BLINGEE CONTEST. Send your entry (link or attachment) to tips@wonkette.com by 3:30 this afternoon with the subject line, “LOOK AT THIS TANGLE OF THORNS.” Winner gets an “iPhone.” Well? MUSH, MUSH. [Washington Independent]
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Authors
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (800)
Jim Newell (5429)
Wonkette Jr. (626)
Liz Colville (96)
Blair Burke (171)
Kaia Mursi (44)
Garrett Quinn (13)
Ken Layne (6695)
Matt Langer (40)
Arielle Fleisher (385)
{ 195 comments }
I love the subtle hint that she’s not wearing anything under that windbreaker.
That cover REALLY needs some “dancing Stormtrooper Trigs” to make it not suck. Alas, I hath not the art of Blingee.
The fake Wonkette prizes are getting better, though. An iPhone beats a chocolate dildo any day.
oh IT. IS. ON!
How mavericky of her to wear a hoodie on the cover of her “auto”biography.
How can we miss her if she won’t go away?
And going Rouge–she did that in elementary school! Oh–never mind !
HOLY SHIT if the cover has been released then WHEN ARE THE EXCERPTS COMING?
Sarah Palin is a despicable human and a terrible example of…OH! SHINY PIN!!111!!!!!!
That whole cover is a subliminal seduction. In the folds of her jacket by her elbows. In her hair. In the clouds. Everywhere it says SEX and DEATH and FUCK. I love her now and want to vote for her.
Well, this will certainly cement her reputation as a serious thinker.
Can I substitute making out with Riley for an iPhone?
The book cover has JCPenney written all over it.
Didn’t O’Reilly wear some gay-ass windbreaker on the cover of his dumb book too?
[re=425687]HipHopOpotamus[/re]: See! Subliminal seduction! Just looking at the cover of that book made you want to get all SEXDEATHFUCK with the intern!
Does she know what rogue means?
I am so going rogue with my coporate image consultant and my book cover targeting the middle-aged, female Chrisitian romance reading demographic.
Better title: GOING ROUGE
[re=425672]Click[/re]: that’s because the GOP repo’ed all her fancy clothes. Love the “wash and wear hair” tho.
Is Todd ready with his autobiography “Going Commando”?
Could you elaborate on the difference between an iPhone and the “iPhone” you are offering? is it anything like the “I-Rack” that they announced on MAD-Tv?
Glowing Hogue.
Am I the only person concerned that she is looking to the left? Is putin over there?
Honestly, I thought it would take a Leibovitz to capture just the proper amount of vacuity to reflect Sarah’s inner universe. Kudos to the Sears photographer, really.
I read the cover and her red shirt/parka/eskimosuit made me read it as “going rouge,” and was confused because REAL AMURRICANS don’t speak Surrenderspeak (aka French).
Easy there, PortlandSmartAss. Dial down the funny. Don’t go blowin’ your wad all at once. Also, what is Snowbilly lookin’ at? Or is that her trying to ignore the fact that she’s not wearing pants?
I don’t like the title. I hope there are recipes of authentic Alaskan cuisine. Anybody know what they eat there?
is it time to start talking about her cleavage like we did for clinton during the primaries?
[re=425700]DoctorCulturae[/re]: In shades like Pink Starburst, Raspberry Kiss, and Crimson Heart.
Drops out of 3+ colleges, joins an in insane religion, gets way into debt,has legal-ethical problems, skip’s out of responsibilities, has a “tard” brood, then cashes in.
Truley, .. An American Life
[re=425713]monkeyball[/re]: I think that sums it up.
So who’s gonna play her in the made-for-teevee movie? The large chick from The Drew Carey Show? Ugly Betty?
[re=425697]Crank Tango[/re]: Those whoop-dee-doos on the end of her hair look like crab-legs.
[re=425690]magic titty[/re]: Murdoch’s getting ready to roll out FOX WEATHER and these are secret auditions.
“truly”, … pull it together Suds … the horror, … the horror
[re=425713]monkeyball[/re]: I’ll second that.
