Also, The Health & Human Services Building Is Blowing Up

2:18 pm August 20, 2009

Ol' Joker knew how to get a job done We were so excited to see a tip in our inbox with the subject line, “Explosion at HHS Building,” because buildings? Blowing up? Dead bodies? HELLO, PAGEVIEWS! $$$$$$! But, alas, it was just “small explosion” a repairman caused while working on something. No one was hurt, no fires. LAME SANDWICH.

What happened, Mr. Ned, and also how did you send this e-mail from the future?

From: News, HHS (OS)
Date: Thu, Aug 20, 2009 at 3:07 PM
Subject: Urgent Message
To: “HHS-STAFF-URGENT-METRODC@LIST.NIH.GOV”

From: Ned Holland, Assistant Secretary for Administration and Management
To: Hubert H. Humphrey Building Employees

You may have felt the building shake in the last few minutes. We had a failure of a piece of electrical equipment on the 8th floor which resulted in a small explosion. No one was hurt and there was no fire. We still are trying to assess the impact on the building systems, but there is no need to evacuate. Appropriate people from the General Services Administration (our landlord) are on their way to assess the damage to the equipment. When we have more information, we will be back in touch with everyone in the building.

Thank you,

E.J. (“Ned”) Holland, Jr.
Asst. Secretary for Administration & Management
U.S. Dept. of Health & Human Services

RNC web ad saying “Why should we trust these bureaucrats with our health care when they can’t even stop their own building from exploding?” in 3… 2… 1…

HHS Building Evacuated After Minor Explosion [Washington Post]

{ 39 comments }

orange August 20, 2009 at 2:23 pm: NEVER FORGET.
HoboNutz August 20, 2009 at 2:25 pm: Obama’s first terrorisms attack?
TimeCubist August 20, 2009 at 2:26 pm: HHS is in the HHH building? Henghhh…
SayItWithWookies August 20, 2009 at 2:27 pm: This is the sort of thing you have to expect when you bring the Gitmo terrorists to the United States. Dick Cheney was right — again!
Downtheroadapiece August 20, 2009 at 2:27 pm: I’d figured Sebelius’ head exploded from all the insanity she’s surrounded by currently.
Zadig August 20, 2009 at 2:27 pm: What the hell happened with that timestamp? Wait…

Evacuate the HHS building NOW, it will detonate in thirty minutes.
KilgoreTrout_XL August 20, 2009 at 2:29 pm: “It accepts the finding of the HHS death panel or else it gets the hose with electroshock flesh-explosion rays again.”
V572625694 August 20, 2009 at 2:29 pm: HHS = Welfare = right-wing death squads sending blinding bolts of energy into every service panel! It’s finally beginning!
Poopley J. Crandleberry August 20, 2009 at 2:30 pm: Right Wing Conspiracy Group Checklist

Step 1. – Bring guns and truck nutz to Obama town hall. Check

Step 2. – Blow up ACORN re-education center within HHS building. Check

Step 3. – Blow up federal building in Oklahoma City, oh wait! Its already gone! silly us.
Madaloon August 20, 2009 at 2:30 pm: Whenever I read the word “assess” I read “asses.”
The Station Manager August 20, 2009 at 2:32 pm: [re=391693]Madaloon[/re]: You just need to try to finish the word, dear Madaloon.
Min August 20, 2009 at 2:36 pm: I wouldn’t call any explosion that shook the building “small”. I smell cover-up!!!
shadowMark August 20, 2009 at 2:38 pm: [re=391674]orange[/re]: What? That in “The Dark Knight” the Joker blew up a lot of buildings?
Aurelio August 20, 2009 at 2:38 pm: Is this a slow news day or what?
iantenna August 20, 2009 at 2:40 pm: how do you get from e.j. to ned in one move?
Extemporanus August 20, 2009 at 2:42 pm: [re=391704]Min[/re]: Indeed!

There’s video of the explosion that “Ned” doesn’t want you to see!
queeraselvis v 2.0 August 20, 2009 at 2:45 pm: See, this is what happens when you distract a voodoo priestess from sacrificing the correct chicken to its proper orisha. THANKS FOR NOTHING, KRISTEN ATKINSON.
Longform August 20, 2009 at 2:46 pm: [re=391710]iantenna[/re]: The E is mostly likely for Edward. Ned’s a nickname for Edward.

