER CUNTRY BACK!!1!
[re=387123]Snarkalicious[/re]: But aren’t the Peta girls the ones that like to go naked protesting all the time?
[re=387320]Neoyorquino[/re]:
As opposed to all the babbling here which is definitely pointed. If equally pointless.
[re=387330]El Pinche[/re]: edit : in=is
I never saw I would live to see the day when this humor blog became a laughing stock.
GIVE US OUR COUNTRY BACK!!!!11!!!
Laura Lalidivinia, Bitters, TX
Dear Sirs, I will not stand for your blaspheming of a national treasure. If he were any more of a national treasure, Nicholas Cage would be whitewater rafting through his lower intestines trying to find the Illuminati/Mormon gold.
——————————————————————————–
Laura you are mistaken. YOU my dear are the national treasure!
[re=387117]shadowMark[/re]: Had to sign up to tell you your comment made me spit tea on my new Macbook. I know it’s a cliche but it actually happened. Actually.
[re=387128]iburl[/re]: [re=387128]iburl[/re]: “Twitticuled!!”
Is this an actual twitter word, or did you create it? Laura has called me out: I’m twitter-free. I read lavidsndlkndl twats, or whatever they’re called, and twitter is actually stupider than I thought.
Do these people not know that being twitticuled is the wonkeratti’s greatest inspiration? Who the fuck is so stupid that they take anything on wonkette seriously. Oh, so Laura can read this: srsly.
[re=387123]Snarkalicious[/re]: I once dumped a girl named Laura
“…and suddenly I found, how wondeful a dump can beeeeee”
[re=387322]El Pinche[/re]: [re=387322]El Pinche[/re]: I live in CA and can’t afford local produce. But Glenn and Laura have made my day. TGI2buckchuck.
Isn’t the overwhelming use of Twitter by Republitard olds/bitters a good sign that it’s jumped the shark?
Fact checking is not for Wonkette, it is for the MSM. But the MSM is bad. What to do?
Sorry OT: response I received from Whole Foods. (I love how they say the article was “his opinion,” then write 5 paragraphs defending him. He wrote that there is no constitutional right to “food.” What the fuck business does the CEO of an high-end grocery conglomerate have writing that in the context of health-care reform? Shockingly, they don’t address that.)
To our customers,
As you are aware, John Mackey wrote an Op/Ed piece that was published in the Wall Street Journal earlier this week on health care reform, one of the biggest and most emotional issues facing our country. John’s intent was to express his personal opinions — not those of Whole Food Market team members or our company as a whole. Still, it’s very clear that John’s piece offended some of our customers, other members of the communities we serve and some of our team members as well.
We offer you our sincere apology.
We’d like to clarify a few things that have been misinterpreted:
John’s Op/Ed piece was written in favor of health care reform.
In response to President Obama’s invitation to all Americans to put forward constructive ideas for reforming our health care system, John was asked to write an Op/Ed piece and he gave his personal opinion. John titled the piece “Health Care Reform,” but an editor at the Journal rewrote the headline to call it “Whole Foods Alternative to Obamacare,” which led to antagonistic feelings by many. That was not John’s intention – in fact, John does not mention the President at all in his piece. John has posted the unedited piece to his blog where people can read it as it was intended.
Whole Foods Market has no official position on the issue.
That said, we have attempted to be part of the solution in health care reform for many years by providing innovative health care options to our team members. We believe that our high deductible medical insurance plan coupled with a company-funded HSA is an excellent way to empower team members to make their own health care choices.
John wanted to share our experience with others through his Op/Ed piece.
He believes that the specific ideas he put forward would improve access and cost of health care for more people. Because our plan has held down overall costs (relative to other plans), Whole Foods Market has been able to pay 100 percent of the premiums for our full-time team members — about 89% of our workforce. (Part-timers are eligible for the insurance plan too and pay the premium themselves.) Our team members vote on our plan every three years to make sure they continue to have a voice in our benefits.
Whole Foods Market has a 30-year track record of caring about our customers, team members and communities. From local loan programs to salary caps, from donations to non-profits to funding the Whole Planet Foundation, our innovative programs are created and designed by team members who care about their fellow citizens.