[re=425715]Suds McKenzie[/re]: Yeah, she’s really more of a manualdidact, isn’t she?
I can see Russia in the background.
[re=425704]RacerMex[/re]: Have you never taken a pet to a pet photographer? She is looking at the assistant, who is shaking a little squeeky toy and making funny noises, its the standard method used to get the subject to look alert.
[re=425723]user-of-owls[/re]: if you say so, I’m going to have to google that.
umm…pearl necklace?
Why do I feel like I’ve seen that typeface and kerning somewhere before?
I’m placing a wager that the book will have some glossy insert photos – including several with her proudly prostrated over some unfortunate lifeless ungulate.
I liked the first one better:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/scott/exclusive-sarah-palins-book-cover-image
I like that sky behind her. “There’s a storm coming”
You have got to admit, she has that vacant, I don’t have any discerning thoughts in my head look down. Probably doesn’t have to practice, she’s a natural.
[re=425690]magic titty[/re]: This is a look that white folks adopt so that they can appear outdoors-y without looking out-of-place at a PTA meeting.
[re=425723]user-of-owls[/re]: Wow, I’m just like that – except the opposite.
This is the single most important task I have ever undertaken.
Well, I just tried my first blingee. That was exhilarating!! So where’s my “iPod”??
[re=425684]shadowMark[/re]: “I love her now and want to vote for her.”
Or are you simply too shy to admit you actually want to fuck her now? I’m a woman and straight, so can’t give much advice on the subject, but I recommend you gag her one way or another so she won’t kill your buzz with that chain saw voice of hers. Use your imagination on ways to stuff something in her mouth.
Adorable Moose Hunter
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99906319-Myspace-Profile-Comments
I’m just sorry she isn’t being embraced by Fabio.
All right my friends, remember when Ken (whatever happened to him, anyway?) chastised us for relentlessly making fun of Meghan McCain’s appearance. I mean, it’s not like Sarah’s an irresistable coked-up 13-year-old in Jack Nicholson’s hot tub.
her breasts are going rogue? her nipples? i’m confused.
I went for taste and dignity in my Blingee entry, and hope that Wonkette rewards my restraint and show of respect for one of our national icons. Also.
She looks like a souless Lenscrafters model in her best shots, and in the rest, an amateur porn skank about to have her glasses knocked off from behind.
In this one, she looks like she just put her glasses back on.
Blingee seems to be overwhelmed by the demand right now, can’t get mine initialized…
Create cool Profile Comments
Mine seems to be covered in some sort of rancid glue…
[re=425719]Click[/re]: them’s alaskan extensions, i.e. crab legs.
[re=425712]MingPicket[/re]: “Writing” these memoirs obviously allowed Sarah to get everything off her chest.
[re=425713]monkeyball[/re]: This is the first time I’ve ever said this, and everyone gets one, no matter how cliched. (I can’t figure out how to add the acute ? accent over the e on wonkette just like I can’t figure out how to do strike overs or italics. So I join monkeyball in the following category:)
Epic fail.
There. I got my one. I’ll never do it again.
I read on Huffpo that her book isn’t selling and she can’t book any high priced speaking gigs because she’s a moron. EPIC FAIL
[re=425738]SmutBoffin[/re]: Sarah Palin hates them PTA people and will shoot moose whenever she feels like it, thank you.
[re=425720]user-of-owls[/re]: My favorite comment so far.
Is it the photo of her or does she really have no boobs?
[re=425737]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: She’s looking across the water over to the mountains of Russia! Or is that the country of Africa? Whatever — somewhere those foreigns live.
[re=425743]progressiveinga[/re]: Those look like painfully engorged moose scroti dangling by her face. I like it.
[re=425752]ZOO[/re]: What? What the hell are you talking about?
[re=425712]MingPicket[/re]:
More importantly, has anyone gotten a good look at her ankles yet?
[re=425743]progressiveinga[/re]: Those blood drops look a bit like truck nutz when they ave just the right distance between them
[re=425741]proudgrampa[/re]: I dissolved in tears after accidently applying 3 ginormous eyebrows to her shoulder. Blingee’s hard.