Or is that two moves?
Extemporanus August 20, 2009 at 2:49 pm: [re=391682]Downtheroadapiece[/re]: That would probably look something like THIS.
Min August 20, 2009 at 2:54 pm: [re=391717]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Next thing we know, Republican senators will be walking around like zombies in the thrall of some greater power. Oh, wait…
Servo August 20, 2009 at 2:54 pm: Check it out. A whole gallery of stupid.
http://www.newsweek.com/id/211920
Native of SL UT August 20, 2009 at 2:56 pm: I’m sure the explosion was in the mail room and consisted of many heads of people reading mail from concerned southern citizens.
orange August 20, 2009 at 2:58 pm: [re=391708]shadowMark[/re]: No. The day the water heater blew up in the Humphrey building.
4tehlulz August 20, 2009 at 3:08 pm: HHS WAS AN INSIDE JOB
Tommmcatt August 20, 2009 at 3:13 pm: Still, a lame sandwich is better than the dreaded casserole of agony, right? The glass is half-full, young Master Newell. Wax-on, wax-off.
hockeymom August 20, 2009 at 3:19 pm: [re=391728]Servo[/re]: sad, last picture.
queeraselvis v 2.0 August 20, 2009 at 3:20 pm: [re=391727]Min[/re]: Heh. And any picture of John Boehner would prove how right you are.
ericstoltz August 20, 2009 at 3:20 pm: We should all thank the Lord that Kristen Atkinson and her prayer warriors prevented the horrible catastrophe that Obama’s mother-in-law was hexing up in a big kettle on the White House lawn.

They will be pulling a prayer all-nighter to prevent West Wing vampires from feeding on the life stuff of Chuck Grassley.

Snake handlers, saving the U.S. of A. once again!
mrwizzy August 20, 2009 at 3:26 pm: mrwizzy says it’s time to head for the hills (or your favorite local bar for a nice drink).
Lionel Hutz Esq. August 20, 2009 at 3:26 pm: You know, if people had simply used their second amendment rights and carried handguns to work, this would never have happened.
President X August 20, 2009 at 3:27 pm: It’s the live health care strategy meeting with the Prez at http://www.barackobama.com/forum/live.html

The You Tubes on the internets machines is causing the telephone lines to over heat and catch fire.

Somebody throw Sibelius out the window for her own good!!!
GreatOldOnesParty August 20, 2009 at 3:29 pm: [re=391728]Servo[/re]: Good thing I’m not a senator. I wouldn’t be able to stop laughing at all of them.
“Hey, keep it up! You’re face is turning purple. It’s about time these town-hall meetings got fun. DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!”
facehead August 20, 2009 at 3:31 pm: UM, OT, BUT, ER, JIM,

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/20/tom-ridge-i-was-pressured_n_264127.html

GTFO, PDQ, BBQ, OMFG!!!!!!!!!
shadowMark August 20, 2009 at 4:03 pm: [re=391735]orange[/re]: Only one way the kids these days remember things:

We all came out to DC
Somewhere out to the east
To put some comments on the Wonkette
We didn’t have much time
Frank Zappa and the Mothers
Were playing from the iPods
But some stupid with a bad transformer
Burned a closet to the ground
Smoke in the Humphrey building
Comments from the Wonketeers
KilgoreTrout_XL August 20, 2009 at 4:30 pm: Shadow did you mean to set that to “Isis”?

Because fucking-A that’s a great song to have playing in the background when I’m taking milky bong hits and handfuls of klonopin while arranging stacks of food stamps and piles of delicious money that I got from assorted socializm-government-aid programs as I masturbate in a drug-laden haze to the chicken (patty) I just sacrificed (for Gozer) on my George Foreman grill, placed on a communist Trader Joe’s engligh muffin with BBQ sauce, and stuffed in my mouth while I make muffled cackling sounds at the people walking by my window, to go to some “job”, I assume.*

*Typically in-between some kickass games of Halo.
hobospacejunkie August 20, 2009 at 4:58 pm: [re=391840]KilgoreTrout_XL[/re]: Dude, you got this this whole unemployment thing down.

Also, did anyone in the building bring their YouTubes to work to get this explosion on video?
travellabyrinth August 20, 2009 at 5:12 pm: “No one was hurt, no fires. LAME SANDWICH.”

Mr. Denby would like to see you after class.
zenferret August 20, 2009 at 5:51 pm: [re=391685]Zadig[/re]: I actually know what happened with the time stamp. But why did someone forward it from England? Or France. Or Africa. Timestamps was 10:07 here in Bethesda. Now why we in Bethesda were told about it I dunno. I sure didn’t feel it.
thetalltexan August 21, 2009 at 11:11 am: It wasn’t a plane. It was a missle. Never forget!

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