We all know there are many opinions on the health care debate, including inside our own company. As we, as a nation, continue to sort through this together, we are hopeful that both sides can do so in a civil manner that will lead to positive change for all concerned, and we thank you for sharing your opinions with us.
Kind regards,
Customer Communications Team
Whole Foods Market World Headquarters
550 Bowie Street
Austin, Texas 78703
I move that the insensitive but true adage about arguing on the Internet be extended to include fomenting e-mockage.
“Even if you get your two best friends and all your fake accounts to participate, you’re still a f****** retard.”
[re=387192]Rodney Badger[/re]: Really? You can follow wonkette on fucking twatter? I . . .I . . .
I am so disillusioned. How can I ever respect wonkette again? Does this mean I hv to srt typn lk tis? I can do it. I can’t, I tell you!
[re=387199]Native of SL UT[/re]: “NetRoots ever again….Oh wait.”
On behalf of the editorial staff, I take great offense that Ken, Jim, Sara, nor even innocent, well-meaning little Riley weren’t included. I mean, really, which would you rather read–righteous indignation on KOS, or drunken, profanity filled sarcasm on wonkette?
Yeah. Me too.
[re=387355]problemwithcaring[/re]: Whole Foods does offer good benefits, including health coverage and 10% off their very high prices. And John Mackey, perhaps the world’s only vegan billionaire, has the mindset & opinions of other modern CEOs such as Steve Jobs.
Mackey considers himself an expert on health and would like everyone to eat simply and simply buy from his stores.
When one of them can put a complete sentence together that is actually supported by fact, I may actually read what they have to say and take it seriously…
It’s obvious people are doing that with Fox News!
Awww, she’s just mad she didn’t get the bag of dicks she was promised.
Oh, Laura. Just when I thought I could get past the REAL you, and fuck you anyway, ya go and pull another dick-limping stunt like this. Fine.
[re=387270]DemmeFatale[/re]: First look I’ve had at your avatar. So wonkette hate of you, using that picture of Santorum’s daughter in dipshit fat-peter-pan collared-and-shit-brown-jumpered-ugly-crying-kid.
Ha, Laura, Lavidinaid or whatever your name is: You try hyphenating all those words just to make fun of a kid. Now that, my dear twatter, is bringing the serious hate.
You’re welcome.
[re=387365]chascates[/re]: So then a leprechaun appears and then cancer and autism disappears forever. The end. Well! I feel better. Good night all!
Methinks the lady Laura doth project too much.
How can I ever face my children again, now that I’ve been twitticuled by somebody with the sagacity and gravitas of *LAURA?*
Whatever you do, please don’t tell her about ShortsX3.com. Because he is a complete “ignorant fool” who can’t “put a complete sentence together that is actually supported by fact.”
Or spell.
Do you think this is really Lizzie B pretending to be “Laura”. The Law and Order watcher in me would point to the fact that both Liz and Laura begin with the letters L.
[re=387365]chascates[/re]: The poors can’t afford his prices.
…so let ‘em eat cake.
~
death by twitter = kosher ham
Fact-check first before posting. You make a good point, Laura. Prior to comment here, I shall do such re the substance of your email, starting now:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=assholery&defid=458316
Check.
Laughingstock of Twitter…? I tried to care but my inner nihilist told me to fuck off.
[re=387316]Ms. Bananahammock[/re]: Hey, lurker. Don’t pay attention if someone called Shorts shows up and says incredibly vile, disgusting things in reply to you. He’s leader of the wonkette hazing task force.
Hey, where’s shorts, anyway? It’s been ages. Did he change his avatar to Laura and switch to twatter?
HA! Found out, you prankster, you.
[re=387345]otisfatboy[/re]: Will see. It could be real shit.
I always thought that quote was from Steve Buscemi which I heard on an Herbiliser track.
But of course Miz Laura thinks we’re some of the most ignorant fools she’s ever seen on the web. This whole site is a parody and a snark on people like her. I’m glad she can recognize her own – and her fellow Beck-ians/wingnutters – ignorance in us.
[re=387355]problemwithcaring[/re]: “some of our team members as well”
Walmart talk. Not staff or employees, but “team members”. Are the people they hire to scrub the toilets called “associates?”
OT, yes, but when is it not a good time to dump shit on Whole Paycheck Foods?
