- Bank of America is rushing to pay back its outstanding TARP loans so it can free itself of executive compensation restrictions and pay a new crop of monstrous assholes comical sums of cash to ruin the world again. Something needs tweaking? [NYT]
- Basically we have to nuke India a few times to get the Pakistanis to trust us and kill Al Qaeda for us. [Washington Post]
- A golf player from Florida cheats on his wife all the time and must apologize to all the people who enjoy watching him play golf on teevee. [ESPN]
- A midsize cumrag in Washington D.C. sympathizes with beleaguered Republican senators, who are very mad at Al Franken for trying to be “comedic” by making them vote against a ladies’ rape protection thing which made the public dislike them and mock them on the Internet. [Media Matters]
- Barack Obama will not have any of those wretched F-22s he hates so much in any of his background shots, goddamnit. [Foreign Policy]
- Barack Obama’s uncared-about Job Summit is today! “Jobs Summit.” It won’t be quite as effective as announcing, say, a Provisional Preliminary Research Task Force On Maybe Getting People Jobs At Some Point In The Next Century, but we can’t afford one of those right now. [Washington Post]
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{ 44 comments }
So what’s it gonna be Republicans… pro-rape, or *gasp* pro-Franken?!? In chess, Franken’s amendment would be called the forking piece, and the Republicans in this the case would be the ones who are forked.
BoA’s attempts to flee the Federales yoke is almost as pathetic as the NYT ignoring the rest of BoA’s serious problems like the huge increase in credit card defaults, credit card reform (to stop raping it’s customers) and the fact that it still has a huge pile of subprime debt that they need to deal with despite Timmeh Geitner’s generous accounting “adjustments.”
It looks like the NYT bidniz pages is back to its old tricks of handjobs for access.
Be seeing you (BoA) at the handout table.
I’ve just been learned.
I still cant believe the Salahis were in Tora Bora.
If Berry is so concerned about jobs he shouldn’t be fighting the F-22. Everyone knows that the best way to create jobs in Aermika is by building complex expensive weapons systems that don’t work and nobody wants. He should have Lockheed Martin, Boeing, etc. at his “Jobs summit” to find out what loser programs they can ramp up quickly. Then they can cut costs by shipping the resulting weapons systems directly to scrap yards. I think he could get bipartisan support. Even rape-loving Senators love weapons programs.
Poor Al, his “ability to work with Republicans in the future” is now in jeopardy. You know it has to hurt his feelings. Hehe.
[re=470683]betterDeadThanRed[/re]: That was masterful.
“monstrous assholes.” Can’t tell if I’m disgusted or aroused.
Second thought: clearly aroused, only a little disgusted.
Republics had they’re itty bitty feelings hurt because some people have rightly pointed out that voting against rape protection for contractors is really just cold indefensible and remarkably asshatty? Fuck you Republics, after the shit you’ve said about the President, NOW you’re complaining abut partisanship? Hateful, obstructionist, goose stepping hypocrites.
Why is Obama even speaking to Air Farce personnel? All they do is fly remote control planes and siphon cash for their plush quarters.
[re=470677]O_o[/re]: Frankenforked?
We should increase the interest rate on that Bank-O-Amerika loan before they pay it off. (Just like credit card companies) Something like a 48756103% would be fair.
Saying that these senators favor the rape of employees of government contractors is unfair, if only to the extent that it’s implied they care what happens to any employees, anywhere.
It’s all well and good that Tiger Woods has apologized to those who enjoy watching golf on TV. But when’s he going to apologize to me? That fucker owes me.
[re=470689]Servo[/re]: It’s probably because they have hellfire missile on those remote controlled Air Planes. if I had to guess. While they can’t find a seven foot tall arab dragging a dialysis machine through the rugged mountains on the Af/Pack border, they do seem very capable of delivering high explosive ordinance through your bathroom window while you’re about your morning massive. In short, these are not the guys you want to piss off if you’re the President of a country that allows armed nuts to stalk your campaign events.
It’s the same reason he buys the secret service cigarettes.
THIS: “Indeed, Bank of America’s board has been riven by dissent over just who should lead the bank into its post-bailout period. Several potential candidates have said they were not interested in the job, in part because of the bank’s federal bailouts and the strings attached to them.”
Strings attached such as not getting gazillion dollar bonuses for fucking over consumers by way of usurious “bank service fees,” subprime mortgage machinations, and generally being assholes? Yep, I thought so. Fuck you 45 ways from Sunday, BoA.
I am liking Al Franken more by the hour. I hope he is, even now, drafting legislation imposing a punishing tax on companies that don’t prohibit sledgehammering buckets full of newborn kittens. I love hearing “Hey, y’all, Norm Coleman nevah made us’ns do this.”
[re=470694]Larry McAwful[/re]: Until Mr Woods has apologized repeatedly for the fact that there is golf cluttering up my TV I will not be appeased.
Tiger, if you really are so concerned about privacy and image, I’d suggest that you stop sending the sexytime text messages to waitresses. Just sayin, dude.
So, Glenn Thrush was ticked off that Senator Franken referred him to his press secretary for an answer, but when he called the press secretary, he didn’t ask the question. He just wanted bitch about not being able to talk to the boss. Fuck you, Glenn Thrush. You are not a reporter.
“Hey, we’re creating a new task force on jobs! That’s three jobs right there! Problem Solved!”
Dear Tiger, You are a professional athlete, not a politician. Fuck anybody you like.
[re=470704]gurukalehuru[/re]: Dear Tiger, have you actuially seen who you’re married to?
[re=470696]dijetlo[/re]:
I’m just anti-Air Farce. The Navy/Marines and Army can do their job for a lot less money and not kill our own troops in the process.