[re=425751]Way Cool Larry[/re]: hey, I didn’t want THAT emoticon, I wanted a goofy tongue out, not a happy one
sigh
:/
[re=425756]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Second fail doesn’t count because I used up my one ALL CAPS e.f. Please, someone, verify the “book isn’t selling nor her speaking gigs” so I can enjoy my weekend. And do it quick, because I promised myself I wouldn’t waste the day on “my” wonkette.
[re=425753]OzoneTom[/re]: Ha!
[re=425713]monkeyball[/re]: Cosign.
[re=425731]monkeyball[/re]: Holy shit. Yes!
I’m sensing that it’s the elephant in the room, but… FLAG PIN!
I mean, really, people.
Shall I share mine?
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99906397-Happy-Halloween-everyone-?offset=0&owner=marechaux1&content=Glitter-Graphics
How’d they get that sky to look so Christian?
[re=425731]monkeyball[/re]: Hey, monkey: Who knew that when you finally got it in it would be a literary reference. I’m impressed. How did you do that? The new Google search can’t be that good.
[re=425687]HipHopOpotamus[/re]: Step off, bitch! He’s mine!
In Wonkette World, an iPhone is Riley’s old out-of-service cell with the letter “i” carved in it backwards.
I thought the answer was going to be “cum all over it”
[re=425773]SwanSwanH[/re]: What? You have a problem with a symbol symbolically symbolizing a symbol by wearing a symbol of a symbol? Yeah, me too.
[re=425756]DustBowlBlues[/re]:
1) The easiest way to get funky characters (MicheŸe) is by typing a post in Microsoft word and using its “insert symbol” feature then pasting the post into Wonkette’s editor.
2) Strikeover and bold and italic are done by using by putting open and close tags around text. Open tags are open-broken-bracket (less than symbol) followed by s for strikeover or b for bold or i for italic followed by a closed-broken-bracket (greater than symbol). The close tag is an open-broken-bracket (less than symbol) followed by a backslash (the thing below the ? on a standard keyboard) followed by an s or b or i followed by a closed-broken-bracket.
So this looks like this
[b]So this looks like this[/b] only with broken brackets instead of erect brackets.
I hope that’s helpful but I’ve probably made some stupid error I won’t see until the second after I hit the submit comment button.
i went balls-out obnoxious in my entry, hope yall like it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I requested book cover blingee on the Steve Schmidt thread, and once again my Wonkette has come through. I love you guys.
[re=425783]shadowMark[/re]: Yes, I did enjoy the stupid errors
I feel sorry for Bodoni.
Is she supposed to be Morrissey or James Dean?
[re=425674]SmutBoffin[/re]: Not if you’re lonely and homeless.
[re=425767]Tommmcatt[/re]: that’s a funny.
[re=425781]Click[/re]: Republicans are nothing if not symbol-minded creatures.
Well now *that* was fun!!! Blingee’s in da mail.
I can haz iPhone?
xoxo,
vdoll
[re=425690]magic titty[/re]: Same one. He jerked off in it and mailed it to her about two weeks ago, and it’s been glued there ever since.
[re=425769]Click[/re]: You know, I did that too my first try. But I kept at it. See if this link works: http://blingee.com/profile/proudgrampa/blingees
[re=425780]Voyou Charmant[/re]: that is certain to get you banned from the local Barnes & Noble. Might work at Borders tho.
[re=425783]shadowMark[/re]: YOU ARE MY HERO(INE) FOR THE DAY (if this works)(or rather – if I’m up to following instructions.)
[re=425776]Click[/re]: At first I thought you were being funny, and then I looked at it, and by God, that is a Christian looking sky.
I went with a minimalist approach…http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99908110
[re=425742]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Damn, you had me with “buzz” & “chain saw,” but when you mentioned voice I just lost it. Perhaps [re=425731]monkeyball’s[/re]: comment had me all riled up.
finally
oh what fun, Blingee is
http://blingee.com/blingee/get_codes/99909306-Pitbull-with-lipstick
[re=425801]proudgrampa[/re]: Thanks, you’re a sweetpea – and NICE Blingee.