Puget Consumer Coop rocks! (One of the few things I miss from Seattle).
Twitter = Online death panel for old humorless wingnuts who recently moved up from AOL to the intrawebs .
[re=387316]Ms. Bananahammock[/re]: lol. Please comment more.
Is laura threatening to teabag wonkette like teabaggers are teabagging townhalls … only she/he/it will teabag you with her twatter ???? just wanting clarity . its only a question …. ps , just how many ‘ friends ‘ does laura really have ? counting herself . she seems lonely and afraid , not that i care
What really has me torqued is this whole idea of Obama and the government taking over Medicare!
[re=387381]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Not sure what’s up with Shorts. He’s posted a few funnies to his web site each day but seems to be busy with something else. Sex change operation? Building a UFO? Plotting a gun powder plot? Who knows.
BTW, how can something be the laughing stock of Twitter, when Twitter itself is a laughing stock. It just doesn’t make any sense.
[re=387390]chascates[/re]: Sex Change Operation??? Again???!!!?????
is it that laura has no friends ? and to make her dream of actually having a friend come true , all she must do is to sacrifice wonkette on twitter ? n then she will have a friend ? and who can blame her cause wonkette can always rise from the ashes later on so who gives a fuck ?
no one else fills my daze with glittery sparkles, warm fuzz, sharp wit, and seething rage — and factoids! — quite like wonkette.
i mean, hell, no one else will even let me into the same building with them.
laura, i’m having a conscience-free evening, and i must tell you, darling, you have been very, very good. care to see the facts i’m marshalling to support this?
Isn’t “conscience-free” really the same as “unconscious”?
And if I recall my English etymology correctly, “laughing stocke” had to do with putting people in stocks to humiliate them — or it may have come from the same direction as “butt of the joke.”
So Twitter will make us unconscious, place us in restraints and play with our butts?
Oh, that will certainly make some Wonketteers Twitter, now won’t it?
[re=387355]problemwithcaring[/re]: Yeah, I got that letter too. I replied that I’d read the whole letter, not just the headline, and he didn’t sound supportive of reform to me.
Assuming that there is anyone still left on Wonkette who is sober this late Friday night (it is only 7:22 here) I have heard that a new store complex called Sprouts is coming to the Denver area (uh-oh – I’ve just released my coordinates) that is like Whole Foods only affordable and progressive. Anyone have any feedbag?
If you REALLY want to give Miz Laura sheet feets, point out that Wonkette is prominently referenced on the official White House Museum Site.
http://www.whitehousemuseum.org/special/1oc/index.htm
(picture halfway down)
Suck. On. That. Miss Thing.
[re=387343]DustBowlBlues[/re]: I invented Twitticuled. But when I googled it I did find 1 other person who used it so. It’s pretty much like tesla and Marconi or some shit.
I thought making people laugh was one of the things Wonkette was trying to do?
Keep up the good work people!
[re=387400]Joshua Norton[/re]: Hey, the twatters might not respect us, but it was a wokeratti who proposed first that the Ds accuse the Rs of wanting to take away socialist Medicare, and now everyone is saying it!
Which means that the minions of Rahm Hawt Emmanuel are trawling deep in the tubes of the interwebs and stealing wonkette’s ideas. Why are we not being given credit? Huh? Huh?
So, it is too early to declare Wonkette the ultimate power in the universe?
[re=387401]iburl[/re]: Well, I’d give you credit for it if I weren’t going to steal it and claim I made it up myself. Because, you know this is wonkette and we’re all about the mean and angry–
or, what the fuck did they call us? You all know that by this time of the night I’m deep into the prescription drugs to deal with arthritis pain, because in Okrafuckinghoma I’d be way too scared to keep a .1 oz of marijuana on hand and use a drug for arthritis pain that would be more effective and waaaaay less addictive than narcotics. Imagine the 4-7 year olds in my Sunday School class if Miss B—— was busted for drugs.
Not that she wouldn’t smoke it if she had it.
[re=387399]geminisunmars[/re]: We have a Sprouts about to open here in Austin. Not sure what it’ll be like. We also have a Sunflower Market which is kind of step between Sun Harvest (Wild Oats) & Whole Foods. The competition has caused regional chains such as HEB (which started Central Market–great place) and Randall to include more organic & locally sourced.