[re=470704]gurukalehuru[/re]: I don’t even care if a politician has sex anymore. As long as they don’t fall in love, like that pussy Mark Sanford…
[re=470702]gurukalehuru[/re]: Glenn Thrush, not a reporter. Politico, not a news source, but rather a deliverer of tongue baths to Cheeeeney. They all deserve each other.
[re=470704]gurukalehuru[/re]: Tiger should fuck anybody he cares to fuck, and then shut the fuck up about it.
Did you know that Acorn stole the election for Al Franken who is a clown and an idiot? Oh, that I could fail the way he has.
[re=470713]engulfedinflames[/re]: He does indeed know the art of failing brilliantly.
[re=470697]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Strings attached such as not getting gazillion dollar bonuses for fucking over consumers by way of usurious “bank service fees,” subprime mortgage machinations, and generally being assholes? Yep, I thought so. Fuck you 45 ways from Sunday, BoA.
I unceremoniously quit B of A years ago, after they kindly decided to debit my paycheck instead of depositing it. It only took them a day to figure out that mistake, but it took about two weeks of screaming at the various useless douchenozzle “managers” at the local branch for them to kindly remove all the “service fees” they charged when my account went “under-balance” due to their mistake. I decided that they were all mildly retarded, and they use their brain-damage to further screw over their customers.
[re=470677]O_o[/re]: “Chess?” Oh yeah, I used to play that. No zombies. No machine guns. No elves having sex in the tent. There’s nothing in it for the kids.
1. It is WRONG to lend money to banks without ensuring use of the money for something besides propping up the banks.
2. Fuck Tiger Woods. Anybody in the public eye like he is needs to understand that they have no privacy.
3. Republicans voting against the Frankenfork (I like that!) are slime. HOW can anyone vote against such a simple concept??
4. F-22s: War is good for the economy. Let’s build some.
5. Jobs summit. Number one reason Obama’s options are limited? See #1.
Oh. And US OUT OF AGHANISTAN!
Dammit.
Apparently Tiger never learned anything from Ty Webb’s roommate, Mitch Cumstein with regard to “night putting.”
Calling Politio a “cum rag” is an insult to millions of unborn children.
I think the jobs summit will work by pushing 2-3 million Americans into the “catering for meaningless conferences” sector.
[re=470708]Servo[/re]: They really have been scrounging around for something to do since the USSR went belly up. Nobody else has an air force so why do we need fleets of fighter planes? A couple of red necks in a cessna armed with shotguns could establish “air superiority” over most of our likely enemies. Bombers, their other major toy, have been replaced by missiles because you can’t shoot down and capture a missile and if you do, there is no show trial.
The bottom line is there isn’t much you need a long runway, multi trillion dollar munitions platform for these days, what with carpet bombing falling out of vogue and all. I imagine they’ll end up digging latrines for the Army or some other useful task but in the mean time, they’ll need several hundred trillion dollars to give to defense contractors to provide them with shiny new toys that will never be used in defense of the country.
[re=470711]V572625694[/re]: “Tiger should fuck anybody he cares to fuck, and then shut the fuck up about it.”
In fact, the ratio of fucking to shutting-the-fuck-up is inversely proportional. Double win.
I read something about nuking Florida. I approve.
[re=470741]dijetlo[/re]:
…shiny new toys that will never be used in defense of the country.
They don’t use them in combat because they can’t afford to lose them in combat.
[re=470708]Servo[/re]:
One of the most interesting conversations I ever eavesdropped in on was between my father (WW2 Army vet) and a cousin (Vietnam Navy vet) when a younger cousin was thinking of enlisting in the Army. A summary of the conversation:
- Best service to enlist in is the Air Force because the only danger is cirrhosis of the liver. You fly in planes and are back to base by happy hour.
- Next best option is the Navy, where the main danger is contracting VD during shore leave.
- Army can be ok, but you have to avoid being cannon fodder which the Army always needs more of. Recruiters will lie, promise you something then drop your butt into the infantry.
- Marines, a bunch of candy a#$%&.
I learned some new words listening to them that day and I had to google a few terms that I wish I could now unlearn.
[re=470741]dijetlo[/re]: what with carpet bombing falling out of vogue
Everything old is new again. Maybe Meghan will bring back carpet bombing. Hey look it’s Meghan getting briefed by Kissenger!
The F-15 was good enough for Ronald Reagan! Why do Republicans hate Reagan?
If Tiger really wants to make it right, he should solve all of these problems for us. And here’s how. The first thing to do is use his huge stacks of money to purchase all of the f-22′s from Hopey, then place them all on an open field near a golf course. Invite his mistresses/dee-ellz to the field, give them each a plane to fuck off and then jerk off on the faces of the collected Politico staff, at least making them a useful midsized cumrag. The erstwhile Tiger fucking cumsluts will then fly their new planes, in celebration, to the country of India, where they will crash into mountainsides just off the southern border of Kashmir, because, really, do we need these fucks lining up for Larry King interviews for the next 5 years anyway? Pakistan will see this, beleive that we have bombed the piss out of India at great expense and make with the ass kicking. Hopey, meanwhile goes to his summit with enough money to make us all ditch diggers and hails it as unprecedented while John McCain shakes his fist at nipple level with rage. Tiger, of course, zips up and plays nine against Notah Begay to recoup his losses.
And I am just shocked, shocked, to learn that both Vitter and Ensign are in favor of rape!
Being a lying scum bum is the new ideal, Woods needs to ditch his clean 90s image. Mr Bill was way ahead of his time, bombing Suburbia and doing the office Frau. The saddest part was that ridiculous SUV hitting a fire plug or something, he doesn’t get the big bucks to drive a mommy wagon (if you can call that driving).
James Dean, now that guy knew how to wreck a car, and which car to wreck. Back then people earned their living.
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