[re=425774]yargisbargis[/re]: Nice. I guess SP is the October surprise, again this year.
[re=425783]shadowMark[/re]: Thanks, for fucking that up. But you get an ‘E’ for effort.
Yay, I submitted mine! I changed her lips to match the “cuntface” that we are all so fond of.
[re=425807]slithytoves[/re]: twas brillig – all those subliminal crosses
[re=425804]geminisunmars[/re]: I don’t want RPC mad at me, but I am reasonably male and reasonably straight.
Sorry the strikeover tip didn’t work. Ulimately you can _always_ figure out how someone does something tricky by having your browser display the source of a page and searching until you find the HTML they used.
Here’s one last HTML tip. You do a link like this:
Sarah Palin nude painting
That line looks like this but you have to change the erect brackets to broken brackets. You just copy the url from a browser window and paste it between the quotes in the open tag:
[a href="http://www.chicagotribune.com/entertainment/chi-sarah-palin-nude-0930,0,273867.story"]Sarah Palin nude painting[/a]
Yeah, that was indeed an epic fail on my first one.
Here’s a good side-by-side of the two book covers.
It has already been BROUGHTEN!
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99909649-I-d-still-hit-that-
Did I overdo it?
http://blingee.com/blingee/email_friend/99905922-Sarah-Blingee
[re=425801]proudgrampa[/re]: seems like you captured her pretty well– good work
http://image.blingee.com/images17/content/output/000/000/000/5f4/504237205_326132.gif?4
[re=425819]magic titty[/re]: Aw, come on. YOU write about HTML in an editor without a preview feature. I didn’t do all that bad. The strikeover thing didn’t work but everything else looked more or less the way I intended. I know there are ways to make broken-brackets (? &le > test ? ) but without a preview I just substituted erect brackets.
At least I didn’t create an HTML holocaust…
[re=425826]shadowMark[/re]: Thanks for the tips. I am copying and pasting into my notes as we speak – sort of.
And just to practice: Isn’t “reasonably male” oxymoranic?
[re=425836]Gopherit[/re]: Nicely done!
Are those Truknuttz(tm) over the S and the H?
After looking at her outfit, I never realized Sarah was part of the US olympic sailing team.
[re=425747]phineas_bounderby[/re]: Oh, same here with mine.
[re=425851]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: TY. And yes, but made from the blood drops. My muse took me there.’
Still, I have seen some of my competition. This is going to be a good one.
[re=425842]shadowMark[/re]: Actually, when I looked at your post again, you didn’t fuck it up, and I’m an asshole. Appy-polly-loggies.
[re=425828]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: slow clap.
[re=425836]Gopherit[/re]: Now that’s a masterpiece. Right out of They Live.
Going Rogue. Is that anything like going commando?
Looks like our Sarah is going both in that picture.
Mrs. Palin must have read The Onion article about Barack Obama practicing staring off into the distance.
I was going to create some Jesus/Crucifix stamps but I had limited time this morning:
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99910611-Progressing-Our-Values
[re=425836]Gopherit[/re]: I had the same idea but you did much more beautifully.
My first attempt at a Blingee. I can see that raising this to a fine craft would involve making strategic custom stamps for each one you do. Deadline and real life precluded that here. Sarah Palin’s new book. Be gentle.
someone needs to add death panels and have turkey deaths in the background.
[re=425865]Suds McKenzie[/re]: you can’t just start a slow clap all on your own.
you have to wait for the right moment.
I don’t know. The jacket just screams “cumfukme, cumfukme, cumfukme!”
Or is she just waitin’ for the skool bus.
heeeeere’s mine:
http://blingee.com/blingee/get_code/99911271?image=522861507
I guess it was only a matter of time before she got an adverstising deal.
http://img88.imageshack.us/img88/7650/63431776.jpg
[re=425690]magic titty[/re]: Yes, O’Reilly is a gay-ass windbreaker.
[re=425831]Way Cool Larry[/re]: Thanks!