OMG. its twittergeddon, the twilight of the tweets.
[re=387399]geminisunmars[/re]: Now you’re done for. Expect a visit from the Glibertarian Stormtroopers, followed by a one-way trip to one of them F.E.M.U.R. death camps I’ve been reading about.
~
Them’s fightin’ words. No one is allowed to poke fun at our drivel but us.
[re=387400]Joshua Norton[/re]: remove index and the link works. Thanks. It made me very proud.
Laura–I said, “Thnx. Mde me v. prd.”
9 minutes until Bill Maher. I hope he doesn’t have a studio of conservatives bec. last week’s show sucked. As my fellow evil wonkeratti know, by this time of the night I’ve usually had to yield the computer (even to win Laura’s respect I refuse to use “puter, which is so cute it’s vile) to the old man so he can cruise porn.
OT You say? Non, mes amis. As I just explained to the old man who scowls at how much time I spend on wonkette, it’s my porn. Pron? PrOn? Whatever.
Laura could learn a think or two by sticking around this place–and not twatting about it.
I’m all twitterpated! When will these folks learn that we feed on their scorn? It’s like sweet, sweet candy made of Glenn Beck’s tears.
Mock away, Twitards! You only make us stronger. Moohoohahahaha.
Ross Dough-hat is on Maher. I’ll need a vomit bag if I have to deal with him.
Actually, Miss Laura, the laughing stock here at Wonkette is totally bullish, and there is nothing any flock of twittering nits can do to redeem us.
When do we stop preparing to be laughingstocks?
Am I the only one that thinks the slogan The Laughing Stock of Twitter. should be trade marked and added in script across the last “e” of Wonkette?
Really, anyway you take it, it has to be a compliment, right?
[re=387425]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Laughingstock of Twitter AND Facebook, please!
Dear @ Miss Laura,
Hi,
I am a member of #Wonkette and I wish to tell you that your comments of twittering cyber-stalking have severely injured my inner child. I am sad. I now find myself crying internally, despondent, alone, prayerfully requesting the strength to remain conscience free in these most trying of times.
I have a recommendation for your concerns … a box of razor blades.
My condolences to your surviving family members,
El Ratón – Wonketteer
Laura, I think I speak for everyone when I say I hope you have enjoyed your recent psychotic break. Now, only speaking for myself, I been meaning to talk to you about your fantasies. First, a vibrator is not made to be put in your mouth – that is your first problem. Hell it may be your only problem. Let’s do a test, tonight use it the way it is supposed to be used and then check in tomorrow. There are many here who can offer helpful suggestions regarding you and your vibrator. The advice may be ungrammatical and not fact checked but read it anyway – it’ll change your life and save you those too frequent and embarrassing visits to your dentist. Recall your last visit when your dentist asked you if you had been sucking on a garden hose. That heartbreak will be over if you only follow the advice you’re sure to receive here.
Now on a more personal note – do you think I could twitter with you and maybe follow you. I promise I won’t tell anybody about your prayer about being pissed on. I know you have been disappointed in me for not delivering on that but you know it’s just not my thing.
P.S. I will not respond to any further correspondence until I am satisfied that you have cut across your jugular.
A call for “help” should always be responded to with a helpful and swift response.
[re=387400]Joshua Norton[/re]: I love that all five photo credit links refer to the “Inside the Monster’s Lair” article.
Sounds like someone needs a gay death panel abortion. That makes everyone feel better!
are we a laughingstock yet
[re=387409]momus[/re]: “Twilight” as in ‘dusk” or as in “ever-present lame vampire book/film”?
Do you realize that within a few mintues your site will be the laughing stock of Twitter?
What’s a “mintue?”
I checked in Webster’s and that’s a fact. When you can spell a simple word, we may deign to take you seriously.
Cucumber gimlet for heroinmule for being a debauched whorebag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You’re welcome, Laura. You’re welcome.
[re=387390]chascates[/re]: Shorts is locked in my closet. I let him out once a day but only feed him oatmeal and make him watch Fox News for eight hours straight.
I love the patronizing emails. They remind me of my ex-girlfriend lecturing me about drinking while drunk.
[re=387399]geminisunmars[/re]: http://sprouts.com/home.php
[re=387435]MuslinOperative[/re]: jejejeejejeejejejejejejeejejeje….
[re=387439]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Glad to know the 2 of you are at least accounted for.
[re=387437]Caprina[/re]: Now don’t go getting Laura all excited. Spelling good won’t get her very far with this crowd. And I still don’t feel a massive outpouring of mirth surging across this great land of ours.
Dear Laura,
As a member of Obama Death Panel #666, (the Wonkette comments thread) it is my duty to inform you that after careful review under the newly enacted “Obama-death care/FEMA Concentration Camp Act of 2009″ it has been determined you are “an effected person” under article J paragraph 6 of said act and I quote…
” Any individual who claims that Twitter is in any regard something more than a ejaculate dispersion facility for the self important fappitude of mental defectives…” (Obvs Laura, that’s you)
Also (and truck nutz) Under Article M paragraph 2256 of said act it clearly specifies and I quote…
“Effected Persons” will report to the nearest FEMA black site at which time they will have our Glorious Leaders (Comrade Mullah Obamas) long form Birf Certificate tattooed on their spacious rumps so that they might be skinned and flensed for the amusement of our Nigerian Overlords and the House Democratic Caucus while simultaneously providing a copy of said birth verification to every mouth breathing wingnut who demands it.(At little or no cost to the government).
Thank you for your patriotic participation and remember, under the original Constitution, you weren’t even considered to be a member of our society so quit yer bitching.
Long live the constitution.
Dijetlo
Assistant Under Secretary of Ideological Purity and Mayhem
Death Panel #666
What the hell is Twitter?
[re=387449]dijetlo[/re]: Awesome.
[re=387276]Suds McKenzie[/re]: Still open for business & unmoderated for the rest of the evening. Go show Mr. Crazy Crybaby Racist your support by posting on the wall. The most recent seem to be near the bottom. Also the most amusing.
http://www.defendglenn.com/support_wall.php?
Also, at least with my mobile browser, if I keep hitting RELOAD it posts my offering over & over.
[re=387439]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: HAHA. Ex-girlfriends are bitches. I like to slap mine around occasionally, because… they are bitches.
[re=387316]Ms. Bananahammock[/re]: I understand. You should read all the wicked funny things I think of right after I submit my otherwise retarded posts. Whereas, also. Too.
What you Wonketeers don’t know, can’t know, is that Laura hates the hate, and it stems from her love of God? This is what she twatted in response to George Tiller’s murder:
shot b4 & place bombed & still didn’t see the light? Vengeance is mine saith the Lord. And at chruch too, irony or justice?
12:13 PM May 31st from web in reply to USTeaParties
So when Laura reaches out to Twitter to humiliate Wonkette, she does so out of love of God.
Jesus, when will you libtards learn the real meaning and power of God, and love, and guns? And Twitter.
[re=387457]Sick Puppy[/re]: You get a pass, because of the avatar. I do, too, because of my pink, fleshy, loaded weapon.
[re=387459]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Thx Annie, u rawk!
[re=387451]imissopus[/re]: “twittering” is something between second and third base, not to be confused with country blumpkins, rusty pianos, etc.
What a douche! Whole Foods guy seems just as douchey. A high deductible for health insurance for team members? Whoop-dee-do.
I have to say one neat thing about Whole Foods at least so far as the ‘team’ bullshit goes. If you’re hired you work for a while and then your ‘team’ decides whether or not you stay.
Wonkette shares down in the Laughing Stock Market
[re=387425]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: The Laughing Stock of Twitter as a slogan? I’ll drink to that.
@lalidivina : soon to be the laughing stock of twitter for lacking the bag of dicks and truck nutz that Wonketteers have. She lives in Texas, she should know better than to shoot at people who are better armed.
Teabag these truck nutz @lalidivina!
The hate I felt for Whole Foods Market before?
Boy, is it embiggened now.
LAL Divine giving out love bug hugs.
http://fun140.com/users/168266-lalidivina/gifts/646-love-bug-hug?s=gift-tw&t=14050547&z=168266
I guess that’s what the kids are calling the crabs these days.
Hey, get off my LAWN!!
The laughing stock of Twitter? Oh my, how WILL we survive?