[re=425889]jetjaguar[/re]: NICE. I was looking for a Jesus stamp like that one……
[re=425889]jetjaguar[/re]: photoshopping and then blingee? You have upped the game, my friend.
[re=425878]MarSF[/re]: I don’t have an iPhone to give you, but you win the day, my friend.
My second blingee attempt, with a cetain motif.
http://blingee.com/blingee/get_code/99911671?offset=0&owner=elisabeth1518&image=504253625
Say, Isn’t the Anti-christ a rogue?
Aren’t witches rogues?
Whose hair has she draped around her neck like a scarf?
And why is she wearing a hood made of hair, about a foot wider than her own hair?
Why don’t they just photoshop still more hair everywhere, all over her jacket and the sky?
[re=425889]jetjaguar[/re]: ROFLCOPTER!!!
How did you get the “Words on Paper”?
First. Ever. Blingee. Behold:
http://blingee.com/blingee/get_code/99911793?offset=0&owner=shannonbrand1&image=522865642
[re=425889]jetjaguar[/re]: Tis a thing of beauty!
So, here is this thing. So many options. So hard to choose. I tried very hard to enforce a two spider limit.
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99910790-Sarah-Palin-Book-Cover
I do not know why but I keep suspecting that “iPhone” in quotation marks like that is shorthand for “iPhone picture of Baby SKS” which isn’t a bad prize either, but I can’t sell that on Craigslist for drug money.
Never Blingee’d before – here’s my first effort
http://blingee.com/blingee/get_code/99912693?image=522873392
[re=425911]Formerly Preferred[/re]: Nice use of the dollar sign, my friend. And the Skull Deer is pretty good too.
And since it is unlikely to be declared a winner and shown for all the world, here’s mine:
http://img245.imageshack.us/i/goingrogue.gif/
thanks wonketeers, and GreatOldOnesParty, I cheated and used photoshop first (well, a program like photoshop anyways)
[re=425917]The Frogurt Is Also Cursed[/re]: Not to sound disrespectful, but is this really your first time? Very nice, my friend. Very nice.
Here’s mine:
http://image.blingee.com/images17/content/output/000/000/000/5f4/522855394_1158486.gif?4
“Drops out of 3+ colleges, joins an in insane religion, gets way into debt,has legal-ethical problems, skip’s out of responsibilities, has a “tard” brood, then cashes in.”
You fergot the affairs while Governor, the crystal meth and the divorce from Eskimo boy. Also, when is the porn movie with Levi Johnson coming out? I would totally do him.
Grrrr-awoool (Cougar hiss)
I decided to leave the K Mart fleece in all of its hillbilly glory:
http://blingee.com/blingee/get_codes/99912563-Mrs-PresidentofMe
This thread looks like a blingeecaust…
[re=425824]geminisunmars[/re]: I think I failed my first bolding quiz.
I went apocalyptic myself…
http://blingee.com/blingee/get_codes/99912935-Goin-Rogue
Is it just me or does the cover look remarkably like the poster for The 40 Year Old Virgin?
http://posterwire.com/image.php?img_full=/wp-content/images/40-year-old_virgin.jpg&img_title=The+40-Year-Old+Virgin+poster
[re=425933]gatorboy[/re]: Nailed it!!
[re=425929]proudgrampa[/re]: Don’t you mean Blingeecaust?
[re=425684]shadowMark[/re]: You left out “Drill.”
The disasta’ from Alaska is at it again! Oh golly gee – I hope you didn’t actually believe Sarah Palin was stepping out of the limelight for realsies when she bailed on the Land of the Midnight Sun! No, no. In fact, her soon-to-be released memoir is topping the charts! Can you say book tour in Wasillan? Palin’s publisher, Harper is printing 1.5 million copies of the autobiography, titled “Going Rogue: An American Life”. And kudos to you Sarah Barracuda! Word on the street is that you were “unbelievably conscientious and hands-on at every stage” when you went to write your very own memoir, which is pretty cool – considering it is in fact, your very own memoir.
http://threestarsandtwobars.blogspot.com/
“I can see Russia from here!!”
“Does this red windbreaker make me look like Nancy Reagan?!?”
“… and we have a slight chance of showers today, you betcha! Back to you, Skip!”
Palin: A Life Story
http://Blingee.com/blingee/view/99911529
[re=425932]Avid[/re]: Actually it kind of looks like Erik Estrada in drag on the cover of Dianetics. Awesome.
I just realized I actually spelled nuclear correctly, but whatever.
http://blingee.com/blingee/get_code/99907725?image=504221330
My first blingee. Past deadline, so kiss my ass.
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99914562-MooseHunt
[re=425944]Redhead[/re]: ahhhh. Not correctly, but not “nucular” either.
It’s Friday, my brain shut off sometime yesterday.
[re=425710]Paul Tardy[/re]: Why fake Amerrrrrican Nigerian librul-socialist-fascist Democrats that they shot from helicopters, of course.
I dunno, I think mine may be too restrained:
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99908216
(F[re=425952]DoktorZoom[/re]: I should add that this is my Very First Blingee Evar. Also, Iam twelve years old and what is this?
I am shamed by my competition. May the “worthiest” who have “jousted” with “honor” on this field gain the “laurels” of “victory”!
Let the “judging” commence!!
My only regret is that I wasn’t able to change her shirt from red to brown.
[re=425927]IonaTrailer[/re]: save it for the sequel; “A Bold Fresh Piece of Wasilla”.
Needs to move the flag pin over the nipple for greater provocativeness. Two flag pins for preference.
I know I’m late. But I had to put a little something over that fucking lapel pin:
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99915284-Glitter-Graphics
Mine! :
[a href="http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99908559-Going-Rogue
"]http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99908559-Going-Rogue
[/a]
That was a fail.
Meh. First attempt.
http://Blingee.com/blingee/view/99910468
Beni. Bidi. Blingee.
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99908559-Going-Rogue
My blingee cherry:
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99914376-Ice-Princess-Palin
Here’s another:
http://image.blingee.com/images17/content/output/000/000/000/5f4/522904994_1881100.gif?4
Where’s my fukin’ “iPhone?” Please nail this down before 5:00 EST.
Mine:
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99907694-St-Sarah-protect-us-
long time stalker, first time commenter (+blingeer)
maybe a bit old skool, sorry:
http://blingee.com/blingee/get_codes/99917233-Satan-Pariah-Gone-Baby-Gone
[re=425940]KatsJustSayin[/re]: Negative whore diamonds for you, beyotch.
(i am in awe of Anger Bear and Words On Paper – - pure jeanyus!)
Isn’t that the same red jacket she wore for Runner’s World?
Her cover picture is positively dog like, like a Labrador Retriever… No matter what she’s feeling, no matter what’s going on – she’s got the same expression for happiness, sadness, joy, excitement, depression, fear, loathing, romance… Like a fucking dog.
But she’s not a dog. Instead she’s the most insufferable fucking cunt in North America. And a perfect fit for the slobs that comprise the base of the Republican Party today.
You just know Skoalrebel,Sh-yawn, Gretta and Bill Kristol have copies of the cover their bathroom,spanking it raw.
I went for a “Scene from Revelations” theme with a “more is more” aesthetic. http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99912186-Glitter-Graphics
[re=426029]Dolmance[/re]: You are being awfully harsh. Leave dogs alone.
[re=426037]KristaJulieva[/re]: That certainly is a lot of more.
Wow to all the skillful blingitude! The contest was announced, and wadaya know, suddenly it got real busy for me at work. So no blingee for me, even belated.
lipstick on a rogue…i can jack off for hours!!!
I am pre-creaming over the amazon reviews that will be written. Better than My Pet Goat, maybe? Is it possible? YES WE CAN. ALSO!!!!!!1!!1!
[re=425952]DoktorZoom[/re]: NICE Blingee. The stache is enviable.
[re=425974]vdoll[/re]: Another profoundly awesome Blingee.
I hear Snowbilly’s cover is an homage to the cover of Plato’s “Going Republic”. Is this true?
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