[re=387365]chascates[/re]: it’s 20% now
It’s 2 am here and I can still hear them laughing. Damn. This is embarrassing. And I live about 6 blocks from Twitter.
Obviously, poor Laura should have done some fact checking herself. If she had, she would have found out what happens to those foolish enough to challenge the supreme power of Wonkette Girl! Beware the Goddess of the Intertubes…
hey laura….tits or STFU.
Thank you for the Edward II reference, by the way. The battle of Bannockburn lead to the most undignified death of any English monarch.
[re=387552]Cape Clod[/re]: Bannockburn- Oh my God- they were fighting in Bethesda over an English king? Who knew?
The sad thing about Twitter is that it is sad and so is this Laura person- don’t cry for us,Argentina(save it for markie S). And I may be ignorant(well,I got me one of them masters degrees- and I couldn’t even do it on-line- none of these new fangled home computers when I was in grad school) but hardly the most ignorant person here-Michael Vick supporters are my most recent nominees for that on Wonkette.
[re=387316]Ms. Bananahammock[/re]: Welcome to the neighborhood! Have a piece of my store-bought Trader Joe’s chocolate cake, because I don’t shop at Whole Foods anymore, (and don’t bake cakes anymore) And here, have a cup of my fancy-shmancy flavored coffee I would never buy from Starbucks, on account of Joe the Scarborough. Here’s Keith Olbermann’s schedule, and take it from me, Rachel Maddow is showing how to do that serious research and journalism thing again. She’s the truth around here. If you need anything, just holla!
HEY LAURA! This shit is for you, my love!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7v40Gy8STE
I told my mommy that it was okay
[re=387552]Cape Clod[/re]: Naw. Marlowe just made that shit up. Because he was a Wonkette loving sodomite.
Ahhh, defaming Beck’s (still unmoderated) support site goes SO WELL with my morning coffee!
Jose Jalepeno, Santa Ana, CA
Glenn don’t let them deport me!
Walter , Santa Ana, CA
Yeah Glenn, let’s boycott all those companies who stopped advertising with you because you only have 2 million viewers. I mean because you tell the truth. Yeah that’s it.
Achmed , Santa Ana, CA
Silence! I keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you!
Sweet Daddy Dee, Santa Ana, CA
Glenn, you owe me $100 foo’! You can’t take the services and not pay fo them!
Peanut , Santa Ana, CA
Wow Glenn, you’re even crazier than Jeff is! (Are you SUUUUUUUURE you don’t do drugs?)
Melvin , Santa Ana, CA
My x-ray vision tells me…. your head is very empty Glenn. No wait, that can’t be right.
And my personal favorite,
Bubba J, Saaaaaaaaaaaanata Aaaaaaaaaaaaaana, CA
Getum Glen! I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv your show (when them nascars isn’t on.) you’re just like them – you go rooooooooooooound and roooooooooooooooooooooound and rooooooooooooooooound and never seem to stop! except they go left and you go right.
[re=387449]dijetlo[/re]: Way to go, now one of these douche-nozzles will wave this in some hapless member of congress face screaming about paragraph M.
Which would just be too classic.
Did Laura send a picture.
Its like she said what we all are thinking.
[re=387400]Joshua Norton[/re]: Now that is awesome. Using Wonkette pics of the Cheney masturbatorium on the museum site is some subtle snarkage indeed.
[re=387123]Snarkalicious[/re]: Well, at least we’re getting the humiliation punishment – the King Edward II-style red-hot iron to the bum would be a major hindrance to the felching.
[re=387567]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: Ha, I think this was written with Laura in mind.
[re=387223]SaveTheBirds:[/re]: I know you because We Are All Wonkette.
/We need t-shirts.
[re=387316]Ms. Bananahammock[/re]: ” just became a commenter because the health care debate started my drinking problem”
If you avoided drinking heavily during the last eight years, we owe you bigtime. The booze you left to the rest of us went to good use.
[re=387544]as.the.world.burns[/re]: correction: Tits or GTFO! The decision is yours.
skletibasSsbeerrghrldNnsnsgqeatshitlaurasneeslxdfgnwestwitterthat!
Does this mean we’re going to war with Twitter? ‘Cause that would be awesome! They don’t stand a chance. This is a conscience-free, fact-free war blog with the best blingee pictures on the Internets and an army of drunk, anonymous commenters. Bring it on.
Viva la war with Twitter!
Isn’t there some Lionel Hutz type person here who can file a class-action defamation suite against this bitch? I know one of you uses him as an avatar, so you must be a lawyer. This is either Laura Bush, or Cindy or Megan McCain posing as “Laura,” so you’d be assured of making millions.
And you shall know them by their tweets, and it will be good. Also. And also a child shall lead them and he will be called such as Trig. Also.
I haven’t posted for ages, being a mere furriner on anthropological exploration here. But I feel the need to be humiliated by twattery. Thank you, that is all.
Just checked in to see how things are going. What I love about public defamation of wonkette is that it brings out all the lurkers in defense of the site they fuck around to when life is boring.
That’s how I use wonkette, anyway.
my name is laura.
i feel like i’ve been yelled at by my beloved wonkette for two days.
[re=387340]ShamWow[/re]: Awww Sham, I’m wet as Glenn’s lower intestines.
It’s a different Laura – we’re just having a spot of trouble with her, is all.
[re=387683]DustBowlBlues[/re]: I use wonkette like an old sweat sock.
Buy! Buy! Buy!
Wonkette has gone through the roof on the Laughing Stock Market futures board!
All these hours we’ve been wasting are finally going to pay off!
[re=387621]You Will Be Towed[/re]: I’m surprised Wonkette schwag isn’t for sale on Cafe Press. I’d buy a Wonkette T-shirt so that I could be singled out for ‘tard outrage in public.
Ken, here’s how you can make some $$ to take off & finish your great tome on California or whatever the hell it is.
Laura and Wonkette were lovers
Wonk wanted to give her everything
Flowers, presents,
But most of all, a wedding ring
Wonkette saw a chance to cater
to some of the most ignorant conscience-free
Non-fact checking fools ever seen on the interwebs.
Wonk couldn’t get Laura on the phone
So to her mother, Wonkette said
Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura I may be late
I’ve something to do, that cannot wait
No one knows what happened that day
Or how Twitter turned Wonkette into a laffing stock
But as they pulled Wonk from the twisted wreck
With it’s dying breath, they heard Wonkette say
Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
My love for her will never die
Now in the chapel where Laura prays
For her poor Wonkette, who passed away
It was just for Laura lived and died
Alone in the chapel she can hear Wonkette cry
Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
My love for her will never die
Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
My love for her will never die
Have a great conscience-free evening.
[re=387687]ladymacbeth[/re]: Me too. I got here too late to be in the first assault wave in the Twat Wars.
Can we have an IMMEDIATE, AUTOMATIC ban for life imposed on anyone who plagerizes crappy pop music songs disguised as a “comment”?
“I saw Malkin standing there.”
“Coulter had a strawberry beret.”
“All I need is the Glenn Beck that I Breathe.”
Here’s the game:
Obama is a commie, and Hannity sucks ass.
Beck and Limbaugh are sandwich addicts who secretely long to be “bottoms.”
If you can’t grab a nugget from those gold mines, shame on you.
[re=387821]RobPetrified[/re]: You suggest that:
“Beck and Limbaugh are sandwich addicts who secretely long to be ‘bottoms.’”
My question for you is:
What makes you think they only, “. . . long to be?”
[re=387826]Athar[/re]:
Hmmm.
You may be
on top ofonto something here….[re=387253]Atheist Nun[/re]: “laughing stock of Twitter”. Like the time Dick Cheney made all those Villageatrois jokes? I may be OK with that.
[re=387153]slowuncle[/re]: Slunkle! U got to snark within the 140 max chctr. 2 many wrds!
Maybe this lady believes that she, personally, is the website Twitter. If she likes/believes anything about Beck, it’s a distinct possibility.
Sorry we hurt your feelings, Ms. Twitter.
If anyone is stupid enough to buy stock in a Twitter IPO, I will be laughing.
If Wonkette’s not funny, I just drink more until it is. Laura seems to think this place is like freakin’ Talking Points Memo or something.
Ha ha. Wonkette readers is stupid. #laughingstock
Twitter, I wave my private parts in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!
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